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Mirror	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 8848 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Mirror

By Norwalker

Part 12

Disclaimer: This is where the legal jargon lives. Ok, Buffy,
Faith, Willow and the rest of those wackies that appeared on the TV Show "
BtVS" belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Fox. Original characters?
The Author's(That would be me). As well as this twisted tale, which NO ONE
would want to claim. Oh, and just in case you forgot. Work of fiction. That
means it's not real, and same for the characters. If they sound like you, or
talk like you, or you think they're about you? Paranoia, friend. It's just a
coincidence.

To Pasha, who keeps me honest. Even when it hurts.

1

" Do they know when this is going to happen?"

Buffy sits tied up in the middle of Willow's dining room, as she
has for the last two days since that night at the club. It has been at her
insistence that she be kept tied. When
she sleeps, they've rigged up a cot with restraints. When she goes to the
bathroom, someone accompanied her, waiting just outside the door. The window
has been nailed shut; again, at her insistence.

No one thinks she'd
bolt, or try to harm anyone. She doesn't want to take any chances. She still
feels her�the other her� crawling around inside, looking for a way in. She doesn't want to take any
chances. She can hear the siren song in her head, calling her back. She isn't
sure she can resist.

It's been two days now, and it's beginning to grate on her
nerves. She wants to do this. Buffy is not famous for her patience.

" It's been two days. Is anything ever going to happen? I
mean, I'm sure everyone's getting the giggles watching me tied up and all,
but�" Buffy lets out an impatient sigh. " Sorry, I know everyone's
working hard. I just want this over."

" Buffy, I know it's hard, but just hold on, " Faith,
sitting next to her, covers her hand with hers. " They're just being
careful."

Faith has been with Buffy the whole time. Except for a quick
shower, and the occasional food/ bathroom break, she hasn't left her side. No
one could pry her away; one of her looks usually stopped them in their tracks.
She promised she'd stick by her, nothing was going to make her break her
promise.

" How long can this take?" Buffy, chafing a little,
looks at the door leading to Willow's study. " What are they doing in
there? Writing a book?"

" I dunno. You know me and magic and books Not really a
good mix," Faith says, also a little impatient. She hated seeing Buffy
trussed up like a turkey while Amy and Willow argued out the fine points of the
spell." I think they're just being careful. Not sure they agree on
everything, either. Heard a lot of shouting in there."

"Sometimes I think it would've just been better if you
staked me, when you had a chance, " Buffy's voice has a sepulchral tone.

" Buffy!" Faith cries, angry and hurt, " How can
you even� damn." She gets up, feeling the anger rising in her. " Do
you think this has been easy? Watching you like this? Why do you need to be
tied up? God, Buffy, this is all so �" Faith throws up her hands. She
can't even think of what Buffy is suggesting.

" Faith, " Buffy says quietly, " it would've been
easier on everyone. All this stuff, everything I did, wouldn't have happened. I
can't help thinking that everyone would be better off."

" Better off?" Faith whirls on her, " What about
me, Buff? Would I be 'better off' with you dead? Do you think I did what I did
for fun? Do you even know�". She shakes her head, and turns away. She
can't even look at her now.

" I know what you did. Why do you think I even tried? What
I saw scared me. Not just the� I was afraid what I was going to do to you. Make
you like that again. I couldn't do it. I had to fight. You're act really
convinced me, I had to do that."

Buffy can't see the odd expression on Faith's face, nor does she
notice the way Faith's fists are balled up.

" So you think it was an act, " Faith mutters, more to
herself.

" I'm sorry, Faith, " Buffy says, realizing maybe
she's gone too far, " I'm just scared."

" I know, I know," Faith turns around, back in
control. " I'm sorry too. This has got to be real hard on you."

" It's been hard on everybody," Buffy says softly,
" I don't deserve this. I wish�"

" Stop it, Buff. Please, just stop, " Faith comes
over, kneeling next to her. " You're not alone, I'm right here."

Buffy looks at her with sad eyes. " I can't help thinking
that if I weren't here, you could be happier."

" B, that's stupid talk."

"Is it, Faith? Look what I've done to you, all of you. Your
lives have been pure hell because of me. There's so much I want to say, to do,
to show you how much you mean to me. But times almost up. I know it, I can feel
it. What if this doesn't work? What if she starts being active again? What'll I
do to you next time." Buffy starts to look panicked. " What if it
works too well, Faith? What if I'm
gone� whatever I am, What I'm feeling. Why would I want to live if I can't
feel this? What do I do if I'm not me
anymore? God, why now? Why did it take something like this for me to see you,
Faith? Really see you? How incredible you are? Why now when there's so little
time left," Buffy looks to the door," Are they coming? Is it time
yet?" She turns back to Faith." Do you think it's going to hurt? Oh
god, it's going to hurt. I'm going to see them, all of them, aren't I. I can almost hear them whispering, looking
for me. " Buffy looks away. " Maybe you shouldn't stay, Faith. Maybe
you shouldn't see this."

" Buffy, I'm going to be right here. I�m not going
anywhere," Faith caresses her hair. " It's going to be ok."

"What if I can't handle it, Faith? What if I go�" Buff
looks bleak. " Faith, you've got to promise me something."

"What Buffy?" Faith has a cold knot in her stomach.
Don't, don't do this.

" Faith, if I lose it. If I can't deal� you've got to
promise me you won't do what Willow did. You've got to promise me you won't �
you've got to leave me. I won't�I can't do this if I know you'll throw away
your life on me."

" Buffy, It's not going to be like that."

" NO, you promise me. You promise you won't give up you're
life. I won't let you," Buffy cries. " I won't let you do it!"

" Buffy, it's not your choice. I'll do what I need to do,
" Faith is firm.

" If you don't swear you'll leave me if this goes wrong, I
swear, Faith. I swear I'll remember it. I swear I will, and the first chance I
get I'll kill myself. I won't let you do this to yourself. I won't!"

" Buffy�"

" No, I don't care how insane I get, I'll remember, and
I'll do it, Faith. I won't let you give up your life for me. I won't let you be
like Willow. I'm not going to do that to you!"

" It's not going to be that way, Buff. This is going to
cure you, make you whole."

" Promise me, Faith. I�m not kidding. You promise me."

" Don't do this, Buffy. Don't make me do this!"

" I'm not kidding, Faith, " Buffy's voice is calm, but
hard, " If you don't promise to leave me if I go insane, I won't promise
you I'll live. Do you understand?"

The anger and resentment in Faith's eyes are clear. Who does
she think she is, telling me what to do? But she grits her teeth, and nods
curtly.

" Fine, if that's what you want, Buffy," Faith's tone
is low, even and flat, " I promise."

" You'll get on with your life? You won't get all noble and
' wait for me'? You'll � you won't close off other people being with you? You
promise?"

Faith loses her temper. She stands up, and walks far away from
Buffy. " God, why're you doing this? Yes, I promise, I promise. I said I
did. What do you want, Buffy? My
blood?" Faith shakes her head, wearily. " I didn't mean that."
She walks over to Buffy." It's not going to happen, anyway. You're going
to be ok."

" You know, Faith, if this doesn't go well�" Buffy
goes on as if not hearing her, " there's someone close who'd understand�
and who could be very good for you�"

" Buffy, stop talking this way. It's creeping me out!"

" Willow's a sweet girl, don't you think?"

" Willow? What're you talking about? I told you, I don't
love Willow. She doesn't love me. Don't
you get that? I love you, Buffy. Damn, don't you get that yet?"

" I love you too, honey, " Buffy says quietly, "
but don't you know , Faith? People don't always say what's in their
heart�"

At that moment, the door to the study opens. Willow comes out,
followed by Amy. Neither one looks particularly happy. Giles brings up the
rear. He hasn't been in there all the time, like Amy and Willow, but he's helped
in translating the myriad languages of the spell. He looks tired and worn.

"I still think we should go over it again, Willow,
"Amy says, grim faced. " I'm not happy with it."

" Amy, we could spend years in there, nitpicking this. This
is as good as it gets. There isn't a lot of wiggle room in this spell."

" I don't know. I think it needs more refinement�"

" God, Amy, how refined can we make it? We've been over
every word, I swear, until my eyes are ready to fall out. This is as good as it
gets!"

"Ok, Willow. But if it goes wrong�"

" IT'S NOT GOING TO GO WRONG!" Willow, lack of sleep
and worry, has lost her formidable patience. " It's going to be fine,
" She says more quietly. " Now, lets get this started."

Amy, shaking her head, leaves the room to get the supplies.
Willow sees Buffy and Faith, both looking a little, no, a lot scared. She walks
over to them.

" Don't let her freak you, guys. She's still smarting from
messing up a big spell a week ago. Trust me, I've been over this whole thing,
and made the necessary adjustments. It's going to be fine." She sees
they're less than mollified. " Really, guys, I went over every word of
this spell. With Giles to translate it. It's as tight as I, or anyone, can make
it. This is going to work."

They nod, but it's clear they're not exactly easy about this.
Willow kneels by Buffy, and takes Faith's hand.

" I won't hurt her, Faith, I promise, " She says
quietly. She turns to Buffy. " This will work, honey. Do you trust
me?"

Buffy nods, but still looks scared.

" It's scary for you honey, I know. But we'll be here with
you. We won't leave you. I promise� we promise."

Faith looks at Buffy significantly. Buffy tightens her lips.

I wonder what's going on between them? Willow picks up a
vibe off them.

Amy walks in with the supplies, and Willow goes to her. They
move off a ways from Buffy, and set up the small altar. The Orb of
Thessela is set on small table, and the
sacred circle is drawn around the table. Willow hands the bell and Incense
censer to Amy. She nods, and Amy begins to walk around the room, waving the
censer and ringing the bell.

Willow beckons for Giles. He's carrying a very ancient text with
him. He comes to her, and opening the text , begins to read from it.

Willow casts the first of the stones, and staring at the Orb,
mutters a spell under her breath. Her
hand waves over the Orb, and it takes on an ethereal glow.

She lights a candle, and then throws the stones again. Her eyes
seem to grow heavy, and then shut.

A voice, Willow's and yet not Willow's, seems to emanate from
her.

Ego dico super vos , phasmatis Interregnum.

I call upon you, spirits of the Interregnum.

Operor non ignarus meus voluptarius.

Do not ignore my pleas.

Reverto ut suus quis eram absens.

Return to her what was lost.

Willow reaches out, and touches the Orb with the palms of her
hands.

Permissum ut quod eram captus exsisto recidivus.

Let that which was taken be restored.

Permissum ut quale � stato nociuto exsisto vigoratus.

Let that which has been harmed be healed.

As if in a trance, Willow lifts the Orb, and holds it high. It
glows brightly in her hands.

Permissum Orbis exsisto vas ut mos veho suus animus
preconor.

Let this Orb be the vessel that will carry her soul to her

Her head is thrown back, and her eyes go dark and large.

Reverto ut suus quis eram laniatus , vigoratus ut quod est
lacer.

Return to her what was ripped, heal that which is torn.

Sic is vadum exsisto! Sic vadum is exsisto! iam ! IAM!

So it shall be! So shall it be! Now! NOW!

The Orb seems to flash, the light within glowing white and
bright. Then it disappears.

Faith, watching Buffy as she kneels beside her, is startled when
Buffy's eyes glow brightly, then fade.
She blinks rapidly, and her face changes. She seems lost and bewildered.

" Faith?" Buffy looks at her strangely, as if
unexpected." What're you doing here? Where am I?" She looks around, as if everything was
strange to her. " I don't� remember� everything seems so hazy� I� oh,
god�oh, god, � no� noooo� "

And it all comes back to her. Everything she did as a vampire.
The victims, their faces, how they looked when she killed them. Their eyes seem
to stare at her from everywhere.

" Noooo� Noooo� oh my god what have I done?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She rocks in her chair, still bound. She falls over, and tries
to curl into a ball. She wants, no
needs to escape from the faces of her victims. Their eyes, looking at
her, haunting her. Their voices, murmuring accusations. She cries out,
screaming for them to go away� go away� she screams.

And screams.

And screams.

Faith starts to go to her, to comfort her. But Willow stops her.

" No, Faith, you can't help. It'll only make it
worse."

Faith tries to get around her, but Willow touches her head, and
whispers " No!"

Faith stops, as if her will is gone. She stands there, staring
at Buffy. Inside, she's raging and boiling, wanting to go to her, comfort her.
But she can't. Her muscles won't move forward.

Willow gently leads her out of the dining room.

" Will, I have to go to her!" Faith cries, as she
finds she can't move back to the dining room. "What the hell have you done
to me?"

" What I had to, Faith. If you go to her now, with the
state she's in, she might think you're there to hurt her. She wouldn't know
you're there to help. It'll only make it worse."

They hear her cries and screams, begging them to go away, go
away.

" How can it get worse?" Faith starts to get angry.
" You told her it wouldn't hurt her! You PROMISED HER!"

" Faith, she has to do this. She has to, there's no other
way. I'm going back in, to do some healing spells. Try to reach into her mind,
soothe her. Once I reach her, and I know she can see beyond her visions, then
you can come in."

Buffy lets out another blood curdling scream.

" I promised her, " Faith says mournfully, " I
promised her�"

Willow misunderstands. " She has to do this, Faith. She has
to go through this. It's the only way to put the monster in her away," She
sees Faith's face, and instinctively she pulls her into a hug. She rubs her back.
" She's strong, Faith. Stronger than you know. She'll get through this, I
promise." She gently lets go of Faith. " Wait here, I'll call you
when it's ok."

Willow moves away from Faith, and quietly slips in the dining
room, closing the door after.

As she leans against the closed dining room doors, she hears
Buffy scream again� then it goes quieter. Her scream turns into an extended
moan, and sobs.

Faith touches the door, her face a mask of worry and pain.

" Buffy."

2

Faith paces nervously in front of the Sunny Springs extended
care facility. She's been waiting for awhile for Willow to show up. She looks
at her watch again and then at the street, wondering what was keeping her.

Things had changed a lot between Faith and Willow since Buffy
had gone to England to be cured. It'd been a rough time for Faith, because she
wasn't all convinced that Buffy could be cured. After she , Willow and Giles
had returned from there, Faith had gone in a deep funk. She didn�t lie around
and moon for Buffy; that wasn't her way. But she always had this edge of
sadness about her, as if she needed to mourn for her, but couldn�t because she
was alive. Sort of, anyway.

Faith did her best to help Joyce during this time. She knew that
Joyce was very upset about Buffy's 'condition', and while she tried to soldier
it through, sometimes the littlest thing would just devastate her. Faith did her best to be there for her as
much as she could, listening to her and reassuring her that Buffy would get
better, be home very soon.

But it was hard to do, feeling the way she did. She wasn't sure
Buffy would ever really be better; she knew in her heart that this would change
her. She just hoped not so much as to destroy her.

It had been 8 months now since Buffy had gone away. Eight months
with only letters, and an occasional phone call. Buffy wrote her about her
therapy, how she felt she was making real progress. She felt soon she would be
ready to leave Devon and come home. Still, Faith could read between the lines,
and saw that while she seemed to be getting better, there were still disturbing
things and references in her letters. It still made her question whether or not
Buffy really was as far along as she claimed. I wonder if she'll ever really
be herself again, after what's she's gone through. Will she still love me?

Faith had written back, telling her she missed her. Cheered her
on with her recovery, and peppered her letters with light news about Sunnydale
and the others. She always tried to keep the letters light and breezy, to keep
Buffy from worrying about home.

She also talked about
Willow some, saying she's been a good friend through this, getting her through
some rough times. She told Buffy she understood now why Buffy liked Willow so
much, and that Willow was being a good friend to both of them.

Faith started turning more and more to Willow. Red always
seemed to know when I needed her most; she was always there to listen to me go
on and on, or just hold my hand when I didn't feel like talking at all. She had
her own grief with Buffy, yet she always made mine more important. Faith
began to realize how special a person Willow was. Faith wasn't the kind to
lean; sharing to her was anathema. But
somehow Willow made it ok. She didn't make it seem like leaning. Somehow.

So, being here now for Willow wasn't a chore. She looked forward
to giving back something. It gave her a happy to know that she made it easier
for Willow to deal with Tara. In some small way, it made her feel she was
helping Buffy, too.

She sits down on the steps, head in hands. Are you really being honest
here, Faith? Is this just for Willow, that you're coming to the home, or is it
because it's just another excuse to spend some time with her? Faith can't really answer that.

She knows that lately,
more and more, she's been finding little excuses to hang with Willow. Faith had
never been one to be particularly domestic, yet she showed up at Willow's every
Saturday to mow her lawn or rake the leaves or do something in the yard. She's
gotten in the habit of stopping by her house a couple of times a week, just to
see ' if she needed anything.' Willow had finally told her it was ok just to
drop by, no need to ' check' on her. She also kept ' accidentally' running into
Willow at the Bronze. Of course, to be polite she had to stop for a drink,
right? She couldn't help but see the amusement in Willow's eyes; fortunately
the dark club hid her blushes.

So, what's really going on
here, Faith? Do you still love Buffy? Yes, I do. But� damn, I really like being
with Willow. I don't know� it's not love. I know that. I won't let it be, and
she won't either. But I know it hurts less when I'm with her. God, everything
is just so�

" Oh, Faith! I'm so sorry to be so late!" Willow calls
out as she rushed up the walk to Sunny Springs. " I don't know why but it
always seems a thousand things happen at the last minute when I'm coming here,
then the traffic was just plain awful."
Faith stands up as Willow approaches, ands she stops to give Faith a
hug. " Thanks for waiting. Have you been here long?"

" Naw, " Faith waves a hand as they walk into the
lobby, " just a few." Even though it had been actually 45 minutes,
and Faith wasn't known for being patient. It was important to Willow she was
here, so she'd wait. However long it took.

They walk down the familiar hallway, chatting about their
respective days. Faith sometimes found it hard to believe how comfortable she
is around Willow now; considering how things had been when she came here, this
is amazing to her. What particularly pleases her is that Willow treats it as
the most natural thing in the world. As if there has never been a time they
haven't been close friends. Close friend. That was something Faith never
figured she'd call anyone.

Willow stops them at the door, and she squeeze Faith's arm.

" I know I've probably said this a hundred times before,
but I really appreciate you coming with. It makes it easier , somehow , to deal
with you along. And Tara seems to like you a lot."

" I don't think Tara even knows I'm there, Red," Faith
half grins.

" She does. I think she does, " Willow gets a tired
look, " maybe not. But I do. It helps, not feeling so alone in there. It
helps."

Willow walks into the room, followed by Faith. Tara is sitting
on the bed, seemingly staring into space. Willow sighs. Bad day, it's going
to be a bad day. Willow can tell how Tara's going to be reacting, just by
the way she's sitting, and how she reacts to her coming in. Today seems to be
one that'll either have utter silence, or Tara will react very negatively.

Willow does her best to put this way down in her stomach, as she
moves over to Tara, greeting her cheerily.

" Hi, baby, how're you today?" Willow pulls out a
hairbrush, and walks over to Tara. " I really wish they'd use that cr�me
rinse I gave them for you." She starts to brush out her long blonde
hair." Well, had a great today, honey. Got my finals back. Did really
well. Only two more to go, and then I'm done. Isn't that great?"

Faith moves a little closer, to see better but not so close as
to get in the way. How does she do it, day after day? Trying to reach her
like this. I don't know if I could do that. Maybe that's what love is? Really
trying, even when there's no real hope?

" � and my supervisor at work? Once I get my degree, she
promised to see about moving me into a day shift. That'll be nice, won�t it
honey?"

" I thought you were going for your Master's, Will. I
thought you wanted to teach high school."

" Going to have to take a year or two off, Faith. Getting my master's isn't going to be cheap,
and I don't have the money. I need to work full time so I can save everything I
can to � Tara, stop that!"

Tara is hitting at Willow, angrily. Her face is red, and her
eyes narrowed.

" No, no, don't want that! " She says, pushing Willow
away, " Don't do that!" She slaps Willow's arm. " I have to tell
them about the mice! The mice are getting out of control. Dirty, filthy mice.
Didn't I tell you ? Didn't I?"

Tara starts to get up. Willow, afraid she might hurt herself,
tries to keep her calm and sitting down. Tara slaps her across the face.

" Don't try to stop me, Bitch!" She says angrily.

Willow, eyes wide, backs away. Tara slapped her hard.

Faith goes over to Tara, to restrain her.

" Tara, honey, it's ok. We'll tell about the �"

Tara looks at Faith, and a large smile breaks out on her face.
She reaches out for her.

" KITTY!" She coos, reaching out for Faith."
Where've you been, kitty?"

Faith looks at Willow, bewildered.

Willow, still holding the side of her face, grins ruefully.
" I think she thinks you're our old cat. Miss Kitty Fantastico."

" Huh?" Faith feels bewildered.

" Miss kitty was our cat when we�" Willow
frowns," When we lived together. Actually, she was Tara's , but she let me
� anyway, she was quite fond of Miss Kitty�"

" Kitty? Where you been?" Tara looks at Faith.

" I don't get it, Red. You don't have a cat�and they live
quite a while�?" Faith is still confused.

" There was this accident," Willow makes a face,"
it involved Dawn and a crossbow� we don't talk about it."

While they were talking, Tara has moved closer to Faith. Faith
suddenly feels someone petting her hair.

" Kitty! I love kitty!" Tara beams, turning to
Willow." It's Kitty!" She runs her hand through Faith's hair. Willow
sighs, and goes towards Tara.

" Honey, that's Faith. You remember." She reaches out
to grab Tara's hand.

Tara makes an angry noise, and shoves her away.

" NO! I want to pet KITTY!" Tara insists, petting
Faith.

" Now, Tara�" Willow comes back.

Faith puts up a hand.

" It's ok� let her do it. It seems to be calming her."
Faith turns her head a little, so Tara can get more of her hair, and less of
her ear.

Tara, enchanted, scoots over closer to Faith, and starts petting
her with both hands.

" Kitty's soft." She smiles at Willow. " Kitty's
here! She'll get the mice, you'll see."

Faith stands there, taking it. She stage whispers to Willow.

" I don't have to
purr, do I?"

" Oh god, Faith, I'm so sorry, " Willow says, knowing
this isn't particularly pleasant for Faith.

" It's no big, Red. Don't sweat it� ow�OW!" Faith
grimaces.

" What's wrong?" Willow comes over.

" I think she's caught her hand in my hair� OW! OW!
OW!"

Tara, her hand tangled in Faith's hair, is trying to pull it
free. Willow comes over to help.

" Here, baby, let me help you, " Willow says quietly,
trying to free Tara's hand. As she reaches for Tara's hand, Tara bites her.

" OW! Tara! Baby, " Willow retracts her hand. She
holds it, looking warily at Tara.

" You're bad! You want to take Kitty away, just like last
time!" Angrily, she backhands
Willow across the mouth.

" TARA!" Willow moves back. Far back.

" No, Tara, no! It's ok, See? Kitty's still here,"
Faith says. She twists around, grimacing a little as her hair is pulled. She
gently extracts Tara's hand from her tangled hair. " Kitty's here."
She puts Tara's hand on some untangled hair, while trying to straighten out the
mess Tara's made of her locks.

"She's bad. She took Kitty away before, and wouldn't bring
her back, " Tara turns to Will. " I don't like you!"

If Tara had punched her in the stomach, Willow couldn't look
more hurt. She stands at the opposite wall, eyes wide.

" Ok, Tara, Kitty needs a nap. So does Tara, " Faith
gently but firmly grabs Tara's hand and holds them. She eases her down in the bed.

" Ok," Tara says complacently. " I like
Kitty." She smiles up at Faith. She lies back, and quietly seems to go
somewhere else.

Faith tucks her in, then quietly backs away, grabbing Willow's
bag . She turns and seeing Willow standing there, half in shock, takes her by
the arm and leads her out of the room, extinguishing the lights as they go.

" Red, I'm�"

Willow shakes her off, and walks down the hall a little ways.
She leans against a wall, and her whole body seems to go into a slump.

Faith, concerned, walks towards her. Willow begins to speak even
before she arrives, almost as if to herself.

"� hit me. She's never hit me before. Not like that,"
Willow sounds bereft, " I don't get it. I just don't�"

Faith comes around her, and sees her lip is bleeding. She
searches for a handkerchief or something. Realizing she doesn't have anything,
she licks her finger and wipes off the blood.

Suddenly Willow is clinging to her, arms around her neck. Faith
brings her arms around to hold her as the young woman begins to sob.

" I don't know what to do, Faith, " Willow cries
quietly, " I just don't know what to do. I've tried everything I know to
reach her. And� and � she's still gone. I'm just hitting the wall, crashing
into it. What do I do?"

3

" Are you absolutely certain about this?"

Buffy Summers is standing in Heathrow International Airport in
London, looking out over the field. She is accompanied by a taller, older woman
who, just scraping under 6 feet tall,
makes Buffy look almost childlike next to her. Pamela Woodbury has been
a counselor at the Devon Center for a number of years, and the care and concern
she has for her charges shows on her face. She isn't what one would call
pretty; handsome and dignified fits her better. She has an air of authority about
her.

It's been 8 months since she underwent the ritual. Eight long,
hard months that she's spent clawing
her way to some semblance of sanity. She's now getting ready to return home,
and it's obvious to Pamela that she's
nervous.

" I guess I better be, don't you think? " Buffy
shrugs, seemingly a little distracted." I'm about to get on a plane
in�" She looks at her watch."� 10 minutes or so , I'm packed, the
tickets are non-refundable. I'd be kind of a moron to back out now."

" Buffy, none of that is important. It's much more
important that you feel ready. I'm not sure I'm happy with you leaving so
early�"

" Look, Ms. Woodbury�"

" Pamela, Buffy. We agreed." She smiles.

" Pamela, I really appreciate what you and the rest have
done for me. Really. You've got me to stop talking to the ferns, and
everything. But, ummm� I really need to go home I think. I need to face those
demons, and waiting? Not going to make it easier. I think I need� no, I know I
need to do this now."

" Buffy, it's not a matter of rushing you through. You're
welcome to stay as long as you need."

" Yes, but I think you'd get tired of me after the first
decade or so�"

Pamela smiled. It was always good sign when a patient had a
sense of humor.

"Very well, Buffy. It's your choice. I just wanted you to
know we're proud of the progress you've made."

" Thanks, Ms� Pamela. That means a lot." Buffy blushes
slightly.

" And you know, if you need us, any time, we're here for
you."

British Airways
flight 1712 to Cleveland connecting to Los Angeles is now preparing to board.
Passengers for this flight are requested to report to gate 17 to receive final
boarding instructions. Thank you for flying British Airways.

"I suppose this is goodbye, then, Buffy" She offers
her hand to Buffy. " Good luck, then."

" I guess it is, " Buffy takes the proffered hand.
Impulsively, she hugs Ms. Woodbury, who seems a bit discomfited by her display.
She smiles and pats Buffy's shoulder.

" You're going to do fine, Buffy." She says, gently
extracting herself. " Goodbye, Buffy."

" Bye, Ms. Woodbury."

Pamela watches as Buffy disappears into the crowd as she heads
for her gate. She has an uneasy feeling. She's made remarkable progress in the last few months. Perhaps too
remarkable? She shakes her head and sighs. Enough, Pamela, you've been
doing this too long. You're getting as paranoid as some of the patients. Still�

She dismisses the thought, and turns, walking towards the
concourse.

Buffy approached the British Airways representative located
close to the boarding gate. She had a worried expression on her face.

" Hi, I was wondering something? I have a connecting flight
to Los Angeles, but I just received news that a cousin of mine in Ohio has
taken ill. I was wondering, would it be possible for my luggage to be removed
from the plane there? Rather than being sent along to Los Angeles?"

" You understand that you'll lose the ticket to Los
Angeles, don't you? You'll have to purchase another ticket to continue."

" I know, it's not a problem."

" Very well, then, " the attendant puts out her hand,
" If I could see your tickets then?"
She examines them, makes some notes,
and looks up. " There's a two hour layover. This shouldn't pose a
problem, Ms. Summers. I'll phone ahead to Cleveland and inform them of the
change."

" Thanks, you've been great." Buffy smiles at her.

" You're welcome, Ms. Summers. Is there anything else I can
help you with?"

" No, thanks."

" Have a pleasant flight then. Thank you for choosing
British Airways."

Buffy strides toward the boarding ramp, a faint smile on her
face. She has the look of someone who's finally come to a decision after a long
time. She was sure this was the right thing to do.

It's the only thing I can do, She thinks as she walks
towards the boarding ramp.

4

An hour later the two of them are sitting at Willow's kitchen
table. There is a six pack of frosty longnecks sitting between them, a couple
already consumed, and both are sipping
out of a bottle. Willow looks a little embarrassed.

" I'm sorry, we probably just should've gone to the Bronze.
But I just didn't want to deal with that tonight�"

" That's cool, Red. Don't sweat the small stuff, "
Faith leans in a little. She places her hand on Willow's free hand. " You
ok? Feeling a little better?"

" Yes. No. I don't know," Willow sounds lost. "
Tara� my Tara� would never do this," She touches her lip. " I've
never seen her like that before�"
she closes her eyes tightly, the memory hurting her still, " Who am
I kidding? That's not my Tara. I don't know who that is�"

Faith doesn't say anything, only squeezes Willow's hand. The
memory of Buffy looking straight through her, not seeing her, comes back to
her. She shivers.

" When this first happened, I tried everything I could
think of to reach her. Talking to her, reading to her. I tried spells, all
kinds of spells. Nothing worked. I even went inside her, trying to find her,
lead her back out�" Willow pales at the memory," � I never have to
see hell now. I think it's in her mind." Willow sips her beer," I've
been there for three years, hoping that something would happen. Something would
bring her back out to me. The doctors warned me that any recovery was slim, and
full recovery? Next to impossible. But I didn't want to believe that. I
couldn't believe that. It meant she was gone, and I couldn't accept that."
She looks up at Faith, her eyes overly bright, " We were supposed to be
forever, Faith. She was the one for me, my one and only, my everything�"
the tears start to spill down her cheeks," I know she's gone, she's been
gone for more than 3 years. I just didn't� couldn't deal with it. I wanted to
take care of her, Faith. Forever if I had to. But after today� I just don't
know if I can do it anymore. Kid myself anymore." Willow lays her head on
the table. Drained.

" Willow, if I say something, promise you won't get
mad?"

" What?" Willow says, sounding hopeless.

"I know this might sound cold, but it's been way over three
years now. Maybe it's time to let go, Red. Do you think Tara, if she knew,
would want this? You feeling like this?"

Instead of anger, which she expected, Faith hears Willow
chuckle. She looks up at Faith, a tight little grin on her face.

" That's kind of funny. Buffy said the same thing to
me."

Not sure the funny
here, Faith thinks.

" Twice actually. Once in the garden at Giles', the other
time in the club� when she kidnapped me."
She smiles at Faith, "she said almost the exact same thing."

Alright, funny isn't the word I'd use here, exactly.

"I hate to say it, Red, but maybe Buffy was right. Maybe
it's time to consider life after Tara." Faith grimaces, " ok, that
sounded awful, but what I meant was, I don't think she'd want you doing this.
Not if she loved you like you said she did. She'd hate seeing you this
way." I know I do.

" Let me show you something, Faith, " Willow says. She
gets up and goes into the other room. She's back in a few minutes, carrying a
manila envelope. She hands it to Faith. "take a look."

Faith opens the envelope, and pulls out some papers. She glances
over them briefly. She looks up at Willow.

"I'm not good with the Lawyer Speak, Red. What's this
supposed to mean?"

" it's a legal petition to make Tara a ward of the court.
Essentially that would make her care the responsibility of the state. Attached
to it is the form, signed by her father, making me her legal guardian."
Willow shakes her head in wonder." Can you believe that man actually
thought she deserved what happened to her."

Faith is taken aback. " Her father thought she deserved
scrambled brains?" She sees Willow wince." Sorry."

Willow briefly explains her short encounter with the Maclays,
and what they told the females of the family. Faith looks at her with some
bemusement.

" Geeze, isn't he Father of the year material?" Faith
says sarcastically. " I didn't think those type of people existed outside
of the Twilight Zone or the X-Files or something."

" Yeah, they're a real swell bunch, " Willow nods,
" I had that document drawn up a while ago. I guess in one of those rare
moments of clarity when I realized that there wasn't any hope here," she
reaches over, and takes the document in her hands, looking at it. " I just
have to sign it and submit it. Then it's just a formality, and she becomes a
ward of the court." She stares at it. " I just� I haven't been able
to do it. Its like I'm giving up on
her. Saying I'm done, I'm walking away now. How could I do that, thinking she
might come back?" She looks into Faith's eyes. "How could I abandon
her?"

She grabs the folder, and slips the papers inside it.

" Red�" Faith begins.

" No, Faith, there's nothing to say. I know I have to do
it, now. I have to do it, because she's really gone now. I see it," She
walks out of the room, and returns empty handed." I just can't do it
now." She sits down. She takes a long swig off her beer.

There's a silence between them. Faith reaches out, and squeezes
her hand. Willow smiles at her.

" I guess I have to say thanks, again." Her eyes grow
warm and soft. " Seems like when things get too bad, you're there to
listen. I can't tell you what that means."

" It's not like you have listened to me go off or just been
there, Red. I know I've popped off plenty to you."

" Have you heard anything about Buffy?"

Faith hesitates for the briefest second. " Not really. They
say she'll be ready to come home soon. Maybe by the end of the year."

" Well, that's good news, right?" Willow smiles.

" Yeah."

" Isn't it?" She looks at Faith carefully. "
Something up?"

" No� not really," Faith seems troubled." But�
what if she's changed? No, that's stupid. Of course she's changed. What she's
been through, what she's going through, how couldn't she be changed? I guess I
mean, what if she's changed how she feels about me?" She looks down.
" What is she doesn't feel the same way anymore?"

"I can't really answer that. I mean, not like for certain.
But I don't think she would stop loving you, Faith. I think that's the one thing that made her pull back from the
edge. I think she's going through this, because she loves you. I think that's
what she's clinging to , trying to get through." Willow squeezes her hand.
" Is that really what this is about, Faith?"

" Of course that's it, Red. I just don't know how she'll
feel about me anymore."

" Or, how you'll feel about her?"

Faith pulls her hand away. " That's a crock, Red, "
Faith sounds angry. She starts to stand. " That's just� I love her�
I�" she seems to lose her energy, slumping back in her chair." This
sucks. How can I even�?"

Willow stands and comes around her, putting her arms around her.
She leans her head on her shoulder. " Listen to me, Faith. I don't have a
clue how I'm gonna feel either. She's going to be different. That's just a
fact. The only thing I can hope is that what we had will be strong enough to
get us through. I know I want to still love her, be her friend. I just hope
that's enough."

" Gawd, what kinda person am I? Even thinking this way? I
love her Red, how can I think � why do
I even have doubts?"

" Because you're human, honey, and you're scared. You don't
know what Buffy's going to be like when she gets back, if she'll even be
remotely the same woman you fell for." Willow hugs her. " I don't
have any answers, Faith. You'd think I would, wouldn't you? I guess all you can
do is just see if you see anything of that woman is still there, and reach out to her. Try, risk it. Then if
it comes down that your feelings have
changed? Then you've just gotta be honest with her, and yourself. Let go, and
let her go," Willow chuckles ruefully," You'd think I could take my
own advice, wouldn't you?"

" Buffy's right. You are really smart," Faith turns
back towards her and smiles.

" Well, you know Buffy, cute, not too bright. Maybe a
little insane," Willow tries to downplay the compliment. She sees Faith
make a face. " Just kidding."

" Me, too." Faith smiles.

It grows quiet between them. Willow doesn't move, and Faith is
very aware of her arms around her, and her breath lightly tickling her ear. She
feels a familiar warmth growing in her tummy.

" Hey," Faith says softly, still looking at Willow.

" Hey," Willow whispers back. She adjusts just a
little, and brings her lips into light and brief contact with Faith's. When the
kiss breaks, she licks her lips.

" You know, every time I kiss you, I can't believe how
sweet your lips taste, " Willow says. She smiles. Then she kisses Faith
again, lingering awhile longer. " Mmmm, yummy," Willow says when the
kiss breaks.

" You are something, " Faith says, smiling,
" you know?"

" Oh, are you just noticing that?" Willow smiles
back. Her hand slips down Faith's
front, and she squeezes Faith's breast.

" You know," Willow continues, looking at Faith's lap,
" that lap looks mighty empty, mister. Think there might be room for me on
it?"

Faith just smiles, and slides her chair back a bit. Willow
slides around her, sitting on her lap.

" Oh yes, " She says, bouncing just a little. "
Much nicer. So comfy too."

" Nice to know my thighs make a nice seat cushion,"
Faith smirks.

" Oh, trust me honey, there are plenty of reasons I love
those thighs of yours, " Willow giggles. She leans in for and gets a nice
hot kiss.

" Mmmm," Willow purrs, when the kiss ends. " I
just love the way you kiss. Did I mention you're at least a 10 on the kissing
scale?" She arches a brow. She looks down at Faith, who looks up at her. God, the girl is just sooo darned cute,
she thinks. She musses Faith's hair, then pulls her head to her breast.

" Kind of wondering, honey, if you were in a great big
hurry to get home tonight?" She
slips her hand down and gently squeezes Faith's breast.

God, if you looked up
' Sexy' in the dictionary, I know Red's picture's gotta be next to it. Faith feels a massive surge of tingles
running through her body. She feels her
warmth growing in her tummy. And then, for some perverse reason, today comes
crashing back into her brain, dousing the fire in her tummy with ice water.
Sighing, she pulls back from Red's breast.

" Red, don't take this the wrong way. But do you really
think we should be doing this tonight?"

Willow looked at her quizzically, a tiny smile bowing her lips.

" What's wrong, baby? A little performance anxiety?"
Willow rubs Faith's neck.

Faith looks at her oddly, then bursts out laughing.

"You goof." She shakes her head, " no, baby"
She sobers up somewhat. " You know I adore being with you. But I think
tonight, It's just not a good idea."

Willow is all seriousness now. " Is something wrong, hon?
Did I do something wrong?" Willow thinks a moment, then nods. " It's
Buffy, isn't it? You're missing her, and feel uncomfortable about � well, you
know." She smiles.

" No� I mean, yes, I miss her, but no, that's not it,
" Faith says quietly. " It's you, Red."

Willow frowns. " Me? That's not good."

Faith realizes Willow took that way the wrong way. " No, no
� believe me, you consistently amaze me in the evil creativity of that mind of
yours. This idea that you're this sweet innocent little girl? Started by
someone who never slept with you."

" Thank you, " Willow says, blushing modestly, "
unless of course you're inferring I'm a slut?"

"Red, can we be serious. For just a moment?"

" Oh, serious," Willow bites her bottom lip. "
ok, serious then."

"Look, Red, I hate to poop the party here, but I think
you're trying to use sex tonight to avoid something, rather than a way to
comfort after dealing with it." How can she make even serious adorable? That lip biting thing? So
damned cute!

"Ok, Faith, really not following you're logic, "
Willow looks at Faith, then sighs. " Oh, I guess I am. Busted, huh? "

" Do you really want to have sex tonight, Red? Or are you
just hoping that you'll lose yourself in it, once it starts? And maybe forget
about today for awhile?"

" And that would be terrible� why?"

" Because it won't work. And then you'll be upset and angry
and frustrated, and try harder, and it still won't work. Then you'll just be
miserable in the morning, and even more upset about things then you are
now."

" You really are pooping the party, Faith, " Willow
stands up, sounding irritated." You can go if you want."

" I don't want to go, Red, " Faith stands up, putting
her hands on Willow's shoulders. She turns Willow to face her. " Just
because I don't think sex is a good
idea tonight, it doesn't mean I want to leave. You need a different kind of
comfort tonight, and I want to give you that. So, " Faith shrugs, " I
thought we could cuddle?"

Willow looks at her a moment, as if not understanding what she's
saying. Then she really understands, and this small soft smile comes onto her
face.

" You'd do that? For me?" Willow sounds incredulous.
" I mean, I know you're not the touchy feely kind."

" Well, don�t go spreading it around, Red, " Faith
growls, just a little. " but I think this is a special circumstance."

Willow comes over, and puts her arms around Faith's neck. She
stares deeply into her eyes.

" You know? I think I kinda love you, " She says
softly. They share a warm kiss. Then Willow starts walking towards the bedroom,
beckoning Faith to follow.

Yeah, I get that, I think, Faith thinks to herself as she
follows Willow.

I really do.

When Faith reaches the bedroom, she sees Willow standing, facing
the door, waiting for her.

Almost as if cued, both women start to undress. They've found
that each enjoys watching the other one undress. Never mind the sexy factor of
it, that's important too. But it's the way that each reveals themselves to the
other, as if they've nothing to hide from each other.

Willow smiles, and as her blouse comes off, turns around. She
knows Faith loves watching her remove her skirt from the rear. That Faith is
rather enamored with watching the curve of her ass appear as it molds into her
back. And Willow loves the way she can feel Faith's eyes raking over her. As if
each time is new. It gives Willow a major happy. And the plus? She can still
watch Faith undress, because she's strategically placed her full length mirror
so she can see the rest of the room in it.

After their clothing has piled on the floor, both women take a
moment just to look at each other.

Willow just loves looking at Faith. She acts all butch when the clothes are on,
but she is 100% girl. Willow loves
to watch Faith walk, especially naked. She leads with her pelvis, which gives a
cat like quality to her movements. Add to the fact that she has incredibly curvy
curves, and also the way her breasts slightly bob when she walks, and Willow
gets a major tingle watching her.

Faith for her part
loves the boyish slimness to Willow's figure. Well, boyish until you hit the
hips. Since she's matured, Willow's hips have taken on an appealing roundness,
and her thighs and caves have filled out, giving her this incredibly sexy
look. Her breasts are smallish, but she
has these incredible pink lick me- suck
me- bite me nipples that point up.
Buffy's are very similar, and Faith thinks it's the sexiest thing going.

" Are we going to
stand here staring at each other all night? " Willow smiles, loving the
way Faith is looking at her.

" I could do that,
" Faith says, without hesitation. She walks over, and slips into bed.
" But it'd be nice to hold you, too." She opens her arms , inviting Willow in.

Willow slips into bed,
and slides herself up next to Faith. Faith wraps her arms around her, resting
her hands on Willow's tummy. Willow leans into her, sighing softly.

" I think you were
right, Faith. I think this is exactly what I needed tonight," Willow says,
turning her face. She kisses Faith softly on the lips. " This is
incredibly sweet." She grins, " and don�t worry, I won't tell anyone.
Don't want to ruin your rep as a bad ass". Willow giggles, " though I think you have one incredible
ass. Not a thing bad about it."

Faith gently pats
Willow's tummy. " You are an incredibly bad girl, you know that?" She
nuzzles Willow neck.

They settle into a
comfortable silence, just enjoying the shared intimacy. Faith, however, can hear
Willow's sighs, and senses a sadness in her.

" Are you ok,
Red?" She asks, pulling Willow closer.

Willow's face is
forlorn. " Am I bad?"

" What?"
Faith asks, not really understanding.

" Am I terrible?
For wanting my life back?" Willow looks at Faith. " I mean, I still
love her, Faith. I miss her so much sometimes, I can't sleep, It aches so much.
But when I go to see her, nothing's there. I think she recognizes me, sort of,
as someone who comes around all the time. But she doesn't know it's me, I mean,
me, do you get it?"

" I get it, Red,
" Faith says, remembering Buffy staring right through her as if she didn't
exist.

" I can't take it
anymore, Faith. I can't take her looking at me like a stranger. Like I'm one of
the nurses, " her voice gets angry, " it's not right, it's not fair!
How could they do this to me? To us? We loved each other so much, Faith. And
the Power that Be? Just took us away from each other. How can they do
that?" She looks at Faith, her face flushed. " How could anything be
so damned cruel?"

Faith rubs her arms and
shoulder, silently, letting her vent.

" I am terrible,
Faith. I�m awful. I'm thinking of just abandoning her there, leaving her
behind. I promised her forever, but now I want to just run away. I'm bad, I'm
very bad, Faith. I'm horrible!" Willow starts to cry, and turns to Faith.
" I'm horrible, aren't I? I'm evil!"

" Shhh, no, Red,
no. That's not even anywhere near close to true, " Faith says. She starts
to rock Willow in her arms, " Honey, we talked about this. Wherever Tara
is, it's not here. That's only her body in the home. Her mind, her spirit, all
those things you loved so much about her? Is somewhere else. I'm personally
hoping, in a happy place. Waiting for you to someday join her."

Willow continues to
cry, her feelings of guilt and remorse overwhelming her. Faith continues to
rock her, letting her know with her arms and body that she's not alone. Not so
terribly alone.

It takes awhile, but
Willow finally begins to settle down. She gets herself under control, and the
shaking and sobbing cease.

Faith reaches over, and
grabs the box of tissue off the nightstand. She gently daubs Willow's eyes, and
then hands her the box. Willow blows her nose, and then tosses the tissue towards the closest trash can. She misses.

" Damn, I missed,
" She starts to get up.

Faith holds her,
however, and won't let her go. " Leave it , Red. It�ll be there in the
morning."

" But I
should�" Willow starts. But feeling the warmth of Faith's arms and body
next to her, she really doesn't want to leave. "� Ok" She settles
back into Faith.

" Feeling a little
better?" Faith asks. She leans her chin on Willow's shoulder

" God, I'm such a
weepy baby. I'm sorry, Faith, " Willow says, feeling a whole lot better.

" Sometimes, Red,
you just gotta cry."

Willow looks over at
the brunette. "You know something? You're incredible. You keep showing me
that, and I keep being surprised how incredible you are. Buffy is one lucky
woman, " Willow sighs. " Sometimes, I envy her. Having you, " She
almost whispers that. " I hope she realizes exactly how lucky she
is."

Faith sighs
impatiently, as if that's the dumbest thing she's ever heard.

" It's not dumb,
Faith. It's not stupid. You are one incredible woman."

" Well, "
Faith says, " this incredible woman is kinda tired, and would like to
sleep now."

Willow smiles. She
reaches and shuts off the lamp.

The two of them slide
down in the bed, their bodies molding together in a tight spoon.

" G'night, Faith,
" Willow says softly

" uh-huh,"
Faith murmurs, already falling asleep.

Willow feels her eyes
close. She feels warm, and safe.

And a little scared
about what she's beginning to feel.

5

Buffy stares out the window by her seat, the cabin lights half
reflecting her image on the glass.

Who are you? She asks
silently, touching the glass with her hand.

The image in the glass stares back at her, silent.

Buffy leans back in her seat, resting her head and closing her
eyes.

She feels very weary. It's been a long journey coming back to
something that resembles normalcy. Or at least, she feels she can deal with
things now without resorting to talking to the plants anymore. What's been
harder is deciding what she's going to do now.

She opens her carryon, and pulls out a bunch of letters from
Faith and Willow. The pages are worn and creased from the hundreds of times she
read and re-read the letters. She smiles, a little sadly, and looks over them
again. As she reads them, her vision blurs from the tears in her eyes. She
knows these will be the only things she'll have from her old life. The old life she plans on leaving behind.

It took her awhile� Hey, I was crazy, you know!� but she
finally figured out what was being said between the lines. Of course, nothing
was written about it, but she definitely could see that Faith and Willow had
moved beyond friendship. They obviously had developed feelings for each other.
Strong feelings.

At first, Buffy had a visit from the green-eyed monster. It hurt
to think that Faith was with someone else, even if that someone else was
Willow. When it first hit her what was going on, she had a fit. That earned her
a little time in the 'quiet' room. The one with padded walls and restraints.

She realized, however, after some careful thought, and a couple
of visits to the 'quiet' room, that this was the right thing to happen. She'd
told Faith to move on with her life, and she was. It still ached, even now, to
think that she'd lost Faith. But it helped to think Faith could, would be
happy. It's a way to make it right, Buff. For all the crap you did, this is
a way to make it right. For both of them.

She knew Faith would , if she returned to Sunnydale, insist on
getting back together. She knew Faith was that way. She also knew she couldn't
let it happen. She realized something while she was in Devon. She really loved
Faith. Loved her enough to let her go. She wanted Faith to be happy, even if it
broke her own heart. Real noble Buffy, but lets try a little truth here too.
You know it'd kill you if Faith stopped loving you, started hating you because you forced her to be with you.
Better she still thinks of you fondly, rather than hating you. Buffy knew
she couldn't take that. So, she couldn't go back to Sunnydale. Ever. It would
hurt too much to see them together, even if it was the right thing.

She had to make a new go of it. Make a new life for herself.
That means a clean break. She has to cut her ties with the past. That meant all
ties. Even her mom. If anyone knew where she was, they would tell the others.
Then it'd all fall apart, and be right back to square one. No, it had to be
clean, quick and final. Better for
everyone that way. She had to disappear. As if she never existed in the first
place.

She can't even read the pages anymore, her eyes are too blurry.
She carefully puts the letters away, and takes out a handkerchief to dry the
tears running down her cheeks. Stop crying, Buffy. This was your choice. So
be an adult, and get over it.

She looks out the window, and sees a large cluster of lights
ahead. That must be it. Cleveland.
My new life. So, why aren't I excited? Oh yeah, because� ah, damn� She
grabs the handkerchief again to stem the new flow of tears.

You're attention, Ladies and gentlemen. We'll be landing
at Hopkins International Airport in 20 minutes. The captain requests that all
passengers please return to their seats, and to apply their seat belts. Please
put any fold down trays back in their places, and bring your seats to an
upright position. We hope you've had a pleasant journey, and thank you for flying
British Airways.

Buffy belts herself in, and leans her head back on the seat,
closing her eyes. She practices the exercise they taught her in the Devon
house, to clear her mind, find her center, and prepare for another day. Slowly,
all the garbage floating in her head drifted away, and she felt a small measure
of peace. This is it, Buffy. You're
new life. A chance to start over. Make it count.

She must've dozed off, because she jolts awake when the jet
touches down on the Hopkins International runway. As the plane taxies towards
the terminal, she feels a small panic fluttering in her breast. Time all of a
sudden seems to be too short, too compressed. I'm not ready. I need more time! Time is up, break over. Time
to get back to work.

She disembarks from the plane, and looks around the terminal. It
all seems so unreal, somehow. So strange. This is the last time she'll be part
of what she was. Once she goes, once she leaves the terminal, everything that
she was is gone. History. No looking back, no regrets.

She traverses the concourse and arrives at the luggage carousel.
She watches it go around and around, holding back, not retrieving her luggage. This
is it, Buff. No more delays. Just do it! She reaches out, and stops
her bag, grabbing it off the carousel.

She heads for the nearest restroom. Once inside the stall, she
sets her case on the toilet and opens it. She pulls out a large laundry bag she
filched from Devon, and starts to put her belongings in it. Where she's going,
carrying a suitcase just says, "Please rob me".

She takes off the skirt, blouse and heels she's been wearing,
and changes into a pair of jeans, socks, boots, and long sleeved blouse. She
throws on her heavy coat. Stuffing her old clothes in the laundry bag, she
leaves the stall, and the suitcase, behind.

Stopping at the sink, she washes her hands and face. She pulls a
stocking cap out of her pocket, and puts it on. She looks in the mirror, staring at the new person staring back
at her.

Who are you?

I'm Anne. Goodbye, Buffy.

She walks out of the restroom, carrying the laundry bag over her
shoulder. She looks around. It all looks new and strange to her. Nothing seems
the same.

It isn't, it's all different now. She's different now.

She walks out of the terminal, into the night.

6

The sun caresses the sleeping Willow with a warm hand.

Willow stirs in the bed, and rolls over, pulling the sheet over
her head.

" Go 'way, Mr. Sun. I'm not ready to wake up yet," She
murmurs, trying to dig her way deeper into the bed. She smiles to herself, a
mischievous thought taking over her mind. She slowly turns over, thinking
she'll awaken Faith in a particularly special and sexy way. Which would be
great, but there's no Faith there to waken.

" Huh?" Willow says, throwing the sheet off herself.
She sees the depression where Faith slept, so she knows she was really here last night. But when she
touches the spot, she feels it's cold.

" Damn, she must've�" then the scent of something
wonderful hits her nose. Bacon!

Willow is a closet bacon addict. She knows it's bad for her, and limits herself on how much
she'll eat. But the smell of it just makes her feel good.

Growing up in a semi-orthodox household( Ira is, Sheila is
reform), she never tasted bacon as a child. Not until, that is, she spent the
night over at Xander's house. ( No dirty looks, it was strictly innocent). For
some reason. Xander's mother was in a domestic mood that day, and made bacon
and eggs for breakfast.

"Mom, " young Xander complained, looking at Willow's
plate, " Willow's Jewish. She can't eat bacon!"

" Oh, I forgot, " Mrs. Harris came over to retrieve
Willow's plate, " Can I get you something else honey?"

" No, this is fine, Mrs. Harris. I'd kinda actually like to
try it," young Willow was
fascinated by the long strips of meat that supposedly was bad for you, but
smelled very good.

'" Won't you like, go to hell or something if you eat that,
Will?" Xander asked, robustly eating his own food.

" We don't have one of those, " Willow said, picking
up the longish brown strip and looking at it.

" What?"

" Hell. Jews don't believe in a hell" Willow brought
the strip close to her mouth, savoring the aroma.

" Really?" Xander turned to his mom. " Hey, mom,
can I be a Jew, too?" Xander, who was always getting in trouble, figured he'd wind up in
Hell someday. But this might be his out.

Willow bites into the brown strip, and is immediately in love.
From then on, she cast aside that particular dietary law, at least outside her
own household. It opened a whole new world for her. As a side note, she also
discarded the meat and milk law pretty quickly, when she discovered Bacon
cheeseburgers.

Smelling the bacon now brings back that sweet memory of her
first taste of bacon. But who's
cooking? She sneaks out of bed, and being careful not to be seen, peers out
the doorway towards the kitchen.

There she sees Faith moving around the kitchen like an old pro,
various pans cooking on the stove. She actually flips the eggs in the air, and
for a second Willow is afraid they're going to hit the floor. But Faith
expertly catches them. To say Willow is amazed is an understatement.

God, sexy, and she
can cook. Damn.

Willow sneaks back in the bedroom, and goes to the closet. She
pulls out a shorty robe, one that barely covers her ass. It's printed silk,
with a red border. She slips into it, carefully tying the sash so it reveals
just enough to hold interest. She slips into a pair of flat sandals, then walks over to the mirror
to check herself out. Hmmm� not bad,
Rosenberg, not bad. Let's see if we can raise a little interest with this.
She giggles, and turns, checking out her rear. Hmmm � well, if she's not dead, this should amuse her, I think.
She primps a little in the mirror, grabbing a brush and killing the bed hair.
Sneaking into the bathroom, she gives her teeth a quick brush, then back in the
bedroom, she applies a light layer of lipstick. Giggling a little, she walks
out of her bedroom.

Faith is in her element.
She moves around the kitchen like a pro. In the first pan on the stove
she's cooking hash browns�from fresh potatoes, not frozen. The next pan has a
couple of omelets almost perfectly done. The final pan contains the bacon that
intrigued Willow. She has a small rack with already cooked bacon draining. In
back, on the counter, she's taking care of toast.

She pulled a lot of Mess duty when she was in prison, and
discovered she really loves to cook. It gave her a way to express herself in a
semi-creative way( there's only so much you can do with prison food, she
found.) As she became more skilled, she pulled increasing turns in the kitchen,
and that made her happy.

She's having a little happy now, because it's been awhile since
she's been able to cook for anyone. Mrs. Summers wouldn't let her work in her
kitchen, so Faith pretty much has been cut off. But when she woke early, as was
her habit, she decided she would cook for Willow. She had checked the
refrigerator, and sighed. God, imported beer, yogurt, is that goat cheese?
Where's the food? No, this is just wrong. She despaired a little, then
reaching in her pants, pulled out a couple of 20's folded over. Bless you, Mom!

When Faith came back from her run, she was carrying a sackful of
supplies. She set about her culinary tasks, feeling happy. She e hummed to
herself as things progressed, running around and setting things up for her
little surprise for Willow. She was just finishing up as a thought occurred to
her.

The way to her heart
is through her tummy, I bet. She
pauses . Ummm� why did I just think that?

" Hey, good lookin' Whatcha got cookin, " Willow
interrupts her thoughts.

Faith, who just flipped the omelets expertly on the plates,
looks up smiling� and almost drops the spatula.

Wowee, she gulps,
seeing Willow in the slightly too short shorty wrap. God, how does she do it? Last night, she was
miserable and weepy. Yet, this morning, it's smiles and god, she is so sexy!

Faith finds she has to admire Willow's spirit. She knows she
would still probably be grumpy and a sourpuss if she was as upset as Willow was
last night. But Willow seems to be
almost glowing this morning.

" Well, look at you, " Faith says, giving out a low
whistle, " Aren't we just lil Ms. Sexy this morning?"

" Little Ms. Piggy, you mean, " Willow says, looking
at the food Faith's prepared. " You did all this?"

" Oh yeah. I pulled a lot of mess duty in prison,"
Faith, having regained a little equilibrium, smiles. " I used to cook for
a few thousand. This is child's play. And If I mess up, I don't think you'll
try to knife me later," She chuckles. She waves over towards the dining
room . "Go, sit, sit , I'll bring it in." She orders.

Willow walks into the dining room, being followed by the
appreciative eyes of Faith. She stops at the doorway, a little stunned.

Faith has pulled the leaves out of the dining room table, making
it much smaller and more intimate. The additional chairs have been taken away,
leaving only two. The table itself has been covered with a cloth, and linen
napkins� I didn't know we had those� have been set in place, along with
the silver place settings. China cups
are on the table, with their saucers, and a vase filled with garden flowers
makes up the centerpiece.

My goodness how long
has she been working at this? Willow wonders, bending over to smell the flowers.

This of course is the moment Faith, carrying their plates of
food, decides to enter. She almost drops the food when she sees Willow's bare
butt peeking out from under her robe. Get a grip, Faith, she scolds herself as she enters the dining
room.

" Faith, this is just� fabulous, " Willow says, still
bent over the flowers.

Not as fabulous as the view, Red, Faith chuckles to herself.

Willow out of the corner of her eye, notes where Faith's eyes
seem to be glued, and she shifts just a little to give her a better
perspective. She slowly rises, letting the robe just curtain her ass.

Damn, that girl knows how to play it. Faith shakes her
head slightly in wonder. She carries the plates over, and sets them on the
table.

Willow is smiling broadly, looking at everything. " This is
just so wonderful, Faith. You did this all for me?" She blushes prettily.

" Not a big, Red. I just figured you could use a little
something special this morning. After last night, that is." Faith sits
down, and waves Willow down." Now, c'mon and eat before it gets cold�
wait, the coffee�" Faith hops up and beelines for the kitchen.

Willow loosens the tie on her robe, allow a bit more freedom
upstairs� and the possibility of some unexpected viewing for Faith. She looks
at herself a little critically. Damn,
just wish sometimes there was a wee bit more upstairs. Oh well, we work with
what we're given.

Faith returns, coffee
pot in one hand, a plate of toast in the other. She smiles, a little
embarrassed.

" Damn, I almost forgot the toast, too. I don't know
where my mind went all of a sudden." She sets down the toast, then pours
coffee for the both of them.

I'm hoping, approaching
where I'm trying to put it, Willow giggles softly. Faith returns the coffee decanter to the
kitchen, and finally sets herself down.

" You don't do
like, a prayer or nothing, do you?"

" Nope."

" Then eat up,
girl." Faith says, digging into her own food.

Willow looks at her
plate a little nervously. While it all looks good, looks can be deceiving. No
matter what, pretend you like it, she
thinks to herself. She cuts a small bite out of her omelet, and puts it in her
mouth, expecting the worst.

" Oh my god! Oh my
god!" Willow exclaims, taking a much larger second bite. She chews her
omelet , a very happy expression on her face. " This is just� superb,
Faith. I've never tasted better!" She begins to eat in earnest.

Faith has to chuckle.
She saw the expression on Willow's face when taking that first bite.

" Yeah, I haven't
poisoned anyone yet," She grins, watching Willow eat.

" Mmmm,"
Willow makes a happy noise as she demolishes the omelet. Buffy, you have NO idea what you've got. A beautiful woman that's
an excellent lover and can cook. I swear, if you weren't my best friend� oh god
this is totally fine!

"Well, it's good
to see you haven't lost your appetite, " Faith chuckles. She's getting a
happy out of Willow's happy.

" Mmmm, from now
on? You're definitely on breakfast duty, girl.
This is� " She waves a forkful of omelet, " � just
divine." The forkful disappears
into her mouth.

Faith sits back,
watching the show. She can't help grinning. Willow's obvious enjoyment after
last night's tears just raises the respect bar way high in Faith's mind. Gotta love someone that bounces back that well. Damn, I said the
" L" word. A definite no-no� even in here.

Willow looks up, and
stops eating. She frowns.

"What's wrong,
Faith? You're not eating," She looks at Faith's nearly untouched omelet.
" You didn't poison the food, did you?" She teases.

" No, dope. Just
watching you eat."

" Oh, god!, "
Willow blushes." I'm totally making a piglet out of myself!"

" No way. I love
to see a girl with a healthy appetite, " Faith grins and winks, " All
sorts of healthy appetites."

" Oh,
really?" Willow says. " I like to see a girl eat too, " she
shoves the innuendo right back at Faith. " As a matter of fact�" She
gets up, and walks over next to Faith. She picks up her fork, and cuts a bite
of the omelet, "Open up" She says, waving the fork close to Faith's
mouth.

" What am I ?
Three?" Faith laughs. " I think I can feed myself."

" Aw, let me feed
you, just a little. Please?" Willow bends over, making sure Faith can get
a good view.

" Well�"
Faith's eyes wander under Willow's robe. She shrugs. " If you
insist�" She opens her mouth, and is rewarded by a bite of egg. She
definitely is growing an appetite, just not necessarily for omelet.

" That's a good
girl, " Willow coos, stroking Faith's neck.

Do you want me to eat, or
just melt?

Willow cuts her a
significantly larger bite. " Now another , baby." She pushes the fork
to Faith's lips. Faith opens her mouth, but the bite is large, a little too
large. She bites off most of it, but some falls out, and down onto her chest.

" Oh, my. Look
what I've done!" Willow looks at the bit of egg. She leans over, and licks
it off Faith's chest.

Faith has a major
shiver. God, are we even going to
make it through breakfast? Not if she keeps this up!

" Ummm� think I
can handle it from here, " Faith says, a slight quaver in her voice. As
gently as possible she retakes the fork from Willow. Willow, pouty and a little
miffed from being foiled in her obvious seduction, walks back to her place,
making sure a little extra bounce is evident in her walk. Faith may be eating, but I know where her
eyes are.

Willow sits primly in
her chair, watching as Faith, with obvious enjoyment, makes good progress on
her omelet. Taking a piece of toast, she chews on it thoughtfully.

Her whole body tells
her that Faith is more than turned on by her sexy little outfit. Also, she
caught Faith peeking when her butt was on display, and her eyes definitely
wandered under her loosened robe. So, it wasn't a lack of interest that put her
off. But what was it?

It's then that the
piano drops on her head. She looks around at what Faith did this morning, what
she did last night, and realizes how romantic and intimate it all was. Up to
now, what they've had has been very casual; a mutual comfort society aimed at
getting them both through a rough patch. But last night, Faith not asking for
anything more than to comfort her, and this morning, with the obvious work she
put into breakfast, it takes it to a different level. Maybe not consciously,
but it definitely has signs of something more than either had been looking for
or expected. More, herself coming out in the come hither robe, and putting on
the seduction, is sending a very definite signal.

Willow had to think
about that. Up to now, things have been pretty safe.
There were roadblocks in the way of anything serious happening here. One of
those roadblocks is very much in the works of being� well, put aside, anyway. Willow pauses thinking as an ache in her
heart makes it hard to think. What
was I thinking? Oh yeah, roadblocks. Now there's another one, a significant
one. It keeps things casual, but �
Willow has to wonder if that's what she wants. Looking at Faith, who seems to
be avoiding looking at her, she has to think if it's all just her, too. But
there is definitely this 900 pound gorilla on the table, and it has blonde
hair.

" Buffy, "
Willow says out loud, without meaning to.

" Huh?" Faith
looks up, at the mention of the name." What about Buffy?"

" I think she's
the nine hundred pound gorilla sitting on the table at the moment, Faith."

Faith puts down her
fork, a quizzical look on her face.
" I'm sorry, when did we switch to the discovery channel?"

Willow smiles warmly.
" Faith, what you did last night for me, and this morning? I know you were
just doing it out a sweetness in your heart. But if you think about it, it has a
very romantic edge to it."

" Whoa up,
hey!" Faith protests." I wasn't like� scamming or anything
here." Faith definitely has an offended tone in her voice.

" No, baby, that
isn't what I meant. What you did by just holding me last night, was so utterly sweet
and thoughtful, I can't tell you what it means to me. And then, going to all
this work because you think it'll give me a happy? That's just so�" Willow
shakes her head, biting her lip. She's afraid the waterworks will be coming on
again soon. " But let's be real here too, Faith. Maybe not intentionally,
or consciously, there is definitely a romantic feel to all this. And it didn�t
help I came out in the easy open, come take me packaging, either, " Willow
blushes.

Faith smiles at
Willow's sudden modesty, and reaches out, covering her hand with her own.
" Believe me, I'm more than delighted with the packaging." She
returns Willow's warms smile.

" I think we have
to admit to some things here, Faith. First of all, there's the fact that
something is going on here. Not consciously, or deliberately, but I think
things have been changing, even before last night." Willow arches a brow.

Faith stirs the remains
of her omelet in her plate, thinking. Have I totally fucked up , or what? I don't want her thinking this Is
moon- June kind of stuff. She looks at Willow, and feels a definite
heart-in-throat moment. But is she right, in a way? Is there something more
than two friends sharing something? I have to admit, I find myself thinking
about her, maybe not all flowers and candy and kisses, but thinking about her
more than before. And I do have to admit, the thought of something more?
REAALLY SCARY� and not at all freaksome. Am I bad? Is this so wrong? God, why
does it have to be something like this? What ever happened to get in, get some,
get out? Why do I so not want to get out right now? No, no, I don't love
Willow. Not like that. But I'm starting to think, it's not totally impossible,
either. And I'd be lying if I said it was.

Faith looks up and sees Willow gazing at her expectantly.

" Did you mean it's my turn to say something?" She
blushes, " Sorry." She furrows her brow." Look, Red, if I said I was having these
candy and roses and moon-June feelings for you right now? That wouldn't be the
truth." She sighs, " on the other hand, that it could happen? Also
very much the truth. And it kinda scares me. I love Buffy, I do. But � this
sounds really bad� you're here, looking like that, being who you are; and I'm
here, and I can't help feeling some soft feelings for you; and she's not here.
Except as that 900 pound blond gorilla sitting on the table. And that something
else might be going on, where I'm not thinking about it but it's real? Also very true. It's
confusing, and hey, I'm no expert on relationships that last more than a few
hours with lots of sweating and grunting going on."

Willow giggles at the image� and gets a major tingle moment.

" But � I'm thinking that whatever's going on, we're not
ready for more than what we've got going now."

" I agree, " Willow says firmly, much to Faith's wide
eyed surprise. " Oh what?
What?" Willow breaks out in a huge smile. She gets up, and walks
over to Faith, plopping down in her lap. " You thought I was going to come
over here, and grab you�" She takes Faith's head, pulling it to her
chest," And say something like " Let me take you away from all this,
sugar, and make you forget that Blond girl ever existed! I love you, I need
you, and I want you, Faith!" Willow says in a mock romantic declamatory
mode. She laughs, and pushes Faith's head away. " Get real!"

Faith sits there, her whole body tingly from top to toe. Damn,
how does she just do that?

" Look, honey. We both love Buffy. A little differently,
but she means a lot in both our lives. And there's no way either of us are
going to do anything to hurt her,
right?" She looks down at Faith, who is looking up at her.

" Yeah. I love B. Hurting her? Not an option," Faith
says definitely.

" So, we're going to keep things casual between us, but
acknowledge that something more, while it's not going to happen now, is
definitely there. We're NOT going to push it, but we're not slamming doors,
either."

" Uhhh� no, " Faith agrees. Finding it hard to think
with Willow's chest scant inches from her face.

" Good girl, " Willow kisses the top of Faith's head.

"Ummm�does this mean we're sorta not�" Faith can't
help letting her eyes stray towards the living room, and Willow's bedroom
beyond it.

Willow looks at her like she's lost her mind. " ARE YOU
NUTS!" She declares, half laughing. " You think I'm going to give up
the best sex I've had in like�ever,
just because of Buffy? Get real!" She wiggles her half naked ass in
Faith's lap. " Is that what you really want?"

First word FUCK, second
word NO.

" No," Faith says simply.

Willow hops off Faith's lap. " Glad to hear it. I love
Buffy, but if she thinks I'm going to become a nun for her, she really is
insane!' Willow stops, and thrusts out her hip, " Though you know? I think
I'd make one hot little nun? What do you think?" She stares at Faith

Faith definitely has a sweaty moment. She grins, " You're
just all about the bad, aren't you?"

" Hmmm� maybe. Though, with those dimples? I think you'd be
adorable in a wimple" Willow starts moving around the table, collecting
dishes. " Since you made this wonderful breakfast, I'm volunteering for
dish duty. You just sit back and relax and be all pretty for me." Willow
gives Faith the once over, noting that her bra is missing from under her wife
beater, and she's already showing some signs of excitement. " Very
pretty." She nods.

Willow bustles about the table, collecting up the plates and
such. She makes sure every time she passes by Faith, she 'accidentally' brushes
against her. Finally, dishes in hand,
she sashays out of the dining room, her ass swaying sexily, not completely
hidden by her wrapper. " Be done in a jiff, babe." She calls as she
turns the corner.

Faith sits there, marveling. That girl? Defines sexy.

" Oh, Faith?"

Faith looks up in time to have her head covered by Willow's robe, which seems to magically
be floating down on her.

" Take care of that, please? It's silk, and I'd hate to
ruin it doing the dishes." Willow giggles.

What the fuck? Faith
pulls Willow's wrapper off her, staring at it. The implications are clear.
Standing up, she carefully folds the silky garment, and puts it over the back
of her chair, She walks out of the dining room and into the kitchen.

There she finds Willow merrily humming to herself, doing the
dishes. She of course is totally naked, and her ass swings jauntily in time to
the little tune she's humming. Faith can't remember ever seeing anything so
sexy.

She strides over, and puts her arms around Willow.

" Well, hello there, " Willow purrs, smiling and still
washing dishes. " Miss me?"

" You, you, are a very, very naughty girl!" Faith
growls softly.

" Oh, no, I disagree, " Willow says, wiggling her butt
against Faith," I'm a very good girl."

" No, you're bad, very bad," Faith suddenly hauls
Willow way from the sink, and flings her over her shoulder.

" FAITH!" Willow squeals, " What're you doing!
The dishes�"

" Can wait, " Faith finishes, " But right now, I
think one naughty young lady, " She slaps Willows naked butt, " Needs
to get what's coming to her!"

" Oh, my," Willow says, loving the sting from Faith's
little slaps. " Am I in trouble now?"

" You are indeed, girl. Have you been a bad girl?"

" Oh yes," Willow giggles," I've been a very bad girl!"

Faith starts heading
for Willow's bedroom. "You know what bad girls get, don't you?"

Willow smiles. "
Mmmm- hmmm. " She licks her lips as she and Faith disappear through the
doorway.

To be continued
- 11
- 12
- 13
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