Life of Experience

Sorry for the lateness, guys, I'm a bad bad girl! *hits self* here, three parts for my stupidness! And I promise part 15 will be out soon.


*****

Part 12:

"You're going to what?" Jesse asked flustered.

"Act as if I'm attracted to Spike," Xander repeated simply. Now Willow was going to snap, he thought.

"You can't do that!" Willow exclaimed.

And she didn't disappoint. He looked at her bored. "Why not?"

"Because this is sick, Xander! This is just taking it way too far, and if you did something like that I'll just lose all my respect for you!" she yelled, then continued in a less velum tone, "Which is in fact starting to decrease already."

"Besides, what if he worked it out?" Jesse pointed out.

Xander turned to him, shocked. "You think it's a bad idea, too?"

The taller boy shrugged. "Well, yeah, I mean the guy isn't a goof. He'll see through you since you're not attracted to him." He paused for a second looking thoughtful. "You're not really attracted …"

"No, I'm not!" Xander cut him off with a shout.

"Then don't do it," Willow pleaded. "Look I know Spike must have been a jerk to you in the past but is it really worth it?"

Xander's brows furred as he stared at her pleading face. Jesse placed his hand on his shoulder. "Hear me out, man. Say Spike fell for it. He may do something drastic like, I don't know, try to kiss you." Both Xander and Jesse gave disgusted faces at the thought. Willow just rolled her eyes.

Xander sighed. It was a great risk and he admitted in his mind that he was taking it too far. But it was a blast making fun of Spike. Why 'was'? He could still carry on the fun, just not risky fun.

"You know," Xander said. "It's not really worth it. Even though I've proven myself to be a great actor after the last interaction with the Bleached Wonder, acting like I'm attracted to him just sounds too heavy on my shoulders."

Both Jesse and Willow gave smiles of relief. "So, no more playing mind games with Spike?" the redhead asked hopeful.

"Are you kiddin' me? Of course they'll be more! C'mon, I won't give that up for anything!"

Willow shook her head disappointed while Jesse looked a little uncomfortable.


******

Xander stood in front of Spike's door. A silly smile worked itself on his lips. Classes were a drag, assignments were plenty, and Giles had burned his lunch. So hopefully this afternoon he was going to enjoy himself. He couldn't wait to cause Spike more embarrassment. Grinning with glee, he knocked on the door.

"Who's there?" Spike called from inside.

"It's me!" he yelled back.

Few seconds and the door was opened revealing a very bored Spike. "What are you doing here?"

"I won a bet," Xander merely said while going passed Spike into the apartment.

Hand still on the doorknob, Spike took a second to keep his anger in check. He turned towards the boy inside his apartment resignedly. "What?"

"I won a bet with Jesse and now I'm watching this Porn movie." Xander pointed at the DVD in his hands.

Spike blinked, still not comprehending. "Right." He closed the door, still looking at Xander and the DVD with a cover full of blinding red and yellow colors. "And what does that have to do with me?" he asked while crossing his arms against his chest.

Xander rolled his eyes. "You have a DVD player, don't you?"

"Again, why me?" Spike asked again with assertion.

"Well, I can't watch it home! You know the rules. The DVD player must stay in the living room. And Dad is always in the living room," Xander explained already walking towards the DVD player.

~ Why me? ~ Spike thought miserably. "Watch it at your friend's house." It was more like an order than a suggestion.

"He lost the bet. He's not allowed to watch it!"

"What about your other friend?" Spike tried his hardest to stay calm.

"Willow?" Xander asked with a raised eyebrow.

Spike heaved a suffering sigh. "Don't you have other *guy* chums?!"

"What's the matter, Spike? Thought you wanted us to bond." Xander threw himself at the couch with a remote in his hand.

Cursing under his breath, Spike extended his hands in surrender. "Alright fine, but I'm not watching this!" With that said, he headed to the table to keep on working on his new article for the paper. The sound of cheesy porn music started playing and it made it hard for Spike to concentrate.

He didn't even have time to write a 'the' when Xander's annoying voice began, "You have popcorn?!"

The pencil fell from Spike's hand. He closed his eyes aggravated and clinched his jaw. "You're eating popcorn while watching porn?"

"What's wrong with that?"

Spike gritted his teeth. All he wanted was a nice cozy Friday afternoon so he could finish this bloody column! "What was that bet about anyway?!"

"What?!! Oh no!!"

With a frown at the horrified scream, Spike turned his head to the younger boy. "What?"

Xander was trembling as he aimed at the screen with a shaky finger. "This is gay porn. And not a girl on girl action."

Spike looked at the screen. He saw a bloke licking another bloke's nipple ring. A deep blush spread on his cheeks, before turning his face to Xander. "You didn't know?"

"Jesse must have played me! That shit! That's why he didn't complain about not watching!" The brunet glared at the screen.

Another moan from the hot hark haired man on TV was heard, and Spike blushed more. He turned away to his papers and blurted out, "Then turn …"

"Ewww what the hell is he doing?!"

"… it off." Spike closed his eyes tiredly, something he did a lot today. "If it's not what you had betted for, you can turn it off."

"God! This is the most disgusting thing …"

"You can …"

"I've ever seen …"

"… turn it off…"

"I mean why he hell does he …"

"… you … grrr …"

"… have to bite his … "

"TURN IT OFF!"

Xander jumped in his seat at the shout before turning his irritated eyes to Spike. "What's your problem?"

My problem? That was it! Spike got up, went to turn the TV off, looked at Xander expectedly. "What's going on?"

"What?" Xander asked pretending to be confused while he was panicking inside. He was caught!

"What's *really* going on here?" Spike asked with both hands on his waist.

Xander wasn't able to keep up his confused act. He was really caught. He shifted in his seat, his eyes glancing at the floor several times apprehensively. "Well, I was …"

"Don't lie," the solid voice got Xander closing his mouth quickly. He looked down for a few seconds before turning his eyes back to Spike, biting his lip.

"Do you think I'm stupid? I know you're planning something and I want to know what?" Even as Spike looked convincingly tough, he was nothing like it inside. His heart was bounding hysterically. Shudders of fear, he didn't know why he was having, ran over his torso.

Xander was still biting his lip. What to do? He couldn't possibly confess the truth! He must say something soon though. Not knowing what to do. He stood up dramatically, chanting, "I can't, I can't!"

A bang of concern washed over Spike. His hard look melted gradually. He stared at the younger boy who walked away from him in apparent worry. "What is it?"

Xander hugged himself keeping some distance between him and Spike, hoping the older boy could not pick any sign of his raging edginess. What was he going to do? What was he going to say? Nothing was going to save him. He could though … but that was out, right? He remembered Willow and Jesse's warnings about using that plan and they were right. That was a crazy plan. It was as crazy as Start Trek trying to make another season.

But …

No! It was risky, difficult and again crazy. He was not crazy man. No sir. He was dim, foolish, clumsy but not crazy.

Well, he was drowning here. And there was no other way out.

"Spike," he spoke, took a deep breath and then … "I like you."

He said it! He said it! He had proven to be as crazy as Start Trek's attempt for another season! As crazy as Michel Jackson trying to make another come back! As crazy as Fox for canceling True Calling when the show was starting to take stride!

Spike's snort woke him up from his rushing thoughts. "Yeah right, you never liked me the minute I walked in the house ..."

Xander couldn't blame him for misunderstanding him. Should he let Giles-Junior think that and get this over with? Although if he pretended he liked Spike the way *Spike* thought, it would not explain all what was happening. It would be completely unconvincing. More importantly it would not convince Spike himself.

"No Spike, I *like* you."

So he continued with the original plan.

Spike stood there bewildered for a second, staring at the Xander's back, unsure what he did mean. Then it hit him.

"Oh, that 'I like you'."

"Yes," Xander whispered. Was he hearing an Oscar? He should defiantly get one. His acting was so persuasive Tom Cruise couldn't stand a chance against him.

"That's impossible!"

Then again …

Xander blinked. He turned around, wide eyed. "What?"

"Rupert told me you had a girlfriend." Of course. Dawn. How could Xander forget? Uh … what was that line they always used in those slash fan fiction Willow always talked about? The ones he *never* listened to of course.

"Yes, I had. But there was no heat … it didn't …she wasn't doing anything to me." Xander tried hard not to laugh. What happened to Oscar acting?

"Really?" Spike asked still doubting.

"Yes, Spike, but this …" Xander took a theatrical pause. If he was to be a great actor, he should say the next part without laughing. "When you were in my room that day, the way your cheek touched my hair, how you started …"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. Just don't mention the sniff. I'm trying to block that out." Spike looked elsewhere in angry embarrassment.

Xander was pissed that his dramatic speech was interrupted. He should join the drama class!

Oh, keep with reality. Right, what did Spike say? Right! Yeah, he didn't blame Spike for feeling humiliated. If he had done this to Buffy, he would not be able to look her in the eye again. Stop thinking and focus on the situation in hand!

"But it was good. It felt good." How many chicks in those sappy movies had said that already?

Spike looked back at him uncertain. "Really?"

"Yeah, since that day, you were all I could think of." Xander put a great effort to not shake his head in awe.

"I was?"

"Yeah," the high school senior whispered in over-done false affection.

"Why am I finding this so hard to believe?"

Xander wanted to hit Spike on the head. Couldn't he just let it go?! This was an insult to Xander's skilled acting! Okay, recovered. Now the next move: Apologizing, looking guilty chick. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately. It just … I didn't know how to handle it." He had added confused chick. Nice touch.

Spike stared at him quietly, but Xander couldn't see any sign of suspicion. "You could have talked to me."

Right. He could have talked to him. No, no, Insecure, Angry Chick! "Oh please, and let you get your laughs when it turns out that you feel nothing for me?" He was about to add some wavering choke but that was overdoing it.

"But I do!" Spike cried out, before he realized what he had said. He looked down hesitant. "Uh …"

"You really do?" Xander asked not sure the hopeful tone in his voice was faked. He approached the other man who had his eyes on the floor. He stood before him urging him to look at him. Spike's unsure eyes met his. Xander smiled reassuringly but his smile started to fade when he realized that Spike was leaning towards him. Leaning to … kiss him?

With an inward yelp, Xander frankly stepped backwards before tuning away from the blond to hide his fear filled eyes. "Spike … no … I … I'm not comfortable with this yet."

"Yeah … yeah of course," Spike's tone didn't have hurt or disappointment, it was more like understanding?

"I don't mean to … it's just … the whole thing is just … weird." He went for babbly unsure chick. Or was this babbly unsure boy coming out of the closet? "I'm not used to this feeling yet," he finished softly.

"I understand." He felt Spike's hands on his shoulders turning him to face him. The blue eyes were a mirror of consideration. "It felt weird to me too when I was attracted to …" he trailed off. A sad expression clouded his face temporarily before a gentle mask took over. "Yeah, I understand."

They stared at each other for what it felt to Xander like a decade. What should he do or say to break this annoying tension? Should he babble about how weird this was for him? But he had already said that, maybe had him express it more? But how could he do that when he didn't experience it? They should have written more about it in Willow's slash fiction. Not that he would listen anyway.

Spike decided to break the tension and Xander's mental babble. "Hey, let's just sit and talk about this." The blond moved towards the couch bringing Xander gently with him. Settling in the couch, the older boy looked at him a little uncomfortable. "So … you …"

"Yeah, swing that way too, I guess. It's strange. I came out of the closet." Xander nodded, feeling bizarre about the phrase 'I came out of the closet'.

"Did you tell Rupert yet?"

"No, wasn't really comfortable with it."

"And you felt comfortable to tell me?" Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, I didn't intend on telling you in the first place. You pushed it all out of me."

"Why didn't you talk to your friends about it?"

"I don't think Jesse would have taken it so well. I was going to talk about it with Willow, but …"

Willow was the logical choice to talk to in such situations, but if he were stuck in one why wouldn't he tell her? Think. Think. Oh, she had a crush on him? Nah, that wouldn't work. What should he say?

" … I don't know why I didn't tell her."

Spike nodded. "I understand completely. Been there myself."

Xander breathed a relieved sigh. He jumped klutzily when he realized what he did. Then he looked at the blond dreadful and found him staring at him in astonishment. He gave a laugh. "Uh, what a relief! It's like a heavy burden is left off my shoulder!"

Spike smiled. "It is, isn't it?"

Looking at Spike, he didn't know why he felt like the biggest ass on the planet.

*****

Xander had gotten different reactions from his friends when he had told them about the progressions. Jesse thought it was hilarious how Spike fell for the lie, but Xander could see the anxiety in his features, especially with the nervously repeated, "You're not gonna do it again, are you?"

Willow was mostly pissed. She felt she didn't know Xander anymore. With that stated, she had left angrily. Jesse gave a half hearted laugh. He patted Xander's back saying that Willow was exaggerating, and then repeated, "You're not gonna do it again, are you?"

As time passed by, both his friends started acting weird around him, especially with Xander going on 'dates' with Spike. Willow openly showed her objection and irritation of the whole thing. Jesse would just shift awkwardly and stay silent. Xander knew Jesse's apprehension had nothing to do with the morality aspect that was troubling Willow. It was mainly about playing gay with Spike.

Xander didn't know what bothered him the most. Willow accusing his principles or Jesse being homophobic?

On the other hand, Giles was extremely glad that he and Spike were staring to get along. He was supporting every activity the boys were doing for the night, from watching a basketball match, to going bowling, to playing pool. Of course, the boys didn't inform Giles that these said activities were dates.

Xander had never thought he would enjoy his time with Spike. They had been on many dates but they never felt like dates. Was Spike falling on his face while throwing the heavy bowling ball considered a date? Was Xander breaking the pool cue on the table a date? Was Spike teasing Xander about not being able to drink something a guy would say to his date? Xander didn't think so. It was never like this with Dawn.

With Dawn, it was simply Xander buying her something pretty now and then, going to a fancy restaurant, holding hands in school … which at times were pretty much boring.

Xander wanted to be committed to her. He wanted the boring moments along with the excitement and passionate moments. With Dawn the passionate moments weren't as many as Xander desired, but he had never pushed. Having a girl pal did help him understand how different guys and girls were.

Sadly, being devoted didn't do him good. Dawn was gone, and now he was crushing after a girl who was completely out of his league.

But here he was. On a date. With a guy. With Spike. Spike, whom he should think of as a brother, yet it was impossible for him to do so. Not that he was thinking of him in the same direction he was thinking about Dawn, but these days, he considered Spike more or less a friend. A good and fun friend.

Xander twisted in his place in the couch. This night, he and Spike decided to sit for a Star Wars movie. And that was what they were doing … with the blond's arm around his shoulders. Not to mention the way Spike's fingers were moving up and down his upper arm aimlessly.

Was this image a clear sign of him going way too far with this? Was him being okay with Spike's arm around his shoulders a sign of insanity? Well, at this moment the only thing he cared about was watching the movie.

Spike's hand started rubbing at his upper arm. "Hmmm," gave away some hot breath that touched Xander's left ear. "Think this movie is way overrated."

"Are you kiddin'? Episode Four is like a massive hit!" He wasn't bothered by how his body was slipping into Spike's embrace while he defended one of his favorite movies.

Spike snorted. "Maybe for the likes of you, but …"

Xander sat straight turning his head back to Spike in offense. "The likes of me?"

Spike chuckled quietly, but obviously upset about the loss of heat. "Well, yeah, no one likes these kinds of films except for losers …"

"Oh really? Star Wars was nominated for ten Academy Awards, and won in six categories: Best Art Direction/Set Decoration, Best Sound, Best Original Score, Best Film Editing, Best Costume Design, and Best Visual Effects!" Spike's reaction was an unimpressed raised eyebrow that irritated Xander more. "I'm pretty sure that cool guys do enjoy reading and writing poetry," he huffed.

"'t least poetry is an art. Now Star Wars is just showing off new technical aspects in a children story."

Xander gasped shocked. "It's not a children story!"

Spike rolled his eyes.

"It's not! The fight scene at the end of Episode 3 "Revenge of the Sith" between Anakin and Obi Wan is far too violent and the way Anakin is left to suffer is too horrible for young children …"

Xander kept defending his favorite movie in a fest of babbling, though he didn't know what he was talking about. That was because Spike was smiling.

It was the same smile Xander was noticing lately on their 'dates'. Small and soft. Warm ... nice … it made Xander feel nice.

His eyes went up to stare at Spike's blue ones. Their color reminded him of Dawn's eyes, but for some reason Spike's were more beautiful. They were coming closer and closer, the eyelids were moving downwards blocking the hypnotizing blue orbs. He could feel Spike's breath hitting his cheeks and eyes, which made him helplessly, close them.

Now it was all black, he could see nothing, hear nothing, but could feel a set of lips touching and nibbling his own. He had also noticed that he had stopped talking. And could feel himself leaning backward lying on his back, a body moving on top of him.

It felt strange.

He was never in this position before. Lying down with a body above his, a flat chest resting against his own, a pair of legs moving around his silent ones, a pair of hands running around his sides. Xander's hands were numb on the shoulders above him, not moving or making an effort to stop this body above from rubbing against his, not making an effort to grab at the face that had breathed upon him, where that mouth was devouring his enthusiastically. His hands had let him receive it all and there were no complaining on his part.

There were two parts in his body reacting. His own mouth that opened and closed with a rhythm trying to suck on this attacking tongue. His hand reluctantly moved upwards passing the long neck until it reached the gelled strands of Spi …

Xander's eyes flew open.

His mouth stopped dead and his hands suddenly regained full life. They began pushing Spike's chest trying to get the blond off of him. His body squirmed furiously and he started whimpering in the older boy's mouth asking him to stop.

Finally, Spike stopped moving against him. He opened his eyes looking down at him in confusion.

'Looking down at him' was the magical combination to push Xander's manly ego on fire. He pushed Spike off him roughly and let him fall from the couch.

Out of breath, Xander sat straight. His hand touched his mouth in shock while the other one was on the other part of his body that was still reacting.

What the hell?

He looked around in startle. The room was spinning even though the table, chair and the trash can in front of his wide eyes were clear and unmoving.

So far not able to breathe right, Xander stood, hand still on his mouth. He dashed towards the door without sparing a glance at Spike.