All the Way and Then Some

Thanks to Shelly, Jessica and MarzBar. Thanks for being patient with me ;)


Spike had been awake for quite sometime, laying there silently beside her. It was nice, to finally have her wrapped in his arms, in a peaceful sleep, no less. So, this is what living a dream is like he thought to himself. He smiled as he gently ran his fingers through her hair, careful not to wake her. If she awoke, then, he feared, the dream would be over. It was strange, the feelings he was having. First there was the genuine happiness and contentment; the feeling of warmth. She did that to him in a matter of moments. But then there was the stone cold fear, sadness and grief that seemed to cover him in darkness. Spike was no fool; he knew how critical the first few seconds after she awoke would be. How she looked at him in that first instant of realizing where she was and with whom she had spent the night. Covered in his duster, he pulled her a little closer to him, and savored the possibly last intimate moments he would get to share with her.

*********

Buffy reluctantly opened her eyes, giving a little stretch as she did so. Feeling sore in all kinds of places she didn’t even think possible, she realized that she was not in fact at home in her comfy bed, or alone even for that matter. Then she remembered—Spike, the abandoned house, intimacy followed by tons upon tons of wanton sex. She sat up abruptly, clutching the coat to her nakedness as she looked at the ruins that surrounded her.

“When did the building fall down?” She asked uneasily. Well, well, Slayer. You’re never one to disappoint, are you? Spike, deciding to not show his hurt and vulnerability, decided to put on the “smug” look before replying.

“Sometime between the first time and the…” He trailed off with a slight chuckle.

“Oh my god.” Buffy said to herself before getting up and looking for her clothes. Spike heaved a sigh and looked towards the ceiling. He lay there exposed and immobile, watching her as she frantically put on her clothes.

“Where is my shoe?” She said more to herself than him, trying for all that she was to not look at him and his heruclean… well, she was trying real hard not to look him and his unclad body.

“What’s the hurry, love?” He asked casually, hands clasped underneath his head.

“The hurry is I left Dawn all night. And don’t call me ‘love.’” She said as she put on her boot, pointedly not looking at him.

“You didn’t seem to take issue with it last night. Or with any of the little nasties we whispered.” He said, desperately trying to pull her from her little world of denial of the things that they’d done. The things that she herself took extreme pleasure in.

“Can we not? Talk?”

“I just don’t see why you have to run off so quick. Thought we could, uh…” He began as she walked past him.

“Not gonna happen, okay? This is the end of this freak show.” Not being able to hide his feelings any longer, he pulled her by the wrist and onto his lap. He couldn’t hide the look of hurt in his eyes.

“Don’t say that.” He said in a low, demanding voice. But she pushed on in her stubbornness, refusing to admit that last night meant anything to her. And I’m supposed to be the cold one he thought bitterly.

“What did you think was gonna happen? That we were gonna read the newspaper together? Play footsie under the rubble?” She said rhetorically, trying to put him off as much as possible. But of course, Spike could never be that easily deterred.

“Not exactly what I had in mind.” He said, rubbing himself against her thigh.

“Stop.”

“Make me.”

“No, no. I have to go-"

“Come on. Stay. I’m stuck. Sun’s up.” And that was that. Buffy greedily fell back into his arms, waiting for him to ravish her. So that’s all this is to her? Lust? Spike didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to believe that she absolutely didn’t care about the emotional aspects of their relationship. She has to care; she has to. He thought desperately to himself. Well, there’s one way to be sure…

“I knew it. I knew the only thing killing a Slayer would be f-"

“What?! Is that what this was all about? Doing a Slayer?!” Buffy was furious, at him, and even more so at herself. She should of known better. He didn’t care. He had the audacity to laugh at her. Of course, what she didn’t know was that he was laughing in the joyous knowledge that it wasn’t just sex to her. To an extent, perhaps not as much as he did, however, she did care.

“I wouldn’t throw stones, pet. You seem to be quite the groupie yourself.”

“Shut up.” She said derisively, wiping at her lips in disgust. God, why do I even want him?

“I’m just sayin’, vampires get you hot.”

“No. A vampire got me hot—one. But he’s gone. You’re just… You’re just convenient.” She said, wanting more than ever to royally piss him off. She did. He got up and walked towards her, unabashed about his nudity. She kept her eyes in his.

“Before you start voicing anymore of your theories, you might do well to remember, I can hurt you now.” He said in hurt and anger, knowing just as well as she did that he would never do such a thing.

“That’s right. Because I came back wrong. Well, you wanna really know what’s wrong with me? You.” Buffy felt horrible after saying. The expression of undiluted pain clenched at her heart. She hadn’t meant it. He attempted to swallow the lump in his throat, but it just refused to go down.

“You mean that?” He asked in a near whisper, pleading with his eyes for her to deny it. Buffy couldn’t bring herself to contradict the hurtful statement. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Spike gave her an imperceptible nod before turning away from her to retrieve his pants.

“So what? You gonna continue treating me like dirt, until the next time you’ve got an itch you can’t scratch? Well, forget it! Last night changed things. I’m through being your whipping boy.” He said, while angrily fastening his belt buckle.

“Nothing’s changed.”

“Bollocks. It was a bloody revelation. And you can act as high, and mighty as you like. I know where you live now, Slayer. I’ve tasted it.” He walked back towards her and into her personal space. She stood her ground, looking up at him.

“Get a grip. Like you’re god’s gift.” He laughed dryly at her.

“Hardly. Wouldn’t be nearly as interesting, would it?” He asked, before leaning in to kiss her.

“Stop it.” She tried to step around him, but wouldn’t move out of her way. He locked his wrists behind her neck, keeping her before him.

“No, let me go.” She said weakly, knowing that she could have moved him if she really wanted to.

“And what difference would that make? Huh, Buffy? Because you and I both know, no matter how much you don’t wanna admit it, that this is exactly where you wanna be. Here, with me. Almost as much as I want to be with you, but you're not quite there yet. But you will be.” Buffy looked away from him for a moment, soaking in everything he’d just said. She expelled a tired sigh, and walked away from his grasp to get her jean jacket. He let her go.

“Look, just don’t tell anyone about this, alright? I have to go—and think.” She said as she walked away.

“But love, I was so looking forward to screaming everything we did from the high heavens! Buffy!” He yelled after her in frustration. What did she think was gonna happen? He was gonna run and tell Dawnie bout their version of the “birds and the bees?” That he was gonna send Giles a post card, or brag to Harris bout it? Well, that last bit was tempting. But he could wait. He would wait. Buffy had to make the call whether or not to tell her friends. But he sincerely hoped for both their sakes that it was sooner rather than later.

A/N: Okay, so yea, I totally stole like two-thirds of the dialogue. Some of which were from the dailies that never made it to the actual episode. Spike came off as snarky in what aired, but in the dailies, he was very emotional when he said the lines. It’s kind of upsetting that they took the emotion out of that scene- I think it needed it. Anywho, I’m hoping the next chapter will be out by next week, and please, pretty please let me know what you think. If you still like it, or if you did, but not so much anymore, let me know ;)