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Out of My Head	By : agalaxyinblueeyes Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 2790 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-out of my head
- 2-part i
- 3-part ii
- 4-part iii
- 5-part iv
- 6-part v
- 7-part vi
- 8-part vii
- 9-part viii
- 10-part ix
- 11-part x
- 12-part xi
- 13-part xii
- 14-part xiii
- 15-epilogue
- 11
- 12
- 13
Taken from �Intervention.� Joyce never died of an aneurysm. She�s still in
Sunnyhell, alive and kicking. Obviously, you need to ignore that the episodes
after �Blood Ties� up until �Intervention� ever happened. Oh, and the
whole BuffyBot situation is completely nixed. The damn thing is evil, and a
happy sunny Buffy bothers the hell out of me, although it certainly is an
improvement on Bitch Queen Slayer Buffy. And yes, I know that from the
way I�m writing, it seems as if Spike�s kidnapping happened right after
Dawn�s runaway. Deal with it. :D

Out
of My Head

... part XI ...

Sigh.
Why did he have to go and do that now? Now of all times, when she�d
just started to get used to their... situation? < Dammit, Spike >
she thought, craning her neck slightly to look up at the smooth, porcelain
beauty of his face. < Why�d you have to make this all complicated now?
>

It
wasn�t that she didn�t care about him -- she did care about him. It
was obvious in the things she did with him, and besides, it was too exhausting
to keep denying it. The playful teasing, the �couple fun� innuendoes, and
days ago, when Riley had stabbed him and dislocated his shoulder. She�d spent
an entire hour with him one time, no hanky-panky -- just taking care of him, and
getting him used to rotating his shoulder again. And they�d had fun.
They�d poked and teased at each other, talked and laughed... she�d seen a
side of Spike that nobody had ever been allowed to see. She�d seen him happy.

But
what if this was just a lead? What if he didn�t really love her? Maybe he�d
sensed that she was awake, and had said that to throw her off? What if he was
just gonna keep on with this little act, until she�d completely fallen victim
to him, leaving her free for him to kill?

And
it wasn�t just that. She didn�t love him back. She didn�t know what
she felt for him, but it sure as hell wasn�t love. Loving someone was of the
bad, as far as Buffy Summers was concerned. She loved her father, and the big
jerk had left them in the divorce anyway, refusing to even talk to them
anymore. Loving Angel had meant having to kill Angel. Then getting him
back. Then losing him all over again when he left �for her own good.�

Please.

Loving
people other than her own mother, Dawn, and the Scoobies was a bad thing. Her
friends and Giles had stayed with her for five years already, and her mother and
Dawn, fake memories of the latter or not, had always been a part of her life.

She
was not gonna let Spike in.

Besides...
If she didn�t love him, then he couldn�t leave her.

Except
that now she knew he was in love with her. She was infinitely sure that she
didn�t love him back... maybe... but this provided a difficult situation.
Could she really let Spike stay around , knowing that he loved her, and not do
anything about it? Was that fair to him?

Then
she realized -- he hadn�t meant for her to hear. If he�d wanted to tell her
he loved her, then he would�ve said so, out loud, face-to-face. He�d made
sure to say it when he thought she was asleep. That way, he�d hoped she
wouldn�t hear him.

Well,
this could be a good thing. Maybe it meant that he didn�t really love
her. Especially since he�d had the cowardice to tell her when she slept.

Or
wait... maybe it was just because... hello, obvious here. Spike: William the
Bloody. The Big Bad. Evil. Soulless. Vampire.

She
was his complete opposite. Spike happened to be a well-respected member of the
Undead Citizens of Sunnydale. If it got around that he was in love with the
Slayer, then he�d probably be killed. Or there would at least be attempts made
on his life.

Then
again, Spike was never a very conventional vampire. He�d always broken the
rules. He was breaking them right now, simply by being with her. If he
couldn�t even follow through with habit and allow it to get around that he was
even more of a traitor to his kind by being in love with her, then what the hell
was the point?

She
was starting to suspect that the very point was that he was ashamed of his
feelings for her.

And
that cut worse than if he�d been planning to gut her in her sleep all along.

She
couldn�t work with this. She had to find a way to turn him off of her. And she
would do anything -- anything -- to do it.

She
awoke to the sensation of soft, cool lips trailing the shell of her ear, and an
equally cool hand running over her thigh. She mumbled something softly and
whimpered. Opening her eyes, Buffy looked up and was met with dancing, sparkling
blue eyes. Spike grinned, then ducked his head, moving his mouth against her
cheek, her chin, and her throat.

He�d
woken up next to her, and the better part of an hour had been spent watching her
face as she slept. Spike didn�t know how he�d managed not to revert
into Sex-Starved Animal Spike right then and there, but he was semi-grateful. He
had the feeling that if he hadn�t, he�d have been rolled right out the
window by now. He hadn�t been able to resist after a while, and his body began
moving of it�s own volition, beginning to kiss and touch her.

It
was surprising how incredibly arousing it was to see Buffy wearing something of
his in her sleep. He was pretty sure she had nothing under there.

She
better not have. He hated those damn bras of hers.

Oh,
shit, and speaking of windows... He glanced up toward the deadly entrance,
noticing that the shades had already been drawn shut, save for a little slit
where a tiny stream of light entered. He hoped to God that the sheet was enough
to cover his highly-flammable areas.

Which
was pretty much everything.

He
turned his attention back to Buffy, who was gazing up at him. Her face was
slightly unresponsive, and she had a sort of glazed look in her eyes that made
her look all the more drowsy. Drugged, actually, but he knew better than to say
that to her. He placed his hand on her belly and returned to worshipping her
skin with his lips.

Okay,
so she wasn�t gonna be turning him off of her anytime soon. This was an
extremely good thing to wake up to. Sort of like it had been measured out. She
was the right amount of sleepy, and Spike had just the right amount of sensual
emanating off of him and into her with each hungry brush of his lips. Ooh, and
now tongue. Hey, tongue. Buffy turned over and tilted her face toward his,
intent on capturing said tongue in her mouth. She was suddenly aching to feel
his lips on hers, to feel his hands roaming her body. It felt so wonderful when
he touched her, and worrying about last night was too big a job for the moment.

She
just wanted him.

Spike
eagerly complied to her very clear request for lip-wrestling, pressing his mouth
tightly against hers and pulling her close. Buffy�s arms slid around his
waist, and her lips kissed back desperately, teasing and biting at his mouth
until Spike was growling and overcome with want. He rolled her onto her back and
leveled his tight, lithe body over hers, pressing her down gently into the
mattress.

It
helped immensely that Spike wasn�t a bulging, rolling heap of muscle as his
Sire and Riley had been.

�Buffy,�
he muttered softly between kisses, sliding his hands slowly along her legs.
Buffy moaned softly as Spike pressed against her, all-too-clearly feeling his
want and need, hardening further with each passing second. As one hand grasped
her waist firmly, he allowed the other to sneak under the long, black T-shirt,
moving quickly up her side from her nearly bare hip (save for the strap of her
panties) up her bare belly to the bottom swell of her breast. Cupping the soft
globe of flesh, his index finger and thumb affixed themselves on her nipple and
gently squeezed, tugging on the tender nub. Spike�s lips covered her own,
swallowing the loud moan she gave at the pleasing, almost painful stimulation.

One
leg wrapped around his own, and her bare foot gently nudged his rear, tugging
him closer to her. Her sneaky little fingers grabbed at the hem of his shirt and
lifted up, pulling the offending garment over his head. Spike echoed her
actions, nearly tearing the shirt in his fervency to get the bloody thing off of
her. Almost as soon as it had been thrown across the room, probably never to be
found until six months in the future, he dove headlong into her naked breasts,
attaching his lips to the nipple his fingers had favored before and sucking
fiercely. Buffy managed to clap her hand over her mouth before she let out a
scream to wake the dead (and undead alike) and grasped at the back of his head
with the other, pulling him closer and closer to her.

She
couldn�t get enough of him.

Which
was probably going to be very bad, considering she still had to tell him that he
needed to back off and she couldn�t love him.

<
God, Buffy, you are such a damn hypocrite. You don�t want to be in a
relationship with him, but you still can�t get enough of him touching you? Bad
Buffy! Bad, bad Buffy! >

Stupid
voices. She willed them to shut up. < Go away. Fooling around time with
Spike. Fight later. >

Against
their will, Buffy pushed the voices into the very back of her mind, far, far
away where she could forget about them. If she couldn�t hear the voices, they
weren�t really there.

She
wondered momentarily if being around Spike too much was making her become a
slightly less severe Drusilla.

For
now, she pushed herself close to the vampire�s searching mouth. Suddenly
frantic for the full sensation of his body against hers, her fingers moved
between them, jerking his jeans apart with one sharp yank. Spike, through the
haze in his mind, vaguely realized what she was doing and conceded, allowing her
to shove the jeans down his strong legs. He pulled away from her breast and
forced his mouth against hers once again as he kicked his pants off of his feet
and onto the ground.

<
Naked Spike! >
the working part of Buffy�s brain informed, her inner self squealing in
childish glee. She could feel his rock-hard erection pressing firmly into her
thigh, so, so close to her aching pussy, and her arousal was doubled instantly.
She was craving him, and it was a wonder that she hadn�t yet ripped off her
panties and ridden him into oblivion yet.

Luckily,
she didn�t need to -- Spike was taking care of it.

He
couldn�t stop -- didn�t want to stop, and probably never would be able to,
even if Buffy asked him. Straight-minded tunnel vision, he saw the object of his
desire, and went for it.

Buffy�s
thong was ripped right off of her body and pitched across the room.

Cool,
experienced fingers found their way inside of her and Buffy had to do all she
could not to scream and sob in pleasure. Spike nipped her lower lip gently, then
sucked it into his mouth as he began to work her, his hand flush against her
pelvic bone, his thumb running circles all around her sensitive clit before
pressing right into it and rubbing. His tongue pressed against her lip, and
suddenly Buffy felt him bite into it, then suck it in even further.

As
if she weren�t already becoming the Pacific Ocean. Spike was making it worse,
rather than better. Desperately, she maneuvered her hips to settle him between
her legs, the velvety tip of his cock pressing against but not quite into her
entrance. She kissed him heatedly, one hand on the back of his head, and wrapped
her left leg firmly around his right. The other leg was arced at the knee and
her foot was settled firmly against the mattress. She thrust her hips up.

Spike�s
eyes widened and he pulled away, looking down at her. Buffy looked back at him
as calmly as possible, which wasn�t working too well because if he didn�t
start moving within the next minute she was gonna pin him to the floor and fuck
him right back to his grave.

Ahem.

Spike
slowly began rotating his hips, pressing the head of his cock against her clit,
refusing to enter her just yet. Buffy�s arms began to thrash and she nearly
started to weep in frustration. A lock of sweat-drenched hair fell across her
brow and Spike tenderly pushed it away, pausing in his impromptu torture
session. �What is it, luv? What do you want?� he asked, voice sotto.

She
gazed up at him, fingers clenched in his platinum curls, her eyes wild and
frenzied. �Spike, please,� she gasped hoarsely, �please, I
need you inside me.�

He
swallowed hard. Uh-oh. Big step. Very big step. Did he really want this?
This was a sin, he was sinning. It had to be a sin to fuse God�s light
with the Devil�s darkness, to completely and entirely defile a Slayer and
divest her of her purity.

Oh,
sod it. He was a vampire, he was fucked for eternity no matter what he did.
Might as well add the sexual corruption of the Slayer to the list.

His
eyes blazed gold for one exact second as he slid into the Slayer�s body. Both
eyes widened, and breathing exploded into shocked gasps.

Holy
shit.

�Spike,�
Buffy whimpered, grabbing at him convulsively.

He
buried his face in her shoulder, giving one loud groan. �Oh, god, Buffy...�

So
hot. Scalding, almost. Incredibly tight. She did feel nearly virginal.
Why the hell was that? She was practically ripping the skin right off of his
cock, and he hadn�t even moved yet!

Moving.
Oh, that�s right. He should probably do that. Although it felt like he could
come right then and there just resting inside of her. He slowly began to
withdraw from her tightly stretched passage, before sliding equally slowly back
in.

Oh,
he already knew this wasn�t gonna take long. A few more strokes, and he was
gonna be a goner.

Faster
and faster, he began to pump, murmuring soft, tender words at first, then moving
on to blissful obscenities as movements increased. Buffy�s hips arched off of
her bed at each stroke, the Slayer herself lulled into a joyfully pre-orgasmic
state by the complete feeling her lover was giving her. Moans and kitten-mews
and gasps were voiced loudly as she writhed under him, thrusting her hips right
back at his, their pelvises colliding with vigor.

Wow,
wow, wow, holy fucking shit, wow. He was enormous up close, but she
hadn�t really had any idea how big he really was until he�d buried himself
in her body. She had a feeling she knew where the name, �The Big Bad�
actually came from now.

<
Lookie lookie what Spikey�s been hiding all along... >

This
was incredible. Unlike anything she�d ever even felt before. He fit her
completely, in every single way, his body pressed tight against hers,
interlocking in all the right places, and even his cock fit her perfectly. Just
the right length, right to the center, and it stabbed her belly at each thrust.

Why
was she planning on pushing him away again?

She
couldn�t exactly remember. Her brain had gone on sensory meltdown as soon as
Spike had started touching her. She might as well have brain damage now, because
there was no possible way she was going to be able to even remember who she was,
let alone anything else. All she knew right now was that she and Spike were
having sex, and it was the best experience she�d ever had.

If
God struck him down right then for banging His warrior of light, Spike would die
a very happy man. He�d thought last night had been perfect, just
holding her and falling asleep with her in his arms. This beat that outlook by
about a million to one. This was like being transported to his very own Utopia,
and in it�s own way, he was being gifted by the sun. That big stupid bleeding
yellow ball in the sky was actually giving him some of its light, transporting
it from Buffy to his body, and thought it was scalding him, setting him on fire,
it was only in the best possible way. He was brought out of his reverie by the
sound of the Slayer�s grunts, which were becoming increasingly louder and
higher with each push closer to the edge.

�Yes,�
she repeated with a gasp, each time Spike�s hips slammed into her own.
�Harder,� she implored, �more,� she begged, and each plea and
declaration ignited something inside of him, making him work to give her the
best orgasm of her life. One hand moved down slowly as his lips founds hers
again, and dug between her legs, searching and finding her clit. Fingering and
twisting it, he forced himself to wait until his hand had been sufficiently
lubricated by her juices, then pulled his mouth away from hers, lifting his hand
to his face and slipping the wet fingers into his mouth. Buffy allowed an
aroused moan to escape her throat before pulling his face back down to hers.
Spreading her legs apart farther and lifting them over his shoulders, he pushed
into her faster and harder, angling himself to find the delicate patch of nerve
endings inside of her, making her bite his lips in an effort to keep her cries
down.

Something
inside of Spike snapped when she bit his mouth and he drove his body viciously
into hers with wild abandon, slapping his hand down over her mouth to keep the
Slayer from waking up the other two women in the house. It was an ungodly time
to get up, being seven in the morning, and it was a good thing that both Dawn
and Joyce slept like the dead, but Buffy wasn�t holding either one of them to
that, and so she appreciated Spike�s movements.

Really
appreciated them. She wiggled her body under Spike�s, then bucked harder,
squeezing her muscles and strangling the vast member within her. Spike�s eyes
popped open and he dove down, burying his face in her neck and letting out a
choked groan of pleasure.

It
was Buffy in the lead by a squeeze, but Spike was catching up with a few more
thrusts. Buffy counters with a bite to his shoulder with her dull teeth -- Spike
looks astounded, and falls behind slightly, trying to catch up. Spike allows his
game face to appear, opening his mouth.

He
attacked like a viper and slid his fangs carefully into the juncture of her neck
and shoulder, covering his own markings. Quick and painless. He pulled his fangs
back out and suctioned his lips around the wounds, sucking hungrily and
sensually.

The
feeling overpowered Buffy -- it was true that usually a vampire�s bite hurt.
But that was when they intended to kill someone. She got the feeling that
killing her wasn�t particularly what Spike had in mind at the moment, since
his teeth were no longer buried in her flesh.

A
vampire bite during sex was supposed to bring some of the most intense pleasure
ever known. But it had never been experienced between a vampire and a willing
human before. And never had that human been a Slayer.

The
results?

Buffy
buried her face in Spike�s neck, opening her mouth and crying out, her screams
muffled by the vampire. The girl was catapulted through her orgasm as clearly as
a rocket was shot from a launching pad into the outer limits of space. Her body
tensed, then began to convulse, jerking spasmodically against Spike�s as her
insides clutched and tightened. She grasped at him tightly, then threw her head
back and let out a long, low moan as she spasmed and came hard, her juices
flooding and scorching him. Spike allowed a growl to rip past his lips from the
heat, and with at least two more thrusts, he came, barreling right behind Buffy,
his dead seed firing into the very depths of her body. His body shivered and as
the last drop was expelled from him, he collapsed heavily on top of her.

Both
brains were on hold for the next ten minutes, neither sure what to say other
than �wow.� Finally Spike looked up, staring her directly in the eyes, his
expression curious. He reached up a hand and gently ran his thumb down her jaw
until his hand cupped her chin. Moving up, he kissed her lips gently, then
rolled onto his back next to her. �Go on wash up, pet,� he suggested softly.
Buffy couldn�t resist a grin at the tone of his voice. He sounded as he�d
just been shown the hidden treasures of an Egyptian king. Not greedy -- just
extremely awed, and amazed.

His
voice was cracking. < Haha. Spike�s going through puberty again. >

She
took his advice and stood up, looking for her robe and wrapping it around her
when she found it.

Buffy
fumbled her way toward the bathroom, then securely locked the door behind her.
She turned to look at herself in the mirror.

Realization
at what just happened finally hit her.

�Holy
shit. I just had sex with Spike.�

This
was definitely gonna deter her from her goal.

Glory
rolled her eyes as she lay on the couch in her apartment, her foot lolling
about. Needless to say, the goddess was supremely annoyed. �He�s getting
stronger. I�m losing him. I�m losing control of him!� She pulled both legs
up and threw them across the arm of the sofa, nearly kicking two of her demon
lackeys, Jinx and Murk. Jinx gazed at her with eyes of adoration.

�You're
speaking of Ben, most glamorous yet tasteful one?� he asked. It really was
quite amazing how the disgusting little blobs flattered her. Glory glared at
him.

�He
stabbed you in your body,� she muttered.

Murk
held his hand up, as if asking permission to speak. �Jinx is all right, your
highness. And we do have the new knowledge that the key is a human being.�
Glory grumbled and sat up, gazing at the little turd.

�If
time runs out on us and all we're left with is info? Then we're screwed,� she
informed. As if the dipshits got it.

�Oh,
surely not!� Jinx cried, beginning the first wave attempt at comforting the
goddess.

Glory
shook her head quickly, her blonder curls going everywhere as she leaned back.
�No, we�re screwed!�

�But
you are a god! The sacred Glorificus!� Murk said, joining in with the effort.

Glory
sighed. �I�m a god in exile. Far from the hellfires of home and... sharing
my body with an enemy that stabs my boys in their,� she paused momentarily,
poking Jinx in his stomach, causing the demon to wince and groan in pain.
�Fleshy little stomachs.�

She
leaned back once again, ignoring Jinx, and closed her eyes. �Ugh! I�m in pain!�

�How
can we help?� Jinx asked quickly. �We will lay down our lives!�

Glory
stopped for a moment, tilting her head as she pondered the question. Then she
stood up and looked around at her minions. �The Slayer and the Key are
connected. She's going to have contact with it. Find out who's new in her life,
who's ... special, who's different. Watch her.�

Murk
nodded hastily. �We can do that O... thou.� Obviously he�d run out of
steam in preparation for a new term of endearment.

Glory
continued, gaining speed. �I want to hear about everyone she has contact with!
That girl has my Key --� The demons instantly bowed their heads, �-- and
I�m trusting you boys to get it for me. If you love me...� The demons looked
up again, eyes filled with devotion to the goddess. �... get it for me.�

The
monks looked back at each other, smiles wide on their ugly little faces. Glory
smirked.

Those
little shits were so... helpful.

�I
had sex with Spike. I had sex... with Spike. Spike and I had sex. Oh, my god,
this is so not sounding right!�

If
she wasn�t careful, Buffy was going to drive herself up the Wall of Insanity.
It was bad enough that she�d been doing this mentally from the moment Spike
left. She�d come out of the bathroom that morning with the true meaning of
�dazed and confused� spray-painted all over her face. After they�d
dressed, Buffy had ushered Spike as quickly and quietly downstairs as she could,
and had begun to lead him toward the kitchen, only to be stopped short by the
sound of pans banging together against the stove.

<
Mom! >
was her prominent thought.

She
dragged Spike toward the foyer and looked at him, wide-eyed. �How fast can you
run?� she asked. He gave her a Look, then rolled his eyes and bared his fangs
as an answer, interpretation being, �Duh. Vampire.�

Buffy
looked down sheepishly. �Right,� she muttered. �If you don�t want to go
poof, you�re gonna need to be like a gunshot, Spike. Are you going to use the
tunnels or just run straight to the crypt?�

Spike
shot her his lower lip. �Why can�t I just stay in the basement till
nightfall?�

She
glared at him. �Because my mom actually goes in the basement, and she
would find you. Easily. And then she�ll wonder why you�re here, and I
don�t particularly feel like explaining to her that you spent the night and we
woke up... doing things to each other.�

Spike
grinned, a full eye-crinkling, teeth-baring grin. �Is that what they�re
calling it, Slayer? Cuz usually I just refer to it as --�

Her
hand slammed down over his mouth. �Not another word out of you if you wanna
make it home with everything on your body intact and in correct working
order.�

Spike
casually ran his tongue over her palm, smiling when he felt Buffy shudder and a
small thrum of desire bolt through her. She took her hand off his mouth and he
grabbed it, then wrapped his other arm around her waist, pulling her close.
�It�s all right, luv. I�ll go, an� you won�t have to explain a thing
to your dear old mum. An� if she happens to see me, just let her know that I
came to check up on you an� the Nibblet. Right, pet?� He touched her chin,
lifting her face up to meet his gaze. Buffy nodded slowly, chewing on her lower
lip. Spike ducked his head a bit, touching his lips to hers quickly. �Don�t
need to tell anyone, pet. �S just between you an� me.� He pulled away and
Buffy nodded again.

Like
she�d been planning on telling anyone anyway. She�d just fucked her mortal
enemy/ally/sometime-comrade -- in her bed of all places!

She
watched at the door as Spike stepped onto the porch, gathered his duster over
his head, then took off down the street, stopping at a sewer entrance, lifting
the lid and jumping into the tunnels below. She rolled her eyes. Spike was the
only vampire she knew who had a particularly dangerous interest in gallivanting
around town under the sun.

Well,
actually... Spike was the only vampire she actually knew personally.

Shaking
her head, she�d turned back into the house, and gone about her business, all
the while cursing herself.

�He�s
in love with you, and you sleep with him when you say you want to turn him off
of you?� she chided herself now. So it had been throughout the whole day.
Buffy ranted and raved, cursing at herself for her stupidity.

The
part of her that had taken over when Spike had started the entire situation
finally replied to the contradicting voices that she had shoved to the back of
her brain. < That�s enough! You wanted it, and you know it, stop
acting like a child! >

Okay,
true. She had wanted it. But she hadn�t been entirely in control of her
body then. She hadn�t had sex in a while. All she and Spike had been doing was
fooling around orally. Actual penetration was a completely different thing,
something Buffy had been lacking for a bit. She hadn�t meant to give it to
Spike.

Even
though it had been an earth-shattering encounter. Especially when he�d sunk
his teeth --

<
No! Bad Buffy! No thinking of the evil vampire and the bities! Bad, bad Buffy!
>

Damn
it, if she kept using the word �bad,� nothing was gonna stop her from
running right back to the actual Bad. Her imagination was working overtime and
putting herself and the vampire into several extremely interesting and very -- very
-- tempting positions.

This
was not good.

Actually,
it was good, but in a very different context than she would�ve
preferred it to be. Spike was taking over her mind, when she should be
concentrating more than ever on Slutty Evil Hell-Bitch Glory. The goddess was
getting closer and closer to finding out the truth, and that was so beyond
un-good. She was not gonna let someone she loved get hurt, all because
she couldn�t keep her hands off of a very pushy, very annoying vampire.

That
did it. She had to be serious this time. She wasn�t going to let Spike take
over. She was going to be strong, and selfish for the right reasons. Spike was
not the right reason. Dawn was. Her mother was. Giles, Xander, Anya, Willow and
Tara were.

She
was not gonna jeopardize the lives of the people she actually loved for a
fling with Spike, of all people. It just wasn�t ethical.

At
the moment, she was wandering around in a graveyard that was about five streets
away from Spike�s. Buffy made an about-face and began heading down those five
streets to confront the latest addition to her list of Relationships That Start
Out Badly.

As
she arrived at the crypt, Spike swung the door open, bare-chested and smug,
startling her. He grinned and nodded toward the inside of his crypt. Obviously,
he�d been expecting her. Stupid presumptuous vampire.

�Have
a good day, luv?� he questioned, tilting his head and fumbling around the
sarcophagus for something... the sarcophagus that was covered in silk sheets
that she was positive Spike had stolen, no matter how pretty and comfy they
looked. Eh, he was probably looking for liquor anyway. She shrugged.

�It
was... uneventful, I guess,� she answered. Spike stood up straight and raised
an eyebrow, shooting her a smoldering look. Buffy felt her cheeks flush as she
realized what that look was inquiring. �Um... except for that.�

The
1000-watt grin reappeared and he resumed his search. �Good to know.� He
straightened again, holding a bottle of bourbon around the neck in his fist. <
Hah! Right on the money! > she thought, eyeing the drink as he unscrewed
the top and took a gulp. Then he set it back down and motioned to her, holding
out his hand. �C�mere,� he said softly.

Instantly,
she knew what he was thinking. She was about to decline, but looking in his
eyes, and seeing the hope and desire for her, she relented.

Okay...
one more time wouldn�t hurt. One more time, and then she�d tell him
to shove off.

Buffy
took a hold of his hand and allowed him to lift her onto the silken sheets
gracing the tomb. His hands quickly began to unbutton her blouse, and as he slid
it off her shoulders, he looked up at her, his face serious. Buffy stared back
at him silently, then wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him fervently.
Spike held her tightly and kissed her back, then trailed his lips down her neck,
sucking on the skin lightly.

Her
fingernails ran up and down his back, stroking gently as he pushed her back and
climbed on top of her. Reaching under her, Spike grasped for her bra, then
growled softly when the hooks refused to release. �I swear to God, the bastard
that made these infernal contraptions should�ve been hung by his toes and had
his neck snapped, and if he didn�t, I should�ve done it!� he
growled, getting very close to biting right through the damn straps.

Buffy
laughed softly and arched her back, unclasping the �infernal contraption�
easily as Spike�s focus drifted to the top of one of her breasts. Raining
kisses over the soft mounds, he helped Buffy pull the cursed thing off of her
shoulders, revealing the rest of her breasts to him. Once again, Buffy reached
down and unfastened his pants, helping him slide them down his legs and leaving
him strong, visibly aroused, and completely nude as the day he�d been born
(and nude as he�d probably died, knowing Drusilla).

Spike�s
hand shot for her own pants, yanking the things down her legs and leaving her in
a tiny black lace thong. Which did not last long as Spike�s horniness got the
best of him, causing him to snatch them and chuck them right over his shoulder.
His mouth once again met with Buffy�s skin and he kissed an insane, winding
path over her neck, chest, breasts, stomach and down to her pelvis, nuzzling the
insides of her thighs. He breathed in deeply, savoring the scent of her arousal,
indulging in the fact that it was all for him, that Buffy savored this as much
as he did. He lips pressed against the mouth of her womanhood and he slid out
his tongue, tracing the lips.

But
he didn�t linger. He stopped long enough to get a small taste and a soft moan
from Buffy, then began to kiss his way back up her body. �God, I love you,�
he mumbled, half-realizing what he�d just said, partly horrified that he�d
let it slip, and partly relieved because he�d finally said it, and relished
the salty tinge of her skin from the beginnings of her perspiration.

Buffy
heard him quite clearly. And that alerted her, reminding her of her mission. She
swallowed hard, and looked around frantically. Spike wasn�t gonna stop without
just cause and she needed one hell of a just cause to get him off and
away from her. Damn it, what would Giles tell her to do? What would Mom say, or
Angel...

Angel.

That
was it.

�Buffy,�
she heard her name tumble softly from Spike�s lips. Closing her eyes, she
leaned back and moaned softly.

Moaned
someone else�s name.

�Angel.�

And
immediately regretted doing so.

Spike
shot up within a second and stared at her with wide, shocked eyes. Hurt eyes.
The hurt she saw dug deep inside of her, making her heart twist, making her
wince internally, making nausea well up and giving her the intense urge to vomit
at what she�d just pulled. At the stupid, stupid thing she�d just
said.

Spike
was still staring at her, disbelief clouding his eyes. And he was backing away
from her fast. �Angel?� he whispered. �You were thinking of... Angel?�
he asked.

The
cruel, heartless part of Buffy, the part that kept insisting that this entire
thing she�d started with Spike had been nothing but a mistake from the very
start, took over and forced her to nod. The part of her that had formed a loving
attachment to Spike was shoved to the back, shackled and chained in the
cerebellum, unable to do anything but watch in horror at what was happening.

Spike
swallowed hard. �And... that first time...? You thought of Angelus when I was
inside of you.� He wouldn�t look at her. He was staring sullenly at the
wall, his expression slowly becoming blank and void of any emotion whatsoever.

�Of
course,� she replied cruelly, her inner mind unable to believe the hostility
in her words. She saw Spike flinch and Cruel-Heartless-Buffy continued. �You
don�t think I actually gave a damn about you, do you? You were just something
to tide me over until I found a replacement for Riley. Have to say though -- you
gave great bone. At least you were good for something.�

<
Stop it! Stop right this minute! What are you doing?! >
Loving-Caring-Buffy shrieked from her confines. < How can you say
that to him?! >

There
was nothing but silence for a few minutes. Buffy kept her eyes on Spike, waiting
to see his reaction. Slowly, he began to move, picking up her clothes. He handed
them to her, then waited for her to dress again. He, however, remained nude.

When
she was fully dressed, she looked to him again. Cruel-Heartless-Buffy took over
once again. �Look, I�m sorry if you got the wrong idea. You do realize that
you�re a vampire, right? And I�m the Slayer. It could never work. Not that I
wanted it to, you know, but come on, Spike. You can�t actually think that I
was falling --�

�Get
out.�

Buffy
looked at him quickly, noticing the muscles in his jaw beginning to twitch.
�Seriously, if you really think --�

And
suddenly she was slammed against the wall, a naked, angry vampire snarling at
her, eyes glowing a fiery gold. His hand was wound tightly around her throat.
�Get out,� he growled, his upper lip curling in hate and disgust. Not
disgust with her. Disgust for himself. For allowing himself to fall so deeply,
only to get burned much worse than he�d been burned before.

And
suddenly, Cruel-Heartless-Buffy dropped back in fear, finally slapped silly for
the stunt she�d pulled, and Loving-Caring-Buffy was free, scrabbling
desperately at the last scraps of hope. Buffy snapped to, gasping and gazing at
him.

�Spike?
Spike, please, oh, god, I�m so sorry! I am so, so sorry, I don�t know
what came over me. Please forgive me, please, Spike, I�m sorry, I�m so
sorry!�

Spike�s
jaw clenched once again, and he flung her down, turning away from her. �Just
get out. Don�t come back.�

She
moved toward him, grasping his arm. �Spike, no, please --�

Spike
snarled viciously and swung his arm back, throwing her into the wall. �GET
OUT!� he roared, his eyes blazing a hellish orange. Buffy stared at him, eyes
wide with fear, and she began scrambling backwards toward the doors of the
crypt. Standing up, her chest began to heave, and she gave a soft sob. �I�m
so sorry,� she whispered, giving a sob.

As
she turned and left, Spike sank to the floor against the sarcophagus, putting
his head in his hands. Suddenly his fist shot out and slammed into the wall, and
he growled in pain when the vessels and the skin of his hand split at the
knuckles, beginning to bleed.

�Dammit,�
he sighed softly, shutting his eyes.

Outside,
Buffy cursed herself several times over for her bitchy nature. Yeah, she
hadn�t wanted to endanger the people she loved about Spike. Problem was...
Spike was one of those people.

It
had smacked into her the second those cruel, cruel words had slipped out of her
mouth. The minute she�d seen the hurt in his eyes, she had practically died.

She
didn�t want to hurt the people she loved. So why had she?

She
sniffed and gave a soft sob before walking off, her face in her hands.

All
was clear. A small demon was making sure of that. He motioned back into the
bushes about ten feet to the west of Spike�s crypt as the Slayer walked off,
her arms wrapped around herself. This was it, this had to be it. They�d been
keeping a close eye on the Slayer the entire day, and the only person they had
seen come in contact with her had been the vampire.

The
vampire was the one they wanted.

Jinx
walked out of the bushes confidently, his crumbly little chin high up in the
air. Five more demons followed him.

Time
to get the Key.

Spike
shifted slightly as his jeans slid over his narrow hips. His face had become a
mask of despondency, and after slamming his hand into the wall a few more times,
nearly shattering his fist right along with the wall, he refused to make any
sound at all. What was the point?

He
was a fool. He�d been a simpering, puppy-faced fool for even thinking
that this bloody thing with the Slayer meant anything to her. All she�d wanted
was to get off. And since Spike had shown interest... the victim had been easily
established.

He
should have known better. He could sense it in her when she was dating the
Farmboy prat. Riley had just been rebound after she�d lost Angel. And Angel
had been the love of her life. Her first love. She would never care about
another the way she�d cared about his stupid, fucking, soul-filled Sire.

How
lovely. That morning, he�d been worried about corrupting the Slayer�s body
with his own.

This,
apparently, was his punishment.

He
rubbed at his eyes as he fastened his pants. He hadn�t even pulled his shirt
over his head when he sensed another demon entering. Turning quickly, he faced
the door, then frowned.

�Who
the hell are you?�

Jinx
appeared out of the shadows by the doors, followed by several other demons who
looked almost exactly like him. �Forgive me for our intrusion, my friend, but
I would like a word with you.�

Spike
stared blankly at the little twit. �Nope. Sorry. Not really in a mood to get
all talkative.�

Jinx
smiled. �But I insist.�

Spike
tilted his head, noticing that the demons were beginning to circle him. �Well,
since you put it that way, NO!� He managed to duck in time as he sensed one of
the turds take a swing at his head, then dropped to the floor and swung his leg
out, tripping the demon up and sending him flat onto his back.

Growling
now, Spike looked up, eyes glowing, at Jinx, then ran him down, knocking him to
the floor and kicking him. He managed two more kicks before two of the demons
grabbed him by the arms. He snarled and sank his fangs into the arm of one, then
head-butted the other. Though his rage at Buffy�s betrayal to him fueled his
fight, the demons managed to gain control of him, reducing his efforts to
violent struggles.

Jinx
struggled to stand up, glaring in disgust at the vampire. �Tie his hands!
Glory will want him restrained!�

Instantly,
the demons followed orders and Spike hissed as his arms were drawn sharply
behind him, being tied together. With one last-ditch effort to escape, he spun
once and kicked the first demon that had attacked him swiftly in the head, his
foot landing right in the creature�s upper spinal cord, shattering his neck.
He landed in a heap on the ground, dead. Horrified, one of the demons holding
the vampire�s arms grasped a brick off the ground and smacked it into
Spike�s head. The blonde bloodsucker let out a cry of pain, arching backwards
as he attempted to close his eyes to the thrums of agony.

�Let
me go!� he howled, his attempts at struggle not stopping, but becoming less
effective.

Jinx
stomped over and violently smacked the demon that had hit Spike. �Careful with
him! Did it not occur to you that she would want the Key intact?!�

Spike�s
breathing had become harsh, labored gasps, and his head shot up at the mention
of the Key, his eyes wide. �Key? Who�s a Key? I�m not the --�

Jinx
angrily stuffed something into Spike�s mouth, to Spike�s desperate but
now-muffled protests. His struggles did not cease, and he kept shouting through
the dirty-feeling cotton that had been used as a silencer as he was dragged
away.

<
They think I�m the Key? Oh, bloody hell... Spike, ol� boy, you�ve
gotten yourself into it now. >

Not
one of the demons took notice of their dead comrade, lying on the ground with
his neck in such an awkward position. They lugged Spike out of the crypt.

�Dentist
appointment go okay?� Tara asked as she walked Dawn out of the
orthodontist�s office.

Dawn
nodded arrogantly, baring her teeth in a wide grin. �Proud to say no cavities,
no need for fillings or crowns, no teeth falling out, and no tell-tale signs of
the vampire pointies. Statler was glad. He gave me a Blow-Pop. Does that make
any sense? A dentist giving you sugar to rot your teeth? Well, I guess it makes
sense, you know, so that you can go back and get screwed out of lots more money
for it. Hey, doctors are pretty smart!�

Tara
just giggled at the over-exuberant teenager. �Are you sure Dr. Statler
didn�t put you on the happy gas before you left?�

Dawn
stuck her tongue out. �Very funny.� Then she turned to Tara excitedly.
�Ooh, can we go visit Spike before we head to the Magic Box? It�s okay if I
go see him, Buffy just says that I need someone with me just in case some of
Glory�s goons are around. Please can we go, please can we go?�

Tara
smiled, nodding. �Sure, Dawnie. But we can�t stay long, cuz after we hit the
Magic Box, I hafta get you home. We don�t want your mom to worry.�

Dawn
squealed, jumping up excitedly. �Definitely! Thank you!� She grabbed the
witch�s hand and began racing to the crypt. �Come on, come on, come on!�

When
they arrived at the crypt, the first thing Dawn noticed was that everything was
in disarray. Which was odd, because whenever she�d been to Spike�s before,
everything had been in perfect place. She�d managed to weasel it out of him,
and figured out that he was a closet neat freak. Kinda like how Buffy was a
closet pig. Tara followed her in, a slight frown on her face.

�Where
is he?� she asked, confused.

Dawn
frowned. She was starting to get an uneasy feeling. The feeling only intensified
when she saw Spike�s shirt and adored leather duster lying on the
ground. �I don�t know, but his duster�s here... Tara, something�s wrong,
Spike would never go anywhere without his duster! This thing is like his
child, he never lets it out of his sight!�

Tara
eyed the coat. �Well, maybe he was in a hurry. An emergency came up, or --�

�Tara,
Buffy and I are his emergencies. And there�s nothing wrong with either of us.
Something happened, and I�m gonna find out... Is that blood?� Dawn had
caught sight of the dents and blood spills covering the walls next to the
sarcophagus. Okay, now she was scared. �Oh... oh, Tara, it�s blood.
What if it�s Spike�s blood? What if something awful happened to him? And --
oh, god, there�s more right there, look!� The teen pointed to a spot on the
floor where the brick had fallen. It clearly had to have smacked Spike hard
enough if it had opened a wound in his skull big enough to dribble blood.

Tara
didn�t want to admit it, but it did look as if something had happened
to Spike. She moved over to Dawn and wrapped her arms around the frantic girl,
hugging her close. �It�s okay, it�ll be okay, Dawnie, I promise. We�ll
find out what happened, I promise you.�

Dawn
gasped and sniffled quietly into Tara�s sheer green floral-print shirt, until
she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. She lifted her head, still
sniffling, and wiped at her eyes. �What�s that?�

The
Wicca looked behind her and noticed a big brown boot on the floor next to the
sarcophagus. She let go of Dawn for a moment and walked over cautiously. Bending
down, Tara none-to-eagerly poked at the thing, then rolled it over, revealing
the dead demon. The witch quickly pulled away, putting her hand over her mouth
and grimacing. �Oh... oh, god... His neck was snapped. I think the only other
person that could do something like that besides Buffy is Spike, so he must have
had a fight in here.� She stood up and sighed. �Dawn, come on, we should --
Dawn?� Tara looked at Dawn, who�s face had crumbled and was now a mask of
horror as she stared at the dead heap.

�That�s...
Isn�t that one of Glory�s minions?� the girl asked in a shaking voice.

Tara
gazed at Dawn with trepidation, then quickly looked back down at the demon.
�Oh my god.� She looked to Dawn again, who was beginning to tremble in fear.

�She�s
got Spike,� the teen whispered, her voice taking on a high-pitched, deranged
note. �She�s got him! Oh my god, Tara, Glory�s got Spike! Glory has him,
she has Spike! We have to get him back, we have to get him! Tara, please,
let�s go find Buffy, please, we�ve got to get him back! Please!�

By
then, Dawn�s pleas had become frantic shrieks, and tears were flowing down her
cheeks. Tara quickly wrapped her arms around the sobbing girl and walked out of
the crypt, heading directly for the Magic Box. And suddenly Dawn regained her
senses, breaking into a run.

�Dawn!�
Tara called desperately, then chased after her.

She
could sense Willow approaching her even before the door to the training room
opened. �I�m a horrible person.�

Willow
froze, confusion etched on her face. �What?� She didn�t understand. All
she could comprehend was that Buffy had scrambled through the door of the Magic
Box, tears streaming rapidly down her cheeks, refusing to talk to anyone. And
now she was curled up against the wall in the training room, her legs pulled up
to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Her chin rested on her knees, and
continuous, soft sobs escaped past her lips.

�I�m
a horrible person, Willow,� she repeated, her face scrunching up as she gave
another sob.

Willow
sat down next to her, her eyes wide. She shook her head quickly. �No! No,
Buffy, you�re not--�

Buffy
finally looked up and growled, �Oh, cut the bullshit, Willow! I�m a bitch,
plain and simple! I�m awful to people, I�m mean, and hurtful, to people that
don�t deserve it, to people I care about!�

Willow
jumped back, her eyes widening further. �Buffy, did you have a fight with your
mom, or Dawn?� The Slayer shook her head quickly, burying her face again.
Willow frowned. �What happened?� She remained quiet, refusing to answer. The
red-head grumbled under her breath, then shouted, �Buffy, TELL me! I thought
we weren�t gonna keep secrets from each other!�

At
that, Buffy seemed to return and looked up again, wiping her eyes. She was
silent for about a half a minute more, then drew a deep breath before speaking.
�There�s no easy way to say this, so I�m just going to tell you.� Willow
nodded in anticipation. Buffy glanced at her, a bit fearfully. �For the
last... month or... two months, or whatever... I�ve been seeing Spike.�
Willow didn�t even have a chance to react before Buffy was off and running
again. �The whole thing started the night he got the chip out and bit me, and
I tried to push him away, but the more I was around him, the more I wanted to be
with him, and Wills, you should�ve seen us the other day, we were
teasing each other, joking around, tickling each other and I felt like I was in
a real relationship again, and I know this is wrong, but I�ve never felt more
happy until we...� Buffy hazarded a look at her best friend, then swallowed
hard. �Willow, he�s in love with me.�

Imagine
the Slayer�s surprise when Willow smiled, instead of putting up an enormous,
frantic curse on Spike�s head for manipulating her. �I know,� she said
softly, touching Buffy�s hand. �I could tell.�

Buffy
looked at her hard, then looked away again. �And I ruined it. He has to hate
me now... oh, god, Wills, the things I said to him... no humane person would
ever say the things I said to the person that loved them!�

Willow�s
eyebrows rose and she looked at Buffy in confusion. �What did you do?� she
asked.

Buffy
swallowed hard, covering her face in her hands. �Willow... we... had sex. For
the first time this morning. And... when I went to see him again tonight, to
tell him that I had to concentrate on Glory... we kinda got a little...
occupied... and he told me he loved me... and I-I called him Angel. Purposely.
Right to his face.�

Willow
gaped at her in astonishment. �Buffy! How could you do that?�

Buffy
shifted and turned toward the Wicca. �I don�t know, it was like
something possessed me and forced me to tell him those things, and when I got
back in control, I tried so hard to apologize, but he just wouldn�t hear it...
And now he�ll never forgive me, I know it. I did the worst thing imaginable
that anybody could ever do to him. Willow, I feel so awful, the second I
realized what I�d said to him, I�d felt like throwing up, and right now I
just wanna die and --�

Willow
held up her hand. With Buffy rambling so much, it was damn hard trying to wrap
her mind around everything. Now she knew Buffy felt awful, because Buffy
never rambled. �Wait, wait a sec, Buffy. How do you feel about him?�

Silence.

Buffy
looked away, then buried her face against her legs again. Willow got the feeling
that the Slayer was never going to stop crying if she didn�t help, and so she
placed a hand on Buffy�s back. �It�s okay, you don�t have to tell me if
you don�t know.�

�But
that�s just it,� Buffy�s choking voice replied. �I do know. I...
Willow, I�m in love with him. And I didn�t even realize it until he kicked
me out of his crypt.�

Willow
pulled Buffy into a hug, resting her head on top of the blonde�s. �I kinda
got the feeling that you did.�

Buffy�s
face scrunched up, and she started to weep again. �Willow, what am I going to
do? I have to get him back, I need him!�

Willow
looked down at her. �Then tell him. Tell him you love him. It�s the only
thing you can really do, and if he doesn�t believe you, then the only thing
you can do is just give him time to get it --�

�Where�s
Buffy? Buffy? BUFFY!�

The
Slayer instantly shot to attention at the sound of her sister shrieking her
name. She wiped her eyes quickly and stood up, walking to the door. Dawn shot
through and barreled right into her, grasping at her tightly, screaming and
crying at the same time.

�She
has him! Buffy, she�s got him, Glory took him! We have to get him back,
please, we�ve got to save him, Buffy, we�ve got to bring him back!� the
teen sobbed hysterically, crying into Buffy�s neck.

Dread
overcame the Slayer and she looked down at her sister numbly. �Glory has...
who?�

Tara�s
voice came through the doorway, overpowering Dawn�s frantic cries.
�Spike.� Buffy looked up at the blonde witch, eyes widening. Tara walked
into the room, looking tired and saddened. �We went to visit him, and when we
got there, one of Glory�s minions was dead on the ground. Everything was a
mess and there was blood on the floor and walls... we figured it had to be Glory
that took him. Buffy, you�ve got to go after him, for Dawn�s sake, look at
her.�

Buffy
did just that, staring down at her younger sister. Dawn looked as if she was
having a conniption fit, the frenzied, frightened glare shining in her
tear-filled eyes doing nothing except confirming it. She hugged Dawn to her
tightly, refusing to fall to tears herself.

�We�ll
find him, Dawn, I promise. Tara, take Dawn home, please --�

�No,
I want to go with you, I want Spike back!� Dawn protested, her voice reaching
a shriek again.

Buffy
grabbed Dawn�s face in both hands and looked her in the eyes. �We will find
him. But Glory is too dangerous. She�s already got her hands on Spike, I�m
not letting her anywhere near you. I swear to you, the second we get him back, I
will call, I promise you that, okay? Let Tara take you home, it�s safe
there.�

General
Buffy in charge once again. She turned to Willow. �Come on.� The four of
them stormed into the store, catching Xander and Giles� attention immediately.
Anya looked up from the cash register and shuddered at the authoritative aura
the Slayer emanated. Instantly, she walked over to the group. Something big was
going down, and she most definitely was gonna be a part of it.

�Listen
up,� Buffy began, looking around. �Glory�s got Spike. There�s no way in
hell that she�s invited him for tea and cookies, so we�re going after him,
NOW. He�s vital to the team... and to us,� she looked over at Dawn, then
continued. �I have a feeling I know where Glory�s place is, so follow me
until we get there. Soon as we hit it, Willow, stick with Anya, make with the
magic, Xander, Giles, come with me, get as many goddamn weapons you can get your
hands on and use them.� She turned to her sister again, hugging her
tightly. �We�ll get him back. He�ll be home in no time, calling you stupid
pet names and everything, I promise you.�

Dawn
hugged Buffy back tightly, squeezing her eyes shut. �Be careful. Don�t come
back with bloody stumps for arms and legs.� Buffy scowled at her, then
motioned for Tara to take off.

Tara
quickly embraced Willow and gave her a kiss, whispering, �Please be careful,
and don�t over-do the magic, okay?�

Willow
nodded. �Of course.�

Tara
gave her a weak smile, then took Dawn�s hand and hurried out the door. Giles
lugged out his weapons chest and began pulling out all the weapons, tossing
Xander a crossbow and an axe. A sleek silver sword was handed to Buffy and she
scrutinized it with fierce determination in her eyes. Grabbing a crossbow and
about seven bolts, she didn�t even wait for the others to get their things
together before she stomped toward the door.

�I
swear to God, if she�s so much as poked him, I�ll rip her skull out through
her mouth, then beat her to death with it.�

Hell
hath no fury like a pissed off Slayer.
- 11
- 12
- 13
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Out of My Head