Adult-FanFiction.org : Buffy

Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks own the television shows, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel". Dark Horse and IDW own the Comics. No copyright infringement is intended, no money is be

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
I’m eating my lunch alone today, but I don’t feel like a loser. Xander is sick, Willow is hanging out with this guy named Oz, and Giles is busy researching some stuff but he doesn’t want my help. It turns out that Misty Foman wasn’t taken by vampires after all. Her mother and father had gotten a divorce six months ago and her mother was granted sole custody. Her father didn’t like it at all, so he stalked them until he found his opportunity and kidnapped his own little girl.
The police caught him when he tried to cross the Canadian border. She was returned safely to her mother this morning, and her father is in jail, and facing a very long prison sentence. Anyway, the reason Giles is busy with the research is because last night while Faith was patrolling she ran into a big demon that beat her up pretty bad. The description rang some kind of bell for him so now he’s digging through the books. I hope he finds something soon because I really want to take all of my rage out on the thing that hurt her.
Mom took the day off so he can help Faith out. Tanner tried to take the day off but his boos told him if he doesn’t come in today then he shouldn’t bother coming back. He was so mad last night. I’ve never seen him like that before. He got back about half an hour after Faith. As soon as she told him everything he punched a wall as hard as he could. He dented it and his knuckles were bleeding pretty bad but we didn’t get mad at him. His girlfriend of almost four years got the shit beat out of her. I probably would’ve done more then punch a wall.
This is my fault, and don’t give me that look. If I wasn’t so busy being mad at her for getting jealous then I probably would’ve gone with her, and she wouldn’t have been by herself. We could’ve killed the demon together, and then gone to the Bronze afterwards to celebrate. Instead I got to help her pop her shoulders back into place. Yep, both of her shoulders were dislocated. She also had a bunch of cuts that needed to be bandaged, and I’m pretty sure it broke one of her ribs.
I don’t really feel like being alone right now but it’s not like I have a choice. Xander’s gone, Willow wants alone time with a guy, and Giles is too busy to listen to me whine. I would go hang out with Scott but I can’t tell him that the girl I would rather be with got beat up by a demon, and now I’m filled with guilt. I really don’t think that conversation would be a great relationship builder. I’m sure that would be the end of it.
We got along so well that even though I already like someone more than him I think he deserves a chance. We have a few things in common, and he’s really sweet, so I think he’d be the perfect person for me to cling to. Well, not cling to but he’d be perfect to help me get over Faith. Even though the thought of that makes me sad I still need to do it. It’s going to be hard, and it’ll probably take a long time but it needs to be done.
Even though I know it’s for the greater good to let go of these feelings a part of me deep inside will not give them up. It doesn’t want to give them up. It’s the same part of me that was screaming at me to go kill the demon that hurt her. It’s the same part that’s screaming at me to run home and hold her in my arms. It wants me to protect her, and move love to her, and never let her out of my sight.
Then there are the tingles I get whenever I’m near her. It’s not that kind of tingle so get your mind out of the gutter. It’s kind of like the tingles I get when a vampire is close by. Only instead of getting the uncontrollable urge to kill her, I get a very powerful need to throw her down on my bed and claim her. I know that sound possessive, and completely insane, but that’s what I feel. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t even know I could feel like this for another girl. It just happened and now I have to try and deal with it.
I get up and throw my lunch in the garbage. I’m not hungry, and even though I should eat because I skipped breakfast I don’t want to force myself. I haven’t had much of an appetite lately. I think it’s just all of the stress. All of the shit going through my head about Faith, and all the stuff about Angel. But it isn’t just that. This is my last year of high school. Next year I’ll be a freshman in college. Back at the bottom of the barrel. The thing I don’t know is; what school am I going to go to? Can I leave Sunnydale? I could leave the hellmouth up to Faith, but is that fair?
Faith has a family that she has to think about. If she dies it won’t just be another slayer down. A little girl will lose her mommy, and a good person will lose his lover. They don’t deserve that. Especially not little Sam. She’s still adjusting to living with us, but she’s getting there. Bedtime is kind of a problem because she throws a fit and wants to sleep in Faith and Tanner’s room, but they don’t let her. They can’t give in or she’ll be like this forever. At least that’s what Mom said.
So am I destined to stay here in Sunnydale for the rest of my life? Sure life was hard but Faith and Tanner got by before. And now that they’re living at my house things will be easier. I have a family too, and friends. So if I die tonight on patrol it’s not like I’ll just be another slayer down. Those girls matter too, that’s not what I’m saying at all. But those girls were raised by their watchers. So people will mourn if we die. Our absence will be noticed. Faith and I are the only two slayers who haven’t been separated from our families. So that makes us different.
I keep getting off the subject. I think I have A.D.D. or something. Am I going to be stuck in Sunnydale for the rest of my life? I know the powers that be, lower case letters, intervened so we would move here instead of Ohio, but does that mean I have to be the protector of the hellmouth? If it weren’t for Xander I wouldn’t even be here right now, so none of this would matter. Maybe I should talk to Giles about it. I know my mom wants me to get into a good school, but can I leave?
Is the Council going to track me down and kill me in hopes of calling a better more cooperative slayer? Faith isn’t exactly the perfect student either. She hates Wesley and our training sessions have ended with her stomping off because he keeps complaining that she doesn’t train enough. Last Thursday I had to stop her from hurting him after he demanded a reason why she doesn’t come in the rest of the week. What made her almost get violent was when he threatened to follow her around to find out why she only trains two days a week.
I wanted to let her beat him up a little bit to teach him some respect, but I couldn’t. If Faith beat up Wesley then Giles would’ve wanted to know why, and what’s so important Faith feels like she needs to beat up defenseless morons to protect it. Then she would’ve wanted to beat up Giles, and I can’t let her do that. He’s like a dad to me, so I can’t let her get violent with him. Sure I can threaten Giles with violence but he’s my watcher, not hers. Ok, so he’s hers too, but not in a fatherly way.
Maybe he should be like a father to her too. Every girl needs a strong male role model in her life. Just because Faith is more mature then she lets on it doesn’t mean she couldn’t use a hug every now and then. A hug from anyone else is different. When you hug your dad it makes you feel safe, and loved, and completely protected from all of the bad stuff around you. Giles hasn’t hugged me very often, but on the very few occasions when he has I felt those things. Which is kind of sad. My dad used to come up here every other weekend just to spend time with me. Ever since his secretary got a divorce it’s like I don’t exist.
I don’t know how many times I’ve already said this but when did I get so emo? This entire lunch hour I’ve bitched and whined about all of my problems but I haven’t tried to come up with any solutions. My solution for my feelings towards Faith is me dating Scott. He’ll distract me from everything else that’s going on, and who knows? Maybe I’ll fall in love with him, and we’ll live in a big house, and get married, and have those three kids he was talking about in chemistry with his friend. Yep, just the thought of that has my ovaries tingling. Yes I’m being sarcastic.
Anyway, my solution for the college thing is to wait and see. I know it doesn’t sound like much but it’ll have to do. I have don’t want to talk to Faith about it and make her think she’s going to be stuck here forever because she might take off and I’d never see her again. That sounds like a good solution for problem one but it’s not. I’d go insane if she just took off. I already know that I’d hunt her down just to see if she’s ok.
I might talk to Giles about me leaving for college but I can already imagine how that conversation would go. He’d tell me it’s ok to leave because now Faith is here to take over, and I’d be not happy about that and he’d ask why and I’d end up telling that I’m falling in love with her and he’d clean his glasses so hard they’d break. Wow, that was a really long run on sentence. Maybe some time away from Willow will do me some good.
Willow and Xander are two more things to feel bad about. It’s not so much them, but how I’ve been treating them. Faith is always on my mind, and they can tell that something is bothering me. They ask about it, but I just tell them I’m thinking about Angel, and then change the subject. We haven’t been hanging out as much because I spend a lot of time with Faith and I know Willow is getting insecure about it. She’s the bestest friend a girl can have, but I’ve been ignoring her. Maybe this weekend we’ll have a slumber party or something.
We can rent movies and pop popcorn, and it’ll be like ‘Faith who?’ Things will be like they used to even if it’s only for one night. One night of not thinking about Faith’s pouty, soft looking lips. Lips that I want all over me. And her breasts…I don’t really know what to do with someone else’s breasts, but I’m sure figuring it out would be so much fun. And that stomach of hers…oh God. You can’t even tell that she had a kid, seriously. It’s flat, and toned, and I just want to wash it, is that weird? Wow, I didn’t say a word this whole lunch hour. Now that’s weird.
- 10
- 11
- 12
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Know Who I Am