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Closer to the Heart	By : hfreak Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Willow Views: 3834 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Buffy fandom or its characters. They belong to Joss Wheodn. I make no money from this.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
Title: Closer to the Heart
Chapter 11: Storyteller
Rating: PG-13?
Warnings: One F-bomb. Other than that, if you�re not offended by the episode, you shouldn�t be offended by this .
Summary: Willow struggles with being supportive.

A/N: This chapter begins the day before �Storyteller.� The patrol Buffy talks of getting ready for is the one that Andrew films. There was very little to change in the actual episode (just the Willow/Kennedy stuff, really), but I still wanted a chapter. I had some ginormo plot bunnies that work well for this time frame, but I couldn�t really find wiggle room within the episode. So I used the day before, assuming more than one day passed between �Get it Done� and �Storyteller.�

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    �Hey Xand�� Willow prompted quietly. The dining room was empty, but for the two of them. The potential Slayers were scattered in various parts of the house and Buffy was at work.
    �What is it, Will?� Xander questioned, sitting at the table and finishing his bowl of cereal.
    �I was just, uh, wondering��
    �Wondering�?� Xander gestured vaguely, still holding his spoon.
    �How much trouble would it be for you to, uh, put a lock on my door?� Willow tried not to blush as she said it.
    �Ohhh.� Xander nodded to himself over another bite of cereal.
    �It�s just � well, never mind. You can insert your own fantasy version.�
    �Much appreciated,� Xander assured her. �It�s not for you to have a sleazy affair with Kennedy though, right?�
    �Of course not,� Willow cried indignantly. �Mostly it�s � Kennedy who needs the privacy. I don�t really wanna walk in on anything embarrassing.�
    �I didn�t really think you were having an affair with her, Will,� Xander pointed out. �That was me providing the much-needed humor around here.�
    �Oh � I knew that,� Willow mumbled. �So, you think you can do it?�
    �Shouldn�t be too hard,� Xander confirmed. �I�ve just gotta finish up that hole in the ceiling. I should be able to get to it in an hour or two.�
    �Thanks, Xand.�
    �So � how�re you doing?�
    �Fine,� said Willow with a shrug.
    �No, really,� he persisted.
    �I�m fine.�
    �Will,� he set his spoon down, focusing completely on the witch, �I know you. I know this can�t be easy for you.�
    �It�s really not all that bad.�
    �This is me,� Xander reminded her. �I know you try not to make waves.�
    �I�m dealing, okay?� said Willow firmly. �Just drop it.� She turned and left the room in a hurry.
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    �Hey,� Dawn greeted as she and Vi entered the kitchen. Kennedy was rinsing out a bowl in the sink.
    �Hi, Kennedy.� Vi was all smiles.
    �Hey, Vi,� Kennedy said brightly, turning off the water and facing the redhead. She smoothed the fabric of her purple top.
    �I-I like your shirt,� Vi complimented politely.
    �Thanks,� said Kennedy with a smile, moving closer to Vi and looking into her eyes. �It�s violet.�
    �Oh�� Vi blushed faintly. �So, um, do you, um � like violet?�
    Dawn giggled as she passed Kennedy, leaning casually against the counter and watching the display with satisfaction.
    �I think violet�s cute,� Kennedy answered. �And I sort of had a craving this morning.�
    �A � a craving?� said Vi inquisitively.
    �Yeah. I just woke up and I thought to myself, �I want violet on me.��
    Dawn waved from behind Kennedy�s back and mouthed, �She�s talking about you,� pointing at Vi and causing her to blush more deeply.
    �Have you ever had a craving like that?� Kennedy asked.
    �Um�maybe,� said Vi uncertainly.
    �Ohhh,� said a soft male voice. �You guys are so sweet together.�
    All three girls looked to the source of the sound, finding Andrew there with his new camera.
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    �It�s just � I mean, I know she has to be the Slayer too.� Willow was feeling the need to unburden herself. �But the girls aren�t the enemy, you know? I understand why she has to be impersonal in the field � I just wish she wasn�t afraid to be Buffy in front of them too. And I think that�s what it is more than trying to do what�s best for them. I feel like � or maybe I hope � that a part of her knows the girls really do need to learn about � about balance and stuff. I think more of it is about being afraid to let them see who she is.
    �And then � when she shuts down � it�s like I can�t � I don�t know why I feel like this� D�you think she really is ashamed? A-am I just hiding from the truth? What if she � she regrets � us � a-and she just doesn�t know how to tell me? I mean, you know her as well as I do; you think she loves me, right? Of course she does. I-I can feel it�most of the time. You think maybe it�s a Slayer thing. Like � when she cuts off her emotions, she has to cut me off too? You think she � she still wants me � right? God, I wish Kennedy hadn�t brought that up.
    �Oh and don�t get me started on her. She�s all, �Oh, I want Vi to make the first move,� but � is it self-centered to think that she still has a crush on me? I mean, that�s gotta be part of it. All that stuff about �Your girlfriend�s an insensitive bitch� �and I really don�t see Buffy that way at all. A-and I�m trying to be supportive � she needs that. I know it hurts her when I bring it up, but � I guess it kinda hurts me that she doesn�t bring it up. Where was I? � Oh yeah, Kennedy. I think she�s hoping that I�ll dump my supposedly �insensitive� girlfriend and start taking an interest in her. And if that�s the case, then she really isn�t being fair to Vi in all this.
    �On the other hand, what if she really likes Vi and I just feel left out? I mean, it�s not like I wanna be with Kennedy, but � it was nice. It was � flattering � really flattering to think that someone liked me. With � with Tara it was kind of a mutual thing. We sort of fell for each other at the same time. And Buffy was pretty much the same way � I even had to push a little. Kennedy just � liked me � even though I didn�t like her. Don�t like her. I mean, I like her, but in the friendly way. She�s pretty cool most of the time � when she�s not trying to convince me that Buffy�s a bitch. Other than that though, she really is a good friend. And it is nice to have another gay person in the house.
    �Oh and how funny was it when we got caught by that janitor? And he was like, �Miss Summers, why are you in the closet?� Oh, you should�ve been there. Well, maybe not � because we were doing the whole � sexy fun times thing, but it was funny. You know, maybe it�s just the lesbian thing that she doesn�t want everyone to know. Which, granted, not the most flattering thing, but I think I could live with that. I mean, I do wish she�d let me sleep in her room, but more than that I just wish I could feel like she wasn�t ashamed of � of me��
    Willow sighed heavily.
    �Well, hey, thanks for listening. I hope that wasn�t too much truth for you.�
    Mr. Gordo stared back at her blankly.
    �Maybe I should try talking to someone who can answer back.�
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    �I don�t care if you wanna document life at �Command Central�,� Dawn protested loudly as she and Andrew climbed the stairs. �That has nothing to do with the mission and Vi�s shy enough as it is. You really embarrassed her. Xander,� she added in exasperation as they reached the carpenter, kneeling in front of Willow�s door with a screwdriver.
    �What is it, Dawnie?� he asked as he worked.
    �Tell Andrew he�s not allowed to record everything that happens around here.�
    �I am documenting,� Andrew defended. �So that future generations can know of the lives that heroes lead. For example,� he flipped open the camera, �what are you working on, Xander?�
    �Puttin� a lock on this door,� Xander muttered, without turning.
    �But why does Andrew need to know that?� Dawn demanded. �If Kennedy wants a lock, then it�s her business.�
    �Actually, it was Willow that asked for the lock,� Xander corrected. �Said she was tired of walkin� in on Kennedy at embarrassing moments.�
    �Ah yes,� Andrew nodded sagely as he spoke to the camera. �I, myself, have seen many embarrassing things in this crowded casa. You wouldn�t believe what people do in the bathroom.�
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    �Buffy and Willow stare at each other a lot.�
    Andrew was lurking quietly out of sight, camera aimed at the couch where Buffy and Willow sat.
    �I have this theory that they can communicate telepathically.�
    *I�m glad you�re home,* Willow thought to Buffy. *I missed you.*
    *I missed you too,* Buffy thought back. *I wish I didn�t have to leave you alone so much.*
    *Well, I had Mr. Gordo to keep me company,* Willow replied.
    *I�m glad you like him.*
    *I love him, Buffy. How could I not?*
    *Andrew�s watching us,* Buffy thought suddenly.
    *What?*
    *I can hear him whispering to that stupid camera.*
    *What�s he saying?* Willow prompted.
    *He has this theory that we can communicate telepathically.*
    �See that smile, viewers?� Andrew said softly. �I think maybe they tell jokes about the rest of us or something.� Buffy started laughing out loud. �See?�
    *He thinks we�re telling each other jokes,* Buffy informed Willow.
    *What did the vampire say to the Slayer?* Willow responded.
    *I don�t know.*
    *Poof�because he was a pile of dust.*
    *Not your best.*
    *Oh well. I tried.*
    �Buffy, we�re ready when you are,� Kennedy called out from the kitchen, presumably sticking her head in through the back door.
    *Training?* Willow verified.
    *Yeah.* Buffy sighed as she stood. *We�ll talk more later, okay. Give Mr. Gordo my love.*
    *I wanna keep it for myself,* thought Willow with a grin.
    *I promise, there�s enough for both of you.*
    *Well, okay. I love you too.*
    Willow echoed Buffy�s sigh as the Slayer left to join the potentials out back.
    Andrew turned the camera on himself.
    �Sometimes,� he whispered, �I think Buffy�s interested in Willow as more than just a friend. Too bad for her, Willow already has a girlfriend. I wonder if Buffy knows about that. Willow tries to keep it really secret for some reason; I heard Xander telling Kennedy about it. Kennedy was also interested in Willow, but Vi is interested in Kennedy. And I think Buffy still has a big question mark on Spike. Relationships can be tricky business. Maybe I should interview Xander and Anya...�
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    �Hey, Buff,� Xander greeted the Slayer as she came in from the training exercises. Seated at the kitchen counter, Xander was helping himself to a slice of pizza. �How�d it go?�
    �Same as ever,� said Buffy with a shrug. �You ordered pizza?�
    �Yes, and I put my initials on the box too,� Xander said pointedly.
    �I don�t think that�ll stop them,� Buffy pointed out.
    �No, probably not,� Xander agreed. �But maybe they�ll look at those initials and thank me for the pizza.�
    �What kind of �thanking� are we talking about here?� Buffy raised her eyebrows.
    �Oh, you know, a pat on the back, a thumbs up, tickets to a pillow fight � whatever works.�
    �I envy you, you know.�
    �If there really is a pillow fight, I�ll bring you along,� Xander assured her.
    �Not that,� Buffy dismissed. �I mean the fun � the lightheartedness. I wish I could be that way.�
    �And yet I don�t see a lot of effort to be.� Buffy glowered at him. �Just saying,� he defended quickly, �it�s hard not to flashback to your follow the leader speech.�
    �You think I was wrong?� Buffy challenged. �You know these girls need a leader.�
    �I get that,� Xander pledged. �But do you have to be so � you know what, I�m not gonna finish that sentence.�
    �What?� Buffy questioned. �Do I have to be so what?�
    �Heartless,� Xander said quietly.
    �Xander, these girls don�t want me to be their pal,� Buffy explained. �They need a hero.�
    �I don�t think that�s it,� Xander countered. �I don�t think it�s about them being afraid � I think it�s about you.�
    �What�s that supposed to mean?� Buffy snapped.
    �You have trouble trusting people, Buffy,� Xander sighed. �You know you do. Sometimes I think you�re making big steps the right way and other times I think you�re going off in the wrong direction. You don�t even show those girls the tiniest piece of who you are and they�re not benefitting from it.�
    �How did this get so serious?� Buffy mused bitterly.
    �And you might think about Willow in all this,� he added.
    �What do you mean?� said Buffy, mystified.
    �I don�t think she�s as okay with all of this as she tries to be.�
    �Xander, it�s fine,� Buffy assured him. �We�ve talked about it. And yeah, she wishes things were different, but she supports me.�
    �That�s just it though,� Xander protested. �She supports you because that�s who she is.�
    �I think you�re reading too much into this,� said Buffy flatly. �I was just talking to her before training.�
    �Put yourself in her place,� Xander suggested. �I think it�s harder for her than she lets on.�
    �It�s hard for me too,� Buffy stated firmly. �I hate saying no to her.�
    �So she asks a lot?�
    �Xander,� Buffy rolled her eyes, �of course she asks. She knows I want her, but she understands. We trust each other.�
    �Well, yeah, it�s pretty obvious that you trust her,� Xander agreed. �I mean, letting her share a room with another gay woman, that�s really-�
    �What?� Buffy demanded coldly.
    �What what?� Xander asked in confusion.
    �What d�you mean?� Buffy half-shouted. �Kennedy�s gay?�
    �You didn�t know that?�
    �No,� Buffy raged. �I mean � I suspected, but � why wouldn�t Willow tell me?�
    �Oh, hey, no,� Xander said quickly. �Maybe � maybe Willow doesn�t know.�
    �They�ve been sharing a room for weeks,� argued the Slayer. �I�m sure it came up that they�re both gay women. Oh my God.�
    �Buffy, it can�t mean what you�re thinking,� Xander said reassuringly. �Come on, you just said it ten seconds ago. You can trust her.�
    �Why wouldn�t she tell me?� Buffy repeated. �Oh God, I�ve gotta talk to her.�
    �D�you even know where she�s at?�
    �Doesn�t matter,� said Buffy as she left the kitchen.
    *Willow?*
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    �Red,� Spike noted as Willow descended the stairs.
    �Hi,� said Willow with a wave.
    �Hi,� Spike responded with a puzzled expression. �Something you want, then?�
    �I-I don�t know,� Willow shrugged. �Guess I just wanna get away from Andrew and his camera.�
    �You could always just tell him to bugger off,� Spike suggested.
    �I don�t think I have it in me.� Willow sighed and sat next to Spike on his cot.
    �Don�t sit that close,� Spike cautioned her.
    �Problem?�
    �Not yet,� said Spike. �But if I got triggered, I don�t imagine Buffy�d be very forgiving after I drained you.�
    �Buffy trusts you,� Willow challenged.
    �And Buffy can use my face to make a new doorway in the wall,� Spike reminded her.
    �Right, sorry.� Willow stood again and began pacing.
    �Is something wrong?� Spike questioned.
    �I don�t � can I talk to you?�
    �I think you already are,� Spike pointed out, arching an eyebrow.
    �I just mean � if I need to open up about something � could you promise not to tell Buffy?�
    �Probably not best to keep secrets from her, Willow,� advised the vampire.
    �It�s not like that,� Willow countered. �I just � I feel like I need to talk to somebody.�
    �And somebody translates as me now, does it?�
    �Buffy says that you�re a good listener,� the witch explained.
    �Does she now?� said Spike with a smirk. �That still doesn�t explain why you�re not going to her with this.�
    �It�s not really a big deal; she�s got more important things to do.�
    �You know, I hear a lot of things in this house,� Spike informed her. �Interesting things sometimes,� he added. �I can hear it when two girls get into a spat over a cup of tea.� Willow fidgeted nervously. �I can also hear it when someone begs all of her friends, over and over, to keep quiet in front of the baby Slayers. And sometimes � when it�s quiet � I can hear a cryin� girl all the way up in her room.�
    �Spike�� Willow�s eyes widened in confusion and fear.
    �Cryin� so hard,� Spike continued. �And I hear a baby Slayer tryin� to comfort her � or steal her away, dependin� on the night.�
    Willow let out a single, quiet sob as her eyes welled with tears.
    �And you know what I think when I hear all those things?� Willow shook her head. �I can�t help but wonder why. Why is it � that you cry alone?� Spike�s chains rattled slightly as he leaned forward. �You don�t let the wannabe help you out and you don�t tell any of your friends how you feel. And to top it all off, you won�t even go to her.�
    �Sh-she needs to focus,� Willow reasoned. �With the apocalypse and The First � and you.�
    �Oh, that�s bloody rich,� Spike scoffed.
    �She doesn�t want me to bring it up,� said Willow. �I-I can see it in her face every time I try � it hurts her. She doesn�t want me to � she doesn�t want me.� She leaned against the punching bag suspended in the middle of the room.
    �Bollocks.� The chains rattled again as Spike stood.
    �It feels like she doesn�t want me, Spike.� Willow beat her first against the bag. �Why doesn�t she want me?�
    �Bollocks!� Spike repeated. �You�re �round the bloody twist, you are. You don�t even know what you�ve got. I went to the end of the underworld to fight for my soul and I�d sell it back if I thought I could have what you have.�
    �Why do I feel this way?� Willow sobbed. �She says � over and over, she says that I�m important to her, but � sometimes � I can�t feel it��
    �Sometimes?� Spike verified.
    �When � when we�re together everything�s fine,� Willow told him. �But the rest of the time � it feels like she�s trying to push me away. I � it doesn�t feel like it should. Why can�t I feel it?�
    �And here I thought she was the one with the trust issues,� Spike commented. �You know she loves you, Willow. You know she�d comfort you if you took this to her. She�d do anything for you.�
    �No she wouldn�t,� Willow argued.
    �Yes she would,� Spike stated firmly. �And you know it.�
    �She�d never tell them.� Willow slumped to the floor, resting her head against the bag. �I keep hoping that maybe she�ll realize she�s doing it wrong, but she never does.�
    �Maybe she needs you to tell her,� said Spike. �You know she�d change her mind if you told her how you feel.�
    �I don�t want that,� Willow insisted.
    �Maybe you don�t want her to feel guilty,� Spike allowed, �but it�s still not fair to her.�
    �So why haven�t you told her?� asked the witch.
    �I�d wager it�s for the same reason you haven�t. I haven�t got the right to hurt her like that.�
    �And I do?� Willow demanded.
    �She loves you,� Spike half-shouted. �She loves you so much that it scares her and here you are, doubting her! Why?�
    �It feels like � she�s ashamed of me.�
    �You are completely sack of hammers, Red,� Spike said bluntly, sitting again on his cot. �Trust her,� he added quietly. �You need to trust that she loves you even if she�s too afraid to show it and you need to tell her how that makes you feel.�
    �I can�t hurt her like that,� Willow argued.
    �She needs to know how you feel.�
    *Willow?*
    She sat up straight, listening closely.
    �That�ll be her then, will it?� Spike asked.
    �How did you know?� Willow questioned, sidetracked.
    �What, you think I forgot you can do that?�
    *Willow, can we talk?*
    *I�m kinda busy right now, Buffy. I need some time to-*
    *Busy?* Buffy questioned. *Busy doing what?*
    *I just need a few minutes, okay?* Willow stood and began drying her eyes. *I can come up-*
    *They�d all see you coming, Will,* Buffy interrupted. *Please, we need to talk. What are you doing?*
    *What are you doing?* Willow shot back.
    *I�m � why don�t you wanna tell me? Are you with Kennedy?*
    *What?*
    *Willow, are you sleeping with her?*
    �What is it?� Spike asked in response to Willow�s face. �What did she say?�
    �She � she said��
    *Willow?*
    �How could��
    *How could you think that, Buffy?* she finished in her mind.
    *You know she�s gay, right? You sleep in the same room; don�t tell me it hasn�t come up. Why didn�t you tell me, Willow?*
    �Red,� Spike cautioned as Willow took a step forward.
    *I�m not sleeping with her, Buffy!*
    *So why can�t you tell me where you are?*
    �Willow,� said Spike warily.
    *I�m with Spike.*
    *With Spike? Why?*
    *Why? Maybe I just had to find out.*
    *Find out?*
    *What it�s like to fuck a vampire.*
    *�Willow, that�s not funny.*
    *Who�s telling a joke?* Willow challenged. *Wow, I understand why you wanna rip his shirt off. He�s got such a muscled chest.* Willow�s hands roamed the vampire�s upper body.
    �What the bloody hell do you think you�re doing?� Spike grabbed Willow�s wrists and pulled her hands away.
    *Oh and such strong, cold hands,* added the witch, starting to cry again. *Feels so nice to warm him up.*
    *Willow, stop it. Where are you really?*
    �Willow, what happened?� Spike prompted as Willow sobbed, leaning forward onto his chest.
    *Willow, answer me.*
    �Why? Why?� Willow begged.
    �Why what?�
    *Willow?*
    �Why � can�t � she trust me?�
    �What did she say?�
    �Why? Why? Why?�
    �Talk to me, Willow. What�s got you so-�
    �Spike, I can�t find Willow. I need you to � oh my God.� Buffy froze halfway down the stairs.
    �No,� Willow sobbed. �I can�t. I can�t.�
    �Willow!� The Slayer rushed down the remaining steps. Spike released Willow�s hands as Buffy pulled her into an embrace, kneeling next to the weeping witch. �Willow, what is going on here?�
    �I think you should answer that one, pet,� Spike commented. �What the hell did you say to her?�
    �Don�t� start with me, Spike,� Buffy warned him. �Willow, are you okay?�
    �You were doing the bloody psychic thing,� Spike argued. �She told me. We were � havin� a nice chat until you interrupted. Then she started cryin� and tryin� to grope me or something.�
    �Willow, tell me what�s wrong,� Buffy insisted.
    �You � you�� Willow struggled through her continued sobbing. �You have to � ask that? Buffy, you � accused me � of � of��
    �Ohhh balls,� Spike muttered.
    �Willow�I didn�t mean to � to hurt you.�
    �Before you came in she was saying, �Why can�t she trust me?�� offered Spike helpfully.
    �Willow,� Buffy began softly, �I�m-�
    �Hey, what�s all the commotion?� Kennedy peered downstairs through the open basement door. �Oh God, Willow.� She rushed down the stairs.
    �You�d be best advised to turn around, Ken,� Spike informed her.
    �And that means something because I care about a vampire�s opinion,� Kennedy scoffed, kneeling opposite Buffy. �Willow, what happened?�
    Buffy stared blankly at the potential Slayer.
    �You.� Willow stood up straight, eyes burning with anger. �This � is your fault.�
    �My fault?� Kennedy questioned, standing too. �How is-�
    She broke off as Willow slapped her face.
    �Get out of here,� Willow told her coldly.
    �Willow, is it-� Willow moved to slap Kennedy again, but Buffy grasped her hand.
    �It�s okay, Will,� Buffy said soothingly. �Kennedy, I think you�d better get out of here,� Buffy advised.
    �I�m not going anywhere until someone tells me what�s going on and how exactly it�s my fault,� Kennedy said stubbornly.
    �Fine,� Buffy decided. �We�ll leave. Spike,� she tossed him a set of keys, �if she bothers you too much, you have my permission to eat her. And I thought I told you to take down those chains anyway.� Spike chuckled as Buffy started walking Willow up the stairs.
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    �Tension runs high at Command Central, viewers.� Andrew spoke to his camera, seated on Spike�s cot in the basement as he delivered the exposition. �From what yours truly has been able to gather, Spike has threatened to eat both Willow and Kennedy. The Slayer has only narrowly rescued her best friend, but left Kennedy to fend for herself against the tragically misunderstood vampire. What set off Spike�s burst of anger can only be speculated. Has The First attempted to pull the trigger or is he lashing out against his own tortured soul? Oh, here he comes now.�
    Andrew turned the camera.
    �Spike, any comments about-�
    �Don�t point that sodding thing at me,� Spike shouted as he moved toward Andrew and his camera. �No, hang on,� Spike decided, holding up a hand. �I can do better. Need the game-face on. Let�s shoot it again.�
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    �Willow, I�m really sorry,� Buffy began. The pair of them were seated on the bed in Willow�s room, cross-legged and facing each other.
    �No,� Willow sighed heavily. �I�m sorry, Buffy. I really overreacted.�
    �Not denying that,� Buffy assured her. �But I overreacted too. I should�ve calmed down and listened to you and I�m really, really sorry. You know I would never hurt you like that on purpose. She just � I mean, you know I�ve been worried about her.�
    �And haven�t I told you there�s nothing to worry about?�
    �I know,� Buffy said sadly. �And I�m sorry I didn�t listen. I just � from the beginning,� she prefaced. �Xander and I were talking and he mentioned that Kennedy was gay� I kinda figured if Xander knew she was gay then you must have known. A-and I thought the only reason you wouldn�t have told me��
    �You thought wrong,� Willow said reassuringly. �I would never do that to you, Buffy. I love you.�
    �So you didn�t know?� Buffy asked with raised eyebrows.
    �I knew,� Willow answered somberly. �I�ve known for a little while.�
    �So why didn�t you tell me?� She placed a hand supportively on the witch�s knee.
    �I didn�t want you to worry, Buffy,� replied Willow softly. �When I knew for sure that she was interested, I set her straight just like I told you I would.�
    �Straight as in gay, but not for you, right?�
    �Yes.�
    ��Cause, downstairs, she still seemed pretty gay for you, Will,� Buffy pointed out. �Maybe you weren�t clear enough.�
    �I�m pretty sure she was just being friendly,� said Willow. �Vi�s been trying to start something with her. But you know there�s only so much I can do,� the witch defended. �If she�s still got a crush on me, then it�s her problem.�
    �Will, it�s one thing for her to have a crush on you, but it�s another that you to let her sleep in your room, knowing that.� Buffy took a deep breath. �And it�s a third thing that you didn�t tell me.�
    �I�m sorry for those last two things,� the witch said meekly. �I really was just trying to save you the trouble. You already have so much to deal with and Kennedy really didn�t feel like a big deal to me.�
    �She feels like a huge deal to me,� Buffy explained. �I know I can�t always give you what you need and � sometimes I worry that you�ll find someone who will.�
    �Buffy, I don�t want anybody else.�
    �Now would probably be the wrong time for a cheesy joke, huh?�
    �When I think about you�� Willow grinned, leaning forward to kiss the Slayer. Buffy kissed back briefly before pulling away.
    �Weren�t we talking?� she questioned. �No fair with the kisses.�
    �I�m sorry,� Willow told her softly. �Not about the kissing,� she qualified, �but I�m sorry I didn�t tell you about Kennedy.�
    �We should really move her downstairs now, Will.�
    �Okay,� Willow allowed, �but what�re we gonna tell her?�
    �God, I hate this!� Buffy complained, closing her eyes and massaging her temples in frustration.
    �It�s okay, Buffy,� Willow offered consolingly. �I think she�s really interested in Vi and she knows it won�t happen with me. I told her I have a girlfriend.�
    �Wait, what?� Buffy asked suddenly, eyes snapping open. �Willow, I asked you not to.�
    �Relax, Buffy,� Willow insisted calmly. �I didn�t tell her it was you.�
    �Who�d you say it was then?� said the Slayer in confusion.
    �I didn�t say,� Willow explained.
    �Oh� I-I�m sorry, Will,� Buffy said meekly. �I just snapped at you again. And did I mention how terrible I feel about snapping at you before?�
    �I forgive you, Buffy,� Willow assured her. �Can you forgive me?�
    �Of course I can, Will.�
    �I�m sorry I didn�t tell you. And � I�m also sorry about � the overreacting.� Willow hung her head. �I-I was trying to hurt you and � I couldn�t feel worse about it. I wish I could take it back.�
    �You know I forgive you, Will,� Buffy stated gently, leaning in to kiss the witch�s forehead. �I would like to know why you felt the need to actually grope him though.�
    �It�s hard to think of lies in the moment like that,� Willow answered.
    �So you talked about his chest, which must be the groping,� Buffy reasoned. �And then his hands��
    �When he stopped me� God, Buffy, I can�t believe I did that.�
    �I forgive you,� Buffy repeated firmly. �We both made mistakes. But�we�re okay, right?�
    �I�m always okay when I�m with you, Buffy,� Willow pledged. She pondered bringing up the sleeping arrangements again, but decided that she was unwilling to push anything with things already so strained. �Are you okay?�
    �Yeah.� Buffy nodded. �I�m not exactly thrilled about you sharing your room with a lesbian who may or may not have a crush on you, but I�ll be okay.� They kissed softly. �Maybe I�ll have a talk with Kennedy.�
    �Like that won�t make it obvious,� Willow challenged.
    �I can be subtle,� Buffy defended.
    �You could always try to encourage Vi,� suggested Willow. �I know Kennedy wants her to make the first real move.�
    �Because that wouldn�t be awkward at all,� Buffy noted with sarcasm. �Hey, Vi, the stake points this way. Oh, and by the way, tell Kennedy you like her.�
    �She points her stake the wrong way?� Willow questioned.
    �Once,� Buffy admitted.
    �Well, even if it doesn�t pan out with Vi, you don�t have to worry about Kennedy, okay?� She held her hand up to Buffy�s cheek, stroking affectionately with her thumb. �I love you, Buffy. You can trust me; please don�t forget that.�
    �Can I say I�m sorry again?� Buffy asked as she brought her hand up to Willow�s and grasped it gently.
    �If I can say it too,� Willow answered.
    �I�m sorry.�
    �I�m sorry, too.�
    �I love you, Willow.�
    �I love you too.�
    They looked deeply into each other�s eyes for a moment, each hoping that the other understood the sincere remorse. In unison, they leaned toward each other and kissed. It was slow at first, but escalated to passionate and forceful as their emotions intensified. Buffy guided Willow to lie down on the bed, leaning over the witch as they continued to kiss.
    �You�� Willow panted breathily as the Slayer started kissing her neck. �You want to, Buffy?�
    �No one�s watching,� Buffy responded between kisses.
    �What about Mr. Gordo?�
    Buffy stopped and glanced briefly toward Willow�s sleeping bag and the stuffed pig perched on her pillow.
    �Let him look,� the Slayer decided, beginning to lick at the hollow of Willow�s neck.
    Suddenly, the doorknob rattled as someone tried to turn it.
    �Hey!� Kennedy complained from the other side, knocking impatiently. �Come on, Willow. Let me in,� she requested, assuming that the witch was probably alone and crying.
    Willow waved her hand in the direction of the door.
    Thunk.
    �Ow.�
    *What did you do?* Buffy prompted with her thoughts, smiling and suppressing a giggle.
    *Pushed her into the wall,* Willow thought back. *Not a violent push though,* she added as Buffy shot her a stern look. *Just a little push.*
    �Willow!� Kennedy persisted, knocking on the door again.
    *I should probably go,* thought Buffy with a pout.
    *You don�t have to.* Willow wrapped an arm around the Slayer�s lower back. *Please stay. Kennedy�ll go away in a minute or two.*
    �Willow.� The potential Slayer knocked again to emphasize her presence.
    *I know,* Buffy thought, *but it might be kinda obvious when I come out.*
    *So don�t go out,* Willow suggested.
    *I was also planning to patrol.*
    Willow closed her eyes and groaned.
    *I�m sorry, honey.* Buffy frowned sympathetically and kissed the witch again. *I hope you know that I really do wish I could stay.*
    Grasping Buffy�s hand in her own, she pulled it up to her lips and kissed it softly.
    *Do what you need to do,* she thought reassuringly. *Be the Slayer. I won�t pressure you.*
    *Thanks, Will.* Buffy smiled warmly. *I really appreciate it. I appreciate you.*
    �Dammit, Willow,� Kennedy ranted. �Just open up and talk to me, please.�
    *I love you, Buffy.*
    *I love you too.*
    *One for the road?* Willow raised her eyebrows suggestively.
    *I�d love to.*
    They shared a slow, mournful kiss.
    �Willow.�
    Buffy pulled away sadly, standing up and crossing to the door. She took a deep breath and then opened it.
    �Buffy?� Kennedy questioned as the Slayer slipped out and shut the door again behind her.
    �Look, Kennedy,� Buffy began, �she doesn�t wanna talk to you right now, okay. You need to respect that.�
    �Can someone at least tell me what it is I did?� asked the potential Slayer with confusion in her eyes.
    �She�s stressed, Kennedy. I think she�s sorry for slapping you.�
    �You think?� Kennedy arched an eyebrow.
    �No promises,� Buffy told her. �And � it�s not really something you did exactly.�
    �You know why she�s mad?�
    �She�s my best friend,� Buffy explained, �of course I know. But like I said, she�s stressed and still kind of in blame mode.�
    *I�m thinking of you.* Willow�s thoughts came to Buffy from the other side of the door.
    �Why am I getting blamed though?�
    �It�s up to her if she wants to tell you,� said Buffy gently.
    *Wanna know where my hand is?*
    �Just give her time,� added the Slayer. �And space too. She�ll come out when she�s ready.�
    *No fair,* Buffy complained. *I�m trying to have a conversation out here.*
    �What if she needs someone?� said Kennedy. �Are you sure she�s okay to be alone?�
    �It�s not like she�s suicidal, Kennedy,� Buffy countered with a roll of her eyes. �She just needs to sort some stuff out. We talked; she�ll be okay.�
    *I�m remembering that time in the supply closet at the school.*
    �She just needs some time to herself, okay?�
    �I � okay.� Kennedy turned and headed for the stairs.
    *That takes care of Kennedy,* Buffy informed the witch. *I told her you�d come out when you�re ready.*
    *Thanks,* Willow thought back. *I�ll make good use of the time. This psycho blonde chick left me with an itch to scratch.*
    *Wish I could help you with that,* Buffy replied as she followed Kennedy downstairs. *I�m itchy too� You know, that�s not our best metaphor ever.*
    *Well, it might not be scratching, but there are definitely some rapid finger motions involved.*
    *I love my wicked witch.*
    *I love you too.*
    *I�m gonna get ready to go,* thought Buffy as she sighed. *Feel free to keep me informed for as long as I�m in range.*
    �Hey, Buffy,� Andrew greeted her eagerly at the bottom of the stairs. �I was thinking I�d video your patrol tonight. Make a record for future generations � a-and it would probably help the potentials to watch the tapes.�
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    �So�� said Kennedy, sitting on the bed, watching Willow rummage through her research books. �Looks like you finally had Xander put that lock on the door.�
    �I thought � you and Vi might like the privacy,� Willow mumbled.
    �Which would be great if I could get her to come back up here,� Kennedy noted bitterly. �She�s so damn shy and it�s getting annoying.�
    �Why don�t you just take charge of the situation?� the witch prompted.
    �Because,� Kennedy sighed, �I don�t want her if she can�t get past the nervousness. I think she can be pretty cool when she loosens up.�
    �I like her taste in hats,� Willow commented casually.
    �Isn�t she adorable?� Kennedy agreed. �Still�she needs to show me that she�s not always gonna be nervous around me.�
    �I�m sorry,� added Willow quietly. �I shouldn�t have blamed you�or slapped you.�
    �Okay� So can you tell me what was going on?� Kennedy asked her gently.
    �It was � girlfriend problems,� said Willow with a frown.
    �And you blamed me because��
    �She, uh, made an � accusation.�
    �Oh.� Kennedy looked down at her hands in embarrassment.
    �Yeah,� Willow sighed. �We talked about it though. I think we�re actually stronger for it.�
    �Does that mean you�re not gonna cry tonight?� Kennedy challenged.
    �I don�t know,� Willow admitted. �I�m feeling � better than usual, but � haven�t exactly solved everything yet.� She turned a page in one of her books. �Wait a minute.� Scanning the page intently, her brow furrowed. �Oh my God. That could solve everything.�
    �What?� Kennedy asked in confusion.
    �Huh?� Willow turned to the potential Slayer. �Oh, not � not my everything,� the witch clarified. �But � Spike�s everything.� She got to her feet, holding the book. �I have to go talk to Giles.�
    �Don�t you wanna tell Buffy?�
    �Well, I�m not really sure if we can get it,� Willow explained. �Or how well it�ll work. I don�t really want her to get her hopes up just yet. Giles will have to do some travelling. If it pans out, we can tell her when he comes back with it. I have to go now.�
    Kennedy sighed and as her head sank into her pillow. Willow was just too much trouble to figure out sometimes.
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    �Come on,� Buffy demanded. �No one else thinks this is idiotic?�
    It was morning again at 1630 Revello Drive and a crowd of people were gathered in the kitchen for breakfast. Andrew still hadn�t stopped playing with his camera, much to Buffy�s frustration.
    �Or is it important?� Xander suggested. �I mean, Buff, I don�t get why this is bothering you so much.� He gave an expression questioning the Slayer�s mood.
    �Because it�s a waste of time,� Buffy protested. �Come on, someone has to agree with me. Spike?� She looked to the vampire, hoping for his helpful snark.
    �Long as you�re not pointing that thing at me, seems like a fine way to keep the boy busy,� Spike mumbled as he smoked a cigarette.
    �This isn�t about keeping busy,� Buffy insisted. �This is about war. I�m sorry to jump all over you guys, but�I have to tell you what�s really going on.�
    *Army of Ubervamps?* Willow questioned in her mind.
    *It�s time,* Buffy affirmed.
    *You can do it,* the witch thought supportively.
    �There�s something new,� Buffy began.
    Andrew decided it was time to leave the room, not caring for the verbose speeches and serious contemplation. He crossed quietly into the dining room and turned the camera on himself once again.
    �Honestly, gentle viewers, these motivating speeches of hers tend to get a little long. I�ll take you back in there in � in a little while, but in the in between time, I thought you might want to know a little about me, your humble host. You see, I am a man with a burden. A man with a dark past. You see, I was once a super villain��
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    �Warren was cool,� Andrew mused at the end of his story. �And wasn�t Jonathan just the cutest thing? Well, shall we see if Buffy�s still talking?�
    Turning the camera again to the kitchen, he listened in on another snippet of Buffy�s speech.
    �She�s not done,� Andrew commented, zooming in on Willow, who stood by the sink. �Even Willow doesn�t seem to be paying attention and she can usually take a lot of that stuff. Something seems to be troubling her lately. Perhaps the witch is contemplating the darkness that still lies within her mind. Side note � I once had my own personal encounter with Dark Willow.�
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    �She was something,� Andrew reflected. �Indeed she was.�
    �I wish you wouldn�t talk about that.� Willow was leaving the kitchen via the dining room and had apparently caught part of Andrew�s story.
    �The � the gentle viewers will enjoy our epic struggle,� Andrew told her. �Perhaps you�d like to talk about the darkness that still harrows your soul.�
    �Do you like it when people talk about how you killed Jonathan?� Willow demanded.
    �Um, no � but that wasn�t exactly-�
    �Well, maybe I don�t like it either,� Willow snapped. �Okay � so just � bugger off!�
    She stormed from the room in a huff.
    Andrew was quietly reflective for a brief moment.
    �Let�s see what the little locusts left for breakfast, shall we?�
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    �Will,� Xander prompted, knocking gently on the door to her room.
    �It�s open,� Willow answered, seated next to her sleeping bag.
    �What�re you doing?� asked the carpenter, having a seat on the floor by the foot of the bed.
    �Having a staring contest with Mr. Gordo,� Willow mumbled, grinning sideways at her friend.
    �Can we talk?�
    �Yeah,� said Willow. She turned, resting her back against the wall.
    �Yeah?�
    �Yeah�� she continued to stare at the stuffed pig in her lap.
    �Will,� Xander began softly, �you�re keeping stuff from Buffy.�
    �We talked about Kennedy,� the witch informed him.
    �You�re keeping more stuff,� he persisted.
    �Yes, I am,� Willow agreed.
    �Yeah�� Xander was surprised that she had admitted it so readily. �So � don�t you think you should talk about it?�
    �I wanna tell her,� said Willow, �I just��
    �How bad is it?� inquired Xander tentatively.
    �Bad,� Willow stated bluntly. �Better since yesterday, but � still pretty bad.�
    �Better since yesterday?� Xander questioned. �Flying off the handle over the Kennedy thing made things better?�
    �It sort of helped me realize some stuff,� Willow explained. �I�ve been so worried that � that maybe she doesn�t really � want me.�
    �She does, Will. It�s hard for her too.�
    �I know. I�m starting to get it now. I mean, she said, like a hundred times, that she really does want me, but I was having trouble believing it because � her actions didn�t really match her words. But yesterday�she was still there. Even after � she was still there and she still loves me. And it�s not like I thought she didn�t � I just didn�t know. I�ve � really been a wreck these past few weeks.�
    �You should�ve talked to someone,� Xander pointed out. �Even if you didn�t want to talk to Buffy � and I get that � but you could�ve talked to any of us.�
    �I didn�t want it to be real, Xand,� said Willow quietly. �I wanted to be able to trust her words � and I couldn�t � and I didn�t want to admit that.�
    �And can you trust her now?�
    �I think so,� the witch reasoned. �I still don�t fully understand why she thinks it�s best for us to be apart � but I know now. I know she loves me and that helps a lot.�
    �You should talk to her.�
    �I will,� said Willow fervently. �Really, I will. I just need some time to � to think everything through.�
    �I get that.�
    �I know that � things are hard for her � and I don�t want to make it any worse � but I think I kind of have to.�
    �I know you try to keep things peaceful,� said Xander levelly.
    �It�s � I feel like it�s risky. But things will only get worse if we don�t talk about it.�
    �You can do it in your own time,� Xander assured her. �I won�t tell her.�
    �Thanks,� said Willow, finally meeting his eyes.
    �If you need someone to talk to in the meantime��
    �I know.�
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    Willow sat on the couch with a gloomy expression, holding Mr. Gordo to her chest and hardly paying attention to her surroundings as she pondered.
    �Hey, here�s something I think you�re going to be interested in, gentle viewers,� said Andrew as he aimed his camera at the witch.
    �Andrew,� Willow said blankly, looking up at him. �Look, I told you I don�t want-�
    �Hey Willow,� he interrupted, �can you get out of the way?�
    �Oh�� Willow stood and meandered out of Andrew�s shot.
    �Look at the fine work Xander did replacing the window sash,� Andrew informed the camera. �You can�t even tell it�s new, it blends in so well. He�s extraordinary.�
    �I guess I�ll just go somewhere else then.�
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    �Back again?� Spike questioned as Willow stepped off the bottom stair.
    �No more chains?� asked the witch.
    �Buffy�s decision,� the vampire explained. �I�m none too thrilled with it, to be honest.�
    �Didn�t she say she wanted the Spike that was dangerous?�
    �Dangerous is one thing,� Spike qualified, �girls coming down all by their lonesome � that�s another.�
    �I can do magic, Spike,� Willow defended.
    �Depressed as you are, I�d be surprised if you could float a pencil.�
    Willow pointed to a pencil cup that was sitting on top of the washing machine. Three pencils zoomed across the room, stopping directly above the vampire�s heart.
    �Fair enough,� Spike allowed. The pencils dropped with a clatter. �You still haven�t told the Slayer how you feel,� he stated.
    �I was going to.�
    �And?�
    �I didn�t.�
    �Fountain of information, you are.� Spike sighed. �You�re worried she�ll feel guilty.�
    �More than that,� Willow qualified. �I think you were right � she�ll change her mind � but it would be out of guilt and I really don�t want that.�
    �Women are bloody picky,� Spike noted. �Not enough to just give �em what they want.�
    �That�s not what I want,� the witch countered. �I mean, I know she loves me-�
    �Step up from yesterday.�
    �But it still feels like she�s ashamed.�
    �My advice � I think you�re confusing ashamed with afraid,� Spike offered.
    �Maybe you�re right,� allowed Willow. �I don�t know how to help her get past that though�not without hurting her.�
    �I think it�ll hurt less the sooner you do it,� advised the vampire.
    �I don�t � I don�t know how to handle this.�
    �Does the talking help?�
    �A little.�
    �Imagine how much more it�ll help when you�re taking to her.�
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Next Chapter: In the in Between Time
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Closer to the Heart