Kindness, Love, and Acceptance

Part 11

Connor awoke early the next morning to find both Xander and Spike in his room standing at the end of the bed. He blinked in confusion and rubbed at his eyes wondering if he was hallucinating. He hadn't expected to wake up from a dream about the two men in front of him to actually see them standing above him looking at him. It was very disconcerting.

"Uh..."

"Sorry if we woke you." Xander sat gently on the end of the bed and placed his hand lightly on the blanket where it covered the young man's ankle. "I... we wanted to talk to you, before you took off or anything."

Connor lowered his eyes at the uneasy feelings that coursed through him. He knew that Xander had figured out he would run away again. It was, after all, what he was used to. "I... Sorry."

"Don't be. We all do it; hell, running away from your problems is nothing to be ashamed of." This time it was Spike who stepped in to soothe him. He sat next to him on the bed and ran his fingers very lightly up Connor’s arm. "I used to run all the time; ran all the way to Africa one time," Spike chuckled weakly. "And all I got to show for it was this bleedin' soul."

Xander smiled at Spike and then turned his attention to Connor. "Spike told me about what happened last night, how you tried to ease his pain and offered him comfort. You were right - I have forgiven him. But have you forgiven me?"

Connor sat up and pulled the blankets tighter around himself; as he did so, he looked at Xander and really thought about what he felt for him. He was still confused over the fact that he wanted him, that he was a man, and that that didn't bother him. He remembered how good Xander had made him feel, how after all the pain he had recently been put through, this man had made him forget it, even if only for a little while. He couldn't be angry with him for that. He was saddened by the fact that Xander had Spike and didn't need him or want him in the same way Connor wanted Xander, but he didn't hold it against him.

"There is nothing to forgive you for. You gave me peace. For one night I slept without seeing my father murder my son; for one night I was held in a strong, safe embrace and I needed that. My life has been nothing but pain as long as I can remember. Cordelia - or who I thought was Cordelia - showed me pleasure, but in the end she caused me more pain than I had ever thought I could feel. You, Xander, you gave me more than that. You gave me comfort. I don't hate you. I don't resent you. I don't feel the need to forgive you, for in my mind you have done nothing wrong."

Xander sighed and visibly relaxed. "Okay, that's good ‘cause I, well we, want to talk to you. About what's going on among the three of us." Connor looked between Xander and Spike and tensed briefly before Spike began rubbing his arm again in a soothing manner. "Nothing to worry about; we just want to talk."

Cr nor nodded and Spike turned his face so he could see him. "I'll admit, when Xander came home smelling like you, I was angry; I wanted to tear him to pieces - you too, truth be told. I was hurt that I had woken up alone, that he had left me without telling me why. I thought he was playing games with me; we have a bit of a rough past, he and I." Xander snorted and Spike smirked. "W all all right, that was putting it mildly; we hated each other with a passion. I was involved in a very unhealthy relationship with his friend, I shagged his ex-fiancée after their almost-wedding and I had tried to kill him on several occasions in the past."

"Yep, and I wasn't much better. I blamed Spike for everything that went wrong in my life. I thought that maybe if it wasn't for Spike, Buffy would have turned to me for comfort instead of him - never mind that I was involved with Anya at the time. I blamed his sleeping with Anya for why we didn't get back together - even though it was me who left her standing at the altar in her wedding gown. I tried to kill him, or at least helped Buffy try to kill him a few times in the past, as well. We had... issues."

Connor didn't seem phased by any of this. "I understand. My father, Angel, has tried on many occasions to kill both Cordelia and Wesley, and they still forgave him. Cordelia is in love with him, and I'm pretty sure Wesley was at one point, as well. What does this have to do with me?"

Spike thought about what he was trying to say; at some point he had lost the point he was trying to make. "Oh, right. Anyway, as I was saying, I was angry about you and Xander. Then, after Xan told me why, what I had done to drive him away in the first place, I wasn't so much angry with him as I was with myself. I was still mad as hell at you though, and I didn't even know you. Irrational vampire behaviour for you. Then you showed up here, and after we talked, I understood."

Spike looked over at Xander and smiled softly. "I understood what made Xander choose you, what it was about you that attracted him because I found myself attracted to you, as well. I kissed you last night because I wanted to. Because you were kind to me, because you've had a rough life and I understand that; because you looked like you needed it, and because you have such a pretty mouth. I couldn't help myself." Spike chuckled as Connor blushed and dropped his gaze to his hands, which were twined tightly together in his lap.

"What Spike is saying is that we like you. We both find ourselves wanting you and wanting to see if this could work with the three of us. That is, if you feel the same way. If you don't want us, we won't push. It's just, you feel like one of us, alone, hurting, scared and confused. We've been there, still are there in some ways. We'd like to help you."

Connor raised his eyes and looked at Xander. He saw nothing but sincerity in his eyes and smiled slightly at him before looking at Spike. The vampire was harder to read, but he looked as sincere as the human. Connor cocked his head and thought about it. He had wanted Xander to touch him again; he honestly liked the man and the more time he spent with him the more he wanted to be a part of his life. Spike was a mystery to him; he was a demon, a vampire, but he felt things more acutely than most of the humans Connor had met. He was attracted to him on a physical level but, as with Xander, it was more than just that. Spike hadn't talked down to him or treated him like a child. He had been honest - brutally honest - with him when he had asked about his mother. He knew on some instinctual level that he wouldn't lie to him or sugar coat the truth. But he didn't know what exactly was being offered here. Was it simply sex that they wanted from him, or was it more than that?

"What exactly are you asking from me?"

"Nothing. Everything. Whatever you are willing to give us. We want you, not as a plaything, not as a fuck-toy, but as an equal. A partner; someone to share our bed, our bodies and our lives."

The serious look on the vampire’s face as he said this made Connor smile. Perhaps he just might have a place here in Sunnydale. "I need time to think about this. I'm not saying no. I do like you, both of you, but this is all very new to me. I, ah, I've only..." Connor trailed off with a deep blush and then took a few calming breaths before continuing. "I've only been intimate three times, and two of those times it was with a woman. I'm not sure I understand the mechanics of three people together."

Spike leered playfully at him and leaned in and whispered seductively in his ear. "It's simple, luv, we put you between us and then we make you scream with pleasure." He lightly nipped Connor's ear and smiled as he smelled the young man's arousal increase. "You've felt what Xander can do to you, how his lips felt on your skin, how his hands felt as they teased you and stretched you open. Now imagine having both of us touching you, kissing you, tasting you."

Xander couear ear the words Spike whispered to Connor and felt himself grow painfully hard. He watched Connor's eyes close and his lips part as his breath hitched in anticipation. He slid up the bed until he was sitting next to Connor on the opposite side. He tentatively reached out and touched his arm, smiling when Connor didn't pull away from the touch.

Spike didn't want to push, but the way Connor was reacting to his words was making him crazy. The fact that he knew that Xander had been inside him, had kissed him and sucked him and marked him as his own in a way, was driving him insane. He licked a trail down the side of Connor's neck and then sucked at the skin between his neck and shoulder until he was sure he had left a mark. He knew that Connor was hard; held sld smell his desperation for release in the air. He also knew that Xander was just as bad off. "What do you say, pet? Want us to make you scream?"

Connor groaned at the images in his mind of having both of these men touching him. He wanted it; he wanted it badly. "Yeeessss!" He hissed as the two of them drew back simultaneously and got off of the bed.

~!~