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Been Here Too Few Years	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 18659 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Buffy knew that the last subject
that should be on her mind while she was on a date with Riley was Spike. She
should be listening to Riley's very amusing anecdote about whatever it was he
was currently talking about. Possibly something about�cheese? But her mind kept
replaying the scene at the door with Spike, and something inside her was
telling her she should feel guilty about it. But why?
It wasn't as if she owed Spike anything. She'd offered him her home, not her
heart.
She laughed at something Riley said,
although she wasn't sure what exactly. It had merely seemed to be the proper
social response at the time, and he appeared pleased that she'd given it. She
wondered if she could do the whole night like this, feigning interest the way
she had at the coffee shop. The way her mind was still reeling because of Spike
she wasn't sure she could concentrate on much else. She knew that made her a
horrible date, but�
"So what's life like for you
back home?"
Dammit... Now she had to be part of the
conversation. She sighed internally, realizing she wasn't really being fair to
Riley. She had chosen to go on this date, which meant, of course, that she
wanted to be there. She should be more of an active participant. She started to
answer, and then had a moment of panic as she did a quick compare of her life
to Riley's. What would he think of her if he knew how messed up things had
gotten for her in the past and why she had felt she needed to get as far away
as New York?
"It's great. Well, my parents
got divorced right after I started high school, which was rough, but my mom
remarried, and he's a wonderful guy. So family life�good."
"Is it just you and your
brother?"
Riley's question confused Buffy for
a moment. Brother? She didn't have a�oh. Right.
"No. I have a younger sister. Dawn."
"Much better name than
Spike," Riley commented.
"His name is William,"
Buffy said quickly, almost feeling as if she had to defend Spike.
"Oh." There was a pause
for a moment before Riley asked another question. "Are you planning on
staying here after you graduate, or are you going back to California?"
Why was he asking her that? Did he
honestly expect her to know what she was going to be doing in the future when
today was still a struggle? "I don't know," she admitted. "I'm
just trying to get through to graduation. After that, well, I guess it will
depend on where I can find a job."
"Do you know what career
you're going for yet?"
Buffy suddenly felt like a loser.
She had no clue where she was going, what she was going to do once college was
over. "No," she said, feeling somewhat guilty that she hadn't planned
out her future more now that she was faced with someone who so obviously had.
"Oh. Well, that's all right.
You have time, I guess. Personally, I felt like I needed to have a plan as soon
as I started college so I wouldn't waste any time trying out majors, but I know
that's not possible for everyone."
Buffy decided not to own up to the
fact that she'd "tried out" three different majors before settling on
her current choice. She had a feeling Riley would meet that declaration with
disapproval. "I looked at it as more of a self discovery thing,"
Buffy said. "Searching for your niche and all
that."
"Yeah, that tends to be a
popular take on the college experience. I just found it much more beneficial to
see it as laying the groundwork for my future career."
"That's very�practical."
Riley's smile told Buffy he'd taken
her response as praise, though she wasn't entirely sure she'd meant it to be.
"What made you to settle on psych as your major?" Riley asked.
It was the third time in a rather
short conversation that Buffy didn't feel comfortable with giving the whole
truth as her answer. Riley was so normal, so together, it made her embarrassed for
having such a screwed up life. She knew she couldn't tell him her interest in
psychology came from her own past experience with having a less-than-clean bill
of mental health. "I just find the inner workings of the human mind fascinating,"
she replied with her most chipper smile.
Before anything else could be said,
the waiter arrived with their dinner. Buffy looked down and immediately
regretted her meal choice, the sight of it reminding her too much of the first
time Spike had cooked. Who would've thought that she'd start to equate pasta
with Spike? She hated the way he kept creeping back into her thoughts. She was
on this date in order to get herself to not
think about him, not the other way around.
So she'd have to push him out of
her mind for now, simple as that. She'd concentrate on the food, the
restaurant, Riley�anything but the man she'd left back in her apartment.

***
*** ***
"I had a really nice time tonight."
Buffy smiled at Riley, even though
he'd just said what was probably the most overused end of a
date line ever. It was like the mild, virginal twin of "Would you
like to come in for coffee?" She hated this point of a date, when the
night was technically over, but neither person was quite sure how to officially
end it. And then there was that whole to kiss or not to kiss mental tug-of-war�
"Me, too," she said.
"So, you think maybe we could
do it again some time?"
"Sure," Buffy agreed.
After all, it wasn't like it had been a bad night. Riley was a nice guy,
exactly the type she needed to be with. "You have my number. Call
me."
Riley gave her his boyish grin.
"Great!" He hesitated for a moment, and Buffy braced herself for what
was coming. When he leaned towards her, she didn't move, only waiting for his
lips to touch hers. When they did, it was a quick kiss, over before Buffy had a
chance to blink.
"So I'll call you?" Riley
verified.
He looked pleased with himself,
Buffy thought. She couldn't help but feel a little bitchy and wonder why. "Yeah."
"Well, um, have a good night
then, Buffy."
"You, too,
Riley."
She waited until Riley had walked
down the hall and disappeared into the stairwell before fishing her keys out
from her purse. There was a moment of dread as Buffy thought of what could
happen once she walked into the apartment and saw Spike. Maybe she'd be lucky,
and he wouldn't be home. She took a deep breath, turning the key in the lock.
Buffy opened the door, freezing
when she saw Spike wasn't alone. Harmony was in his lap, tracing the curve of
his neck with her tongue. Buffy threw her purse and keys down on the table,
telling herself quickly that what she was feeling was anger at Spike for
bringing Harmony here when he'd said he wouldn't and not jealousy at seeing him
with another woman. "You. Out
of my apartment."
Harmony turned, startled, but Spike
just looked smug. "What, you're the only one who gets any tonight? Or wait�maybe
that's the problem. Not even a bit of
a snog from Cap'n Cardboard, and now you're feeling all frustrated?"
"Shut up, Spike," Buffy
snapped.
Harmony glared over at Buffy.
"Look, I don't know what your deal is, but my blondie bear and I�"
"Get out of my apartment
before I throw you out." Buffy's tone was bordering on a growl.
Harmony's eyes bulged, and she
jumped off Spike's lap. "Okay. Well, um, see you later, Spikey."
Harmony dashed out of the apartment, not daring to look at Buffy as she did.
Buffy slammed the door behind Harmony,
then locked it angrily. She spun around, her eyes
narrowing at Spike. "I told you not to bring her here again."
Spike remained seated on the couch,
his legs spread comfortably and his hands resting behind his head. "Didn't really think you'd be back tonight. What,
dinner wasn't nice enough for you to let him take a poke?"
Buffy gasped. "I can't believe
you just said that."
"Yeah, well, it's all part of
my lack of charm. Don't see why you even care what I think or say, seeing as I'm
not good enough for your precious self anyway."
"What? Don't you try to turn
this around on me, Spike. You're the one who had that skank back in my apartment."
"You're one judgmental little
bint, you know that?" Spike said, his cool demeanor starting to crack. "You
don't know her. For all you know, she could be the very pinnacle of virtue."
"Oh yeah, and I'm sure that's
why she's with you."
Spike was off the couch as soon as
the words were out of Buffy's mouth. He stalked towards her, backing her
against the door and pinning her there between his outstretched arms. Buffy
trembled, her eyes wide and her breath quickening. "That what you think of
me? That I'm beneath you? Oh, I'm fine when you just want to use me, when all I
am to you is someone who can make your pain go away for a little while. But if
you're ever going to go out in public, well, it better be with someone nice and
clean cut. Bloke like me is just an embarrassment."
Buffy pushed against his chest.
"Get away from me. You smell like a damn brewery."
Spike didn't budge. "I know
you feel this thing between us, Buffy. This heat�desire. You want me. Just let
yourself�" He leaned in, his mouth dangerously close to hers.
Buffy pushed him away, harder this
time, and he stumbled backwards. "There is nothing between us," she snapped, her body shaking. "God,
look at yourself. You have no real job and you can't
seem to go even a full twenty-four hours without getting drunk out of your
mind. What could you possibly offer me?"
Spike leered at her, caressing his
teeth with his tongue, though Buffy could see the anger still in his eyes.
"I think you know exactly what I could offer you, kitten."
Buffy gave him her best look of
disgust. "That's something I'll never want from you."
"What, you think Riley is going to give you what you
need? Didn't seem quite man enough to me."
"Shows how much you
know," Buffy said with a smug smile. She didn't like the way he was
talking to her, what he was insinuating. She wanted that smug look off of his
face. "Riley gives me exactly
what I need. He's more of a man than you could ever dream of being."
Spike had her against the door
again within seconds, this time with his hard body pressed into her, showing
her exactly how much of a man he was. His mouth swallowed her cry of surprise
as he gave her a punishing kiss. All semblance of rational thought seemed to
fly out the window for her. This kiss was so unlike the mere peck that Riley
had given her only a short time before, and Buffy felt dizzy. His touch was
electric, and it sent fire through her veins.
But it was wrong. Her voice of
reason popped back to the forefront of her mind, reminding her of all the
reasons why she couldn't do this. Spike wasn't safe. If she gave in to him now,
it would only lead to badness later on. She pushed him away again, this time
moving quickly so she was away from the door. "No, Spike. I don't want
you. I'll never want you." She
saw him move towards her again, and she grabbed on to something he'd said earlier,
desperate to do anything to keep him from pushing her where she knew she
couldn't go. "You're beneath me."
Spike's face hardened. "Fine. Tell yourself whatever you want, you bloody
little bitch. Just think about that when no one's there to hold you while you
cry over your dead lover."
Buffy paled. "How did you�"
"I'm not as dumb as you think
I am, Buffy. I see you, hear you, and I've put enough of the pieces together to
figure out what this is all about."
"You know nothing about me,
Spike," Buffy snarled. "Nothing." She went into her bedroom, relieved when
Spike didn't follow her.

***
*** ***
Willow propped her elbows up on the
lunch table, resting her chin on top of her fists. "So, how did the date
with Riley go?"
Buffy swirled her straw around in
her drink. "It was nice�"
"Nice? I need more than nice.
Give me a full description here. Er, unless things got all groiny,
in which case a blurry watercolor will suffice."
"There was no groininess," Buffy said with a small smirk. "Just a kiss at the end of the night."
"Ooh! A kiss! Did it make you
all tingly?"
"It was�nice."
"There's that 'nice' again.
Come on, satisfy the curiosity of the nosy best
friend."
"Fine. We went to dinner at Caf� Centosette on Second Avenue, and�"
"Ooh, Italian. Tara and I go
there for brunch sometimes. They have really good�" Willow trailed off. "Oh,
I asked about your date with Riley, and now I'm rambling�"
Buffy chuckled. "Rambling's
fine. And it was a good meal. Good food. Good conversation. It was�good."
"So it was nice and
good?"
"Yep. Nice and good."
"With a kiss
at the end of the night."
"Uh
huh."
"So will there be more 'nice
and good' dates for Buffy and Riley?"
"I think so. He asked if he
could see me again, and I told him he could call me."
Willow gave a small, excited
squeal. "I'm so happy for you, Buffy! I was worried when you seemed so
unwilling to date again after Parker, but here you are, getting back on that
dating horse. And Riley's a great guy. I think you'll be really happy together."
"He's terrific," Buffy
replied, hopefully with more enthusiasm than she was currently feeling.
Willow smiled brightly, and Buffy
tried very hard to let the other woman's good mood be addictive. After all,
Riley was terrific, and Spike's
behavior the previous night had more than reinforced her belief that she had
made the wise choice. Buffy smiled, too. She was doing the right thing.

***
*** ***
Spike was sitting at the kitchen
table when Buffy came home that afternoon. "Can we talk?" he asked as
soon as she was inside.
"I really don't want to talk to you, Spike."
"I figured as much. I just�"
Buffy leaned against the counter.
"Make it quick. I have to be at work in an hour."
Spike took a deep breath. "Right. Look, I'm really sorry about what happened last
night."
"Skip it. I don't want to hear
anything you have to say about that. You were drunk, and you acted like an ass.
End of story."
"Fine. We'll leave it at that then."
"Is that all you had to
say?"
"No. I wanted you to know that
I'm going to find another place to live. I can't promise anything over night,
but I'll be out of here as soon as I can."
Buffy felt all the strength knocked
from both her righteous anger and her legs. Spike was leaving? He wasn't
supposed to leave. He was supposed to stay there with her, and� No� This was good, she told herself.
Spike being out of her life would make everything easier. "Happy
apartment hunting, then. I'm going to get ready for work."
A quick flash of pain hit his
features before they hardened again. "I'll be out of your hair soon,
Buffy."
"Glad to hear it." Buffy
walked into her room, shutting the door behind her. She started to go to her
closet and get her uniform for work, when she felt her legs begin to tremble.
She leaned against the door for support, tears forming in her eyes. She hadn't
considered the possibility that Spike would actually leave like this.
But it was a good thing. She had to
keep telling herself that. It would be better for her, and she'd be safer this
way. Yes, this would be better.
So why didn't it feel that way?

***
*** ***
A big thanks to Niamh
on this one for being my location scout. *wink*
Yes, I know things look rough for
our favorite couple right now, but just sit tight, don't
burn effigies of me, and everything will be fine, I promise!
Oh yeah, and review please�
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Been Here Too Few Years