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Timeless Faith	By : norwalker Category: BtVS AU/AR > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 3106 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Timeless Faith

By Norwalker

Part 11 of ?

Rating : R for language, sexual situations and violence.

Category: Romance/Angst/Drama

Disclaimer: Most, if not all of the characters depicted here are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Inc. and Fox. This is a work of fiction; any similarities to anyone living or dead are purely coincidental.

Summary: Third in a series of stories started with " Summer of faith" and continued in "Seasof ff faith". In the last book, Buffy died fighting Glorificus, the Hell goddess. This book picks up where that book ended. How does Faith deal with the loss of Buffy? How does life change for the scoobies? Buffy will be with them always, but is there more to it than just memories? Stay tuned.

Spoilers: Possible season 6 and season 7 spoilers. Hope you've watched them by now.

Timeline: Season 6, maybe season 7 and beyond( don't know yet).

WARNING: There is always the possibility of major character death. Romance between members of the same ge(duh(duh). Sexual situations between members of the same gender. This is an Alternate Universe (AU) story. The real(by the series 'coda' ) relationship between Buffy and Faith never happened here. So if you're looking for the dark, knife wielding, don't give a crap about nothing but me Faith, She's not here.(ok, bit of an exaggeration, as we all know by now that Faith redeemed herself, but the "dark, evil" Faith never got a chance to live here). Violence happens. Adult themes( someday, I plan on being one, too). Sexual situations. All the usual stuff.

Faith hauls herself out of bed the next morning. She notices that Buffy's gone. Guess she musta not wanted me to know she was there. Ok, fine. We'll play it that way. She wasn't there.

Walking to the mirror, she carefully peels back the bandage and checks her wound. Not bad, coming along nicely. She gently touches the wound, and winces. Ok, maybe not healed quite yet. But I'll be fine by the end of the day. I've been hurt worse than this. No big. She puts on her robe and heads for the bathroom.

Standing in the shower, the warm water streaming down over her, she thinks about last night. 'K, Faith. Maybe last night was a wake up call. Thing is, girl, you've been walking around here out of it for way too long. Last night showed you that if you don't stop it, you could wind up seriously dead one of these nights. For what? Because you can't make up your mind? Think about it, girl. Are Buffy and Dawn gonna be better if you're dead, especially if it's your own stupid fault because you're walkin' around with your head up your butt? Think Buffy would feel any better knowing it was because of her? Ok, not fair… because I can't decide about her. Let's get down to it, Faith. You're not 15 anymore. You're not a kid anymore. You don't have the luxury of mooning around about Buffy . Does she, doesn't she? Will she, won't she? So aint gonna work. Much as I hate it, gonna have to just sit her down, and try to figure this mess out. Explain what I'm going through, and try to deal.

Ok, one more time Faith. We've been over this, and it's getting past boring. Buffy is gone. The Buffy you knew is gone. If you stop for a minute, you're going to know she's not coming back. She as much as told you to move on… remember? Get on with your life, and live it, and stop the mourning. I just wish it were that easy, that I could find a switch and turn it off. I can't. But I gotta deal with it now, and start to treat her… Buffy, this Buffy, as a new person, not as a substitute for the Buffy I loved. She has a right to exist, to be treated as a person too… and you haven't been doing that. You don't forget the woman you loved. That can't happen. She's gonna be in my heart, have a part of it, for as long as I live. But that doesn't mean you can't love the woman she's become. If you let yourself, and stop torturing yourself, and her."

She finishes up her shower, and dries off. Looking at herself in the mirror, she smiles, a little self-deprecatingly. Brave words, Faith. Lets see how long you stick to it, shall we? She makes an impatient noise with herself, and walks back to her room to dress.

Buffy sits by the breakfast bar, tapping her fingers nervously on the counter.

She's gotten Dawn off to school, courtesy of Tara and Willow. They came by and took her to school. She knew she had to talk, well… more likely, confront Faith on last night. She so wasn't looking forward to it, but there was no getting around it. She wasn't going to be that scared and worried again.

" Hey, Buff. Where's Dawnie? We gotta hurry if I'm gonna get her to school on time," Faith says, heading for the coffee pot, "How come no one woke me? Is there any coffee?" She shakes the nearly empty pot.

Buffy looks at Faith, dressed for work, and she starts to feel her neck flush.

"What do you think you're doing?" Buffy asks, her voice calm, but there's an edge of anger to it.

"Huh?" Faith replies, detecting the anger, " I'm taking Dawn to school, then going to work. What's the deal?"

"What's the deal?" Buffy repeats, as if those are the most stupid words she's ever heard, " What's the DEAL?"

"Ok, you've got the question, " Faith says, her tone lightly mocking, " Usually, the answer follows". She turns to Buffy, with a smirk, which quickly disappears when she sees Buffy's expression. Uh-oh.

Buffy walks over and taps Faith on the head, " Hello, is there a brain in here?" She says, sarcastically.

" Hey…watch the love taps, Buffy!" Faith says, rubbing her head.

"I thought I was the one with memory loss" y say says, her tone growing angrier, " Did you forget something… LIKE YOU WERE HURT LAST NIGHT? BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO CARRY YOU HOME?" She yells. Faith winces.

" Hey, Buffy, calm down. It was no big deal, " Faith says, trying to soothe her. It only has the opposite effect.

" CALM DOWN?" Buffy yells… then she closes her eyes, grips her fists trying to do just that. She pauses a minute for her anger to cool a little. When she continues, her voice is quieter, but her temper is still flaring, " Calm down, right. No big deal. You couldn't walk, I had to carry you home. You had blood all over you. No big deal. Got it. Hey, maybe I was in a different dimension, or something. Maybe it didn't really happen, " Buffy says, her tone heavily washed with acid, " No, wait… I can't remember things, so I gotta be mentally defective, that's it. I imagined the whole goddamn thing. That it, Faith?"

" No… that isn't what I meant, "Faiths says, defensive, " I … I just meant I'm it'sit's not that bad."

"Really?" Buffy asks, acerbically. She walks over and gently flicks Faith on her wound. Faith flinches. Buffy continues, " Oh, yeah, your just FINE, Faith. Got it!".

" Why're you so mad?" Faith asks, feeling more than a little hurt.

" Oh, I don't know, Faith, " Buffy says, " Maybe cuz I slept all of an hour last night? Or, maybe It's cuz I spent most of the night worried sick about you. Could be the guilt I'm feeling for letting you talk me out of taking you to the hospital. Here's a tip, Faith. Sitting up all night, listening to someone you care about whimper ever time she accidentally turns on her wound side? Not conducive to good moods."

"Buffy, I'm sorry…." Faith says, but Buffy cuts her off.

" You're sorry. Great. That woulda been great if you'd died. God, what was I thinking?" Buffy says, moving on to self-blame." I was confused, and scared and didn't know what to do. So of course, I listen to you... you who give me rotten advice. I shoulda just taken you anyway, or called an ambulance, or something. God I shoulda… but I didn't. Stupid. Stupid and double stupid!" Buffy paces nervously, her anger at Faith, but mostly at herself, building up. She wants to hit something really badly.

"Buffy… don't… don't do this!" Faith says, her voice getting a sorrowful tone to it. " Please, don't blame yourself!"

" Right, right. Don't blame myself," Buffy says, her anger starting to be laced with tears of frustration and worry , " Don't blame myself. " Hey, Faith died, but I wasn't at fault". Yeah, that'd so help." She moves away, seeming to scrunch herself up.

" Buffy. Buffy. It's ok, I'm ok" She comes to Buffy, trying to lay her hands on her, to comfort her. Buffy shrugs her off. " Look, Buffy, I'll… I'll go …I'll go now. To the hospital. The doctor. Anywhere you want me to. Ok?" Faith's voice takes on a tone of pleading.

"No… I mean… Yes… I mean, I'm not letting you out of here except to go to the hospital to get that wound checked out. I called Xander already, and he said that you're not to come back to work without a doctor's ok" Buffy says.

"What?" Faith says, " Why'd you do that? I mean, Buffy. How're we gonna pay the bills around here if I'm off work? I could lose my job. Then what?"

" Faith, Xander's not going to fire you" Buffy says, " Even if he did, so what? You'd get another job, or I'll get a job, or something. God, do you think a job is important?".

" It's important if you like eating, Buffy" Faith says, " What about Dawn? Lots of expense there, you know. If I get canned, how do I know I'll get another job? Not like jobs are falling off trees, Buffy. I'm just finally making decent money."

" Faith, what're you thinking? What if you go to work, and that wound gets infected, and you get sick, and die? Or you get weak or hit by pain at the wrong time, and fall and die? God, what're Dawn and I gonna do then? How're we gonna feel then. " Hey, Dawn honey, sure Faith's dead, but boy no one can EVER say she missed a day at work". Boy, I know I'll be all comforted by that! "

" Buffy, that's not the point!" Faith says, her voice quiet.

" Oh, I'm sorry, " Buffy says, dryly, " Just a dumb blonde here. Please, enlighten me, Faith. What's the point?"

" I want to take care of you and Dawn," Faith says.

" Take care of us?" Buffy says, her tone changing. Softening. She continues, " how're you gonna take care of us if you're sick, really sick…or… dead?"

" I've taken care of that, " Faith says, " I've got insurance, life insurance…"

" You think this is about money?" Buffy says, incredulously. Her temper flares, " YOU THINK I GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MONEY?" She yells. She storms out, shouting over her shoulder, " I don't get you, Faith. I really don't get you. God, how can you think that?" She storms into the living room.

Faith follows her into the living room. Buffy turns on her, her face livid. Before she can tear into Faith, however, Faith stops her.

" I'm just saying, Buffy, in case. Something happens to me… you and Dawn are taken care of." Faith says, something in her tone is not right.

Buffy feels as if she's been slapped. But it doesn't make her angrier. Instead, she feels her anger dissipate. Something in Faith's voice scared her. Badly. She shakes her head, as if she's trying to make herself get it.

" I don't understand, Faith" Buffy says, her tone low, her voice hinting at sorrow, " how do you think that's what we need? Money, I mean. How do you think that'll be what takes care of us?" Buffy asks, looking lost, " Faith… we need you. YOU!. Not some money. You! Don't you get it?" Buffy looks at Faith, and the expression she sees there scares her. " Faith…why are you acting this way? What is it?"

Faith doesn't say anything. She suddenly feels as if the whole world around her is falling to pieces. She feels weak, and walks to a chair, sitting down hard. She just stares out into space.

" Faith… please" Buffy says, getting frightened. " Faith… don't go quiet on me, please, talk to me. What is it? Why're you acting like this? Like you don't care about …. " Buffy tra off off, not wanting to say it.

Faith is silent. She's staring off, as if she's somewhere else. She looks at Buffy, as if she doesn't recognize her.

"Faith, please, you're scaring me" Buffy says, her fear turning to anger. &q Tal Talk to me! Dammit, don't shut me out! TALK TO ME! WHY? Please…. Tell me!"

" I dunno, Buffy" Faith says, her tone strange.

" You don't know?" Buffy says, unbelieving, " Who would know then? You gotta know, Faith. You gotta!"

Faith grips her hands together. She looks down, not able to look at Buffy.

" Maybe I wanted to die, Buffy" She says. She looks at Buffy, her face forlorn, " Maybe, until last night, I wanted to die!"

Buffy feels like a horse kicked her. She doesn't even look around, she just sits down… hard. Everything has been knocked for a loop inside her.

"Why?" is all she can manage.
"It's been so hard, Buffy" Faith says, her voice sounding hoarse and hollow, " When you died… I know you did it to save Dawn, to give Dawn a chance to live. My head knows that , Buffy. But in my heart, it's like…you left me, again, for real. As if our life together had no hold on you. It's childish, I know, but that didn't make it hurt less. You told Dawn to tell me you figured it out, but instead of staying, you left. We spent 3 years trying to figure it out, and it all came down to that. In the end, you left me. You died Buffy, and that night a lot of what was me, a lot of my heart, died with you. " Faith halts, trying to make it all clear. She can't, because she's not clear herself. She goes on, " You told Dawn to live, be brave, live in this world, no matter how hard it was… and you went and died. As if this world was too painful for you to be in. You jumped in the portal and left us behind, alone." Faith looks at Buffy, her eyes haunted.

" I known Dawn has suffered terribly. You're mom, then you. She's probably gotten the worst of it. But she handled it better than I did. So much better. Cuz I didn't want to handle it. I was already dead, I just didn't get it. Inside, dead. There was no color left in the world, Buffy. You took it when you left. You were my everything. All the meaning , all the joy, the reason to wake up, it was you. I couldn't deal with the reality that I'd never see you again, never touch you again, never be with you again. So I didn't. Inside I shut down. The only reason I didn't just walk in front of a bus is because of Dawn. I promised you I would look out for her, take care of her. And I love her, she's like my own little sister. I couldn't … do that to her. I don't think she could take anymore loss, so I went on, but here" She points to herself," inside it was empty, cold. Dead."

Buffy feels sick. Sick in her soul. She hasn't realized the depths of Faith's pain, how fragile she is. She's looked at her, and only seen the strong, tough side. She hasn't, until now, seen the side that breaks so easily. More, she feels something happening to her… something in her head, pounding to get out…. It almost hurts, and she feels a little dizzy. But she holds on, wanting to hear the rest.

Faith continues, " Then came that night, when Red brought you back. When I attacked that group of vampires attacking you, I didn't know it was you. I just thought another idiot civilian wandered in where she shouldn't be. When I saw it was you… everything stopped. I thought I was hallucinating, I froze. It almost got us killed. For a second, a brief second, I thought the gods, or whatever, smiled on me, brought you back to me." She sighs, " But it wasn't so, not really. It was a divine joke; they brought you back in the way that would hurt me the most. You didn't know me, know anything about me. What we were, everything we'd been… gone. Nothing. Nada. You're right there, but you might as well be a million miles away. Pure torture. We'd never have what we had, it was all different now. And somehow, I was just supposed to accept that. " Faith pauses, " I was selfish, so selfish. I didn't think how it would affect the others. All I could think of is how it affected me. I needed you Buffy, with everything I am, I needed you. You, the real you, all of you. Not just part of you."

" Somewhere, over the next week or two, I realized that you… the you that was, wasn't coming back. Ever. I guess that's when I got the idea. I knew I didn't want to live in a world where you didn't remember what we were. It hurt too much, Buffy, to think that I'd love you like I do, and you couldn't, wouldn't return those feelings. That all we'd been was wiped out, never to be again. But you were back, even if it wasn't the you I wanted(selfishly, I know, very selfishly). I figured that since you were back, given time, you wouldn't need me to look after Dawn anymore. Or you, for that matter. I figured… I had one last thing I had to do. To wait long enough to be sure that you could take care of Dawn. Make sure you had the means to. Then… it wouldn't matter anymore. I wasn't needed anymore. I could… find release. I could die, fully, completely. And know you were ok."

Buffy, as strange as she was feeling, as dizzy, still protested, " Faith. I could never NOT need you!"

" I… didn't understand that Buffy. Not then. But something happened, Buffy. It .. started that night when I took you for the walk. To talk to you. To try to make you understand my feelings. I guess I … wasn't as honest as I shoulda been… but something happened that night. You got inside me again. You. The you that you're now. You took control, and kissed me. I don't know why… but you did. And I needed it Buffy. Needed it more than a junkie needs crack. I kissed you back, and something was planted inside me. A seed. Or something. It started small, tiny. But it grew inside me. Little by little, the dead stuff inside me, started to live again. I could breathe without it hurting again. Every day wasn't the same, it wasn't just gray anymore. I didn't want to shut it all out anymore. But I didn't see that in my head. I couldn't connect it. I didn't know what you felt. I didn't know what I felt."

" It wasn't until last night, Buffy, that it all came clear to me. Not even with the wound, though that was a slap in the face. But that wasn't even it. It was later. When I woke up, and you were next to me, you're arm over me, protecting me. I was quiet, didn't want to disturb you, even though I was having major hurt from the wound. I thought to myself, " This is wrong, so wrong. But I don't care"… but it hit me a little later, that I did care. Because I finally realized… it wasn't wrong. I was wrong. Because I couldn't or wouldn't see what was right in front of my face. You were back. Right here with me. I was so blinded by my pain, my loss, and my selfishness, that I didn't see that I had what I wanted. You. I had you. "

" I don't care if you never remember anything about what was. If you want to know, I'll tell you, best I can. All I care about is … I want to live now, because you're with me. I love you, Buffy. I love you. With everything I've got to give, and even more, I love you!"

Faith looks to Buffy , hoping to see even a tiny spark of returned feeling. What she sees makes her heart freeze: Buffy is slumped over on the floor. Her heart starts to beat faster, and panic sets in. God, no! Not now! Not ever! Please, don't give her to me, just to take her away again! Faith jumps up, running to her. She checks her pulse point, and starts breathing again. Her heart is beating strongly and steadily. She checks her breathing, and she's breathing slowly and steadily. She's just unconscious. She's still scared, because she doesn't know why… but she's alive, and that's all she cares about. She lifts Buffy, and gently carries her to the couch. She lays her down, then sits down next to her, holding her hand. She doesn't care about the pain, or any of it. All she wants is that when Buffy awakens, she's here with her.

Buffy tries to stay with it, but it's getting harder and harder to listen… her mind feels like it's exploding inside her.

Images flash in her brain, and her dizziness increases. She tries to balance herself, trying to hold on, slowing her breathing, but her hold seems to become tenuous. The room seems to darken, and she feels herself falling… falling… falling…

When she awakens, it's night. She's standing on some platform, up high on some crazy quilt of a tower behind her. Standing on the platform with her is Dawn. She turns, and sees a flashing ball of energy suspended behind her. The portal ! She knows this! She has to tell Dawn something… something important. Images come to her, of the first slayer, telling about her gift. Death is her gift, and now she understands why. It's about the blood, their blood, hers and Dawn's. They're the same. But there's more. She has to tell Dawn…what? WHAT ? It all comes to her. She knows. She understands. She finally gets it, and she has to tell Dawn. She knows what she has to do… but how can she do it? Now that she knows? She walks to Dawn, and starts to talk to her. Dawn is crying and shaking. Buffy holds her, trying to calm her. She tells her what she needs to tell her, what Dawn needs to know.

" Buffy, no… NO!" Dawn says, trying to stop her.

" I have to , Dawn, " Buffy replies, calmly, " this is what I do. This is my destiny ".

Buffy turns, and starts to run. In her mind is the knowledge that if she doesn't do it now, quickly, she won't be able to do it. Though she knows what she's doing is right, her heart is like lead in her chest. Because she knows now what she needed to do earlier. To let Faith in, all the way in, to her heart. To risk again, what she hadn't been able to risk since Angel. To love her without reserve, to believe and trust in her. Now, it was too late to tell her herself. How much she loved her, needed her, would always love and need her. Too late. She jumps into the rift.

She's floating through the energy, and the pain is intense. What she was, what her life was, becomes a distant echo, as the co of of her life seem to merge together. The energy around her goes white. She can feel herself, or what was herself, drifting apart... becoming part of the cosmic whole that created her. As her mind is slowly washed away, her last thought is of Faith, holding her, loving her.

Buffy opens her eyes, and sees the worried face of Faith looking down at her. She feels Faith holding her hand, and smiles to reassure her. But she's confused… Where is she? She looks around, seeing she's back in the living room at the Revello Drive house. On the couch. How did she get here?

" What happened?" Buffy and Faith say almost simultaneously. The laugh nervously.

" I got dizzy and these flashes…." Buffy says, at the same time as

" You kinda passed out…" Faith says, over her words.

They stop…look at each other, and smile. Faith speaks up.

" Why don't you go?" She says, giving Buffy the floor.

" Well, it was really weird!" Buffy says, as she sits up. She explains the best she can the dream, or vision, or whatever it was she had. As she speaks, she watches Faith, and notes a change of expression on her face. When she gets to the part about floating through the energy, and the last thought she remembers, she sees the tears start rolling down Faith's cheeks. Faith starts to turn away, to hide them, but Buffy stops her. She gently puts her hand on Faith's cheek, and brushes the tears with her fingers. Her expression is puzzled.

" What? What is it, Faith?" Buffy asks, not understanding Faith's reaction.

" Buffy?" Faith asks, " Don't you understand? That…that's the night you died. Those things…that…tower…you jumped from it the night you died. Into the energy…." Faith feels a sob, but represses it.

" It is ?" Buffy asks, puzzled, " But you said you thought I was leaving you… rejecting you. But … I know now, that wasn't it, Faith. I can feel that now. The only thing that I regretted about that night was leaving you. I finally understood what I was doing wrong, all that time, and … oh god, it felt horrible, leaving you. I knew I had to do it, it was my gift, my destiny. I felt a joy because I finally … knew what I was to do. But the one hook in my heart, the one thing that felt so bad, was that you wouldn't be with me. I wouldn't be with you."

" Buffee?" Faith says, looking at Buffy's face, trying to see if anything else came back. Buffy senses what she's doing.

" No, Faith, I didn't have any more flashes" Buffy says, quietly, " does it really matter?"

" No, Buffy, it doesn't" Faith says, not hesitating a second. She lays her head in Buffy's lap, " I love you, Buffy."

Buffy strokes Faith's hair, hesitating to ask the next question. She's not sure of the answer, not sure she'll like the answer.

" Really? You love me, Faith. Me?" Buffy asks, meaning the 'her' that's here, now.

" Yes, Buffy. You. I've been mourning what I've lost, but I've finally realized, I haven't lost you. You've changed, is all. Not in a bad way… just changed. I… was scared, Buffy. Because that meant I had to change too. I … I didn't know if I could change. I'm not afraid anymore, Buffy. Not to change. Not if…." She trails off, because she … doesn't know the answer to her question. She gets up, and sits beside Buffy. She stares intently into Buffy's eyes. " I guess I should just ask. Do you love me? I mean… can you love me? Too?" Faith looks at her, not sure if she's too late.

" Oh yeah, " Buffy says, her voice low, almost sultry, " You gotta ask, stupid girl?" She smiles and pulls Faith close to her. Faith is a bundle of emotions and needs and wants and lusts. Heat and chills are running through her. Buffy whispers softly in her ear, " I love you". She follows it with her tongue, which elicits a gasp from Faith. She moves to Faith's cheek, and kisses it softly and wetly, " I Love you " she repeats, and then moves to her other cheek, and kisses that too. " I love you, " Buffy says again, and her lips move to capture Faiths. Their kiss is long, slow, warm and passionate. It seems to last forever, the magic of the moment drawing out time… making it stand still… as the share a tender soft ….

There's a knock at the door, and the Slayers jump apart, for some reason feeling like kids caught necking on the couch by their parents. Both look at each other and blush.

"Go 'way" Faith says, wanting more kisses.

" I better get that, Faith, " Buffy says, pulling back.

"Nooo, want kisses, more kisses" Faith pleads, looking lost.

" Stop that" Buffy says, wavering. Feeling her will to resist turning into crumbly cookies, "Faith, please, I … better…oh hell"

They kiss again, and they're lost for awhile again, but the knock at the door is repeated. Louder this time, insistent. They reluctantly part, with lots of tiny kisses . Buffy stands up, straightening herself out.

" Get rid of them, whoever it is " Faith says, low and sultry, " Tell 'em to find their own girl".

Buffy giggles, and walks to the door. Faith sits up, and straightens herself up, letting out a large sigh. She feels a small pain from her wound, but ignores it. Her mind is only on a hot little blonde who is sooo cutely sashaying towards the door. Mmmm, nice Faith thinks, as she fantasizes about what she wants to do Buffy's clothes… and how'll she'll have to buy her a new outfit. Maybe something with Velcro stays…

Buffy opens the door, and is confronted by a tallish, solidly built man in his forties. He has brown hair and blue eyes.

" Hello, Buffy, " He says, smiling at her.

" Hi, can I help you?" She smiles back.

"Buffy??" He says, tilting his head , " What is this?"

" I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Faith hears the voice at the door, and her brow furrows. She's heard that voice before… somewhere… but where?

" Buffy, quit kidding around, " Hank says, his smile slipping a little, " Aren't you going to hug your dad?"

Faith feels her heart hit her stomach. Oh God, oh god oh god oh GOD! Hank Summers…here… now….!!!!!

"Dad?" Buffy says, her tone puzzled. She steps back into the house and calls to Faith.

" Faith? Who is this guy?"

Faith, getting up, rolls her eyes heavenward.

Willow looks at the large and ancient tome before her. Inconcessus quod ignotus veneficus(Forbidden and Obscure Magicks).

Contrary to what Tara thought, Willow hasn't lost her interest in magicks. But her shame and guilt have driven her studies into the shadows. She already feels she's lost Giles' respect, Faith's trust and Buffy's affection. The one thing she has left she doesn't want to lose… Tara's love. She knows Tara thinks she uses magic too often to solve things, to make things go her way. She knows that if she's open about what she's doing, she may lose her. So she hides it, hoping she can cover her times she sits in secret, practicing her craft.

She opens the volume, and as she expected, the pages are blank. Or appear so. The book is very dangerous, and has a spell on it to protect it from casual use. You have to be of a certain level of adept to even cast the revealing spell required to unlock its secrets. She mixes the gathered ingredients for the revealing spell.

Placing the mixture over a heating element, she pricks her finger. Into the mixture to shakes a few drops of blood, and begins the incantation.

"Hecate , Dea of veneficus , audite mihi
"Hecate, Goddess of witches, hear me

Ostendo sum ut quod est occultus

Reveal that which is hidden

Illustro ut quod est atrum

Illuminate that which is dark

Ostendo mihi ignotus lacuna illae volubilis

Show me the obscure passages of this text

Sic EGO utor vox

So I may use its power

EGO oro vobis Hecate

I plead with you, Hecate

Ostendo sum is totus volo"
Reveal it all to me"

As she chants the spell, a light appears above the vessel. It spreads out and then seems to encircle the book. The pages glow, and fiery words appear on the pages . Slowly, the fires burn out, leaving the revealed text behind.

She begins to peruse the tome, seeking the particular spell she desires. She knows it's here. All the researches she's done have led her to this book. It took some time and money to lay her hands on this volume; it was not something kept at the magic box, or even locally. She finally found an obscure bookseller on the 'Net that had a copy… but it cost a small fortune. It was worth it to her, however. She knew if this had what she wanted, it could fix , at least partially, the mess she'd made.

She can't undo all the damage she caused by bringing Buffy back. No spell, no adept, not even gods, could mess with alignment of the universe without a price being extracted. The coming apocalypse is going to happen. That she can't stop. But at least she can try to undo some of the damage she's done bringing Buffy back. If she can find the spell in this book to restore Buffy's memory, it might give her a greater chance in the coming days. It might even earn Willow forgiveness from those she wronged. That's the worst part for her; knowing what she knows, living with the guilt of what she's done, and not being able to receive forgiveness. She's spent more than a few nights sleepless, worrying, looking for answers. But none were forthcoming. In her darkest moments she had contemplated shutting off all thinking, everything, crossing the veil between this world and the next. It had been so tempting; she'd gone so far as to actually get a prescription for sleeping pills to have on hand. But in the end she realized it was the coward's way out. She had to do what she could to help fight the coming destruction, give her help even if it wasn't wanted.

She finally comes across the spell she's looking for. Refero quis est absentis( Bring back what is gone). It's not strictly a memory restoration spell… with all her researches, there were no spells that specifically addressed restoring lost memories. Forgetting, yes; stealing memory, yes; but bringing back lost memories? Not a one. One sage postulated that since memories are so personal, so colored by the person's own soul, that restoring them intact would be impossible. At least, not with benevolent magicks. Even the dark magicks don't have anything specifically for restoring memory. But they hint at the possibility. Lots of obscure and arcane language about it, but it boiled down to… look here, pointing to this tome.

This wasn't a simple lost object spell. This dealt with harnessing forces to fold back events, change them so they come out as desired. The incantation itself was sketchy, and in an obscure language.( more research…damn). It was designed so that the caster could modify the spell to what was needed. But what makes her pause is the list of requirements to cast the spell. Some of the ingredients are … shocking, to say the least. For a moment she hesitated…maybe I shouldn't do this. Maybe I should just let things occur as they will. Tara already believes I'm doing too much. Maybe she's right; Buffy's making progress… No. Not enough. There's no telling when things will come to a head, we can't wait for her to remember on her own. I gotta do this. She knows what she has to do. She looks again at the spell, forcing down her own queasiness. She knows she'll do it.

She just wishes she wasn't so alone.

" Buffy, quit kidding around, " Faith says, rushing towards the front door. She sees Hank Summers standing on the porch, looking somewhat confused and possibly a little irritated. She tries to smooth it over.

" You know Buffy," Faith smiles, winningly, " Always with the wit"

"Yes, I know my daughter" Hank Summers replies, looking at Faith, " But I'm afraid I don't know you?".

" Oh… sorry… I'm Faith. Buffy's… friend", Faith says, not sure exactly what Hank Summers knows about her, if anything, " Buffy, aren't you glad to see your Dad?" Faith looks pointedly at Buffy. Buffy is confused, but plays along.

" Oh… right… just a joke…Dad" Buffy says, trying to recover, " C'mon in, don't just stand there!". Buffy backs away, clearing room for him to enter.

Except there's nothing funny about this. He could very easily take Dawn away, or worse, if he learns that Buffy's memories are gone, possibly have himself declared her conservator, controlling her life. Why NOW? Why did the bastard have to show up now?

" Dad…ummm… you must be tired. Trip and all, right? Can I get you something? Water? Tea? Soda?" Buffy asks, stalling for time. I gotta talk to Faith about this… stranger. Somehow I don't think this is a good thing… not the way Faith was acting…and I want to know WHY I wasn't told I had a 'Dad'!

" Coffee, if you've got it?" Hanks Summers replies, " Two sugars, no cream". Something's going on here… and he's going to find out what. Maybe he can question this Faith while Buffy's in the kitchen.

"Faith! He's my father, " Buffy says, still a bit wigged at the concept.

" I know, Buffy, I'm sorry" Faith says, " but … look, I sure he has some good qualities. I know you love… well, did love him, because even as you told me stuff, you always found a way to defend him. " Faith stops. She really doesn't know what to say.

" Buffy?!" Hank calls from the living room, " you ok in there?"

" Yeah, Dad" Buffy calls back, " Just making fresh coffee. The left over was grody. Just take a couple of minutes!"

" Buffy, I'm just gonna tell you what you told me, and let you decide" Faith says, " You're mom and dad got divorced just before you moved to Sunnydale. You never said anything, but I could tell from talking to you that you blamed yourself for their breakup, because that was the time you discovered you were a vampire slayer and got into a lot of trouble about it. Anyway, your mom moved here to start over. You're mom pretty much raised you and Dawn from that point." Faith shakes her head, " Sorry, I even forget about Dawn at times. Anyway, he took you for some weekends, and I think that first summer you lived with him in L.A." Faith checks the coffee, seeing it's almost done, " Anyway, after the first year, things kind of changed. He started showing up less and less, using business concerns as an excuse. I remember that was his excuse on your 18th Birthday. I remember how… disappointed you were. Anyway, we found out the next year that ' business' turned out to be his secretary. He ran off with her, and after that, he pretty much disappeared from your life. Not sure if he kept up child support payments on Dawn or not… not my business. Know it hasn't happened since you were 'gone'. We couldn't even get ahold of him when you're mom died. He was off in Italy or somewhere with his secretary… he never called back, anyway. Now he's here" Faith looks towards the living room with a sour expression, " Daddy's home". She couldn't resist the barb. She turns away to pour the coffee. Wonder if he'd notice if I put rat poison with the sugar in his coffee.

Buffy stands at the counter, trying to process what Faith told her. Her expression makes it pretty clear she's not liking what she's hearing. She turns to Faith.

" Ok, I've got one side of the story, " Buffy says, quietly, " I'm not liking too much what he's done. But he's my father, like it or not. I should hear him out… don't you think?" Buffy turns to Faith for advice. Faith just shakes her head.

" Buffy, you don't want to hear what I think" Faith says, " you do what you think is best."

" Well, we'll just hear him out, " Buffy says, " I don't want to screw it up and lose Dawn."

" You're right Buff, " Faith says, hating to say that, " I wasn't thinking. We got Dawnie to consider." She sighs, " I'll be on my best behavior". Dammit.

" Thanks, Faith" Buffy says, coming over and giving Faith a hug. She grabs the coffee, and head for the living room.

Faith follows, carrying her coffee. Why in hell couldn't he have died, and Joyce lived? She shakes her head. Knock it off, Faith, calm down. Just be nice… it won't hurt you… much.

" Thank you, sweetie, " Hank says to Buffy as she gives him the coffee. She sits down on the couch, opposite his chair. Faith sits next to her. " So, Buffy, how've you been?" He sips his coffee.

" Fine, " Buffy says, not helping him. She looks at him warily. " You? How've you been?"

" Fine", he replies, uncomfortably. He continues, " How about Dawn? How's she doing? She doing ok in school?".

" She's ok" Buffy replies, " Been a little rough on her… losing mom" Buffy says, pointedly, "but she's adjusting ok."

" I'm sorry about that , Buffy, " Hanks says, " I wanted to be here, but couldn't get away. Business. "

"Business… right" Buffy says, quietly. She doesn't look too pleased.

Faith wants to 'business' Hank Summers right into the wall. But she promised Buffy. She holds her tongue.

As if on cue, Dawn walks in the front door. " Hey, I'm home!" She calls out. She starts up the stairs, and stops. She sees her father sitting in the living room. She calls out, " DADDY!" and starts to run down the stairs. Then stops. Her expression changes, and she continues at a slower pace. She enters the living room and stops near Hank Summers. " Hi, Dad" She says, her tone cool.

" Hi, pumpkin" Hank says, smiling. It slips a little when he sees her expression. " What's wrong, Dawn?" He asks.

" Oh, nothing, " Dawn replies, but it's pretty evident a lot's wrong, " just wondering why you're here."

" I came to see you and Buffy, " Hank says, " Do I need a reason?". He looks at Dawn, smiling.

"Well, sorta, yeah" Dawn says, joining Faith and Buffy on the couch, " considering I haven't seen you in two years, yeah".

" I'm sorry about that, Pumpkin, " Hank says, " I … just been busy with work. It's been really bad last couple of years."

Buffy and Faith both restrain themselves. They can take the lies, but lying to Dawn really is pissing them off.

" Oh, please!" Dawn says, her tone a little sarcastic, " do you really think I still believe that?".

" It's the truth, Dawn" Hank insists, looking at Buffy, as if asking " What've you been telling her?". Buffy just looks at him, expression neutral.

" God, I'm not a child!" Dawn rants, " why does everybody think I'm a child? I've known since 13 that you've been….having an affair with your secretary. You couldn't make time to see us when mom died. Now you do… why?"

"Alright," Hank says, his tone changing, " I'm worried about you. And Buffy, but mostly you, Dawn. I don't like the fact that you're being raised here without a parent. I know Buffy's doing her best, but she has her own life to live." Hank turns and drops the bomb, " Dawn, I think you should come live with me."

One very angry slayer gets up from the couch. And Faith follows her up, to restrain her. Buffy stands glaring at Hank Summers.

"Why would she want to do that?" Buffy says, her tone low. She's barely restraining herself from lashing into her father.

"Buffy, I'm not saying you're doing a bad job raising Dawn," Hanks say, trying to placate her, " it's just Dawn needs a parent around. I'm her father. It's not fair to her, or you, you having to raise her."

"Dawn?" Buffy turns to her sister, " What do you think? Am I being unfair to you? Do you want to live with Dad?" Dawn shakes her head. Buffy turns back to Hank, "There, I think it's settled. Nice seeing you. Maybe we can do it again in a couple of years. Maybe you can make it for her high school graduation."

"Well, of course, if you put her on the spot, she's going to say no" Hank says, " It's not like you really asked what she wants."
Just give me 5 minutes with him, Faith thinks to herself, make that 3 minutes. This'll all be settled.

Faith speaks up for the first time, " Ok. Lets ask Dawn, then. Dawn, what do you want to do?" Faith asks.

Hank turns to Faith, " Excuse me, this is a family matter. What's your concern here?" Hank says.< <

" She's family, " Buffy says, quietly, but firmly. Faith looks at Buffy, surprised.

" What do you mean, ' she's family' ? What's that supposed to mean?" Hank says.

" Just what Buffy said, " Dawn speaks up. Everyone turns to her, " Mom was gonna adopt her. She told Buffy and me, just before she died. She was just waiting til she got well, was all."

"Thanks, Dawnie," Faith says, " but really not necessary. I'll just be quiet, over here." Faith goes back to the couch.

" No, it's true, I'm not lying," Dawn says, " She … she always thought of you as a daughter, Faith. She just wanted to make it legal. Isn't that right, Buffy?"

" You betcha," Buffy lies. She doesn't remember that, but she's going with Dawn on this one." So you see, Dad, Faith's family. "

" But not legally, so she really has no say, " Hank says, " besides which, I'm not sure I like Dawn exposed to yours and Faith's relationship".

Buffy's face goes white, then turns red… and it's not embarrassment. " What" is all she manages to choke out.

" I don't think it's right that Dawn, being of an impressionable age, should be exposed to a homosexual relationship, " Hank says, his tone firm.

" I see, " Faith says, quietly from her couch. She stands up, " Dawn, go to your room, please."

"No, I want to stay!" Dawn says.

"Dawn? Go to your room, please" Buffy repeats Faith's words. She doesn't know what's up, but she suspects Dawn shouldn't be here to hear it.

" Let her stay, " Hank says.

"Do you really want her to hear what I have to say, Hank?" Faith says, looking him in the eye. He blinks.

"Dawn, honey, maybe it's best you go to your room, " Hank says. He's getting a funny feeling at the pit of his stomach.

"Dammit! Why do you all do that just when it's getting good?" Dawn says, angrily, " I'm just going to eavesdrop."
"Dawn, don't you even!" Buffy says, " Go to your room, now!"

Dawn mutters something under her breath, and leaves the room.

" I heard that, Dawn, " Faith calls out. Dawn makes a strangled noise, and stomps up the stairs.

" Ok, Dawn's gone." Hank Summers says, " What's this all about?".

" What's this all about, Hank?" Faith repeats, " Well, you said you don't like Dawn being exposed to mine and Buffy's relationship. Frankly, I don't like the idea of Dawn being raised by an adulterer!".

"What?" Hank Summers says. It's his turn to turn red, " What are you saying?".
" I'm saying, you sorry sack, that you're a cheating bastard. Is that clear enough for you?" Faith spits out, her temper finally lost.

"That's a lie!" Hank Summers yells, " I never cheated on my wife!"

" Faith!" Buffy says, " Are you sure about this?" She might not like her father, not after the stuff he said, but this is kind of hard to swallow.

Faith turns to Buffy, " I'm sorry you had to learn it this way, Buffy, " She says, " but 'Daddy dearest' isn't exactly the poster boy for moral decency!"

"You're lying!" Hank Summers roars, approaching Faith, " you filthy lying dyke!" He makes as if to strike Faith. He feels a very strong hand restraining him.

" Don't even think about it, Dad!" Buffy says, her voice low but the threat is clear. Hank backs off.

" You can't believe her, Buffy!" Hank says, " She's making it up. I never cheated on your mother."

" Is that so, Mr. Summers?" Faith says, sarcastically, " Maybe I should go upstairs and get the lock box from Joyce's room. Seems she had you investigated while you were married. She suspected something was wrong. Turns out, you were boinking the secretarial pool long before you were divorced, Hank!"

" You're bluffing!" Hank says, " there's no evidence. I never did anything!"

" Really, Hank? How 'bout I go get that box, huh?" Faith says, starting towards the stairs, " I'm sure Buffy would find it fascinating reading".

" NO….wait… stop!" Hank says, retreating.

Buffy looks at him, incredulous. He won't meet her eyes. Faith just smirks at him.

"It's true?" Buffy says, not understanding why it hurts so much, but it does, " you cheated on mom?"

Hank doesn't reply.

" You…hypocritical, sanctimonious bastard!" Buffy says, her voice rising, " Get out of my house. Get out. GET OUT!"

" Buffy? Calm down… Dawn" Faith says, pointing upstairs, " I don't want her to hear!".

Buffy stands there, burning. Hank, defeated, tries one last tack.

" That doesn't change the fact that I'm her father, I can go to court and have custody awarded to me, " He says, " There not going to pick her sister or her lesbian lover over me!".

" Her father?" Faith mocks, " That's rich. Not only did you cheat on her mother, but shall we talk about the three years of child support payments that're delinquent?"

Hank just glares at her. She doesn't lose a beat, " You see, Joyce wasn't an idiot. She knew you'd probably try a stunt like this. So, she got everything together, and made it available. I've got it all upstairs, pal. So, Hank, if you want to , go to court. Please. Wonder how a judge is going to look at you when I give him the evidence I've got? Never mind how well your business… you remember, the one you're always so busy with, you've got no time for your daughters….that business? Wonder how well that'll go when this gets out. Cuz, believe me, Mr. Can't keep it in his pants, you try anything, and It's gonna get out!" Faith stands in front of him, glaring at him.

" You can't keep me from seeing Dawn!" Hank says, desperately.

" Wouldn't think of it, " Faith says, " Once you make up the back child support. For Dawn and Buffy."

"If she wants to see you, " Buffy adds, " because I plan on telling her the truth about you!". She's furious at him.
"Buffy, whoa" Faith says, " Don't do that. Dawn needs a dad, even a creep like him". She glares at Hank.
"Faith. He's a cheating bastard. I don't want him near her, " Buffy says, her anger rising.
" Buffy, wait, think!" Faith says, trying to calm her, " She needs a dad. You didn't have your dad at her age. You remember how much it hurt, how you blamed yourself. Do you want Dawn to go through that too?". Buffy starts to protest, but Faith cuts her off, " Think Buffy. If you tell her the truth, she's gonna be bitter, and not only at Hank. You're taking her dad from her. Don't do to her what he did to you".

Buffy's expression is angry, but she nods curtly.

Faith turns to Hank Summers, " I think you better go now, pal, " Faith says, her voice cold as ice, " You got the best deal you're gonna get. You can visit Dawn, on weekends, once the back child support is paid up. Now, I can go figure it up, but I think, oh….what? 3 years, two kids, with interest? An even 50 thousand should cover it. What do you think, Hank?" She eyes him.

" I don't think you want to hear what I think" He says, " but ok, I'll do it".

" Fine. Set up a trust for Dawn as a college fund." Faith says, " We don't want or need your money otherwise. I make enough to support us. I'll be checking it out, pal. If it don't get done, you're gonna wish you did. "

" It'll get done" Hank says, quietly. He knows he's defeated.

" Good. Two more conditions. You start living like a monk. I don't want Dawn associating with someone who's whoring around." Faith says, " Don't even think you can fool me. We've got friends in the P.I. field. I'm gonna keep tabs on you. You start your old ways, well… you can kiss Dawn goodbye. Clear?"

Hank nods.

" Fine. Last condition. You try to do anything again to this family, and I'll ruin you. Don't think I won't," Faith says, " you can ask Buffy. I don't take anyone screwing with this family. No one! Are we perfectly clear?" Faith looks Hank square in the eyes.

" Ok, ok, it's clear" He says.

"Fine. Now leave, and don't come back 'til the trust fund for Dawn is set up". Hank makes as if to say something, but Faith cuts him off. " Now!"

Hank, without further hesitation, heads for the front door. Faith stops him. " Wait!"

" Now what?" He turns, " What do you want now?"

"Dawn! Get down here. You're dad's leaving!" Faith calls upstairs.

Dawn appears at the top of the stairs. She looks down.

"Well, c'mon Dawn. Say goodbye to Dad" Buffy says, calling her down.

Dawn comes downstairs, a slightly cold expression on her face. " You're leaving, again?" Dawn asks Hank Summers.

" Yes honey, but only for a little while. I've got some business I've got to take care of. Then I'll be back, " Hank says, " Promise!"

" Yeah, ok" Dawn says, not believing him, " Whatever".

" No, Dawn, this time it's legit" Faith says, " He really does have some business to take care of."

"Really?" Dawn asks, looking at Hank Summers, wanting to believe, " Really?" She repeats.

" Really, honey, " Hank says, " Once this is done, I'll be back… and on a more regular basis. Ok?"

"I…I'd like that" Dawn says, hugging him.

" Me, too , Dawn" Hank says, hugging her back, " Me too."

" Be careful, ok?" She says.

" Promise" Hank says.

" Bye, dad" Dawn says, hugging him again. She smiles, then turns and runs upstairs. He watches her go, and turns around.

" Buffy?" He says, a strange expression on his face.

" Disappoint her, and I'll kill you, " Buffy says, turning away.

He looks at her back, and his shoulders slump. He quietly exits, closing the front door after him.

" I'm sorry, Buffy" Faith says, going to her. She puts her hands on Buffy's shoulders. Buffy turns, and encircles Faith's waist. She lays her head on Faith's shoulder, and sighs. " Are you ok?" Faith asks.

" I will be, " Buffy says.

" Try not to be too hard on him, Buffy. He's your father, the only one you get" Faith says, stroking her hair, " He's weak, but …ok, he's just weak. You gotta be the strong one and forgive him, someday."

" Maybe, " Buffy says, " But not now." She turns, and heads for the stairs, " I'm tired. I'm going to take a nap." She starts up the stairs, then stops. She turns back to Faith, " Did we do the right thing? About Dawn?"

Faith looks up at her. " Yeah, I think we did, Buffy," she says.

" Me too, " Buffy says. She stands on the stairs, looking hesitant. Faith notices it.

"What is it, Buffy?" Faith asks.

'" Could you… could you come up and hold me? Just hold me?" Buffy asks, plaintively, " I really, really need it!".

"Sure, honey. I'll be up in a minute" Faith says, smiling at her. Buffy turns and walks upstairs.

Faith leans against the wall, exhausted. That little family drama took a lot out of her. She can use a nap herself.

As she turns towards the stairs, she figures that Hank Summers must be the world's worst poker player.

He can't read a bluff worth a damn.

She walks upstairs.

To be continued.
- 10
- 11
- 12
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Timeless Faith

Ostendo sum ut quod est occultus

Illustro ut quod est atrum

Ostendo mihi ignotus lacuna illae volubilis

Sic EGO utor vox

EGO oro vobis Hecate