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Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
- 9
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- 11
Remember last week when Faith and I almost kissed and then the doorbell rang? Well the person at the door was Giles. Apparently a little girl went missing. She’s a six-year-old named Misty Foman. She wandered away from her mother at the movie theater and nobody’s seen her since. When I first opened the door and saw it was Giles I could’ve killed him, but after he told us about Misty I forgot all about my near miss.
I didn’t think about that until I was lying in my bed that night. At first all I could think about was the way she was looking at me. There was so much emotion in her dark brown eyes. So much passion. Trust me, my thought process did not stay good. Remembering how she looked at me just reminded me how Angel used to look at me. I swear all he had to do was give me a certain look and I felt like the only girl in the world. Then I started to feel guilty because I haven’t been thinking about Angel as much as I should.
I can try to downplay it but I did love him. Not just because it was forbidden but because he’s a good man, and he made me feel so special. I gave him my virginity and trust me that was a big deal. Not because of the drama that happened afterwards, but the fact that it happened. I’ve always had this fantasy that I would marry my first. That the first person I slept with would be so special, and I’d love them so much that I’d want to spend the rest of my life with them.
I know that sounds completely crazy, but that’s what I used to think. I obviously don’t think that anymore. But I thought it for a long time, and it hurt when I realized it was something else I had to add to my almost never ending list of disappointments. The fact that I’ll never get out of Sunnydale is also a big one. I want more out of life then just being a slayer, but I’ll never have that. Angel was someone who was just mine, away from the slaying, and my school life. And now he’s gone.
But I guess things aren’t as bad as I’m making them out to be. I have two great friends who are always there for me even though they can’t possibly understand what I’m going through. I have a mom who still loves me even after all the crap I’ve put her through. A watcher who’s more like a father to me since my dad ran off with his secretary. And I have a wonderful boyfriend who is treating me to a very romantic evening.
“You know there’s this band called Lacuna Coil that’s coming to L.A. in two weeks. They’re a little more gothic then I like my rock but they’re pretty cool and I was wondering if you wanted to go.” Our first date hasn’t even ended and he’s already asking me out again? This date has been pretty perfect so far, so I guess he isn’t completely out of line. Although he does seem a little cocky.
“I’ve never heard of them,” I say and gently squeeze his hand. Yes, we’re holding hands on the first date. We’re in the process of walking back to my house right now. He has a car, but his mom needed to borrow it because hers broke down and she works nights. “But a concert sounds pretty fun.” We turn onto my street and I sigh with a little bit of relief. We were actually able to walk to the movies, then to the park, and then back here without being attacked by anything.
“Well they’re from Italy. They’re really big over in Europe but they haven’t really caught on over here yet.” Ok so he likes a goth rock band from Italy. What exactly have I gotten myself into? “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to. You can pick something for our next date if you want.” Hmm, he doesn’t have a problem with letting a girl be in charge. Interesting.
“I wanna go. I like trying new things.” Sometimes. “I’m just not so sure my mom is going to like the idea of her only daughter being all alone with a boy she hardly knows. Not to mention the fact that L.A. is two hours south from here. What with us being two typical teenagers she’ll probably think that there is no concert and we’re really checking into a hotel under a false name.” I look up at him with a little smile on my face and he laughs a little and shakes his head.
“I guess I’ll just have to show her how much of a gentleman I am by coming around a little more.” I know he’s only half joking, but that thought doesn’t sound so good. It’s been six days since Faith, Tanner, and Sam moved into our house and Faith is around all the time. She plays outside with Sam a lot but she stays home after school lets out because she doesn’t want someone she knows from the school to see her with Sam. One day we got to talking and I told her about Scott. Faith may hide a lot of her emotions well but jealousy isn’t one of them.
“Yeah, I guess that can be arranged.” But I’m not sure she was jealous because I’m going out with Scott. Sure we had that one close call but she could just be mad because I’m out on a date, and she’s at the house with her baby. She and Tanner can’t really go out on dates because he’s always working. Speaking of Tanner he must’ve gotten off work a little early because his truck is parked in the driveway by my mom’s jeep.
“I’m not ready to go inside just yet,” I say and stop walking. We’re standing at the very end of the pathway that leads up to the front porch. I’m not lying I don’t want to go inside yet. Scott probably thinks I don’t want to go inside because I’m having such a great time, but it’s really because I don’t want to go in there and see Tanner being the perfect dad and boyfriend.
“Ok, we can stay out here and talk some more. You’re not breaking curfew for another twenty minutes.” He is either very naïve or very smart. I’m still trying to figure out which. Anyway, I lead him over to the tree that’s in our front yard. It’s secluded but just enough of the porch light makes it over here so we won’t feel all alone. I don’t want him getting any ideas. He’s been the perfect gentleman so far but that could change as soon as his blood starts flowing to his other head.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, I like that you want to get to know me, and that you want to open up but it’s been a very long time since I’ve been on a date, especially one that’s gone this well so talking…isn’t exactly what I had in mind.” I know I probably sound like a total slut right now but I don’t care. I let go of his hand and start to play with the collar on his shirt. I look up into his eyes and a bunch of butterflies starts fluttering around my stomach.
He very slowly leans towards me, and I tilt my head back a little and shut my eyes. The second I feel his lips on mine everything just stops, but not for the right reasons. Don’t get me wrong his lips feel good, and he’s using the right amount of pressure, and he’s not being forceful or anything, but it feels wrong. It feels wrong because it isn’t Faith that I’m kissing it’s a boy I barely know. After what feels like forever we slowly pull our head back but I don’t open my eyes right away.
It doesn’t matter that it felt a little wrong. I’m not Faith’s girlfriend. I have no commitment towards her except in a friendship type of way. She’s with Tanner and there’s nothing I can, or will, do about it. And right now I’m with Scott, and it isn’t fair to him that I’m thinking about Faith right after our first kiss. I slowly open my eyes and the first thing I see are his. His gaze is so intense, and the desire burning in them sends a little shiver down my spine.
I don’t care if I seem too eager I just need to feel his lips on mine right now. I lean forward, and he meets me halfway. I guess he liked that first kiss too. This one isn’t as soft as the other one was. I don’t know exactly why I’m acting like this. I’ve never made out with a guy on the first date. I’m sure I can figure it out, but I don’t want to think anymore. Especially now that he’s gently sucking on my bottom lip.
I wrap my arms around his neck, and softly tug at his very soft hair. What conditioner does he use ‘cause damn this is soft. All of my attention is brought back to our mouths because now he’s sucking on my upper lip, and it feels so damn good. Nobody’s ever done that o me before. I slowly take a step back and he follows without breaking the kiss. I press my back against the tree, which is what I wanted to do. The lip sucking is leaving me a little weak in the knees.
The sucking stops and I have to force the groan to stay inside. I’m about o pull my head away so I can take a deep breath, but then I feel the tip of his tongue start to rub my lip. My eyes roll into the back of my head and my grip on his hair tightens a little. Why did I not know about this spot before? What he’s doing isn’t much but I’m getting very turned on. Which is kind of a problem. I’m not a slut so there’s no way he’s getting to third base on the first date. I wouldn’t even consider this second base because there’s no groping of any kind. So this is more like one and a half.
I pull away just a little bit so I can readjust. First I kiss his top lip, then his bottom one, and then I slowly open my mouth and let the tip of my tongue touch his. I leave these little teasing touches before I pull back. I open my mouth just a little wider. I’m totally daring him to go in after it, but before he has the chance I hear the front door open and close. I pull my head away from his and just listen. It’s just Tanner. I can tell because he’s wearing his work shoes. I rest my forehead against Scott’s shoulder and concentrate on catching my breath.
I feel his arms wrap around me, and his hands rest on my shoulder blades. God, it feels so nice to be held like this. That’s the thing I miss the most about being with someone. Just being held with no pressure to say or do anything is something that I’ve always liked. I think almost every girl is looking for someone she can do this with. Our little moment is broken though when Tanner’s truck door opens and then slams closed. Then he starts it, and I think a few of the neighbors were just woken up.
“I better get inside,” I say quietly and lift my head up. He doesn’t let go of me right away, and I think I kinda love him now. I leave a very soft kiss on his lips, and as much as I want it to, it doesn’t deepen. I can’t let it. I can feel his hardness against my thigh and I don’t want to tease him anymore then I already have. “I had a lot of fun tonight.” I thing we kind of did this backwards. Aren’t you supposed to say stuff like this before you kiss?
“I had a lot of fun too. And not just the last fifteen minutes. The picnic was fun too.” I smile and nod my head a little. After the movie we walked to the park and there was a guy waiting on one of the benches. He was holding a picnic basket and one of those big red and white checkered blankets. Scott paid him twenty bucks and the guy went away. The food was ok, but we got so caught up in conversation that we didn’t notice the ants until it was too late. I can slay vampires and disgusting demons but the feeling of an ant crawling on my ankle makes me squeal.
“Yeah, at the time it wasn’t so fun but looking back on it it’s pretty funny.” He finally lets me go but I have a feeling that he doesn’t want to. I slowly hold onto his hand and it feels a little different than before. The skin is hotter and just a tiny bit clammy. “I know it might seem a little pointless but it would be of the good if you walk me to the door. If you don’t my mom will definitely notice and you’ll lose major points with her. It could turn the concert in L.A. into a lost cause.”
“Well I was going to walk you to the door anyway, but now I kind of have to.” He had this little playful smirk on his face and it’s making me want to kiss him again. The walk to the door is silent but it’s a comfortable silence. Now that Tanner is gone I don’t feel the very strong need to stay away from my own house. But enough about him. As soon as we reach the door I turn to face Scott. Now that we’re in better lighting I can see just how kiss swollen his lips are. His cheeks are still a little red, and I’m half tempted to glance down and see if he’s still hard or not.
“I’ll see you at school. Goodnight,” he says and leaves a little kiss on my cheek. I always thought that Scott was pretty cute, but I never knew he was so sweet. This is what I need. A nice guy who will treat me right, and not laugh at me when ants are crawling up my legs. I wasn’t really looking for anybody new because of everything that happened with Angel, and then all of the confusing stuff with Faith, but I have a feeling I’m going to like dating Scott Hope.
“Goodnight,” I tell him and resist the urge to kiss him. At this point one kiss will definitely lead to another and we’ve made out enough for one night. I open the door and step inside, but then I turn around and watch him walk away. I have to admit that he has a really nice butt. When he’s about halfway down the walkway I go inside and shut the door. Wait a minute. What the fuck did I just do? I can’t let him walk home on his own, a vampire could decide to make a meal out of him. I don’t want him to die because of me.
I go into the living room but no one is there. I’m about to run upstairs but then I hear laughing coming from the kitchen. I force myself not to run in there, but I walk very quickly. I see my mom and Faith sitting across from each other at the center island. These two have been like BFFs ever since she moved in here. It’s really weird, and I don’t think I like it.
“Oh, Buffy, you’re home,” my mom says. Jeez could you sound more surprised? Did she expect me to come home at seven in the morning for a walk of shame? I walk further into the room and stand by Faith. “I didn’t notice the time. So how was your date?” She’s normally not this smiley when I get home from a date. She usually gives me the third degree. So now the more important question is, what else is in that glass of orange juice?
“His mom needed to borrow his car so we had to walk, but it wasn’t bad. It was pretty great actually.” I can’t keep the smile off my face, and I know Faith can smell how worked up I am. I know that because her body is reacting to it. She’s sitting up a little straighter, her breathing is getting deeper, and her nipples are hard. And I know this because I glanced down at her breasts as I turned towards her. “I need to ask you a favor. Scott’s walking home by himself, do you think you can keep an eye on him in case a vampire decides he looks like a tasty meal?” I regret that as soon as I say it.
“Sure,” she says and stands up from the stool. She has a smile on her face, and her tone was normal, but the look in her eyes is the same one she gets right before she kills a demon. Or maybe I should just follow him home myself. “If anyone’s gonna find out if Scott’s tasty it’s gonna be you. Right B?” Ok, so she knows that I made out with him, so what? I shouldn’t care that she’s starting to sound a little jealous.
“Right,” I say and furrow my eyebrows a little. What is up with her? She doesn’t have a right to get jealous. If anyone has the right to be jealous it’s me. I had to listen to them go at it half the night because slaying has sucked lately and Faith is worked up. I had to listen to ‘Tanner, oh God, right there. Oh God yes, yes, yes!’ All Scott and I did was kiss. She needs to get over it. I’m trying, why can’t she? Well this is a crappy ending to a great night. I don’t even need a cold shower anymore.
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Know Who I Am