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Some Things Matter More	By : saramas Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4290 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
Song credit: Bad Girl by Madonna

I'm back in the hospital ward, just layin' here in
the bed. I feel like I'm detoxin'. Kinda sucks
because it feels like I let �em down. So, of
course I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone.
Which lets �em down because all
they're tryin' ta do is get
me ta talk. Never endin' cycle of bullshit.
Heh.
Talk. Got my jaw wired shut so �talkin'' would still
consist of looks and hand gestures. I don't really make eye contact with anyone
either. Knowin' you're a fuckup who's thought of as nothin' really doesn't make me want to deal with anyone.
Doesn't mean they leave me alone though.
"How's my favorite mute today?"
I don't shrug. Not even a blink of my eye. Don't wanna
share, so fuckin' take a hint and go.
"Wallowing in the mucky muck again?"
That earns Trina a narrowed eyed glare.
"Ooooh, if looks could kill!"
Yeah, that's right, you'd be dead. At least you'd be away from this shit.
"The girls and Mr. Giles are coming back tomorrow. Notice how I didn't
say, the girls, Mr. Giles and Andrew?"
I turn my back on her, because if not she'd have seen me smile. She's always
talkin' about Andrew needin'
to come out.
I don't really wanna be a bitch to her, but I
don't really wanna feel anything. Not even happiness.
I mean, I'm nothin', why should I feel
anything.
"Xander's gonna
come by later tonight, he's got some news. I suggest ya
get yourself prettied up. At least take a shower. I'm not too keen on sponge bathin' ya. I have a feelin' ya'd like it too
much."
She's Island Girl again. I'm starting to figure her out. When she wants me ta get my ass in gear she brings out Island Girl, �cause
she sounds like she shouldn't be messed with.
Trina leaves and I turn on my back and stare at the ceilin'.
Then I stare at the milkshake they brought me. It's from Xander.
He'd heard it was my birthday last week and got them to blend up a shake that
had some birthday cake icin' and ice cream in it.
I guess he's been busy because he usually tries to come in every so often
and watch me lay mute for a while. Then he'll put the
TV on and talk to me and answer himself in this �Faith' voice, which is so
funny that when I get out of this bed I'm gonna kick
his ass for it.
I eye the shake again. Looks kinda
grey.
Shouldn't let that go to waste though.
I get up and bring the tray stand towards me. There's a card next to it.
Fuck it, I've decided not to die, at least for the time being, so what the
fuck am I bein' such a slug for?
I open the card.
Dear Faith,
"Roses are red
So is Willow's hair
I know you're blue
And you don't think it's fair
So to help you get a clue
BUFFY LOVES YOU!"
I'll see you later, I had to go to Tokyo to
help with the girls getting back. I really hope you open this card. Don't do
anything stupid Faith, please? Besides Trina's a powerful witchdoctor. �Nuff said! So please, wait until I get there. If you want
to hurt anything, hurt me.
Oh, and HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the other night, it's between you and me, I haven't told anyone
anything, including the doctors so don't go blabbing
to them about it. I've forgotten it already. What happened? Movie wasn't it?
Then you went slaying (for the record, without my knowledge or consent) and got
your jaw re-broke. No big deal. See you tonight!
Yours studly,
Xander, A.K.A. X-man, Xand-man, X-ray, X, Spongebob Xanderpants.
Fuckin'
funny dude. The last name he wrote makes me snort laughin'
thinkin' of his Spongebob
impression. He does a good one. Not that I really watch Spongebob
or nothin'.
I just watch it for the interviews. Heh.
Fuck. Witchdoctor huh? I've gotta
be extra careful or Trina'll give me a fuckin' shrunken head.
Wonder if the girls are gettin' all packed. It's gotta suck to come back on a 11 or
so hour flight. A few will be teleportin' but they
can't all do it, have to look on the up and up for the government.
B's got a tail on her.
Fuck, yeah she does!
Shit, I gotta stop thinkin'
about her. I'm on thin ice with myself. Have to move on. So plan today is movin' the fuck on. Get my shit all packed, give a few high
fives to the girls for a job well done. Throw Buffy the victory signal (my
preference is to give it with both middle fingers but I don't want my jaw
busted again), give a thumbs up to her girl, and I'm out like Seacrest.
Me and Giles and some open road. Or open British rail, actually. G-man
mentioned something about going to London for a clean up
job. I need to get my head back into the right frame of mind.
I go shower and put on my Ireland hoodie and my
really comfortable jeans. Got some kick ass kicks too. Don't need my badass
boots for just lyin' around.
What to do now?
Drank the shake, there was more than just birthday icing and ice cream in
there, Dana must have put in some protein powder and somethin'
else because my energy level feels boosted. Good, it'll help keep the black
thoughts out; don't need to wallow when I'm tryin' ta move on.
I put the card in my bag and zip it up. Xander
means well but he must be fuckin' blind. B doesn't
love me she hates me. I won't tell Xander he's blind
though, let him figure it out himself. I look around to see if I'm missin' anything. Got my shit laid out for tomorrow. Good
to have a plan.
What to do now?
I bounce the ball up against the far wall for about an hour before I go out
of my mind with boredom. It's rainin' outside. I
don't wanna go joggin', but
I need to do something, I'm restless. Still feels like I'm comin'
down from a high. The doc in jail said I was addicted to the dark, the anger
and sufferin'. Said it was exactly like a drug to me.
Angel knew it too, he'd been there, done that shit.
Wonder what Big A's doin' now? I heard Cordy bit the big one right after I left last year. Sucks. Even though her and I didn't
get along, she was a straight talker and I admired that.
Admired her big firm ass and nice round tits, too. POW. Cordy had it goin' on!
Xander bags all the fine honeys. I'm still baffled
by the fact that he and Buffy never got busy. Probably
because she's secretly gay. Never saw that one comin',
I'll tell ya that. I mean I knew with one look that
Red had started datin' the ladies. Always tried to
see that in B but never could, not that I didn't try. Shit, I probably could
have gone blind myself, tryin' ta
see what was never gonna be there.
Fuck, didn't I say I was movin' on?!
What else to do? Docs are busy preparin' some shit
for some of the girls who got hurt in Japan. They had medics in the field but
that was only to get them patched up until they get back here. Don't need the
Emergency room docs in Tokyo gettin' suspicious. Havin' a big giant Dawnie in the
middle of downtown Tokyo probably drew some unwanted attention. I mean what the
fuck were they thinkin'?! The locals probably thought
Godzilla mated with Michelle Pfeiffer and was let loose on their city. Ha!
Xander mentioned he's got a Playstation
2 hooked up to the big screens they got down there in the Control Room. I wanna try out that new fightin'
game he said he got. Bet I can beat the fuckin' game
with one hand tied behind my back.
Ok, I'm down in the Control Room now, still pretty impressive. Don't feel
like I wanna gouge my eyes out bein'
in here. Must not be affected by hearin'
that shit yesterday. That's a good sign.
How's this shit work again?
Fuck, don't want to touch the wrong button and hear a replay of the shit I
heard yesterday. Even though no matter what I hear is not gonna
get to me, I still don't need to be hearin' it.
Yeah, I've come to terms with the fact that I want B to be happy with her
Shogun Warrior and she can be happy while my face stays unbroken. I'm not gonna mess with her.
Hmmm that button brought up the screens. That one there brings them online.
Ok, so don't touch that one; hit the Video 1 button. Bam, Playstation
heaven, baby!!
Halfway through the 12th and final boss stage my eyes keep shiftin' to that one button. Number 33.
Wonder if Xand hipped B to
the fact that she's got a camera on. Must be on one of her
shirts or somethin'. Fuck it, not my problem.
Don't even care.
Shit!!! Lost again! Restart. Damn, I wish I had my tunes with me. Fuck,
threw my player off the castle. How stupid.
Number 33. Looks like that button
is the only one on the control panel. Could it have gotten bigger? Shit,
my mind's playin' tricks on me.
That button brings the screens online, huh?
Fuck, that's bright!
Push number 33. Go ahead ya fuckin'
bitch. Push it! Ya know ya wanna. How can you not? Hear her and her bitch goin' at it like rabbits.
Click.
Still can't see nothin' just the back of a chair.
Must have thrown off their clothes and the one with the camera and mic attached, ended up behind a chair.
Wonder what this button does? Damn, brings number 33 full screen. The sound
seems to fill up the room.
I hear music playin'. That a Madonna song?
Something's missing and I don't know why

I always feel the need to hide my feelings from you
Yep, I recognize that song.

Is it me or you that I'm afraid of

I tell myself I'll show you what I'm made of

Can't bring myself to let you go
Good old Madge. My ma used to listen to that album a lot.
Don't want to cause you any pain

But I love you just the same

And you'll always be my baby
I always identified this song with me. Bad Girl. Heh.

In my heart I know we've come apart

And I don't know where to start

What can I do, I don't wanna feel blue
Shit, someone's cryin'. Wonder if it's Satsu.
Bad girl drunk by six

Kissing someone else's lips
Probably feelin' down �cause B's bein' a total bitch.

Smoked too many cigarettes today

I'm not happy when I act this way
The cryin' turns to wailin'.
Bad girl drunk by six

Kissing some kind stranger's lips

Smoked too many cigarettes today
I'd recognize that voice anywhere. It's Buffy.

I'm not happy, I'm not happy
What cha cryin' for B?
Something's happened and I can't go back

I fall apart every time you hand your heart out
to me

What happens now, I know I don't deserve you

I wonder how I'm ever gonna hurt you

Can't bring myself to let you go
You tryin' ta let Satsu go?
I don't want to cause you any pain

But I love you just the same

And you'll always be my baby

In my heart I know we've come apart

And I don't know where to start

What can I do, I don't wanna feel blue
Me neither...
Bad girl drunk by six

Kissing someone else's lips

Smoked too many cigarettes today

I'm not happy when I act this way
I wish it were me you were cryin' over, B. Fucked up thing is I don't want you to hurt over a nothin' like me.
"Faith" I turn around. No one's there.
Bad girl drunk by six

Kissing some kind stranger's lips

Smoked too many cigarettes today

I'm not happy, I'm not happy... this way
Shit, could she have said my name?
"BUFFY!!"
Someone's knockin' on the door.
B shuts off the music.
"Yeah?!"
"We're ready to go, Dawn's already been teleported! Willow's a little
tired." Heh, I'll bet. Dawn's a big girl.
"I'll be ready in a minute!!"
"OK! We'll be down in the lobby!
Fuck, that means she's comin'
home, like NOW. Oh mother fucker, Dawn's already here and I've been crashin' in her room.
I hear her rustlin' around and then the B
whispers, "When I get back I'll make it better, for me and for Faith.
Can't let it keep going like it is."
Holy Shit!!! My heart is fuckin' goin' nuts. I have to sit down.
What the fuck am I talkin' about?! I have to get
out of here!
More rustlin' and she says,
"How'd that get back there?" I see her face for the first time since
she beat the shit out of me.
PANG. Shit, I got it bad. She's gorgeous even
though she's got that all cried out face.
The screen goes black.
I sigh as I shut the shit down.
So much for movin' on.
*****
"Hi, Faith!!!"
Oh fuck, Dawnie.
I put up my hand and give a head nod. What's up?
She puts her hand, palm side up, right in front of me. I was on my way
outside the castle for a walk. Figured I'd clear my head a bit. Get out of the
way for a while.
She still has her hand in front of me blockin' my
path. "Hop up."
I quirk an eyebrow.
"C'mon we'll go for a walk."
Fuck I guess I'll go, it could be interestin'. Probably wants to give me shit about bein'
in her room. I step onto her hand and she lifts me up.
FUCK! I have to hold onto her thumb to keep my balance. She lifts me to her
shoulder and I sit up there like a parrot on a pirate, only I have to hold onto
her hair so I don't fall the fuck off.
"I'm so glad you're still here, Faith!! Xander
told us about you patrolling alone the other night. You're so crazy!! Why would
you do that?"
I hope she doesn't expect me to answer back on this journey. Normally a
person with a wired jaw can talk between their clenched teeth, but my little
stunt the other night ripped some stitches as well as the pins I pulled out,
and Dana said I shouldn't try to do anything that will vibrate my tongue.
"What am I saying?" She puts her arms and hands up in the �what
the fuck am I saying' position. "Of course you would totally do something
like that! You're Faith. Always doing things your own badass
way. It's what I fell in absolute love with you over."
My heart stops.
In what now?
She laughs, "In a totally non-gay way, of course."
Of course, I mean, fallin' �in absolute love' with
another girl is completely non-gay.
"I know what you're thinking. But it's true, I
loved everything about you when you first came to Sunnydale. The way you
talked, the way you dressed, the fact that you got under Buffy's skin."
I flinch a little at that but it makes me smile too. Me and D used to sit
and talk like this a lot. It was pretty much like it is now, me sittin' and listenin' to her
spill about everything. We had some good times her and me.
"But then you went all evil, and I hated you." I hated me too,
Squirt. "But the funny thing is the love was still there. Maybe it was
just me being a silly pre-teen, but I always thought you'd come back to us.
Even when you were double crossing us with working for the Mayor, I had some
crazy notion that you might be working undercover and you'd help us defeat
him."
Damn, I didn't think how Dawn would be takin' the
fact that I was a total bitch backstabber.
"I mean you did help us with how to defeat him, but not until Buffy put
you in a coma."
Another flinch from me.
"But you came through in the end for us, Faith." I let out a
snort. She must be on crack. "Don't laugh. You've always been there for
us, even if you didn't know it, or don't think so. I mean when you came back to
help us with the First: Even though it looked like you were trying to muscle
Buffy out of her top spot, which we all did to let you have a turn at leader, I
knew you were there because you loved Buffy and would defend us because of that
need to protect her."
I'm sittin' here stunned, and even if I could talk
I would still be speechless.
"I know you think I've gone crazy, Faith but I've just been thinking a
lot. Oh and yelling a lot too. I totally gave Buffy a good tongue lashing over
her whole stunt last week."
Again another snort from me.
"OH MY GOD!! EWWWW!!"
She laughs. "That didn't sound right!!!" She turns her head and
cracks the fuck up. Good thing she turned her head or she would have blown me
off into the lake.
She recovers.
"Point is, Faith. I don't know how you feel, but I have a pretty good
idea and I don't want you getting hurt anymore. Physically or
mentally."
Wow, Squirt's really grown up, even if she wasn't a fuckin'
giant.
She brings us to a big hill with rocks and turns to sit on it. We sit in
silence for a while.
"That thing with Satsu..."
I tense up.
She stops and lets out a sigh.
"Let's just say, Buffy loves her about as much as she loved
Riley."
Huh? I thought B loved Riley, she just couldn't express it very well �cause she had a lot of other shit on her plate at the time.
Like her Ma dyin' and that Glory bitch comin' for Dawn.
"No, I know what you're thinking and no," Oh she thinks she knows?
"she didn't love, love Riley."
Fuck, maybe she does know. "He was there for moral support and she
appreciated that, but there was never any fire, or real passion. He was head
over heels though, and she didn't want to break his heart. She says
she broke up with him over the whole letting vampirettes
suck his blood but that was just an excuse to let him go. It was the out she
needed."
Hmm, that's pretty interestin'. Didn't
know about the whole blood suckin' thing.
Guess Beefstick let the darkness take over for a
while, too.
"I always used to marvel at the way people fell in love with Buffy all
the time. I mean, I saw it happen with Angel, Xander,
you, Riley, Spike, Satsu...Willow."
HA!! RED?! I mean yeah, Red's gay and all, but I
didn't think she had a thing for Buffy.
"Not sex love, Faith. But Willow would lay it all on the line for
Buffy, and has. That's the kind of friend love that just doesn't exist all too
much anymore."
Damn, can she fuckin' read minds? I better keep
mine clear, use the stuff my first watcher taught me.
"So, I take it you figured things out about Buffy and Satsu?"
I shrug.
"Pull on my hair once for yes, twice for no." Heh,
guess they all got trained on the no and yes thing.
I pull once. Dunno why I want to talk to D about
this shit, but I have a feeling it's gonna help. If
only to be able to get someone else's opinion on Buffy's behavior.
Wow, I must be growin' up, too. Didn't really give
a shit about how other people behaved before.
"Everybody was pretty stunned. I didn't see it coming that's for
sure."
Makes two of us.
"Did you?"
I pull twice.
We're quiet for a bit, Dawn picks up some gravel which to her would be like pickin' up dirt. She holds it out for me to take some
stones. I grab some and look down at it.
Coulda been a part of this the other night. All
they woulda had to do would be to scoop it up, after
they hauled my broken body away.
"I did see her loving a woman though."
Oh really? How's that work, thought you said you didn't? I sit down on her
shoulder again and start chuckin' stones in the lake.
"Yeah, I know, I'm all contradict-y. I just mean, I've seen her love a
woman for a long time now."
I wait.
Which means I stay as still as I possibly can, I think I know what's comin'. Xander must've seen it
too, which is why he wrote that stuff in my card.
"You know?"
I pull twice. Makes her have to tell me.
"Yeah, ya do, liar." She chuckles. "She's
always had a thing for you, Faith."
My jaw doesn't think so. I rub it.
"How's your jaw?"
I shrug.
"Once for hurts, twice for �I'm gonna
kill Buffy and all of her friends'."
Fuckin' BRAT!!! I laugh and my jaw does fuckin' hurt. It's actually the area under the tongue that
had to be re-stitched that's really fuckin' killin' me. Never really knew that part existed, ya know? But now that it hurts, you better believe I fuckin' know it's there!
I pull her hair three times.
"Oh, that's three times for �Dawn's the best most beautifullest
person in the world!'"
Did I mention she was a brat?
"But really, Faith. She's so in love with you
and in denial it comes out in a really violent way."
Don't I know it about the violent part. Still not convinced that she loves me.
Until she's lickin' me all over I'm not gonna hold my breath.
"I think she's coming around though. She and Satsu
aren't together anymore."
"They're still friends, of course." Of course, they're women.
"Satsu was the one who actually made Buffy admit
that she loved you."
Oh really? Guess they must have had another conversation after the one in
the hotel room.
"I don't know what's going to happen between you two Faith, but you
guys should definitely talk."
I snort again, I'm gettin'
pretty expressive with those.
"I know, I know, you're mouth impaired. But that thing Willow sent
really does work. Xander had it set to the wrong
mode."
She must mean the thing that lets you display your thoughts on the screen.
"I really hope you guys can work things out. I want Buffy to be happy.
And I'd love to see you settle down."
I would laugh at that if I didn't want exactly what she described.
It's not like I haven't thought those exact same things ever since I got out
of prison, and maybe even before, even though for most of that time I was in
denial, but hearin' Dawn say it really makes me
realize that I'm not fuckin' backin'
down. She either wants this relationship or she can just fuckin'
be miserable for the rest of her life.
There ain't no one like
me, and she'll never be happy with anyone else. Same way I feel about her. My
heart feels full right now.
"You're thinking about it too, huh?"
I frown at her. How does she do that?
"It's written all over your face."
I narrow my eyes at her.
"Oh, and if that look means you're plotting something to mess with my
sister, my knuckle prints will be all over your face, too."
I laugh. These Summers girls will be the death of
me, or at least my good looks. �Cause yeah, I may hate myself but I know I'm a
fox.
I stand up and gesture for her to move her hair away from her ear. She does
and I step closer to her ear and whisper as loud as I can, "I love you, Dawnie. Thanks." I give a teeny but meaningful kiss on
the area next to her ear by her face. Not quite on her cheek cause I'll topple
down into Pipsqueak's cleavage and B or Giles may come by and you try explainin' that one. Xander would
just pull up a chair and get a bucket of popcorn. Horndog.
She gets all squeal-y which is pretty frightenin'
in someone of her size. "I love you too, Faith. But sheesh,
shaddup once in a while will ya?
I couldn't get a word in!"
I smile big and she tells me to hold on. She goes runnin'
like a nut and I bounce around while holdin' onto her
hair.
Whooooooooooooooo!!! It's fuckin'
fun!!!!!!! Her laughs make me want to just laugh so hard, but I keep it in
check. Kinda have somethin'
to look forward to my tongue gettin' better in a
hurry for. Yeah, that's right, I'm a horn dog, too.
As much fun as this is, I hope she gets made small again, sucks to be
different like that.
She brings me back to the castle and gives me a huge kiss.
"Don't forget what we talked about, Faith. You deserve happiness, too.
Don't lose yourself in trying to make her happy, but don't hurt her on purpose
either. Got it?"
I gesture for her to bend forward a little. I tweak one of her nipples with
both my hands.
"OW!!! A purple nurple?!?!?
You suck so much!!!!!!!!!!" She laughs. Didn't hurt her at all, but she
said it did for old time's sake. "Remember that time I gave you a purple nurple and Buffy got so totally mad and threw you out of
the house? She made mom ground me and everything without explaining why. I
guess she didn't realize that we messed around like that all the time. But I
think she thought it would lead to me and you eventually going out or
something. Even then I knew she wanted you all to herself."
We chuckle a bit thinkin' about better times. I
start gettin' nervous about seein'
B.
"She'll be back later tonight." Damn, she reads me so well.
"Willow just called; Renee will be well enough to travel and then they'll
teleport together."
Renee's Xander's chick. I
give her a puzzled look. "She took a shot from a katana,
Buffy killed the demon who did it. She's bringing the sword back. It's pretty bitchin'.
Ha! I knew she'd get one of those.
Hope Dawnie's right and B doesn't
want to behead me with it.
Dawn and I say our goodbyes after she tells me not to mess with her stuff.
She makes me promise I won't go in her bottom drawer. Like that'll stop me, but
I really don't wanna see something like Dawnie's vibe. I mean, she's hot and all, but it would be
like incest, dude.
I shudder thinkin' about her not bein' able to have sex. I mean, what could she do now? Squat on a silo? Ew.
Maybe if Will can't make her smaller they can make her vibe bigger.
Ha, I fuckin' think some stupid shit sometimes.
- 9
- 10
- 11
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Some Things Matter More