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Love Like Fire	By : addielogan Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 6460 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
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Buffy hadn�t felt
this drained in a long time. She�d sat on the bus for the entire trip back to
Sunnydale from Los
Angeles and cried, her head against the window and her body drawn in.
Even now that she was back in Sunnydale, the tears were coming, and she was
grateful no one had been at her house looking for her.

She thought she
should probably go see Giles, let him know she was back to herself, since if
Ethan Rayne had been involved, Giles was probably worried out of his mind. And
if Ethan was out of prison and in Sunnydale, she should be doing something
about that, too. But she couldn�t, not now, not when she felt like this. She
felt as if she�d lost a part of herself, as if something vital had been ripped
from her.

Buffy wrapped
herself around her pillow and buried her face in it. The scent was all wrong;
she cried harder.

Whenever she got
past this, she was hurting Ethan, that much she was sure of. To do this to her,
to make her into an entirely different person � the sort of person who would
think it was love when it was Spike � was something for which he would pay
dearly. She had opened up and given everything, and now she had nothing.

She wanted to
forget it happened at all. She wanted to erase every bit of it from her mind,
and yet she couldn�t � not when the traces still clung so strongly to her. Her
body was sore, aching in ways it hadn�t even after her most grueling battles in
the past. Bite marks on her neck and inner thigh still tingled, and the memory
of how they�d gotten there still made her blood rush.

Buffy closed her
eyes tightly and tried to force those images out of her mind. She didn�t want
to think about Spike touching her, kissing her, biting her.

It was all wrong �
everything was wrong now.

She needed to get
up, to face the world, to be the Slayer again, but she couldn�t.

Not now.

Not when she
couldn�t stop crying.

*** *** ***

Spike knew before
he was even fully awake that something was wrong. He was cold�

He realized he
hadn�t felt cold in days. Not like this. The warmth he hadn�t felt in more than
one hundred years before these past few days was gone again.

He knew what that
meant.

Spike didn�t want
to open his eyes, didn�t want to get the visible confirmation of what he
already knew.

But he had to. He
had to let reality come crashing in, no matter how much it made his unbeating
heart ache. Spike rolled onto his back, a deep, shuddering sigh sounding from
him as he opened his eyes and saw her gone.

She�d left nothing.
Her clothes were off the floor, and there was no good-bye.

He wasn�t going to
cry. He wasn�t. Big Bads didn�t cry over losing some
chit. He�d known this was going to happen. Even when she�d been telling him she
loved him, even when she was making him believe it, he knew it wouldn�t last.

The spell would
break; they always did. Then he�d be alone; he always was.

He wasn�t going to
cry. He wasn�t going to hurt. He was stronger than that, colder than that. He
was a vampire, vicious and cruel. He�d gotten his rocks off with the Slayer,
gotten to taste her sweet, sweet blood. He didn�t need her to stick around,
didn�t need to keep her.

Spike wiped at his
eyes.

*** *** ***

Giles sat on his
couch, his glasses dangling from between his fingers and his head in his hands.

There were too many
bloody people in his apartment.

Despite the fact
there had been no further word from Buffy, no one seemed to want to leave. Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya were spread out amongst his
furniture, all asleep. Riley stood by the door, apparently engaged in a
several-hour staring contest with Angel.

And during it all,
Ethan sat still tied to a chair, smirking. It took all Giles had not to simply
kill the other man.

Giles had mentioned
several times during the night that perhaps it would be better if everyone
simply went home. He�d even gone upstairs and slept. However, it seemed that he
was still stuck in a full house.

He wondered if Riley
and Angel had as much as moved the entire night.

Giles needed
something to break and soon. He was worried enough about his slayer without
having his home invaded on top of it.

A loud pounding sounded
at the door, and Giles sighed heavily, dreading who it could be. If it was
someone else here to stay, then he might just bloody well move out himself.
Still, he got up and moved towards it, noting that no one else was bothering,
though the four sleeping were beginning to stir.

The second the door
was opened a crack, Buffy barged in. Her eyes were wild and bloodshot, her hair
a tangled mess around her face. �Giles, I really need to talk to you.�

Before Giles could
respond, two familiar male voices said Buffy�s name in unison, and her eyes
bulged. This, she had not been expecting. She�d come here needing to talk to
Giles, to get his advice since she didn�t know who else to turn to.

She didn�t need to
be tag-teamed by her exes.

That thought made
her pause. Was Riley her ex now?

�Where have you
been?� Riley asked as he elbowed Angel out of the way and embraced Buffy. �I
was worried about you.�

Buffy returned the
hug stiffly as she wondered just how much Riley knew � and how long he was
back. �I was out of town,� she replied as she broke free of his arms. �I
thought you were still in Iowa.�

�I came back early
to surprise you.�

�I�m definitely
surprised.�

Angel seemed to
loom over her from his place in the background, and she could feel him
glowering at her. She could tell Riley knew, too, and she knew he probably
thought Angel was upset from watching Buffy with him. He draped a possessive
arm over her.

Buffy knew
otherwise, and as she turned towards Angel, her cheeks colored. �So, Angel,
um�when did you get here?�

�A couple days
ago,� he replied tersely, his eyes boring into her.

Buffy looked down
at her feet and cleared her throat. �So I guess you, um, drove here. In your car.�

�Yes, Buffy, I
drove here. In my car.�

Buffy was
embarrassed. There was no denying that much, she knew. Though
a part of her still found the whole thing rather amusing, a fact that surprised
her. Hell, even through her embarrassment, she was fighting the urge to
point and Angel and laugh.

Maybe the spell
wasn�t completely over after all.

And speaking of the
spell� Buffy turned her head and caught sight of Ethan Rayne. He�d been quiet
since her arrival, and she knew if he could hop away in that chair he was tied
to like someone from a Bugs Bunny cartoon, he would. She trained her eyes on
his, threw Riley�s arm off of her, and stalked towards Ethan.

He smiled, though
his eyes were full of nervousness. �Hello, Buffy.�

�You
son of a fucking bitch!� Buffy
yelled before leaping at the man, knocking the chair to the ground as she
pounced on him, hitting him hard in the face. Riley moved quickly, trying to
pull her off, but she hit back without thinking, throwing him off and into one
of her Watcher�s bookshelves. Angel swooped in then, pinning Buffy�s arms to
her sides as he lifted her off Ethan, her legs kicking in the air.

�Let me go, you
asshole,� she snarled at Angel. �I want to hurt him. Do you know what he did to
me? Do you know what he took from me?�

From her seat on
the couch, Anya watched the whole scene, entertained where the three other Scoobies in the room where horrified. �I thought the spell
wore off when she came in here all upset. Is the spell still on?�

Her comment went
ignored.

�Buffy, calm down,�
Angel snapped, his grip around her tightening.

�No! He�he made me
fall in love with a man who can never love me back!�

Her exclamation
made the room fall silent for several moments until Riley spoke from behind
her, pain and questioning in his voice. �Buffy?�

When he felt Buffy
calm in his arms, Angel relaxed his hold, letting her slip to her feet. She
turned and met Riley�s confused eyes as he sat in the rubble of what had once
been a shelf.

She wanted to lie
to him. She knew it was the only way she could get normal back. But the thought
of normal now made her insides twist. That wasn�t her, and she couldn�t pretend
anymore. She knew there was no way she could endure Riley�s touches now when
she knew what it felt like to be truly and completely satisfied. When she knew
that without �normal� she could be happier than she�d ever been in her life.

It wasn�t fair to
either of them to pretend any longer.

�I fell in love
with Spike.�

There, she�d said
it, and it felt better to have the words out in the open. Riley didn�t respond,
only gaped at her as if he couldn�t even fully comprehend what she was saying.
Buffy figured he probably couldn�t.

But Angel could,
and she felt him tense behind her before he spat out. �Spike can never love
you, Buffy.�

She didn�t look at
him, though her head dropped. �I know.�

The apartment
suddenly way too crowded, Buffy turned and walked out. No one tried to stop
her.

*** *** ***

Buffy�s mind was
reeling, and she didn�t know where to go. She wanted Spike. She wanted to be
back in his arms where she felt safe and loved.

Spike can never
love you, Buffy�

Angel�s words
echoed over and over again in her mind, mirroring her own thoughts. Spike never
could love her. Not her.

Even as all her
slayer training told her a vampire could never love without a soul, the memory
of Spike�s eyes when he looked at her told her otherwise.

But he hadn�t been
looking at her, not really. Buffy didn�t doubt Spike had been in love with someone,
but it hadn�t been her. Not Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Spike had fallen in love
with someone who didn�t exist, a girl she couldn�t be.

No, when she was
just herself, Spike hated her. He�d made that abundantly clear over the years,
and she certainly didn�t think for a second that had actually changed. Of
course he�d fall for a girl who wanted to get drunk, listen to punk rock, and
fuck him into oblivion. But that wasn�t really her, and Spike didn�t love
Buffy.

He never could love
her when she was only Buffy.

But when she�d been
with him, he�d been Spike. And as much as the revelation shocked her, somehow,
she�d fallen in love with Spike. Even now that she wasn�t that girl anymore,
she still loved him. He hadn�t been like she�d ever expected him to be, though
it made sense, now that she thought about it. Drusilla had been so fragile and
needy that of course Spike had to have a sensitive side.

Yet even when he
wasn�t being gentle and loving, Buffy still liked him. He was bad and rude, but
apparently, she liked that in a man. She�d never really thought of herself as
someone who would enjoy rough sex, but now she was wondering if she�d ever be
able to enjoy anything else. Even when Spike was at his most tender, everything
was intense.

No, tender touches
and gentle sighs would never be enough for her again.

Hell, from this
moment on, Buffy was pretty damn sure she was just going to have to be
celibate.

The whole thing was
a mess. All she wanted was Spike, and she knew Spike would never want her. Even
if he thought he did, he�d quickly discover she wasn�t the girl she�d been
under the spell, and then where would she be? How could she stand that
rejection?

How would she be
able to take it when Spike figured out she wasn�t enough and told her so? She
wouldn�t. It was better to make the break herself, to get out now before she
had to suffer the inevitable.

This way, she could
always treasure the memories of Spike telling her he loved her, and never have
to endure the pain when he finally told her he didn�t.

Buffy stopped short
and looked up, realizing she�d walked back to her own house. She was wishing
now she�d never left. She�d felt like she had to talk to Giles, to get him to
confirm what she already knew: a relationship between herself and Spike was
impossible, and she was doing the right thing. She needed to hear that to stop
herself from running right back to LA and begging Spike to let her back in his
bed.

Things hadn�t gone
according to plan, but she�d gotten her answer all the same. Angel had told her
what she�d already known, cemented it in her mind. Though at the same time,
seeing Riley had let her know that while the love would certainly die for
Spike, she was very much still in love with a vampire.

She knew now
nothing else would ever be enough.

Wounded, Buffy went
inside.

*** *** ***

As soon as the sun
went down, Angel was gone. Giles had managed to clear the humans out when Buffy
left, and Riley had called his old contacts to get Ethan carted off again.

Giles had spent the
hours between then and nightfall ignoring Angel completely, which Angel thought
was for the better. He was sure both of them would prefer to simply get this
over with and never think of it again.

He didn�t bother
with a goodbye as the sun disappeared over the horizon. He simply walked out,
trying not to think too hard about the scent that was sure to still be
lingering in his car. As soon as he got back to LA, he was having Wesley take
that thing somewhere for a serious washing down. Hell, maybe he�d just sell the
damn thing. Or torch it�

�Angel.�

He hadn�t expected Riley
Finn to be waiting in the shadows, but Angel still turned, met him with a level
gaze. �What do you want?�

�Look, I know you
don�t like me any more than I like you, which is perfectly fine as far as I�m
concerned. But the way I see it, we both have a shared problem right now.�

Angel nodded
slightly. That much was true.

�He�s only going to
hurt her, especially if he sticks around in Sunnydale.�

�I know,� Angel
replied, though he doubted it would be for the reasons Riley was expecting.

�He�s got a chip in
his head that would keep him from hurting me,� Riley explained, �so I could
stake him without any trouble, but��

�Staking him will
get you a hell of a lot of trouble, boy,� Angel said tightly. He knew Buffy,
knew what she�d do for someone she loved, whether it was a wise decision to
love that person or not. And the way she�d been earlier� She hadn�t batted an
eyelash when she�d tossed Riley across the room. If he dusted Spike when Buffy
was as unstable as she was at the moment, well� Angel would almost hate to see
what would happen to the good solider.

Almost.

�I know. Buffy,
she�s�she�s gone a little crazy.�

Angel arched his
eyebrow. This kid really had no idea, did he?

�But if we can get
Spike away from her, she�ll be better off, so��

That much, Angel agreed
with. �You want me to help you get Spike out of the picture?�

�Yes,� Riley said,
though Angel could see in the other man�s eyes how distasteful the idea of
working with any vampire � especially Angel � was.

Angel didn�t think
it over for long. His anger with the whole situation had made him forget that
what had happened to Buffy hadn�t been completely of her own free will. There
had been a spell involved, and now that normal life she needed �that he�d left
to give her � was in jeopardy.

Leave it to Spike
to put himself first and not care one bit about what
he was doing to the girl. He�d never done anything in his whole miserable
existence but go off half-cocked.

�I�ll do it.�

*** *** ***

So last weekend I
went to see James on Long
Island. And my muse who has
been sleeping for ages was all like �whoa�pretty�� and bam! I�m writing. That
man is a freaking miracle. Anyway, long story short, I was on vacation last
week and I wrote a lot. A whole lot. More in a week than I�ve written in months. This story is
now actually finished in rough draft form, so I�ll be posting as I clean up the
chapters until it�s all up.

Please review!
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Love Like Fire