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Seasons of Faith	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4355 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
Seasons of faith
Chapter 10

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

“Losers”
Faith sat at the widow of the apartment she had ‘borrowed’, looking down at the people below. They were going about their every day activities. Shopping, going to work, going home, the usual stuff. She felt contempt for them.
And for herself.
She laughed, bitterly.
I’m the biggest loser of all. This should be easy. It should be fun. Taking these losers. Getting what I want. What I need. But, it’s not. I don’t get it. I wanna do it, I wanna not care. I wanna make ‘em pay. For making me feel like crap. But I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t get that feeling back. Want, take, have. It feels… wrong. What the fuck is that about, anyway? Wrong? How about what they’d do to me, huh? It’s dog eat dog. And I wanna be top dog. But I can’t just see them as dogs anymore… I see them. I see their faces, their eyes. I see them talk to each other, laugh with each other, yell at each other. I can’t blank it out anymore. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m 5 by 5, I hot, I’m wicked strong, and total cool. But … when it comes to doing it, I lose it. I …hang back. I see them. I stop, I turn away. I run. And I hate that. No one makes Faith DeMarco run. Not some petty losers. So why can’t I just get out there and do it? I’m the same girl I always was. Hard, bad-ass no one messes with Faith. I failed at being Ms. Goody-Good. Am I gonna fail at this too? Be a total loser, like everyone says I am? What’s wrong with me? Why the fuck do I even care.
But that’s just it. Faith cares. She’s not the same girl she always was. Something’s changed in Faith. Something profound. The self loathing, the hurt… isn’t the same. The pain, isn’t the same. The hurt, abused child; the Angry frustrated woman…isn’t there. Something has replaced it. Someone has come along and changed all the rules.
Buffy. Buffy Summers.
DAMN YOU B!!!! What’ve you done to me? You’ve ruined me. I’m a mess, and it’s your fault. I hate what you’ve done to me. You’ve made me weak. A fucking sob sister. A weepy little bitch, who can’t even take care of herself anymore. I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, FUCK YOU BUFFY SUMMERS, I HATE YOU!
Faith goes off in a tantrum. She starts tearing the place apart, her frustration, rage, anger and pain coming to the surface. Smashing lamps, breaking furniture, throwing things, demolishing the place, hoping to break what she feels inside, hoping to shatter the pain, crush the feelings she has for Buffy. It doesn’t work. It’s still there when she finally stops, tired. She looks around at the wreckage, and she’s still hurting. The loss, of everything she wants, everything she’s worked for, is still there. And it just breaks her. She sits down, and just stares. The pain comes over her in waves, like hammer blows between her shoulders. The moan starts out low, almost silent. But it builds ‘til it's a cry, a cry for help. She collapses into a ball, and wails her pain and hurt and frustration, reverting to the small child who so many nights cried herself to sleep.
Gradually, the tears stop. And with the end of tears comes a realization. She no longer is the woman she was before. The angry girl, ready to shake down the world for hurting her. She no longer wants to be that woman. She wants to be decent. She wants to amend, atone for her life, make her life right again. The get in, get some and get out Faith no longer exists. That’s so changed for her. She wants to care, to love. She wants to Buffy to be proud of her again. To love her again. All the rest doesn’t matter. Whatever she has to do, whatever the price, she’ll do it, she’ll pay it. Because, knowing Buffy has shown her true joy, true happiness, and true satisfaction. And the cheap, quick substitutes she had before are hollow. Even if Buffy can never love her again… she’ll have the peace in her heart that she did the right thing.
Faith pulls herself up off the floor, and wanders back to the window. She doesn’t really care about the apartment, or anything in it. Her mind is elsewhere right now.
She has to go back. She has to turn herself in. She has to make amends, and hopefully, get redemption. She wants to make it right. She’s scared. Prison doesn’t sound so good. But it’s the only way. She wants, no, she needs forgiveness. She can’t live with the idea of Buffy thinking she’s a killer. She’s sorry. Not that Paul DeMarco is dead. He’s a waste, worse than she ever was. But she’s sorry she killed him.
She looks out. It’s getting dark. She has to chuckle, but it’s a humorless chuckle. It’s ironic, and fitting. It’s getting darker now, that she’s made the decision. And it won’t be light….
Suddenly, a pane of glass inches from her head breaks. BULLET!! She rolls away from the window, and two more panes break. Fuck, what the hell is going on!?!?! She crawls low, trying to avoid being seen… but more bullets fly in through the broken windows. She gets up, and weaving, makes for the door….barely missing a few bullets being fired at her. She’s out in the hall... and she sees the elevator making for her floor… she panics….it could be part of whoever is shooting at her. She sees the door leading towards the stairs. She runs towards it, opens it, and flies down the stairs, trying to escape.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
“Angel, are you sure about this?”
Buffy Summers is skeptical. She hadn’t been in L.A. more than a few hours, and Angel already had a strong lead on Faith. It just seemed too easy somehow.
“Buffy,” Angel said.” My contact at the police said that this guy was beaten up by someone matching Faith’s description. Also, I went and talked to him myself, and showed him her picture. He ID’ed her. One of the things she stole were the keys to his apartment… so it’s likely she’ll be here, or is living here”
The doors to the elevator opened, and Buffy and Angel enter the hall where Faith had just run through. They walked down the hallway towards the apartment number they had gotten.
Buffy was still feeling uncomfortable about the situation. She had been hesitant asking for Angel’s help in this. But when it came down to it she’d had no real choice. She had to find Faith.
Buffy had gotten Angel’s address from Giles, who’d kept in contact with him since he’d left Sunnydale. It was located in one of those old buildings in the commercial-industrial sections of downtown L.A. Not much to look at, but the rent was relatively cheap. And it’s not like Angel had to worry about muggers or other such lowlifes.
It had taken Buffy nearly 5 minutes to enter his offices. To say their breakup was awkward was really putting a good light on the situation. And Faith had been a part of that. Buffy had been lucky; Faith had been there to help her get through it. But Angel…she sighed. Despite the time and distance, there were still those feelings…good and bad, hanging around. She debated a few times just trying on her own. But she knew she’d never find Faith that way. She made that the priority, and opened the door.
Ok, then it became surreal. Because at the reception desk sat Cordelia Chase. Like she worked there. There was another man, short in stature, turned away from her, talking to Cordy. Cordy looked up, saw Buffy and her eyes went wide.
“Buffy!” Cordy squealed, and came around the desk. She caught up Buffy in a big hug.
Buffy was taken aback… she and Cordy had never been that particularly close.
“Cordy” Buffy said, wondering who had possessed the body of Cordelia Chase… and why.
“It’s good to see you! How’ve you been? You look…” Cordy gives Buffy the once over, and continues” Well, it’s good to see you!” Ahhh, Buffy thinks. Same old Cordy. Good to see some things never change.
“Ahhh” Said the man who had been talking with Cordy. He had a slight Irish lilt in his voice” You must be the famous Buffy Summers, then”
“Famous? Yeah, sure. And you are… ?” Buffy asked, a bit suspicious. He seemed non-descript enough, but there was something about him…a tiny bit like Willy. Hmmm… con man, she thought.
“ My name is Doyle. I’m an associate of Angel’s” He smiled. Buffy relaxed a bit. Even though she got the feeling she should check her wallet later, his smile seemed genuine…and friendly.
“Nice to meet ya” Buffy said, smiling. But she still guarded her purse.
“So, Cordelia, you’re working here?” Buffy asked. She was still confused about who did what around here.
“ Just temporarily. Until I’m discovered, of course. But it’s better than waiting tables” Cordy said, smiling. Buffy cringed, remembering her last time in L.A. “ How’s everyone? Willow, Giles, Oz?” Buffy noted she left out Xander. Hmmm.
“Guess you didn’t hear. Willow and Oz broke up. He left town. Find a cure for being a werewolf” Buffy didn’t figure on telling Cordy about Tara…don’t think she was ready for that yet. “Giles is good. Still being the man of leisure… not working, in short. And Xander is dating Anya” Buffy replied. She couldn’t help it… had to get that little dig in about Xander.
Cordy’s smile slipped for a nanosecond, but she recovered.” Well… isn’t that …so…?” She changes the subject, quickly. “You’re here to see Angel, right?” Cordy said it more like a statement than a question “ He’s expecting you. He got Giles’ call, and is expecting you” Cordy waves vaguely somewhere indicating the way to Angel’s office.
“And that would mean where?” Buffy asks, not quite understand where Cordy is pointing.
“There” She points at Angel’s office door. She gives Buffy a look like…it’s so obvious.
“Thanks Cordy. Good seeing you again.” Buffy says, with a tight smile.
“ We must do lunch” Cordy says, tight smile. When they sell lift tickets in hell.
Doyle sits back, enjoying the show. In his mind he’s thinking…” Meow!”
Buffy walks to Angel’s door. After pausing briefly, she knocks. A low “ Come in” is heard. She enters his office.
Angel is looking down at some paperwork on his desk. He looks up to see Buffy in the doorway, looking a little lost. He quickly rises to his feet.
“Buffy” He says. That name could speak volumes when he says it.
“Angel” She replies, quietly. Ok, this volume goes next to the one marked “Buffy” on the shelf.
Angel stands looking at Buffy. All the feelings he has for her rises to the front of his mind. Of course, he still loves her. He didn’t leave her because he didn’t love her. It was because he DID love her, and wanted her to have a life… a real life. That was the hardest thing he ever had to do… except maybe stand her and act casual around her.
Buffy, for her part, would never be completely “over” Angel. Make no mistake. She loves Faith, she is in love with Faith. Faith is her everything, her life. But… Angel was her first. Her first serious love. Her first…you know. And there love was the stuff romantic novels and soap operas are made of… so it's still a part of her. A small part of her heart will always be Angel’s.
“ So, Buffy… you’re looking…well” Angel says, not saying really what he longs to say. Ah, well. Soap opera, right?
“ Thank you. You too. But … “ She starts, but he finishes
“That’s not why you’re here” Angel says. She shakes her head. “ Giles wasn’t real detailed on the phone. Want to fill me in?”
Buffy spends the next 10 minutes or so explaining why she’s in L.A., what they’ve discovered, and finishes with:
“…so she’s out there somewhere. I don’t know where. But I have to find her, Angel. Let her know that we know she didn’t do it”
Buffy’s face is a mask of worry.
Angel has been watching her while she’s been talking, and he is, in some small way, glad she came to him for help. Of course he’ll help her, there’s no question. He’ll make some calls, look around, do whatever he can. He’d do anything for Buffy. And, while thinking of Buffy with Faith doesn’t exactly make him want to tap dance on his desk, he likes Faith, despite himself. Her brash manner, her in your face attitude, and her courage are appealing to him. He knows she could take a darker route. One he’s been down. He doesn’t want to see that happen.
“I’ll make some calls around. See if anyone has spotted her. And I’ll send Doyle to some local clubs, have him nose around a bit” Angel says.
“Thanks, Angel” Buffy replies. She knows how hard this is for Angel, and she’s grateful. “ What can I do to help?” She asks.
“Right now, Buffy, there’s really nothing to do. Except wait” Angel replies. Those are so not the words Buffy wants to hear.
“Angel, I gotta do something. How can I help?” Buffy says, more insistent.
“Buffy, unless you have an idea where she might go, there’s not a thing to do. Ok?” Angel replies. And sighs. He knows Buffy and patience are not on speaking terms… ever.
Buffy sits in a chair. She starts tapping on the arms of the chair. Angel knows this is going to be a long night.
And so, here they are, a few hours later. They got a big break with that guy recognizing Faith. Well, after looking at him, and seeing what she did to him, guess she would be hard to forget. Walking down the hall to the apartment she might be living in.
Buffy notices a door ajar down at the end of the hall. They both approach it, and see the number to the apartment they are looking for. They come up to the entrance cautiously. They wait a minute, but no noise is heard from inside. Buffy looks around the door, and sees the front room is empty… and trashed. She rushes inside.
Angel stands at the doorway. He can’t enter. “ Uhhh… Buffy?” he calls out.
Buffy looks at him, then remembers. “ Come in, come in” She says.
Angel enters, and looks around. It looks like a hurricane hit the place. Things are tossed everywhere. Buffy, in the meantime, is looking in the bedroom and bath. Angel has moved to the window, and is looking at it.
“What the hell happened in here?” Buffy asks. “ God, what if someone came in and took her out by force?”
“I don’t think so, Buffy” Angel says, from the window. She looks at him, puzzled.
“ It looks like someone was shooting into the apartment. There are bullet holes in the windows…and some bullets in the floor and walls. But, I don’t see, or smell any blood. So I think she probably got away… if she was here”
“She was here” Buffy says quietly. She holds up a necklace. It's a gold chain, with two interlocking hearts, and a small diamond where the hearts join.” This is hers. It must have come off when she was trying to escape…or whatever” Buffy says. “ But what about this ?” She waves at the destruction of the apartment’s living room.
“ I don’t know…but I don’t think it was part of the rest. Maybe whoever was shooting at her came and tossed the place afterwards” Angel guesses.
“Whatever happened, she’s out there. Running again. Alone. Damn…DAMN” Buffy kicks a pile of debris.
“Buffy. We’ll find her. Trust me. We will find her” Angel tries to reassure her.
Something suddenly occurs to Buffy, and her face blanches.
“Buffy… what is it?” Angel says, a little alarmed.
“We gotta find her, fast. Angel… Travers might have gotten Faith declared a rogue slayer. It makes sense. Those shooters…they were trying to kill her. We gotta find her!” Buffy says. Her fear is beginning to grow.
But where?
Where?
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Faith is hiding in an alleyway, some distance from the apartment.
At first, she thought the shooters had it in for the owner of that apartment. She thought once she got out of the building, she’d be ok. But they had followed her…and shot at her a couple more times.
Who the fuck did I piss off now? She wondered, crouching behind a dumpster. God, can’t I get a break here? First I gotta murder rap hanging over my head, now I got some dudes pissed at me. But who? I mean… who would be gunning for me? Man…that sleazoid didn’t look connected… but maybe he was. Great. First the cops are after me… now the bad guys, too. Shit, shit, shit. What’m I gonna do? Where do I go?
She thought awhile… then something occurred to her. Maybe… at least ‘til I get my head straight, and can figure how to get the hell outta here. She owes me a favor…well…I hope she’ll see it that way… but right now, it’s my only chance. God, how do I get in these messes? Damn.
Double damn!
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Buffy and Angel are on their way back to his offices, when she thinks of something. It’s a long shot…but…
“Angel, Stop the car, now!” Buffy yells at him.
“What? What?” he says, breaking fast. They both feel it… along with the horns blaring behind them.
“Pull over” She says.
He sighs, looking at her like maybe she’s lost it. He pulls into the closest parking spot, and turns to her
“Ok, what’s going on?” He asks. Maybe just a touch irritated by being scared.
“Sorry” She says, “ But I just thought of a place she might go. It’s a long shot, but it’s the only place I can think of she might try. She used to go there a lot when we were in L.A. the summer before last. Anyway, she saved the club owner’s girlfriend from some vampires, and maybe…she went there to get help.” Buffy said.
“All right. What’s the name of this place, and do you know where it is?” Angel asks.
“It’s the Hungry Heart. On Vermont, near Melrose.” Buffy says
“ Funny… never heard of it” Angel says, as he pulls out into traffic.
“Well.. you’re kind aren’t exactly welcome there” Buffy says, smiling just a little
“What? Vampires? “ Angel asks
“No… Men” Buffy replies… smiling broader now.
“oh” Angel says. A little puzzled. Then it hits him.
“Oh!!” he laughs a little self consciously.
He makes a left turn on Vermont Ave., heading towards Melrose blvd.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
- 9
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- 11
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Seasons of Faith