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What are we gonna do now?	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 3568 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
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What are we gonna do now?

Chapter 10

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Buffy wakes up alone.

She kept trying to find Faith in her sleep, but couldn’t find her. Finally she opened one eye, and saw Faith wasn’t in bed anymore . She pouted a little. She wanted a morning snuggle, and no one to snuggle with. Poop. I want my snuggle. She sighs, deciding to get up. Then she realizes it's still dark. She looks at the clock and it reads : 5 AM. Her forehead gets that little wrinkle it gets when she is worried.

And she was worried. Even though Faith had admitted finally she wasn’t sleeping much, Buffy was already aware of that fact. She heard Faith wandering around in the night, trying to be quiet not to disturb her(she forgets I have slayer hearing too, I guess). And Buffy had her own sleep issues, at times. Faith was also using more cover to try to hide the dark circles under her eyes. Not good. And she was more… easily irritated. ‘Ok, I know. I can be irritating, but this was different.’

Something was on Faith’s mind. Something she wasn’t telling Buffy. Buffy wished Faith would just tell her, whatever it was. Because it sometimes helped just to talk about things. Buffy might even be able to help, somehow. But Faith still had trust issues. Lots of them. ‘Guess that’s because she never met someone that she could trust… even me,’ Buffy still has that guilt going. She sighs. She remembers that her robe isn’t in this room, so she grabs a blanket to stay warm, and wanders back to her room to get it.

As she goes out on the landing, she looks over the rail and sees Faith. She is standing out on the balcony, looking out over the city. She is wearing a deep purple robe, belted at the waist. There is a breeze blowing, and her hair is blowing a bit back behind her. Buffy just watches her for a minute, spellboundith ith is just so… beautiful, it makes her heart ache just to watch her. Finally she thinks she can stand up here, in a blanket, shivering, and watch her, or get her robe, go down to her, and shiver, but at least have her arms around Faith. Definitely, the latter.

She retrieves her robe, and walks down stairs and out onto the balcony. Faith turns, and smiles at her. She holds out her arm, and Buffy slips under it. Buffy puts her arms around Faith’s waist, and the stand, watching as the sun creeps over the horizon.

Faith turns and watches as the light plays over Buffy’s face. It still amazes her how this woman can look experienced, and innocent at the same time. Tough as nails, yet soft as down. She gets a warm glow in her heart just looking at this woman. She is even getting to like the nickname “Dimples” that B has christened her with, though she will never admit it. She leaned in, and stole a kiss, which the blond gave freely… so she stole another * Grin *

“ Whatcha thinkin’ ?” Buffy asked. She still tries to get Faith to open up to her. “ You ok?”

“Just stuff B, no big” Faith replies, looking back out over the city.

She hates it. She hates she can’t tell Buffy what she’s thinking. What’s worrying her.

It feels like lying.

She hates lying to Buffy.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Things weren’t going so well for Faith.

Not at the Program. Something’s happening. She knows it. But she can’t pin it down, or prove it.

But just too many things were changing. Not big things, but things that just made her suspicion bone twitch.

This person quits, and is replaced by a stranger. That person gets a transfer, same thing. It’s hard, because Faith was just getting to trust the others, and now, it seems like she is surrounded by strangers.

And Angel. He is hard, sometimes near impossible, to get a hold of. When she can reach him, he seems like he is more irritated being interrupted, than interested in what she has to say. He dismisses her fears, then says he has to go.

Strange. This is as much Angel’s baby as it's hers. And yet, he is acting like deadbeat dad. And so what? He sends in surrogate mom…

Cordelia.

Faith is really, really trying to convince herself this is Cordelia Chase. She looks like Cordy. She talks, walks and acts like Cordy. She IS Cordy. Most of the time.

Most of the time.

This ‘Cordy’ gives her the wiggins. She can’t help it. She gets this vibe… this wrong vibe. And those looks she has, when she thinks no one sees her. The amused malice; the “ wonder if they bought that?” look.

And now Angel has made her “liaison” to The Program. So, officially, she has to go through Cordy to communicate with Angel. Maybe I'm just a little jealous, but that just really stinks. This program is important to me; important to the world. Why then do I feel like I have submit everything in triplicate to Cordy for approval? Oh, yeah. Cause she does.

Maybe I'm being paranoid. Maybe I’m being unfair. I mean, they had a logical explanation for it.

“ Look, Faith” Cordy said. “ I know this seems weird. But you have to deal. Angel is under a lot of pressure right now , running Wolfram and Hart’s L.A. Branch. What with dealing with the Senior Partners, trying to keep the clients happy, and at the same time trying to do good out of the office, rather than evil, it’s a lot stuff going on. So, though this program is important to him, he can’t give it the time he did. And he also wants to keep it away from prying eyes… like the Senior Partners. So, he wants someone here he can trust… me… to be able to report to him.” Cordy sees Faith’s look , and continues “ Ok, he trusts you too. Just that I can go in and out of Wolfram and Hart, and no one pays attention… you, on the other hand, attract attention. You can’t help it, being a slayer and all.”

Ok, reasonable

Condescending, a bit insulting, but reasonable.

Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe things will be ok.

Why then do I feel like I’m being used?

Why do I feel like a dope?

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

She’s gone again.

She’s out somewhere. Doing something. Something important, that needs to be done. According to her. Something she won’t tell me about.

Gee, Buffy. Jealous much?

I know, I know I sound just like the jealous wife. But dammit, aren’t you supposed to like share when you’re in love with someone? I try to share my day with her. Keep her up on what’s happening with the Training center. Share anything that is funny, or amusing(why does Havers always come to mind when I think funny?). Try to include her.

But does she include me? No. No way, no how. Silly me, dumb blonde, wouldn’t get it right?

Can you say “Grrr”?

* If * I were jealous, I would think she was meeting someone. But I know better. Cause of the way… well… gee she treats me when we are together… I mean…giggle…together. Oh, lord, am I ever gonna grow up? When we are in bed, making love. There is no question in my mind(when it hasn’t gone bye- bye) that she feels I'm special, that she loves me. But, bed doesn’t cover everything, does it? We used to laugh, we used to talk, and we used to do stuff together. Silly stuff, fun stuff, important stuff. I thought, anyway. But…that is becoming less and less. Sometimes I might as well be here alone. If she’s not working, or working late, or meeting someone, she is in that Studio, shut up with a painting. At least now, I can go in there.

I’ve seen her latest painting. It’s not a portrait, but a landscape. It’s dark… and scary. And very angry. Like she is trying to express all the anger and frustration she has bottled up. Something I wish she would let me help her with.

Ok, I know oust hst history hasn’t been good. It’s been crap. Hurt on both sides. Distrust on both sides. Jealousy on both sides. But I thought, really thought, we were getting past that. But how can we get past that, when she refuses to try to reach out to me? Does she think I don’t see she is hurting? That there is something wrong, really wrong ? I’m Blonde, but not entirely stupid, ya know? Stubborn, childish, willful, I get it. But I’m also capable of taking my share of the burden. Why won’t she let me ? Why won’t she let me in?

So, great. Now both of us can be miserable. Both pretend everything is great, when it isn’t. Both of us not talk about what is really important.

Yeah… that works.

Don’t ya get it faith? I love you. All of you. In every way, in every situation. Good, or bad.

Great. Fine. Fine.

Damn

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

“ Something’s goin on here, Angel, and it stinks” Faith is pacing back and forth.

Angel and Faith have met in some little deserted corner of L.A.’s Muhlholland Drive. They meet here to keep away from the prying eyes of Wolfram and Hart. Both are a bit on edge, Faith because she wants some answers, Angel because he doesn’t really want to be here.

“ Look, Faith” Angel replies, keeping his voice calm, “ I’ve been trying to explain to you, again, why things are going like they are. I have a lot going on at Wolfram and Hart. The Senior Partners are always, in one way or another, looking over my shoulder. I have their “representative” always appearing at the least convenient times. I have Fred’s concerns to deal with, Wesley’s concerns to deal with. Gunn, as super lawyer, just weirds me out, and I can’t be entirely sure I can trust him anymore. Then there is the fact I have to keep the ‘clients’ happy, while trying to , as Xander would say, keep doin' the good. There are only 24 hours in the day, and I just can’t give 110% all the time to everything. Right now, I have to take a less active role in The Program. That’s why I put Cordy there. So you could get word to me, without raising alarms with the senior partners, and maybe tipping them to what we’re doing.”

“ That’s part of the problem, Angel. Cordy” Faith is less calm, but trying to sell him on her point of view. “That…woman… just doesn’t feel right” She expresses it the best way she can, trying not to upset Angel.

“What are you getting at, Faith?” Angel asks, a bit exasperated.

“ She isn’t…right, Angel. She isn’t the Cordy I know, or thought I knew”

“That’s ridiculous, Faith. There’s nothing wrong with Cordy” Angel replies, a little pointedly

Faith catches the undertone. “Meaning?” but she suspects she already knows what he means.

“Meaning, that I think you’re being a little paranoid”

“I gotcha. I’m paranoid cause she starts making changes. Oh, and am I consultWannWanna guess that answer? And anything I want to do, I have to clear with her. I’ve been running this thing nearly 2 years, Angel. I thought I was doing a good job. Am I paranoid when I'm suddenly find that I’m having to justify everything I do? When I'm no longer able to make decisions I feel are important to the continued success of this program?”

“Angel, I don’t think you’re entirely objective in this. I know you have feelings for Cordelia. No big secret. But the thing is, whoever this is, I just don’t think it’s her. I don’t get the right vibe off of her. I see things I don’t think you see, or want to see. Frankly, I don’t think I’m too suspicious. I think you’re not suspicious enough”

“ I think I know Cordy better than you” Angel responds, quietly. He has heard enough.

“ I would agree, if this was Cordy. I don’t think it's her” Faith responds

Angel sits, thinking. He comes to a decision, but he’s not happy about it.

“Faith, I think that maybe you have become to close to things. You’re not looking at things objectively. I think’re ’re letting your emotions overwhelm your judgment. Frankly, you have been at it too long, and working too hard. I think you need to take a leave of absence. Get away for awhile. Do something not related to The Program. Then, when you’ve had time to clear your head, and are ready, come back. We’ll talk.”

“So, that’s it. You’re firing me” Faith is a bit stunned, but recovers quickly.

“No, not fired. Consider it a mandatory vacation. Something I think you need” Angel says. “ You’ll receive full pay while on leave. Cordy and I agree on that.”

“Cordy? What does she have to do with this?” Faith is incredulous.

“ Part of why Cordy is in the Program is to … keep me apprised of how you’re doing. I’ve been concerned about you for awhile, Faith”

Faith is pissed. She wants to tell Angel to take his money and shove it. But she holds her tongue.

She has put in too much time, effort and heart on The Program to flush it now. The only way she is going to be able to get to the root of things here, is to keep some kind of friendly relations with Angel. She’s so not happy about this, but she knows if she loses her temper now, what she has been creating, trying to create, the last 2 years will be finished. She can’t accept that.

“Ok, Angel. Your call. I think you’re making a mistake. But I will abide by your decision” Faith says. She is so biting her tongue, it hurts.

Angel is frankly surprised and relieved that Faith is not reading him the riot act. It plants a seed in his mind… one that might grow later.

“ I’m glad you see are taking this so well, Faith. Believe me, It’s not easy for me, either. But once you’re ready, we’ll give this another go, ok?” Angel asks.

“Sure, fine. Got it. I gotta go now. Someone’s waiting for me at home, and I’ve kept her waiting long enough”

“Really? You’re seeing someone? That’s great, Faith. Anyone I know” Angel smiles

“ I think so.” Faith says, as she walks back to her car.

“ Who is it?” Angel asks, really curious now.

Faith calls back, as she is getting into her car

“ Buffy” . She gets in her car, starts the engine, and drives away.

Angel looks after her, stunned.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
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What are we gonna do now?