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Violently Happy	By : marksandspence Category: BtVS Crossovers > Misc - Het - Male/Female Views: 3216 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Part1a
- 2-Part1b
- 3-Part1c
- 4-Part1d
- 5-Part1e
- 6-Part2a
- 7-Part2b
- 8-Part3a
- 9-Part3b
- 10-Part3c
- 11-Part4a
- 12-Part4b
- 13-Part4c
- 14-Part4d
- 15-Part5a
- 16-Part5b
- 17-Part5c
- 18-Part5d
- 19-Part5e
- 20-Part5f
- 21-Part5g
- 22-Part5h
- 23-Part6a
- 24-Part6b
- 25-Part6c
- 26-Part6d
- 27-Part6e
- 28-p.s. Flight of Fancy
- 9
- 10
- 11
Scene 9
Miranda’s house. Buffy, Anya, Xander, Dawn, Willow and Tara are walking up to the door. They are carrying three pizzas.
Willow: “Cordelia called and said she left L.A. the day before yesterday—something about a necklace she left—they haven’t been able to reach her at the shop.”
Anya: “She hasn’t been in to the shop at all. Don’t know how she thinks she can earn any money if her shop is never open.”
Buffy: “You’ve tried calling her here, right? Maybe she’s turned the ringer off or something. Let’s hope pizza does the trick.”
Dawn: “So this is like a pizza intervention.”
Xander: “More like a ‘welcome home—sorry you were kidnapped and tortured by demons’ pizza party.”
Tara: “Has anyone seen Spike? You don’t think she...you don’t think he’s gone, do you?”
Willow: “I don’t know. Cordelia didn’t actually say much—well, that was relevant.”
Xander: “But that would be a good thing, right?”
Buffy: “Sure, in the long run, but for now it could mean she’s in one heck of a funk.”
Willow: “Enough with the idle speculation already. Someone ring the bell.”
Xander: “What is it about this house that always leads me to expect Lurch to answer the door?”
Dawn finally pushes the doorbell. They wait. Nothing. She rings it again. After a few minutes, lights come on and finally Miranda comes to the door. She is in sweats and a robe.
Anya: “God, you look AWFUL.”
Miranda: “It’s been a long week”
Buffy: “Can we come in? We brought pizza.”
Miranda: “The place is still a mess. I will have everyone over for a proper dinner party once I’m settled. [contemplating for a moment] Sure. I could eat pizza.”
Xander: “Pizza IS the miracle food, isn’t it? It’s right for any occasion.”
They come in and everyone sits in the livingroom. They dive into the pizza. Miranda looks tired and lazily chews on a slice.
Buffy: “We heard about what happened—Cordelia called. I guess you’re still recovering. I still can’t believe you killed Drusilla.”
Miranda: “You should probably take credit for that one—the whole thing, actually. In case anyone asks. Better for everyone if they think the Slayer did it, don’t you think?”
Buffy: “I don’t know. I guess so. Whatever you want.”
Miranda: [to Willow and Tara] “I was going to call you—I found a hidden room when I was doing some exploring yesterday. It’s full of spell books and things. If you want, you can come by some evening this week and take a look.”
Willow: “Groovy. That would be great. Thanks”
Awkward silence as everyone just sits and eats.
Anya: “Where’s Spike?”
Dawn: [annoyed] “Anya.”
Anya: “I was just wondering what happened to Spike.”
Miranda: [pained voice] “He’s not here.”
Anya: “It’s just that I helped him look for you. When you disappeared. We looked for you for days. I came up with the idea of calling the morgues. He was distraught. I don’t think he ate or slept the entire time—he just kept smoking. Blech. He was out of his mind looking for you. [pause] So did you kill him?”
Miranda: “What?”
Anya: “Oh, they were just talking outside and someone wondered if you might have killed him and I just thought it would be really mean of you if you did because he tried so hard to find you and all.”
Miranda: “No. No, of course not. He was in L.A. when I left.” [She’s looking really guilty.]
Dawn: “So did you two break up or something?”
Miranda: “Uh. I don’t feel up to talking about it right now. If you don’t mind, I’m quite tired. Indicating that she’d like to be alone] I do appreciate you stopping by.”
They all get up to leave. Miranda stops Anya and gives her a hug (being Anya, she doesn’t quite know how to respond).
Miranda: “Thanks for helping.”
Over the next couple of days, Miranda pulls herself together somewhat and goes out. She’s still not at full strength—the healing process always takes longer when she’s sad. Still, she ventures out alone—she tries to pretend (and convince herself) that she’s not looking for Spike, but after going to the Bronze one night and not seeing him, the next night, she decides to hit the demon bar (it’s hard to come up with reason to go there unless she thinks she might run into him). She’s sitting at the bar, drinking steadily, looking rather depressed. Some guy tries to buy her a drink—she refuses. He comes over to her.
Miranda: “I’m going to stop you right there to save us both some time. Really not interested in this.”
Guy: “Pretty girl like you, drinking alone at the bar—you must be looking for something.”
Miranda: “Perhaps I am simply a drunk.”
Guy: “You’re no drunk. No, I think you’re looking for someone and I don’t see how you know that it isn’t me”
Miranda: “Trust me. You’re not my type.”
Guy: “So what is your type?
Miranda: “Oh, I don’t know. Blonde, smart, quick-witted, attractive. Pretty much everything you’re not.”
Guy: “Ooh, that’s quite a wicked tongue you’ve got—gets me hot to think what you could do with it.”
Miranda: [disgusted] “Listen, I am not playing hard to get here. My tongue isn’t going anywhere near that cold, undead body of yours, so why not bugger off and leave me to my scotch, right?”
Guy: “or, what?”
Miranda: “or...nothing. I’m not in the mood for this. Give a girl a break and let me drink?”
After getting a scolding look from the bartender, the guy leaves. He goes back to his group of friends and they look menacingly at Miranda. After she finishes her drink, she decides to leave. She lights a cigarette in the alley and sure enough, the guys from the bar have followed her out. There are four of them—pretty big. She’s in a bad spot and they are quickly able to corner her.
Miranda: [acting calm] “So what exactly can I do for you gentleman?”
G2: “My brother here tells me you were rude to him. Doesn’t seem right for a human to go into a demon bar and be rude—all he wanted was to buy you a drink.”
Miranda: “First, [to G1] do you always have your brother help you get dates? Can’t see how that is a good strategy in the long run and second, I’m not human.”
G3: “I’ve seen you before. You’re Spike’s girlfriend. Or should I say was?”
Miranda: “I wouldn’t say we’re at ‘was’ exactly.”
G1: “So you prefer THAT pathetic toothless wus-vampire to us? Now that is doubly rude.”
G2: “Yeah, I think you owe my brother an apology.”
Miranda: “I don’t owe anyone anything. And I’d like to hear you call him that to his face.”
G3: [laughs] “We’re not afraid of Spike.”
Miranda: “Isn’t that interesting. You should be. If he were here, he’d lay you all flat before you idiots even knew what hit you. But since he isn’t, I suppose I’ll have to.”
They start to close in on her.
Miranda: [looking slightly nervous] “You know, I did just take out a whole NEST of your sort a few days ago—must’ve been 30 of ‘em. All dust now. So listen, I’m a reasonable woman—guy shouldn’t have to get his ass kicked for buying the wrong lady a drink. Why don’t we just forget this whole thing happened?”
G2: “What do you think, boys? I know I’m scared.”
Miranda: “Did I mention that the Slayer is a good friend of mine—practically sisters, so you might want to reconsider...”
She grabs for a piece of wood—before she gets it, one of them kicks her and knocks her down. She obviously has trouble getting up—she’s weak. One of them pulls her up and pins her against the wall.
Miranda: “Ok, ok, you can buy me a drink. Let’s just... [She kicks him in the balls and tries to slip away. Another one grabs her]
G1: “oh, now you ARE the drink.”
Suddenly we hear Spike’s voice say:
Spike: “You got something to say to me, Jimmie? I heard a rumor that you wanted to tell me something. A’course everyone knows you’re all mouth and no trousers.”
One of them charges Spike—he quickly kicks his ass and tosses him aside.
G3/Jimmie: “We don’t want any trouble, Spike. We were just going to take care of your girlfriend for you, you know, since you weren’t around. But since you’re back, we’ll just..." [they turn and run away]
Spike: “Wasn’t going to interrupt—four seemed a walk in the park compared to last time—but looked like you weren’t quite up for it.”
Miranda: “I was bloody stupid and forgot my sword at home—that and I’m not quite recovered.”
Spike: [bitter] “Funny, you looked recovered when you left me.”
Miranda: “I...it was temporary fix. Wore off.”
Spike: “Oh. Right then. Guess I’ll be on my way.” [He starts to walk past her]
Miranda: “Spike, wait. [he stops and turns toward her] Did you just get back?”
Spike: “Last night. Slept at a friends.”
Miranda: “Oh. [pause. frown.] Are you mad with me? For killing her?”
Spike: “What? No. I’d have done the same thing in your place. I’m mad because you took off like that. Were you mad with me for telling them about Claude and his pals?”
Miranda: “No. I mean, I’d rather you hadn’t, but it wouldn’t have made much difference. I had to kill them all because I couldn’t put the others in danger—it wouldn’t have ended with Claude.”
Spike: “So...”
Just then, a few people walk out of the bar, followed by others coming in—it’s suddenly seeming conspicuously not private.
Miranda: “So, do you want to go someplace to talk?”
Spike: “Back to the house?”
Miranda: “We can’t. Willow and Tara are raiding the spell books left behind by the previous owner. What about your old place?”
Spike: “Someone’s probably squatting already, but we could give it a go.”
They set off. They walk in silence—all sorts of restrained emotions. They arrive and open the door of the crypt. It’s a mess and there are two vamps playing cards inside.
Spike: “Sorry boys. Need my flat back for a bit. D’you mind?”
V: “uh, yeah. Finders keepers, Spike. We’re in the middle of a game.”
Spike: “Love what you’ve done with the place—you grow up in a barn? It’s a bloody mess. Come on, give us a minute [gives a glance back indicating Miranda]. Me and the bird have to work a few things out.”
V: “Dream on. Find your own bed.”
Spike: [to Miranda] “Tried to be nice. Asked politely, didn’t I?”
Miranda: “You most certainly did.”
Spike: “Guess we have to do this the old fashioned way”
Next thing we see is the two vamps being thrown out the door and the door slamming shut behind them. More silence, as neither of them seem to know where to begin. Finally it’s Spike who talks first.
Spike: [frustrated] “So what’s this all about, then? I tried to figure it out myself, but a bloke could lose his mind trying to understand what goes on in the heads of women. The way I see it, you disappeared, I went out of my head trying to find you—even asked for the help of a guy I HATE with a twisted passion—I find you, rescue you and granted, failed miserably trying to take your revenge, but still, it’s the thought, right? Instead of a hug and a kiss, I get “I need some time to think” and the sight of your back as you walk AWAY from me. So if you’re not mad about the ‘Claude’ thing, then I just don’t get it.”
Miranda: “You didn’t protest all that much, as I remember. It was pretty easy to walk away.”
Spike: [very frustrated] “THERE WAS A LOT THAT JUST HAPPENED. Maybe it wasn’t as easy as I thought to watch her die like that. And just a day before, I’d seen you lying there, cold—[softening] I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. [back to a bit bitter] Maybe that just freaked me out a little. Sorry.”
Miranda: “I didn’t know you saw me like that. [tearing up] I wanted you to be there when I woke up—I knew you’d come for me, but then instead of you, I had bloody Angel hovering over. I thought about you every minute. But she said things. And he said things. Everything was just so confused. I know how hard it must have been to ask for help—his help. And of course you’d still feel something for her—you were with her for a bloody century—s’pose I’d worry more if you felt nothing. But the thing is...I hate that you loved her. And not because of jealously—at least not mostly—but because she’s just so...psychotic and, well, for lack of a better word, evil. And so you spent a hundred years loving this woman and doing the kinds of things she likes to do and so I couldn’t help make the leap that it could’ve been you. What she and her boyfriend did to me—that could have easily been you instead of fingernail boy doing that to someone like me.”
Spike: “So that’s what this is about? You’re upset because I’m evil and I did evil things. Sorry, but I thought you’d covered this with Buffy and were Ok with it. [aside] And trust me, you have no idea how hard it was to go to ‘soul-boy’ for help.”
Miranda: [ignoring his last comment] “I guess I never took the time to consider the specifics of it. [looking at him] So would you have?”
Spike: “Yeah, alright. If Dru and I never broke up and I never got this chip in my head, sure I’d have thought this was a decent enough plan. We did worse together. But a lot’s happened. I don’t think the same as I did then and you and I do different things together. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you now, right? So what does it matter?”
Miranda doesn’t say anything. She’s obviously going through some inner turmoil.
Spike: [building frustration] “So what, you’re going to break up with me over this? Over something I would have done if I were dating someone else. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. You’re going to break up with me because I’m evil, even though you knew that going in.”
Miranda: “It’s more complicated than that.” [geez, how many times can you use the word ‘complicated’ to describe something in one week]
Spike: “So just explain to me why this matters—why this changes things.”
She thinks about it for a bit. Suddenly she realizes something.
Miranda: “It doesn’t. [almost to herself] I don’t care, not really. But shouldn’t I? I mean, what does that say about me that it DOESN’T matter?”
Spike: “Why are you torturing yourself, love? Is this what having a soul is all about? Because frankly, it just seems to take the fun out of everything. I mean, you didn’t do anything evil, well except me, and here you are, filled with guilt.” [There’s pounding on the door—the vamps want their space back. Spike walks over to the door. Spike: “Fuck off. We’re talking in here, you tossers”. He starts pulling a cigarette out of a pack as he walks back over.]
Miranda: [softly, almost to herself] “I didn’t do anything—but I do love something evil.”
Spike: [He looks up from what he was doing—not quite sure he heard her. He cocks his head] “What did you say?”
Miranda: [She swallows hard, looks him dead in the eye] “I love you, Spike.”
He puts down the pack of cigarettes and moves in closer to her—she’s leaning against the wall.
Spike: [Gently touching her neck with his hand as he looks at her intently] “Your heart is beating so fast.”
Miranda: [Her breathing is a bit irregular as well] “Well, I’m a bit nervous. I’ve never been the first one to say it before and you could say something dreadful like “thank you” or “that’s lovely, how’s about a shag?”"
Spike: [toying with her just a little; trying to be casual, even though it is obviously HUGE for him] “It’s not like it’s news. You’ve loved me for weeks now, I’m sure of it.”
Miranda: [she lets out a little laugh] “I should beat you, really, you hateful man.” [She goes to playfully push him away. He stops her.]
Spike: “I love you.”
Miranda: [with a tear] “Yeah?” [They kiss and then smile at each other. Suddenly, the door bursts open—the vamps brought a couple of friends to break down the door.]
Spike: “Do you mind??? We’re kind of having a moment here.”
They start moving menacingly toward M&S—who completely ignore them and continue kissing. As they get closer...
Miranda: “I guess we’re going to have do deal with these losers, aren’t we?”
Spike: “Such a shame. Let’s make it quick.”
Together they knock one or two of them down. As they move towards the door...
Spike: “Now normally, I’d be quite happy to stay and soundly kick each and every one of your asses. But tonight, I’ve got me some make-up sex to look forward to, so...[He grabs Miranda’s hand and they run out the door. As soon as they are a few yards away, Miranda jumps up and wraps her legs around Spike—she puts her hands around his neck as he carries her.]
Miranda: “Make-up sex, huh? Mmm. I’m thinking that I’m not going to be opening the shop for a few more days.”
Spike: “A few days? I’ll do my best.”
Lots of smooching and general affection as they slowly make their way out of the graveyard. Miranda pulls back a moment.
Miranda: “We still have things to talk about. Seriously. I think we need to be more upfront about stuff.”
Spike: “Yeah. Talking. Maybe after. [noticing her serious look] Okay. More talking. Promise.”
More affection. After a bit, Miranda hops down and stops the forward progression.
Miranda: “ooh. There is one more thing. It’s kind of big. I shagged someone.”
Spike: [surprised] “What, since Tuesday?”
Miranda: [shrugs] “When I was in LA. I just needed something, you know—needed to be touched. It wasn’t anything, really.”
Spike: [considering] “Huh. [beat] So can I kill him?”
Miranda: “Nah. But you can have a retaliatory shag with someone if you want sometime—s’long as it isn’t Buffy. [beat] And who said it was a he?”
Spike: [laughs and then shrugs it off] “Was it that Immortal bloke—the one outside the cave when I came out?”
Miranda: [about to vehemently deny it, but then decides to just let him think it—surely better than the truth] “Could be—but you know I won’t tell you. Are we OK?”
Spike: “Yeah—you can make it up to me in sexual favors.”
Miranda: “Oh, I will. You know what we need? Champagne. We’ve got cause to celebrate.”
Spike carries Miranda on his back into town—she claims she too worn out to walk. They get to a liquor store and find it’s closed. Miranda gets the idea to buy a couple of bottles from the Bronze—bars will sell whole bottles sometimes. So they go there. Just inside...
Miranda: “I’m off to the loo. Get two bottles of the best they have.” [She kisses him and hands him her wallet.]
He stands at the bar and talks to the bartender, who fishes out a couple of bottles from the fridge. While Spike is waiting for Miranda to get out of the bathroom, he notices Xander and Anya at a table on the other side of the room. He then notices Buffy standing at the bar just a few feet from him. He grabs the bottles and walks over to her—he sets them down on the bar in front of her—she’s obviously waiting for a drink. He looks at her without saying anything. Buffy can tell something is different.
Buffy: “What? What do you want, Spike?”
Spike: [grinning in an almost evil way] “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
Buffy: “What’s the occasion?” [commenting on the bottles]
Just then Miranda arrives
Miranda: “We’re going home. And just so you know, we won’t be answering the phone.” [They walk away and Buffy gets her drinks and just looks confused, like What was THAT all about?]
They arrive at the house. Willow and Tara are still there. M&S don’t notice them as they head to the kitchen to put the champagne bottles in the fridge—they are kissing and groping and laughing the whole time. Once in the kitchen, they put the bottles down and just stand there for a minute, kissing.
Spike: “Tell me again.”
Miranda: [giggling] “I love you.”
Spike: “Once more”
Miranda: “I love you. Boy, you sure are needy. How many more times do I have to say it?”
Spike: “Couple of hundred—at least. Probably more.”
Miranda: [more serious this time] “I love you.”
They hear a cough and notice that W & T have been standing there, apparently waiting to say something.
Willow: “Uh. Yeah, so, uh sorry to interrupt. There are some really cool books in that room and we haven’t finished going through them yet, so...”
Miranda: “You can stay a while if you want—we’ll just be downstairs. Oh, but we’ll likely be kind of loud.”
Willow is paralyzed by this bit of information and has a look of horror on her face. Tara finishes the thought.
Tara: “Actually, we were wondering if we could take some of them back with us.”
Miranda: [in a rush] “Yeah, sure. Take care.”
She and Spike grab a bottle and head to the basement/bedroom. W & T shrug and pack up the books and leave quickly. Downstairs, things start heating up—it’s almost pitch black and there’s the sound of ripping clothing. After a few minutes, you hear someone grappling with a lamp.
Spike: [in a whisper] “I want to see you.”
Miranda: “Spike, no, let’s keep it off tonight.”
Spike: “Nonsense” [And with this the light pops on. Miranda is in her underwear on the bed—you can still see the now somewhat faded bite marks and puncture wounds covering her body. She quickly pulls the sheet over her. Spike is suddenly serious and sad, as he pulls back the sheet to look. He touches some of the scars softly with his hands] “I’m so sorry, M. I didn’t know there were so many...”
Miranda: “It’s Ok. They’ll heal. [pause] Thanks for looking—thanks for finding me.”
He starts to kiss each fading wound, one at a time. After a while, he reaches her face and kisses the cut on her cheek.
Spike: “That one’s darker than the rest.” [He moves his finger gently from end to end of the forming scar.]
Miranda: “My face—my head is the most human part of me. It won’t heal like the rest—I’ll have a scar.”
Spike: [suspecting her insecurity] “Adds character.”
He kisses her softly on the lips. Everything about the way he touches her has a delicate sadness to it. He runs his hands through her hair and down her neck. He undoes the front clasp of her bra and pulls it off. Then his hands smoothly travel down her torso and under her panties—keeping with the continuous motion, he pulls them down and off. Unlike how they started, the mood is less passion and greed and yet deliberate and somehow more intense. She is also uncharacteristically passive—not in a disinterested way, but more calm surrender. When they are both naked, he returns to kiss her on the lips. He takes her hands and clasps them at the level of her head. He pulls back slightly and they stare at each other a moment. Without breaking eye contact or letting go of her hands, he positions himself and pushes inside her—her eyes half close in response. Keeping this exact position, their lower bodies begin to move rhythmically together as he thrusts into her. As they continue like this, her breath begins to quicken and their hands clasp more tightly together—still their stare is unbroken. His muscles begin to tense as the pace of the thrusting increases—soon his eyes half close and a small groan escapes his throat as he pushes into her harder still and holds himself there, releasing into her, never breaking their gaze. When he’s finished, he kisses her deeply as his body relaxes onto hers. Their hands loosen their grip and she quickly puts her arms around him and pulls him tightly to her. He moves off her of her, onto his side. They lay there in silence for a while.
Scene 10
A while later, still in the bedroom. A bottle of champagne and two half-full glasses are on the bedside table—we have some background music—the mood is decidedly lighter. Spike is on his back with the sheet covering his lower body. His eyes are closed and he’s looking very happy—he is loosely gripping the wooden slats of the headboard. It’s rather obvious that Miranda is underneath the sheet, between his legs. Soon, his expression changes from a smile/smirk to a deep frown/snarl, as the intensity of his pleasure increases. The muscles of his chest and arms flex as he grips the headboard tightly. In the final moment, he inhales sharply, throws his head back and rips the slats he was gripping from the headboard (oops). He relaxes and starts to laugh—his arms fall to the side and his grip loosens on the now free wooden bits from the bed. Miranda’s head peeks up from the sheets, as she kisses his stomach and chest, moving upwards.
Spike: “uh. [brief laugh]. Ummm. Uh.”
Miranda: “Like that, did you?”
Spike: “uh. I broke the bed.”
Miranda: [Seeing the pieces of wood still in his hands] “So you did. That good?”
Spike: “um. I BROKE_THE_BED”
Miranda: “hm. Hadn’t actually considered that possibility. Perhaps I should have gone for a solid backboard. Still so much to learn about dating a vampire.”
Spike: [still breathless and out-of-it] “I broke the bed.”
Miranda: “I see that. [pleased by his obvious mind-blown state] Haven’t I done that for you before? [He shakes his head—still not recovered] Such a selfish girl, I must be.”
Spike: “Talented girl, more like.”
Miranda: “What, better than your vampire hoochies?”
Spike: “Let’s just say it wasn’t tops on the list of things we did. Something about razor sharp teeth and sensitive blood filled organs, if said organs are one’s own—sorta hard to get past that.”
Miranda: “I see what you mean. [She reaches over and grabs a champagne glass. He’s still looking at the ceiling] So what’s next?”
Spike: “Give me a minute, love. I'm nearly as old as you.”
Miranda: “No rest for the wicked. And if that’s true for the wicked, then I’m all but sure there’s no rest for the evil dead. How about a bath?”
Spike: [skeptical] “What, with bubbles?”
Miranda: “There can be bubbles.”
Spike: [indifferent] “Sounds Ok. But don’t make it too hot—I’ve got sensitive skin.”
Miranda: [laughs] “I’ll be sure to throw in some bath beads for you, you big girl. Meet me upstairs.”
A while later, in the upstairs bathroom. We see Miranda at one end of a large claw-foot tub—her eyes are closed and she’s up to her shoulders in bubbles. The room is lit with candles. Her arm is loosely draped along the edge of the tub, with a champagne glass held loosely in her hand. Everything is very quiet and peaceful. It appears as though she is fantasizing or something—she bites her lip and lets out a small moan. Suddenly, she lets the glass drop—it shatters on the floor—she doesn’t notice. After a moment, she inhales sharply and scrunches up her face. She lets out a tiny whimper as she exhales and inhales a few times very quickly. Then she starts to giggle as she sinks a bit further under the bubbles. In a moment, Spike emerges from under the water and leans back against the other end of the tub, looking pleased with himself.]
Spike: “You dropped your glass. Ask me nicely and I’ll let you share mine.”
Miranda: [still giggling] “So I initially had ‘doesn’t breathe’ as one of the negatives about dating a vampire, but now, I’m thinking of swapping it over to the ‘benefits’ column.”
Spike: “There are columns?”
Miranda: “Well, sort of.”
Spike: “So what else is on this list?”
Miranda: [busted] “No fair to ask about such things while I’m in the throes of passion.”
Spike: “Hey, you were the one who made such a thing about adding ‘talk’ to the make-up sexathon. I’m just trying to do my part.”
Miranda: [smiling] “That is such bollocks—now shut up and pass me the champagne.”
Tthey both take a drink and sit for a minute in silence.
Miranda: “Ok”
Spike: “what, Ok’”
Miranda: “Ok, I’m ready for talking now.”
Spike: [sarcastic] “Fantastic. You start.”
Miranda: “I used to do that professionally, you know.”
Spike: [considering] “huh. Not too surprising—[smirking] you do have a knack for it.” [It’s obvious he thinks she’s talking about sex.]
Miranda: [offended; splashing him] “no, not THAT. Fighting. [aside] Well, that too, but it’s not what I’m talking about. Didn’t you think it odd that I was able to kick so much ass the other night?”
Spike: “Uh, didn’t consider it much, actually. Figured you were just really pissed off.”
Miranda: “Well, there was a time when I was kind of like a mercenary. I trained very hard to be able to fight like that. [mildly irritated] You know, come to think of it, you’ve never really asked me anything about my past. Don’t you care what I did or who I was before I met you?”
Spike: [shrugging.] “Not especially. Don’t see why it’s that important—seems better to know who you are now.”
Miranda: [obviously a bit frustrated by this, but doesn’t want to push the issue—today is about fun] “So I was thinking maybe of doing a bit more of it. Fighting. Maybe I could help Buffy sometimes. You know, a bit more regularly.”
Spike: “Don’t see why not—you obviously like kicking ass.”
Miranda: [jumping to the next topic] “So why did you and Dru break up? Was it because of the chip?”
Spike: [looking a bit annoyed himself] “Anything but Dru tonight, alright? [pause] It was before the chip.”
Miranda: “Ok, maybe we could start by just getting a few more things out in the open. What’s the WORST thing you’ve ever done?”
Spike: “Well, that’s a loaded question. ‘Worst’ depends on your perspective.”
Miranda: “What’s the thing you’re most proud of?”
Spike: “I think you know the answer to that.”
Miranda: ‘hm. The first or the second?”
Spike: [considering] “First. Changed everything.”
Miranda: “Do you regret anything?”
Spike: [thinking] “Went behind Dru’s back once—conspired against her out of jealousy. Never trusted me after that.”
Miranda: “Your turn.”
Spike: [thinks of something and grins] “How many men have you had sex with?”
Miranda: [good eye roll] “I am going to pretend that you didn’t just ask that. Try again.”
Spike: [more serious] “How many men have you loved?”
Miranda: “Two.”
Spike: “The man in the picture—was he the first or the last man you killed?”
Miranda: “First. Changed everything.”
Spike: “Regrets?”
Miranda: “Too many to count.”
Spike: “I think that’s enough talking for one day. And, you know, I’m starting to prune, so...”
He stands up, steps out of the tub (dripping wet) and grabs a towel—instead of wrapping it around himself, he looks at her expectantly. She gets up and out—he pulls her wet body into his and they kiss—he takes the towel and puts it around her, making a half-hearted attempt to dry her off.
Miranda: “We’ve made quite a puddle. [Looking at the clock on the wall] We should get back downstairs—it’ll be light soon and I haven’t had a chance to put the blinds on the windows up here yet.”
Spike: “Maybe if we were right up against that wall over there, it’d be ok—I’m not as sensitive to that as I once was, remember?” [He moves her in that direction...]
**
Sometime later—at night.
Spike and Miranda are in bed, watching TV. The phone rings. It’s Buffy. She’s calling to ask for Spike’s help with something and can he meet her at the Magic Box. He doesn’t really want to go, but Miranda talks him into it—they’ve been naked for three days—it’s about time to get up and out of bed. He heads off. About 5 minutes after he leaves, the doorbell rings. It’s Buffy. Turns out it was all a ruse to get Spike out of the house so Buffy could talk to Miranda.
Buffy: “So what’s this I hear about the two of you throwing around the ‘L’ word like a couple of hippies at a Dead show?”
Miranda: “Ah, witches sure like to gossip, don’t they?”
Buffy: “You shouldn’t encourage him like that—it’s dangerous.”
Miranda: “But I meant it. I love him”
Buffy: [getting that ‘this can’t be happening’ look on her face] “But. but. I...you do? What happened to fun? What happened to ‘relationship’. Suddenly it’s LOVE?"
Miranda: “It’s bloody fantastic, isn’t it? Took me entirely by surprise as well. I’m used to the kind of love that’s so intense, it’s painful and melodramatic and all-consuming and frankly rather miserable. But this is different—this is fun and happy and brilliant. Well, mostly. There is that evil, soul-less thing, but I’m choosing not to think about that right now.”
Buffy: “Come on, Miranda. You need to end this now.”
Miranda: [trying to make her understand] “You know what I do the first time I meet a man? Any man? I instantly figure out what he wants and I file that information away for later use. It’s quite a skill, but I’ve got it down. I don’t even have to think about it anymore. It’s been a useful skill to have. If ever I need something or want something, all I have to do is give the man what he wants—be the woman he wants me to be and sure enough I get what I'm after. Occasionally in the past, what I’ve wanted has been his love. But the fact that I do that—that I can’t stop myself from doing it means that I’m not quite sure who it is he loves—me or the woman I am when I’m with him. I lose track of what’s me and what’s his. But Spike was different. I had no idea what a bloody vampire wants—no clue at all. So I went in knowing nothing and I expected nothing. And here we are, months later and I’ve got what I didn’t know I wanted. It’s fantastic.”
Buffy: [very serious—genuine] “Listen, there’s something you need to know. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Spike’s using you.”
Miranda: [skeptical] “Using me.”
Buffy: “He’s using you to get to me. He’s in love with me.”
Miranda: “Was.”
Buffy: “What?”
Miranda: “Was in love with you.”
Buffy: [ignoring this for the moment] “ God, this is so hard. In his twisted mind he thinks that my seeing you two have this sort-of normal relationship will make me jealous.”
Miranda: “Right. And has his nefarious plan worked?”
Buffy: [eye roll] "no. NO! [maybe a bit too emphatic] I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before—I honestly had no idea he would take it this far...and now to hear you say that you love him.” [She’s getting kind of vecklempt—she genuinely feels bad about not having told Miranda before.]
Miranda: [maternal] “oh, Buffy. Dear girl. You can put your pretty little head at ease. It’s all taken care of.”
Buffy: [confused] “Taken care of?”
Miranda: “Put to rest.”
Buffy: “huh?”
Miranda: “Americans—always have to spell everything out, don’t you. [sigh] We’ve talked about it—we’ve moved on—he’s moved on. I expect he still has some feelings for you, but I’m quite confident that it is in no way affecting our relationship now.”
Buffy: “oh. Oh. [not quite sure what to say to that] Uh, wind kinda gone from sails.”
Miranda: “I appreciate the thought—thanks for stopping by.”
Buffy: “But...um...[small voice]...but he’s evil and stuff.”
Miranda: “Don’t worry, Buffy. As the teenagers say, it’s all good. Oh, and I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind my sitting in the next time you and Giles have a training session—I think maybe we could learn from each other.” [She is encouraging Buffy towards the door]
Buffy: “Sure. Tomorrow afternoon? [she’s now at the door] But...um...yeah, I’m pretty sure there’s another reason why this ‘love’ thing is a bad idea, only I can’t quite think of it now—I’ll talk to Giles.”
Miranda: “Cheers. Have a good night” [She closes the door in Buffy’s face.]
**
[30 minutes later, Spike returns]
Spike: “Did Buffy call? Because no one was at the Magic Box. [seeing her, disappointed] Aw, you’re dressed.”
Miranda: “It was a ruse.”
Spike: “A what?”
Miranda: “A ruse to get you out of the house. Buffy wanted to talk to me.”
Spike: “What for?”
Miranda: “Oh, something about it all being about her.”
Spike: “She does that a lot”
Miranda: “I blame Giles—all that ‘chosen one’ business is likely to give any girl a big head.”
Spike: [thinking of something] “Oh, this was in the mailbox.” [He hands her a small package.]
Miranda: “That’s odd. It’s addressed, but there’s no post-mark.” [She opens it—inside is her cross necklace.]
Spike: “What’s that, then?”
Miranda: “Oh, my necklace—the clasp must have broken when I was at the hotel.” [She quickly breaks the clasp without Spike noticing and then shows it to him.]
Spike: “Seems kind of cheap to send it regular mail.”
Miranda: “hm.” [She then walks over to the window and has a look outside]
End scene
Miscellaneous Scenes/Summary
Gentle readers: I am about to skip over another set of scenes. Why? Well, because I want to get to the next big action sequence and for some reason, I couldn't get the full scenes to work properly. So I am just going to verbally describe them here in summary form. I *may* decide to write them out as real scenes at a later time.
Summary: Time passes rather uneventfully for a while. Miranda recovers—she is initially a bit squeamish about the biting after the whole Drusilla incident. She still has some stored blood from before (hers) and she also manages to steal some blood from time to time from local hospitals and blood banks (unbeknownst to the Scoobies, of course)—she’s good at doing the fake doctor thing. I see them having a nice little system—blood bags in the freezer (marked as either M (Miranda) or O (other) and a blood warmer thingy also taken from a hospital (works better than a microwave :)). After some time, she gets over it [the squeamishness] and things go back to the way they were with occasional biting—the first time, she comments that she hadn’t realized just how gentle he was with her until she felt the pain of a ‘real’ bite in LA. They haven’t told anyone else about Spike’s newfound reflections and such. Miranda does do some training with Buffy—mostly weapons stuff. It’s a little hard because although she’s tough and wants to really spar with Buffy (without the puffy Xander suit), Buffy is much stronger and occasionally gets a good punch in. Still, Miranda is making an effort to tune her fighting skills (non-weapon) and help out from time to time with patrolling and such—and she teaches Buffy a few things as well (things she’s been dying to say for a while, but hasn’t, about Buffy’s fighting style). There was a cute scene where Miranda had the gang over for dinner—she cooks and gives them all little presents for helping her with the move and generally being so welcoming to her since she moved into town. All the presents are clever and appropriate. She gives Spike a masculine chain in case he wants to wear the locket his sister gave him.
Quickie scene 1
10am at Miranda’s house. She comes walking down the stairs into the hallway on the first floor—it’s obvious she was just in the bathroom getting dressed and putting on make-up. She’s wearing a fairly conservative, elegant spring dress—a bit more formal than a sundress. Her hair is up and she’s carrying a hat. She is wearing her cross necklace. She walks into the kitchen and is surprised to see Spike standing there with a mug.
Miranda: “A rather ridiculous hour for a vampire to be up, don’t you think?”
Spike:“Not intentional, believe me. Phone rang while you were drying your hair. Dawn—says she’s running a bit late and will just have Xander drop her off here. [suddenly noticing how Miranda is dressed] What’re you dressed like that for?”
Miranda: [offended] “Like what?”
Spike: “Like a librarian—with a bit of school teacher tossed in.”
Miranda: “I do NOT look like a librarian. Not every dress I wear needs to be BLACK with a plunging neckline.”
Spike: “Oh, I beg to differ.”
Miranda: “This is a perfectly acceptable outfit for this time of day. Fashionable too, in a sloan ranger kind of way.”
Spike: “Maybe with a bit of alteration...[He saunters over to her.]
Miranda: [playfully pushing him away] “Go back to bed, love. You can alter it all you like when I get back. I need to look respectable.”
Spike: “Get back from where?”
Miranda: [hesitating for a moment] “I’m taking Dawn out for a nice lunch.”
Spike: [skeptical] “And you have to look respectable for Dawn?”
Miranda: [resigned. Sigh.] It’s Easter Sunday—I’m taking Dawn to church with me.”
[Spike sprays what he was drinking from the mug, laughing.]
Spike: “Ok. Right. Church. [Obviously not believing her] You planning a surprise for me or something—going shopping to buy me a present?”
Miranda: “I’m perfectly serious and I don’t see what’s so funny.”
Spike: “It’s funny because it’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. [shaking his head, skeptically] Church.”
Miranda: [She just gives him a look and puts on her hat] “This look ok? It’s been ages since I wore a hat.”
Spike: “You can’t go to church.”
Miranda: “Why not?”
Spike: “Hello, living with a vampire—cavorting with the evil dead. Don’t know as that’s specifically forbidden, but I’d take a wild guess that ‘acceptable’ wouldn’t be the word they’d use.”
Miranda: “I’m not actually planning on talking to anyone.”
Spike: “That’s not the point. It’s just not right, is all. You don’t see me sneaking off to go to some BIG EVIL powwow, plotting the end of the world. I thought we had an understanding—meet in the middle sort of thing."
Miranda: “Don’t be silly, William. This is simply something I do.”
Spike: “But what if they brainwash you and you come back spewing all sorts of born-again bollocks?”
Miranda: “It’s a catholic church—they don’t do that sort of thing. Catholics would send me back with crosses, holy water and probably an exorcist of some sort—straight to business. But it’s not going to happen.”
Spike: [this obviously bothers him] “I forbid you to go.”
Miranda: “Whoa there. Forbid me? I am going to do my best to forget you said that.”
Spike: “Or you could do your best to stay at home.”
Miranda: “I made a promise—I’m keeping it. That’s all it is. Twice year—Easter and Christmas.”
Spike: “To who? [She gives him a ‘you should be able to figure it out’ look. He gets it] But he’s dead, right? It’s not like he’s going to know the difference—promise or not.”
Miranda: “I’d know the difference. I’m going. [bitter] Remind me not to ask you for anything on my deathbed.” [Just then there is a car horn—Dawn has arrived]
Spike: [point taken, but still bitter] “Fine. [as she’s walking out the door—saving face] But don’t expect any slap and tickle when you get back.”
Quick summary #2
[Author's note: It occurs to me that this sounds ridiculously silly in short form. Whatever. Consider it an outline.]
A few weeks later, Miranda gets a visit from a pair of men—one very old blind man in a wheelchair and a younger man who cares for him. They go to her shop, but she isn’t there and they end up going into the Magic shop instead. Giles calls M at home and she comes over (with S). Turns out, both the men are priests and they’ve traveled from Europe. The old man is dying and is suffering a bit from dementia. The younger man explains (somewhat apologetically?) that the old man insisted on traveling here to see Miranda—he believes that she is a heavenly creature of some sort and wants to see her before he dies. Miranda is livid when she learns where the men are from and what Order they belong to. She explains that in the last few years of his life, her husband was affected by the treatments he was receiving and became mentally ‘a bit off’ as she described it. He became increasingly involved in the church and in his conversations with their local priest divulged some of the details of Miranda’s existence. Things grew from there and soon they were visited by a coalition of priests and other representatives from Rome to investigate her. She did her best to humor her husband by cooperating with them, as she didn’t want to upset him, but she was adamant that her origins were surely not heavenly. Most were convinced, but she was sure they kept a file on her somewhere because she had previous run-ins with others like this old man over the years. To be fair, she admits to occasionally taking advantage of their view of her—sometimes it was all too convenient to be able to walk into a catholic church anywhere and get fed a good meal and be given a bed to sleep in. Especially in the days after her husband’s death when she was pretty much a vagabond for years—drunk most of the time and often needing to hide away in a safe place away from any Immortals looking for a fight. She wishes that she’d never played along, as now it is hard to convince the believers that she ISN’T what they think she is. She had made numerous attempts to make amends and put things right, but obviously her efforts hadn’t entirely succeeded. She explains all this to the younger priest and he is sympathetic. He admits that the old man is “a bit off” as well, but couldn’t she perhaps just humor him?
Priest1: “He only wishes to speak with you, show you some drawings and...”
Miranda: [dubious] “And what?”
Priest1: [He obviously doesn’t want to tell her.] “And, well, he is very sick...”
Miranda: “Bloody hell. [she’s heard this before] Last rites [the priest nods] What is it with you catholics and sickness and death?”
Priest1: “You’ve been asked before?”
Miranda: “Seems to be a thing. I’ll talk with him.”
Priest1: “And if he should start to slip away?”
Miranda: “I’ll call you over. I just don’t...I’ve done it before, but I can’t...I mean I don’t want to be responsible...? I’m not qualified—isn’t it, you know, a problem if it's not done right? [beat] No. I won’t do it. Absolutely not. I’ll talk with him.”
She walks over to the wheelchair and pushes it a short distance away from the others. Meanwhile, the young priest is talking with Giles and the others. They ask what exactly the old man thinks Miranda is. In response, he pulls out a set of drawings from a leather portfolio. There are a series of sketches of someone that looks a bit like Miranda—some with her dressed in modern clothes, fighting with a sword; some in older clothes. In one view, you see her from the back and her birthmarks are evident. In the next picture, there are wings where the birthmarks are. Another has her clad in armor, with wings and a sword fighting in a battle along with others who look the same. So obviously, the old priest thinks she’s an archangel. The young priest explains that the old man has been blind since birth. There are many more drawings, including one very dark image with what looks to be a vampire face up close. They all exchange looks. Spike is looking very concerned—he walks away and moves closer to where Miranda and the old priest are talking. Miranda is trying to reason with him about how she couldn’t possibly be what he thinks she is—she smokes, she drinks, she’s rather vulgar and she’s KILLED people—(she motions for Spike to come over—he rather reluctantly walks in her direction)—she cavorts with the evil dead (indicating Spike) . The old man says he committed a sin as a young man—something for which he is seeking forgiveness. Miranda scoffs at this, thinking that he is asking for her forgiveness—she’s surely done worse and she’s never gone to confession. He says he knows this and knows about ‘the dark one’, but that she has the power to do more than forgive. It’s not too late. There are things to be done. She’ll know when the time comes. He simply wanted to remind her one last time. Blah blah blah. She looks at Spike and rolls her eyes. Spike just looks at her with a dubious frown. The priest is looking paler and weaker by the moment. He motions for her to move closer—she reluctantly does so. He whispers a few more things in her ear. Her demeanor softens a little. She says to him softly
Miranda: “I’m sorry. I know you want to believe this, but it isn’t true.”
She gets up to call the young priest over and to ask that someone call 911. The old man grabs her arm with all the strength he has. Although he can’t see, he looks directly at her.
Old Man: “Please.”
The priest comes over and pleads with her again. She reluctantly agrees. Fine—it’s all crap anyway, so what does it matter? She starts saying the words (in latin). As soon as she does this, Spike takes off. When she’s finished she gets up and says to the young priest “do it again.” The ambulance comes and just as the young priest is about to get in, Miranda asks him how they found her. He admits that they were told by the priest at the church where she went to Easter mass. They new it was her because of the pendant—they have scouts looking for her in likely places at Christmas and Easter. She is obviously stunned by this. She turns around and sees everyone staring at her—it’s very awkward and no one knows what to say. She chastises them for behaving any differently towards her, because they should know that it’s not true. She tells them they’re all too quick to believe stuff like this—sometimes people just make up things to explain what they don’t understand. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of other Immortals and they all run around killing each other—not exactly angelic behavior! She dismisses the drawings. She is obviously upset and she leaves. She tries to find Spike, but he’s nowhere. Many hours later, Spike is walking the streets and he hears the sound of breaking glass—something familiar about that...hm. He rounds the corner into an alley and sees a pile of broken whiskey bottles—he sees Miranda on the roof of the building (it’s a fairly short one—it’s actually the one they were on before when they were throwing off the appliances), dropping the bottles one by one. He picks up a piece of one that still has a label—it’s the same whiskey that she brought on their first date. He also spies her necklace on the ground. He asks what she’s doing—chastises her for wasting good alcohol. She’s obviously very angry—she explains that she feels that her husband sold her out. He had given her the setting for the necklace and then making her promise to go to church twice a year—That was just a way to enable the church to spy on her. He wasn’t looking out for her ‘soul’ at all. So she’s trashing all the whiskey bottles and she stomped on the necklace and won’t wear it again. The anger is obviously covering pain. He joins her on the roof. Talks her down a bit—getting her to admit that she herself said her husband was a bit bonkers towards the end, so it doesn’t mean that he WASN’T looking out for her when he made her promise—he was just confused about things—no sense in being angry at him NOW for it. He succeeds in talking her down with his usual to-the-point observations. Then she goes to hug him and he backs away. He’s mad that she didn’t tell him about all this—she responds by saying that it was too ridiculous to mention. He was freaked out by the drawings and by her interaction with the old man. They argue about it for a while. Finally, Miranda says something like “Fine. Let’s just suspend disbelief for a moment and consider the possibility that they’re right. So what if way back in the sands of time, I was some sort of angel—my origin heavenly instead of demonic (whatever the hell that means)—what does it matter now? It’s not like I’m about to sprout wings and fly up to heaven on a moments notice. And they sure as hell wouldn’t want me if I decided to give it a go. Afraid your demon friends are going to take the piss out of you for dating an ex-angel? You are NOT going to break up with me over this. [thinks of something] Ok, ok, got it. Lucifer. He was an bloody angel, right? Don’t get any more evil than ol’ Lucy, now do you?” Spike: “Good point”. Blah blah blah. After a bit more arguing, they work it out.
I guess that wasn’t a particularly short summary. The extended version would be much funnier at least and with much better dialog. Moving on. The next bit has absolutely nothing to do with this...
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