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Needful Things	By : nikki00 Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Slash - Male/Male > Andrew/Xander Views: 1775 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own BtVS. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Needful Things
- 1
Needful Things

Buffy :
It's hard to believe that only a week ago, I was sleeping in my warm bed in my own house, now, I'm sleeping on a stinky motel bed in a room wallpapered in red and pink stripes. Don't you just hate it when your town falls into a hellmouth?

I'd have to say that this past year has been the hardest one of my life, trying to raise Dawn and getting a real job and all the while trying to defend Sunnydale from whatever evil pops up. I almost miss going out every night and patrolling for vamps in the many graveyards of Sunnydale. Willow tells me that I should be thankful and relax since I've got a break for awhile. I mean, now there are tons of girls in the world that have slayer powers, well at least for awhile anyway, Will's not really sure how long her spell will last. I really should be laying around and enjoying my leisure time, but I feel anxious and like my job isn't done yet.

Giles says that since the hellmouth has closed, it'll scare most vamps into hiding for awhile, but that's just temporary and he's constantly reminding me that there is another hellmouth in Cleaveland, but I don't really wanna go there. I'm perfectly content to live in this dirty motel that's been abandoned for the rest of my young life. I could go to L.A and see what Angel's up to or maybe there's too much between me and him for us to live in the same city for long.

I miss Spike. It's the oddest thing, but I miss having somebody lusting over me and willing to do anything for my companionship. Is that bad? Does that make me a bad person? I mean he did die for me and now I'm wishing that he was back and everything. That brings me to another point, I'm bored and kinda horny. If Spike was here, I could at least get some. Oh my god, did I just think that? Bad Buffy, really bad Buffy.

Willow :
My girl's leaving me. I didn't really expect this relationship to be huge, but I didn't think it was just a fling either. She told me that she had things to do and wanted to use her slayer powers while she had them. I just can't believe this. She said we're not breaking up, it's just something she has to do.

I keep thinking about this morning when I woke up in Kennedy's warm arms. We snuggled for a bit and then proceeded to make love like we've been doing every morning for the past week. She's really an animal once you get her going. I hate to admit it, but sex with Tara was always so loving and more about being with each other, which I liked, don't get me wrong, but with Kennedy, it's all about animal passion and who can last the longest. Usually she wins that game though, I'm quick to tire out.

After we were finished, she got out of bed and took a quick shower while I just lay there under the covers. I could hear her humming in the shower, it's funny, but as butch as she can be at times, she's really girly in the bathroom, always singing in the shower and fussing over her makeup and hair. She came back out and asked if I had her lip gloss.

We got into this stupid argument about taking one another's things and then all of a sudden she just blurted out that she needed a break from things. I tried to be strong, I really did, but it just didn't work. I asked her if it was me and she said that she just wasn't used to being in a relationship and that she needed time to get some things done, that she wanted to use her slayer powers until they flew away.

She packed quickly and caught a ride with some of the other slayer's in training. I think they were heading to L.A. or someplace bigger to take on some vamps. I tried to not to cry as she left, but I ended up doing it anyways. Buffy was there and so was Xander, but they could only do so much for me.

Now I'm laying here on the bed looking up at the ceiling fan and listening to Xander and Andrew in the next room talking about comics and other geeky stuff. Life really sucks sometimes.

Xander :
Andrew's really not that bad once you get to know him. He's not really a good replacement for Anya, but he'll do for now. God I miss her so much. I constantly ask Andrew how it happened and if she suffered any pain. He's always telling me the same story and telling me now to worry about her now, that she's in a better place.

Since we destroyed Sunnydale, we've all been boarded up in this run down motel outside of town. Giles thinks it's the best thing to do, regroup and relax for awhile until we move on to where-ever we're going next. I've been letting Andrew hang around me cause I'm lonely and he reminds me of myself when I was younger, that's the sad thing really.

He's going on and on about how he prefers Captain America to Spider-Man and I swear he's comparing their costumes now. I sometimes think I could just let him go on and on and he'd never realize that I wasn't even listening to him.

I wish Anya were here.

Andrew :
He's just the cutest thing I've ever seen. He smiles and nodds at me as I go on and on about superheros and such. Sometimes I just wanna leap across the table and kiss him. I bet he'd knock me down or tell me to get the hell out of his room, so I don't act on my feelings.

I feel so bad cause he asks me about Anya all the time and I can tell that he really loved her and that he's missing her terribly. I don't actually tell him that his lover was sliced into two pieces by the bringers, I just tell him that she died saving me which is the truth, just not all of it.

I think I've always had a crush on Xander, ever since me and Warren and Johnathan started teaming up on them back a year ago. I used to always be forced to spy on him when he worked for the construction company and I got to watch him using all those manly muscles all day long.

It was heaven on earth when Xander took a liking to me and let me hang around him back at Buffy's house when we were getting ready to take on The First. He'd really talk to me and not treat me like the murderer that I am. Who am I kidding, I'm not really a bad guy, I just let evil manipulate me once. I couldn't be bad if I tried, I'm too spineless.

In some ways, Xander reminds me of Warren, the first big love of my life. He was perfect, well except for that whole being evil and killing his girlfriend and Tara that one time. I miss all the times that Warren and I would talk and how he would kinda flirt with me and of course when he was lonely and let me touch him and do things to him. He'd never let me tell anybody or act like I was his boyfriend, but I think I was at times.

That's a lie, I wasn't anything to Warren except a good time. I have to remind myself about that, it was wrong and now I've moved on to something so much better, being a good guy. I get to hang out with Xander and be his friend and it's so worth it.

He look so cute with that eye patch, makes me think about him as a pirate and me as the cabin boy and then we're all alone and he's . . .

Never mind.

Buffy :
As long as I can remember, masturbation did not work for me. I guess I'm one of those girls who has to have *it* to be satisfied. There goes that idea I suppose. I need a man and I need one now damn it!

Why is it that all of my former loves die or leave me? I was always there for them when they were feeling frisky and now who do I have? Mr. Pointy?

Bad Buffy, don't even think about it!
There's a knock at the door and I get up from the bed. It's Willow and she looks bummed. I know what it's like to have your lover leave you suddenly and that's just what's happened to her.

" Hey there. " I say to her as she smiles and walks inside the room.

" Hi. " Willow says and sits down on my bed where I was laying a minute ago.

" Wanna go and try to find some ice cream? I bet there's some good stuff and we won't worry about calories! " I suggest trying to give her something to get her mind off of Kennedy.

" Well I'm not really hungry, but I'll take a walk if you wanna go exploring. " Willow replies.

Good, finally something to do instead of sit here in this room all night. I grab my jacket and let Willow walk outside onto the deck of the motel. I shut my door and we're gone.

Willow :
There was nothing in the motel's kitchen so Buffy and I decide to walk down the road and search for a grocery store or something. If I remember correctly, there was once a store not to far outside of town.

Buffy's going on and on about something that Giles said, but I'm not really interested in it. I keep picturing Kennedy and all of those other girls. She's very pretty and I better not hear about one of those girls flirting with her or anything. I might just have to go all witchy on them.

I think I'm looking to much into it. Kennedy just needs some time away to clear her head and then she'll come back to me, at least I hope so anyways.

Buffy finished what she was saying and I just kinda nodd my head as if I were listening. I hope it wasn't anything important.

" Why don't you use a locator spell to see if anything is around? " She says as we walk along the deserted highway in the dark.

" Sounds like a plan. " I say and start to think hard about finding that store. My spell creates a little shiny light that starts to fly off towards the east. Buffy and I start to pick up the pace and walk faster after it.

Xander :
I turn out the lights in the tiny motel room and watch as Andrew smiles and sits on the side of one of the twin beds. He's finally found a television station with a sci-fi movie on. I guess I could care less cause I'm kinda tired and wouldn't mind getting some sleep.

" I think this is the one about the body snatchers! I love this one. " Andrew says happily and turns the volume up. I smile and then lay down on my bed, stretching out and resting my head on the pillow. It doesn't take long for sleep to find me and I'm starting to black out as I hear Andrew squeal about Scott Bakula being on the movie.

Andrew :
It's been over an hour since the movie started and I listen to Xander's rythmic breathing. I quietly turn off the television and lay back on my bed. The room is almost fully dark except for a small night light beside the bathroom. I can still make out the curves of Xander's body on the bed beside me.

I want to reach out and touch him so badly it hurts. I sit up slowly and throw my legs off the side of my bed. I inch closer to the bedside and watch him sleeping. He looks like an angel to me.

As if I can't control it, my hand slides up and onto his bed. It's crawling over the covers to Xander's bare leg. He's wearing those cute boxer shorts that I love to see him in. The shorts that really show what he's go to offer.

His skin is warm and feels rugged and masculine to my touch. I can feel every muscle in his leg contract and move as he slowly rolls onto his back. I can see a clear outline of his chest and legs from the night light. The pervert inside me notices that he's got a tent growing in his shorts.

He must be dreaming about Anya or perhaps Buffy. I want to touch him so much. I can't control myself and I get off my bed and sit softly on his. I've never been this close to him while he was sleeping and the feeling is incredible. It's like a drug to be around him like this. I can't help but want to overdose on him.

My hand slowly snakes up his leg and feels the thin material his boxer shorts are made of. I rub the outline of his manhood and then sigh. It feels so good against my sweaty palm that I don't want to move it. I'm really enjoying feeling him grow hard against my hand, and that's when I look up and see that he's awake and looking at me.

Buffy :
" Look, there's the store! " I yelled excitedly as Willow and I ran onto the parking lot. Like just about every other dwelling around Sunnydale, this place was deserted. I watched as Willow dismissed the little light that was leading us to the store. She was excited as well and we both ran up to the door.

It's not like I expected it to be unlocked or anything, but I frowned when the doors didn't open automatically. I pulled my jacket sleeve down and turned. I rammed my clothed elbow into the glass and shattered it. Willow jumped as the glass started to rain down upon the ground.

" Just doing it slayer style. " I said trying to be witty. Willow smiled and then followed me as I stepped through the door. It was pitch black in the abandoned store as we entered.

" Maybe there's a light switch around here somewhere. " Willow said.

" I doubt it Will, remember our electricity went out last week and well I'm pretty sure that the electric company is sunken into the hellmouth. " I said.

" I'll just give us some light then. " Willow said as she waved her hands in front of her and said a spell.

Immediatly there was lights all around them and I could see that we had not been the first people to come into the store. There were tons of empty boxes and soda cans lying everywhere around. I made my way deeper into the store and Willow followed. I stuck out my hand and she took it in hers so we wouldn't be seperated.

Willow :
I took Buffy's hand and I remembered a time in my life when I actually had a crush on her. I think it was during our Senior year and things with Oz were going dull to me. I found myself dreaming about Buffy alot and looking forward to spending any time with her. She was really busy with Angel and I tried to forget it.

I had always chalked it up to experience, I mean, I couldn't fall for my best friend. I had pushed those feelings aside and they eventually faded, but it always felt good to be around her. I'm kinda glad it all turned to friendship in the end and that my feelings were merely platonic now. It made things so much simpler.

Buffy and I grabbed bags of chips and candy bars as we walked down the rows of groceries.

" You know, we really should have gotten a cart. " Buffy commented with her arms full.

" Good idea. " I said and turned, motioning for a stray shopping cart to roll towards me.

Buffy smiled as the cart came to us. " Very handy, you must do all the shopping from now on. " She said with a giggle.

It was nice to see her smile again. She'd been kinda emotionless ever since Spike had sacrificed himself and we had left Sunnydale. She started back down the aisles and then she squealed. She took off in a run and I trailed after her.

" Ice cream! " Buffy said with an almost childlike voice. It was times like these that I loved her so much. She made me forget about my worries and just act like a kid again.

Buffy opened the freezer door and felt inside. " It's still cold. " She commented as she pulled out a container of Double Mint Cream. I reached in and pulled out a box of Cookie Dough and Buffy laughed.

" What? " I asked her.

" It's nothing, just something I told somebody once. " She said and shrugged it off.

I looked around and saw a display of forks and spoons and plates. Perfect placing, I thought as I grabbed too large spoons and handed one to Buffy. She smiled and we sat indian style on the ground and started to eat out ice cream.

Xander :
I woke up with Andrew's hand on my crotch. It's not like I didn't suspect that he was gay, it's just another thing to wake up with another man feeling you up. Everything was quiet for a moment and Andrew looked at me like a frightened child. He looked so innocent for a second and it made me think about Anya and a certain look she would give me when we were making love.

Andrew slowly pulled his hand away and without thinking, I grabbed it and placed it back against myself. Something was overtaking me and I didn't know what it was, but I just wanted to feel so badly that I didn't care who it was. He was nervous, I could tell, but again, I didn't care. I moved his hand up and down the outline of my manhood in my shorts. It felt so good to feel again and Andrew sighed.

He pulled his hand back slowly and started to tug down my boxer shorts. I moved slightly to help him get them off and then I was free of my confines. Andrew gasped and then lowered his head down towards my crotch. I felt his hot breath against my flesh and it felt good, almost as good as Anya when she would go down on me. God I wanted her here now.

Andrew :
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. One of my biggest fantasies was coming true and it was happening right now. I kept glancing back up at him to make sure it was real and that it wasn't just another dream. He avoided my stare and placed his hand on the back of my head, guiding my lips just how he liked it.

He tilted his head back and moaned several times, saying things that I couldn't hear very well. I'm pretty sure that he said my name.

Being with Xander was so far, very different than being with Warren. With Warren, it was emotionless and empty, but this felt right and I felt like he was into it as well.

Buffy :
" And then I told him that I loved him and he looked at me and said it was nice of me to say but that I didn't mean it. " I explained to Willow as the last of my ice cream melted away. She sat across from me with wide eyes.

" Did you mean it? " She asked me

" A part of me loves him, but mostly I think that I wanted to give him something that he'd always wanted to hear. " I said trying to make sense of it.

" And then you left? " Willow asked.

" Pretty much. " I said. I could feel hot tears well up in my eyes. Talking about those final moments really hurt and it was so fresh in my mind, that it was like reliving it all over again.

" Aww, it's okay Buffy, don't cry. " Willow said. She sat her ice cream container down and leaned it, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me to her. It felt good to be held and it felt good to cry without feeling ashamed.

I felt so close to her in those few seconds and for some reason, I wanted to kiss her.

Willow :
My heart broke for Buffy in those few seconds since she told me what had happened last week underneath the school. I tried to hold her close to me to let her know that she was loved and she clung to me, gripping my shirt with her hands. I could hear her sobbing and it made me cry to listen to her.

The base of our friendship was that we were one soul, she hurt when I did and I hurt when she did. It was a strong bond that I held dear to my heart.

Suddenly, she pulled back and then we looked at each other. She half smiled and then leaned it towards my lips. I closed my eyes, not knowing what to expect and then felt her soft lips against mine. It felt wonderful to kiss her and there was nothing sexual about it, just two friends showing each other how much they cared for one another. It meant so much more to me than anything she could have done. It felt like pure bliss.

Xander :
Andrew was on all fours in front of me and in the darkness, it didn't seem to be him, it could have been anybody. I felt him tremble as I entered him slowly. He gasped as I let him adjust to my length and then I started to pump slowly. Gliding in and out of him with gentle movements.

My mind was going a millon miles a second and hundreds of thoughts flashed through my mind. Anya smiling at me. Anya laughing at a joke when she finally got it's meaning. Anya's beautiful body naked in front of me the first time we had sex. Anya. Anya. Anya. Anya!

I looked down and instead of the boyish figure, was my lost love. I could see her as clear as day. She turned and looked at me and smiled, letting me know that things were okay and she was at ease. I grinded harder and harder into her, driving myself deeper and deeper. I heard a sqeal and then I realized that it wasn't Anya gasping, it was Andrew.

Tears stung at my eyes and I quickly pulled out and fell onto Andrew's back sobbing. I could feel him panting underneath me and I felt horrible.

" I'm so sorry. "

Andrew :
It was just getting good when he pulled out of me and then started crying. I was confused and angry at the same time. I thought he was making love to me and then I heard him say her name. Anya. He was just using me I realized.

He collapsed on top of my body and I breathed in hard, trying not to cry with him. It wasn't real, it was just him needing to be with somebody, it didn't matter that it was me, I didn't matter to him.

" It's okay Xander. " I said cautionously as he rolled off of my back and laid beside me. I didn't know what to do or say and I didn't want to be here, not with him like this.

" We don't have to stop, it's okay. " I heard myself say. I couldn't believe that I had just muttered those words, it wasn't okay. Part of me needed him inside me and I didn't care.

Xander moaned and then yelled at me to shut up. He took his hand and pushed my shoulder to get out of his bed. I was hurt and couldn't help but to cry then. He jumped up out of bed and threw on a shirt and stormed out of the room. I just stood there and watched him go, there was nothing I could do then.

I had never felt this horrible in my life, not even when I had found out that Warren had been murdered, not even when my father used to beat me when I was a child, and not even when I killed Johnathan. This was deeper than any pain I had ever felt in my life.

I sat down on my bed, pulling the covers up around me as I cried in the darkness of the room.

Buffy :
We didn't speak after the kiss, but I hoped that it had meant as much to her as it had to me. We just got up and she held my hand as we walked out of the store with our shopping cart. The night air was cold and she clung to me for warmth.

Onward down the road, I could see the lights from the motel and I decided to say something.

" Do you hate me? " I asked her.

" No...no of course not Buffy. " She said softly.

" I didn't mean to do that, it just happened. " I said trying to explain my actions.

" I love you Buffy and there was nothing wrong with what you did. " Willow said with a smile.

" Sometimes I just wish I were a lesbian. " I said with sarcasm. Willow smiled and hugged me.

" You wouldn't last a day sweetie. " She said.

I smiled back at her and we walked, hand in hand down the road towards the motel.

Xander :
Morning came quickly and I realized that I had been standing outside on the deck all night. I couldn't believe what had happened and my actions. I felt miserable. What I had done was nothing but pure pain and I didn't want to think about what it had done to poor Andrew. I had felt desperate and needed somebody and he was there. I think I knew how Faith had felt when we slept together that night so many years ago.

Then it hit me how Andrew must have felt, the same way I felt when I figured out that I meant nothing to Faith, just a toy to play with when she needed to get off. I couldn't do that to another person, it was cruel and not right. I felt myself start to cry again and I wiped away the tears. I had to tell him something and I just didn't know what to say.

I had to speak to him eventually and I didn't want it to be now, but I had to. With a sigh, I turned and walked back to our room.

Andrew :
I heard the door open as I stepped out of the shower. I didn't want to see him. I heard him say my name and I fought off the urge to just not say anything. After a few minutes, I called out that I would be out in a minute. I threw on my shorts and a t-shirt and opened the door.

He was sitting down on my bed and then looked up at me. He got to his feet as I walked over and put his hand on my shoulder. I almost pulled away but then stopped when I saw the look on his face.

" What happened last night was unforgivable. I took advantage of you Andrew and I don't want you to think that I'm that sort of person. " He started.

" I shouldn't have done what I did and I hope it makes sense to you that I really needed somebody last night and I just went about it the wrong way. " He continued.

" It's okay, I understand. " I said reluctantly. I realized what he was going through and while I didn't like it, I understood his actions.

" Are you sure? " He asked.

" Yes, you just needed somebody and things got out of hand. Chalk it up to a mistake and let's move on. " I said.

He smiled at me and pulled me into a warm hug. We embraced for a long time and then he let go.

" I'll go get us some breakfast, I think Dawn was going to cook. " He said.

" Well I'll go with you. " I said and pulled on my shoes. He put his arm around my shoulder and we walked out the door and downstairs.

I know I should hate him for what he did, but if it's possible, I think I love him more. I guess that's a problem huh?
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Needful Things