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Closer to the Heart
By : hfreak
Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Willow
Views: 3834 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Buffy fandom or its characters. They belong to Joss Wheodn. I make no money from this. -
Chapter List
- 1-Closer to the Heart
- 2-Conversations With Dead People
- 3-Sleeper
- 4-Never Leave Me
- 5-Bring on the Night
- 6-Show Time
- 7-Potential
- 8-The Killer in Me
- 9-First Date
- 10-Get it Done
- 11-Storyteller
- 12-In the In Between Time
- 13-Lies My Parents Told Me
- 14-Dirty Girls
- 15-Empty Places
- 16-Touched
- 17-End of Days
- 18-Chosen
Title: Closer to the Heart
Chapter 1: Prologue
Rating: PG?
Warnings: Femslash.
Summary: A very important Scooby meeting.
: This is a sequel to my fic “Close to the Chest.” You should probably read that first, though it’s not strictly necessary if you can just accept that Buffy and Willow got together. This is going to rewrite S7 from ‘Conversations with Dead People’ all the way to ‘Chosen.’ This first chapter is basically a prologue to set the stage. I’m going to do one episode for each of the remaining chapters. I’ll hit scenes that impact or are impacted by the Buffy/Willow relationship, as established in “Close to the Chest.” I’ll also insert entirely new scenes. If there’s a scene in the episodes that I don’t include in the , assume that scene is unchanged, but that it still happened. (If it’s important to the plot of the , I’ll either include it or recap it.) I’m doing an S7 re-watch and working with transcripts as I go along. I’m hoping it goes well.2: I picked the title for several reasons. It seemed like the next logical sequential step after “Close to the Chest.” This sort of digs into the emotional stuff in later chapters. But, mostly, it’s because I got that Rush song stuck in my head every time I would type “Close to the Chest” when I was writing the prequel.
3: I started this with the intention of seeing how Buffy/Willow affected the canon and that is still partially true, but I’d say the larger part of the examines how the canon affects Buffy/Willow.
A/N4: Enjoy!
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The early morning sun made Revello Drive look almost peaceful. Any vampires in the area had already turned in for the morning and the people of Sunnydale were just getting started on a brand new day. At first glance, everything was right with the world. Of course, how often could Buffy Summers think that before something went wrong?
“Damn it,” muttered the blonde, dropping her keys on the welcome mat. She had two armfuls of groceries and trying to operate keys was proving to be difficult. For a moment, she considered simply kicking the door down, but then a voice called out from behind her.
“Need some help, little lady?”
“Hey Xander,” Buffy replied without turning, having recognized his voice. “How much would you charge to fix it if I kicked the door down?”
“How ‘bout I just pick up your keys,” Xander offered helpfully, stooping to the ground as he spoke.
“I’m guessing you got Dawn to school alright,” said Buffy, walking through the door as Xander held it open for her.
“Yeah.” Xander followed the Slayer in and shut the door behind them. “I hope I never have to take Janice again, though. That girl is seriously annoying.”
“Annoying how?” asked Buffy, making her way into the kitchen.
“Think Cordelia on speed.”
“Didn’t you date Cordy for like a year?” questioned the Slayer as she set the grocery bags down and opened the fridge.
“Okay, you will not make me go to inappropriate visual places with teenage girls,” Xander countered, pointing an accusing finger at the Slayer as he spoke.
“You’re the one who was checking out Dawn at the Bronze last week,” Buffy said simply as she began putting away the fresh groceries.
“Gah!” Xander shook his head like a wet dog. Buffy chuckled at his response, then looked down to see she was holding a milk carton and laughed twice as hard. Xander watched her curiously. “Something funny on the milk carton?”
“You had to be there,” said Buffy as she shelved the milk.
“Speaking of Dawn,” Xander continued quietly, “she, uh – gave me ten bucks this morning.”
“Oh.” Buffy stopped and turned to face her friend. “So you know?”
“Ten bucks, remember? I knew it before you guys did.”
“And?” Buffy prompted.
“And good for you,” Xander said with a shrug.
“That’s it?” Buffy turned again to the grocery bags.
“Were you lookin’ for more? Maybe a Snoopy-dance of joy or something.”
“I don’t know,” Buffy answered uncomfortably. “It just feels like such a big thing for me.”
“I’m sure it is,” Xander agreed. “You know, maybe I’d grasp the magnitude of it better if I had pictures.”
“You will not be looking at pictures of us while you ‘grasp your magnitude,’” Buffy retorted.
“Oh come on, Buff, don’t turn it into a sick joke like that,” said Xander with a smile.
“We should probably tell Willow that you know,” Buffy explained as she shut the fridge. “WILL!”
A pair of hurried feet thundered down the stairs.
“Did you get the syrup?” Willow asked excitedly. “I think – oh,” her face fell as she noticed the third person in the room, “Xander’s here.” She trailed off with a slight blush.
“There’s syrup?” Xander asked with raised eyebrows.
“Not like that,” Buffy dismissed immediately, straight-faced and serious. She pulled a bottle of syrup from one of the remaining bags as she opened the cabinets. “My woman wants pancakes? She gets pancakes. Because I’m the provider! And, definitely, the manly one.”
“Pfft!” Willow rolled her eyes dramatically before fixing them on Xander. “So you know?”
“Dawn gave him the ten bucks,” Buffy called over her shoulder.
“Oh yeah, you saw it coming,” Willow realized. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Yes,” Xander decided. “Please, let’s talk. With no shortage of details and possibly some helpful sketches.”
“So you’re okay with it,” Willow surmised.
“Is there some reason why I wouldn’t be? My best friends are happy and I have exciting new syrup-y fantasies to keep me company. Where’s the bad?”
“No bad,” said Willow with a shrug, crossing to the fridge. “Just a little nervous, I guess.”
“Will, you’ve been out of the closet for like three years now,” Xander pointed out. “Given that none of us has wigged out about it yet, I don’t really think we’re gonna start now.”
“I know that,” said the witch, pouring herself a glass of orange juice. “It’s just – I mean, it is Buffy.”
“Oh, like you’re the first one who’s ever wanted her?”
“Standing right here,” Buffy reminded them. She closed the cabinets, having finally finished putting everything away. “I, for one, am very glad that you’re okay with it. The whole coming out thing does make me feel kind of nervous.”
“You don’t need to be,” Xander assured her calmly. “Dawn’s okay with it. I’m okay with it. I don’t think Anya will really care one way or another. Doesn’t really leave anyone else except Spike.” Xander froze. “Or we could just stake him.”
“We’re not staking Spike,” Buffy said, smiling indulgently. “And we probably won’t even have to tell him.”
“What’s that mean?” Xander asked.
“He – well, I mean – he’ll probably be able to smell it,” said Buffy quickly. Willow coughed into her juice. “And it’s not like Spike and I are a couple. We haven’t even – done anything couple-y – at least, not since that time when Riley caught us.”
“Riley caught you?” Willow exclaimed. “Riley knew before we did?”
“Not really the direction I wanted this conversation to go,” Buffy mumbled.
“So you haven’t coupled with Spike,” Xander interrupted before the conversation could derail. “That’s good. But is that really the end of the story? I mean, he had his soul put in – and it drove him insane. You don’t think he did that so he could get in your good graces?”
“I’m sure he did.” Buffy locked her eyes on Xander, carefully not looking at Willow. “But I think – because of the soul – I think he understands that I can’t return his feelings.”
“I think it would be better for everyone involved if you told him that plainly,” Xander advised. “Face to face. Honestly.”
“It’s probably better not to just assume he understands,” Willow agreed. “A-and – I think you kind of owe it to him.”
“I’m still voting for stake him,” Xander voiced. “No muss; no fuss – just a little bit of dust!”
“I’m not gonna stake him.” Buffy leaned against the kitchen counter, a ponderous expression on her face. “He wants to fight evil, and we need fighters for whatever this ‘beneath you’ thing is.”
“I’m actually on board with letting him fight evil,” said Xander. “I just don’t understand why it has to be here.”
The Slayer shifted uncomfortably.
“I think someone should keep an eye on him,” she explained. “Make sure he sticks with it. Make sure he’s not losing his mind.”
“Well, what if we shipped him to L.A.?” Xander suggested. “We could let Angel look after him. He’s been on the soul train long enough to know how it works.”
“Angel,” Buffy scoffed. “I’m sure he’d welcome Spike like a brother. Right after he starts working for that evil law firm he’s always fighting.”
“Oh come on, Buff. They used to pal around back in the day; I’m sure it’d be like a family reunion.”
“They’d bring each other down,” Buffy asserted. “It’d probably turn into some stupid pissing contest over which one of them loves me more. And if one of them didn’t kill the other, they’d probably come right back here and bring a whole world of drama with them.”
“So it’s not a permanent solution,” Xander conceded. “Can we at least get him out of my apartment?”
“Xander, he’s not well.”
“And you’re the one who cares, Buff. I get that you wanna give him a chance, but why do I have to be the one who babysits him?”
“Is he in your way?” Buffy challenged. “I’m sorry that you don’t understand this-”
“I’m fairly certain I just said I do understand,” Xander contested. “You feel guilty that he’s tortured himself over you.”
“It’s – I…” Buffy trailed off in confusion.
“Buffy,” Willow said softly, “look at me.”
Buffy kept her gaze focused on Xander.
“You know what,” announced the carpenter, “I should probably go to work. You can never be too early nowadays.” He started toward the door in a desperate move to escape the suddenly awkward situation.
“Xander, I’m sorry,” said Buffy quickly.
“Don’t worry about it,” he assured the Slayer. “You guys talk it out, okay? Call me if you need anything.”
They waited for the sound of Xander shutting the door.
“Buffy,” Willow said gently, “please look at me.”
“I’m afraid,” Buffy replied quietly, only marginally comforted by Xander’s absence.
“You don’t need to be.” Willow moved to Buffy’s side and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m not angry. What are you afraid you’ll see?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m afraid.”
“I love you, Buffy,” Willow affirmed gently. At this, the Slayer turned, eyes full of the fear she had mentioned. “It’s just me and you Buffy,” Willow said reassuringly. “You can talk to me, remember?”
“I know – I just – it’s hard.”
“Come on,” the witch encouraged, “maybe it’ll be easier if we get all snuggled up on the couch while we talk,” she offered with a half-grin. She began steering the blonde toward the living room, hands on both shoulders. “I know it’s hard for you to open up,” she continued levelly, “but I want to help you with that.”
“And I want you to,” Buffy responded readily. “It’s still hard though.”
“It’s more than just guilt, right?” Willow said knowingly.
“I…” Buffy looked again into Willow’s eyes as they sat on the couch. “Yes,” she admitted meekly, sounding close to tears. “But – but I don’t love him. You know that, right? I love you.”
“I know, Buffy,” Willow said calmly. “It’s okay.” The Slayer laid her head on Willow’s shoulder and Willow began stroking her hair. “You care about him,” the witch supplied. “But you also used to have sex with him. And even the sex was kind of an emotional gray area. I’m sure that’s very confusing for you.”
“I don’t know what I feel,” Buffy confessed.
“And it scares you,” Willow acknowledged. “Just remember that you don’t have to be afraid of talking about it. Not with me, Buffy. Remember last night? Nothing can make me stop loving you, okay?”
“I know.” Buffy sighed, snuggling up closer to the redhead. “Sex makes things really confusing.”
“That’s because it’s supposed to be about intimacy,” Willow explained. “So few people get it right though.”
“I wanna get it right with you,” Buffy said warmly.
“We will. I think we’re already off to a really good start.” There was a short pause. “Are you really nervous about the coming out thing?”
“A little,” said Buffy. “Not so much about the coming out part, more about the telling boys I used to sleep with thing. I don’t think Spike or Angel will take it well.”
“Angel probably wouldn’t say anything to your face though,” said Willow hopefully. “Spike would get over it with time.”
“I think you’re right. It’s just – I don’t want him to go away.”
“You care about him,” Willow repeated. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t care about people, Buffy. I really am okay with this, you know.”
“Really? You’re not just being Support-O-Gal?”
“A little bit,” Willow disclosed in the spirit of honesty. “I mean, there is a part of my brain that worries, but you are talking to me. So I can just tell that part of my brain to shut up.”
“I don’t want you to worry. I don’t know what I feel for Spike, but I do know what it’s not. I don’t love him.”
“If you ever need to talk about it, you can talk to me. I promise, it’s good to talk about what you’re feeling – even the stuff that you’re afraid to say.”
“So you’re my psychiatrist now?” Buffy questioned.
“No, just your girlfriend,” said Willow with a smile.
“Mmm, I like the way that sounds,” the Slayer purred. “And I’m your girlfriend too.”
They leaned in and kissed each other affectionately.
“You probably should’ve made some noise when you came in,” Willow pointed out.
“Huh?” Buffy sat up, looking at her girlfriend in confusion.
“What if I’d been indecent when I came downstairs?”
“Why aren’t you indecent?” asked Buffy, taking proper notice of this for the first time.
“I was thinking maybe you’d wanna rip all my clothes off in a fit of passion,” Willow suggested brightly.
“How long until your class?”
“Three hours,” the witch replied promptly.
Buffy glanced once toward the kitchen and then back again.
“Let’s go to work,” said the Slayer with an enormous grin.
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Next Chapter: Conversations with Dead People
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