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From The Journal of Alexander LaVelle Harris	By : UrsurlaFretz Category: AtS/BtVS Crossovers > Slash - Male/Male > Angel(us)/Xander > Angel(us)/Xander Views: 1894 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS) or Angel, the Series (AtS); nor any of the characters from them. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Title: From The Journal of Alexander LaVelle Harris
The White Knight
Author: LadyVirgo1956
Pairing: Xander/Angel(us) Xander/Various
Betas: jasonsnene and purpledodah
Rating: G
Warnings: Mentions Violence Spoilers up to Season 4
Notes: This is my first story in the Buffy/Angelverse. So please be kind. Preslash Friendship
Summary: Xander writes down in a journal about his life since Buffy came into it.

From The Journal of Alexander LaVelle Harris
The White Knight

This is my First journal entry so let me introduce myself. My name is Alexander LaVelle Harris. My friends and family call me Xander. I’m also known as The Zeppo, Doughnut boy and the White Knight. Cordelia Chase, my ex-girlfriend, started the Zeppo/Doughnut boy names. But if you think about it, the Zeppo wasn’t as useless as she made him out to be. He was the fourth Marx brother who did some films with his brothers but preferred to work behind the scenes. As for Doughnut boy, I’ve been called worse. Spike calls me his Nummy Treat and Whelp. I’m not sure if I should be flattered about the Nummy Treat name or not. Whelp, on the other hand, I just don’t like. I looked it up and it references a dog or Pet and I am not a Pet. The name I hate the most is The White Knight that a vampire named Angelus called me. I can’t stand him at all.

Well, that is not exactly true. I admire Angelus’ strength and determination. On top of that, he is HOT. But I’m not going to tell him that. See Angelus is the demon that resides in Angel, an ensouled vampire. He was cursed with a soul by gypsies for eating the favorite daughter of the group. The first time I saw Angel, before I knew he was a vampire, I thought he was hot. Willow, Jesse and Buffy just gave me funny looks about what I’d said. What really hurt was a few days later Buffy shows up with him on her arm. I wasn’t sure at the time if I was jealous of her or Angel. I hated Angel for taking Buffy away from me before I was even given a chance with her. Then later I resented her for not doing her job and not killing Angelus or at least stopping him.

I’m getting off track here. The reason he called me a White Knight was because I faced him down without any weapons. I stood my ground and wouldn’t back down and let him into Buffy’s hospital room. He grabs me and pulls me into his face and hissed, calling me Buffy’s White Knight. I was scared but there was no way I was going to show him that. What gets me is he could have killed me that night but didn’t. I always wondered about that. Why didn’t he? It’s not like I was strong enough to hold off a Master Vampire who has over 250 years of experience. I asked Angel about that once. He just got this cryptic look in his eyes and smiled. I never did get my answer. Damn vampire.

No one but him and me, as far as I know, knows what happened that night. Oh, I know Angel knows and possibly Spike. That is a whole other story where Spike is concerned. He betrayed Angelus working with Buffy letting her, Giles and the rest of us know what was going down. He disappeared with Drusilla then showed back up beaten, starving and with a chip inserted in his head. Giles, not trusting him, chained him up in the bathtub and fed him around one bag of pigs’ blood a day. Buffy and Giles called Angel to let him know what happened. I called him later that night and told him Spike was in pretty bad shape, something Buffy neglected to tell him. Still, Angel warned me to be careful. Eventually, Spike was able to go back to a semi normal life without being able to hurt people.

So I wondered why he called me a White Knight so I looked it up. The definition for a White Knight is someone who does heroic deeds. A hero, I don’t feel like a hero. If protecting those you care for makes you a hero, then everyone who cares for someone is a hero.

A hero to me is those who sacrifice everything they have to protect family, friends and even the stranger on the street. Buffy is a hero to me. She gave up her life to take on the creatures of the night. Angel is one on the level that he wants to atone for everything that Angelus did before he got his soul back. Jesse, my best friend, was a hero to me before he was turned. He lost his soul at the hands of Darla, Angel’s Sire. We watched each others back and it hurt when I staked him. I wanted to die with him. But my Willow would have none of it and insisted we help Buffy. Life goes on, but the pain still lingers

I found out later Cordelia whilst trying to escape bumped into me and that is how he got staked at my hands. Whenever I think about what I did to Jesse I feel sad. I know it was just a demon that took over Jesse’s body or was it just a demon, was my Jesse still in there? I don’t blame Cordy for what happened that night at the Bronze. I will always mourn him and remember all the fun me Jesse and Willow had before we found out about the monsters that live here in Sunnydale. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t but in the end I’m glad I did. The night after I lost Jesse, Buffy died at the hands of the Master. I brought her back using CPR. I have always wondered what would have happened if she hadn’t come back that night. I did find out a few years later when Cordy made a wish that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. The Master rose, me and Willow were turned, and Angel was turned into a Puppy, a pet for Willow and me. I’m glad I never saw that. It would have turned my stomach to see someone like Angel so beaten down. Some have said that made me a hero.

Unbeknownst to everyone, that night I split the Slayer line. You see Buffy died long enough for a new Slayer to be called. I didn’t even know I did it until Kendra showed up. The look on Buffy’s face was priceless. She was in shock. The strange part of all this was when she died fighting Glory no other Slayer was called. It was officially the end of the Slayer line from her side. When she died a second time the only Slayer we knew of was Faith and she was sitting in prison.

We realized this when Kendra showed up one day to take a piece of the Judge and secure it someplace safe. Drusilla ended up killing her and getting the piece to finish assembling him. Then Faith shows up sometime later. I tried to help her after she went rogue. Thus the White Knight complex kicks in. I’ve got to quit being one.

I’m getting ahead of myself here again. As much as I dislike Angel, Angelus is in a class all by himself No one calls Angelus anything he doesn’t like. If you do you will find yourself on the short end of the stick. It seems, next to his Sire Darla, I was the only one to be able to stand up to him. Which I found out later could have been dangerous for me. Spike is always calling Angel various names. His favorites are Poof and Peaches. Angel comes back to Sunnydale every so often. Sometimes he visits me and we talk. Our relationship is strange. He will stay for the day and return to L.A. No one knows about this, though, but I have a strange feeling Spike suspects something is going on.

We value our privacy. Angel regrets what Angelus did. I tell him he was punished when he was sent to Hell. He knows about the lie I told Buffy that got him sent to Hell. He’s forgiven me because it was like what Angelus said to me. That I am a White Knight. When he calls me that, I cringe. I just hate being called a White Knight, a hero. Because I’m not one. I just do what is right. I also found out something else. We have a lot in common.

I love to read just like him. I would never admit that to anyone though. They would think I was possessed again. Even though I like Country and Western music I like other types as well. Music to me is part of the soul. What you listen to tells a lot about who you are. Country and Western music can be pretty sad and melancholy. Rock has an upbeat rhythm. I found out Angel loves Manilow As a surprise, I went out and got him a Manilow C.D. We listened to it together and I really enjoyed it, much to my surprise. He called me later and told me everyone on his team wants too string up the person who got it for him. I just laughed and so did he. I know Angel can’t sing and I’m just picturing him singing one of the songs on the C.D., driving everyone crazy. Before he was turned by Darla, his father was always putting him down, making him feel like nothing. My parents did the same thing to me as well.

We don’t have a lot in common either. I love Sci-Fi television shows and movies. He doesn’t get them but will watch them with me anyway and laugh at them and explain why he is laughing. I now watch them in a different perspective than before. Angel got me a special present for my birthday and I was in shock. It was the first editions of all the comics I have ever read. He explained to me that he has a storage facility with all kinds of things. He is also very rich, which is something only Spike knows about. He just doesn’t get into it very often. Angelus might be a cold blooded killer but he knew how to save and invest money.

Over time, we have bonded and he has invited me to come to L.A. for a visit. I‘m thinking about going. I do need a break from everything. It will be good to see Cordelia and Wesley again and to meet the rest of his team. He has told me a lot about them.

Fred living in a Demon dimension and surviving for years. Lorne is a demon that works indirectly with The Powers That Be. Cordelia is now a Seer. My Cordy, a Seer. It’s hard to believe. In High School I loved and respected her very much and now more so. Over time we have worked through what happened with Willow. She still doesn’t care for Willow very much. She blames her for what happened in the warehouse with the rebar going through her stomach and almost killing her. We started talking again just before the Prom and stayed in touch. We might not be together anymore but I still do love her. She is a good friend. Gunn, a former street fighter, who is determined to rid the world of demons and vampires. It sounds like he has lost a lot of family and friends to them. I know how he feels. I have lost a lot of friends and those I consider as family. Wesley, a former Watcher and Rogue Demon Hunter, just trying to fit in with the fighters.

They, to me, are the true White Knights. I would really like to meet them. If I do go, it will be at the last minute. I will call Giles just before I leave and before sunset so Spike doesn’t try to convince me to take him with me. I want this to be a pleasant trip. Angel and the rest of the A.I. team are in for a surprise. They don’t know I’m coming.

Angel gave me this really cool Chinese puzzle box for Christmas. He said he picked it up in China around the time Spike killed his first Slayer. I'm putting this first entry inside it, I'll tell you more about it next time.

The White Knight
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From The Journal of Alexander LaVelle Harris