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Just Listen	By : Ladykohl Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 1417 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Just Listen
- 1
Title:Just Listen

Author: Blue Chance

Rating: R (due to a bad word and some imagery)

Setting:Post "The Gift" just before season 6

Disclaimer:Just for fun...

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JUST LISTEN

"In order to laugh, you must be able to play with your pain."

-- Annette Goodheart

The clearing in the forest was dark... it was night and there were no stars out. As for the moon... it must have been sad like everything else in the world, because it glowed unusually weaker tonight than it usually did. It was very silent here... except for the occasional bustle of leaves or howling of the wind. One might say that it was as silent and dark as the grave. As cold. It was completely empty of a living soul...

Spike kneeled silently in front of the one thing that could make his blood run colder, and make him feel like he was alive - because of the pain. The one thing that he had once dreamed of, wished for - fought for... but now had nightmares over. The one thing he wished with every atom of his being didn't exist. Yet he didn't move. Here he stayed. Here he continued to kneel...

In front of Buffy's gravestone.

Spike lifted his arm and ran his hand along the smooth surface of the stone. He traced the letters with his fingers... then let his hand fall away from them. He smiled slightly as his eyes started to water a little.

"It's me, love." He said. "I, uh... figured you could use the company." He laughed shortly and a tear slipped down his face. "Well, that's a fucking understatement, idin it? you could probably use a few things. Fresh air and excercise being among them. I was only able to take care of the company part." He paused, staring at the stone for a moment. "I know that I probably don't rank high on your list of top ten choices for visitors... but I figure you are in no position to tell me to leave or beat me up or anything - and I haven't taken full advantage of that yet. I have a few things to talk to you about... and I know you can't talk back, but you can just listen for a while...

"I don't know if you noticed or not, but the last time I was here, I was more in to the ripping grass out of the ground and yellin' than I was in to sitting down and talking. I... I uh... I stayed away for a while. I think it was for the best. Not that I think you missed me or anything... but ... " He shrugged, then took a deep, pointless breath.

"You know, I'd probably still be ripping things apart - and I don't just mean grass - if it wasn't for the wide load of responsibilities you left for me in your wake... Oh," he began rummaging around in his pocket for something. "Speaking of responsibilities..." He pulled out a picture of Dawn blowing out the candles at her 15th birthday party. He placed it in front of the headstone. "She didn't want to have a party at first... but your pals convinced her that they should do things the way they always have. I think it was good for her. I've been trying to make her feel as normal as possible... your friends have been working on some kind of project all summer... and I think she kind of feels lost in the shuffle... I promise I'll watch out for her for the rest of her life. I'll even take care of her bloody brats if she wants." He paused.

"You know... she's more and more like you everyday. I wish you were here to see it. I think you'd probably get a kick out of the little niblet. Should have stuck around a little longer, Slayer... You'd get a kick out of a lot of things. I fight on your side now, for one thing. Every night along side the witches and your boy. Bet you never thought you'd live to see the day..." He creased his forehead. "..Well ... okay, you didn't live to see the day... But I never thought *I'd* live to see the day... and I'm going to live forever." He paused. "Oh... and gatoraid's got a new color. Blue." He shrugged.

"A lot of things are different, but some things are still the way you left 'em. Sunnydale's still our own little piece of hell on earth. Dawn's still a bratty teenager... and Willow is still swinging the other way." He took another deep breath.

"And I still love you." He said. "And I'll tell you one thing - I miss you way more than I ever missed Dru... and I had a little bit more of a relationship with her. I'm in love with you, Buffy... and it's not because I'm twisted or any other reason you or any of your scooby mates ever came up with. I don't know how or why... but I just love you. I mean, you're not even here anymore and the only thing that gets me through my day is still you. I know it sounds right bloody insane... but I love you with my soul - where ever the hell it is. I miss you so much. And I know I have no right to miss you because it's my fault you're gone... but I've never been one to not do something just because I'm not supposed to. Loving you obviously would be one of those things. I mean, I love you so much it makes it hard for me to breath... and I don't even *have* to breath." He paused again.

"If you can hear me... I just want you to know that I would have given my whole existance for you if Glory would have given me half the chance. I'd have given more. I swear, for whatever it's worth, I'll do the same for Dawn. I let you down when it really counted... but I wont let you down again...

"And you can keep that picture. I've got others back at the crypt." He nodded and looked around, then back at the stone. Images of him and Buffy naked, exhausted, and happily entwined in eachother came to the surface of Spike's thoughts. Images of him kissing Buffy's soft breasts as he caressed her skin... images of her moaning underneath him. Taking him inside her... telling him she loved him. These thoughts... they were torture. They would never happen now. They couldn't happen. He had to let them go. Buffy was gone... and he had to let her be gone.

"I'm not coming back here, Buffy." He said. "I came to say goodbye. I think that I have to focus on the things that you left behind for me, and I can't really do that until I accept that you're gone. Until I let you go. But you have to know that I love you, Buffy. I have since the moment I saw you. I will always love you." He paused - as though to let his words sink in... maybe even waiting for some kind of response. After a moment, he bent down and kissed the grass softly. He stood up.

"Uhhh... Spike?..." A soft voice started sheepishly from behind. Spike creased his forehead and turned around.

"Well, well... if it isn't Big Red herself..." He said. Willow smiled nervously and waved.

"Yeah - hi ... we kind of need your help - with some of your friends. I mean.. not your friends, but--" Spike waved her off with an impatient gesture and nodded.

"It's fine." He said. "I know what you mean."

"...Will you help?" Spike stood still for a moment, then he looked at Buffy's grave again for a moment. He turned back to Willow.

"Sure, why not? Not like I have anything better to kill." He turned back to the stone one last time. "Goodbye, Buffy." He said quietly. He started walking toward Willow. "Let's go save the bloody world." He mumbled as he passed her. Willow stayed where she was for a moment. She looked upon Buffy's grave and smiled to herself.

"...See you soon, Buffy." She said quietly - then left the clearing in the woods cold, dark, and empty of a living soul.
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Just Listen