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In Retrospect	By : winterlive Category: BtVS AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2128 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-In Retrospect
- 1
"So. Are you nervous?"
"Well, your Best Men are armed, I grant you. But I have a Chosen killing machine and the most powerful witch in the country on my side, so I think I'm okay."
Riley laughed and threaded his fingers through dark hair, pulled his partner to him and kissed him. Soft lips parted eagerly under his, and nimble fingers crawled into his tuxedo jacket to grip his shoulders. Riley's hands drifted lower, brushed over the tight flare of slim hips, and further back...
"Hey!" came a voice from the door. They broke apart, both grinning, and Willow looked at Riley's companion ferociously. "If you muss him, Xander Harris, you will not make it to that altar in one piece. I spent all day on that hair!" Riley's hair really was a masterpiece, all spiky and boyish. He looked great. That was, in fact, at least partially responsible for all the potential mussing.
They both laughed, and Willow made her I'm-gonna-get-you-later face and pointed threateningly in their direction before flouncing out. The door slammed behind her, and both men winced, the sound bringing up, as it always did, times long past.
Riley stormed down into Xander's basement, as was his habit when he and Buffy had a fight. It was tough, working together when they were �ex', but it wasn't like Riley could hire on with a different Slayer, so they persevered for the good of the world. Sometimes, though, the snark got a little rough around the edges, a little too sharp, and then the fight would happen. Riley was always wrong with Buffy, couldn't ever win, and he took to coming down to Xander's place afterwards. If anyone could understand his rants about Buffy and her insane, incredibly insulting megalomania, but how he just had to give in and go along with because she was Buffy, it was Xander.
They would drink beer, watch TV and bitch about women in general, Buffy in particular. Xander would say how, in retrospect, he was grateful she'd turned him down in school, Riley would say that they were better off broken up, because she'd been controlling and secretive, and both of them would remember that she wasn't really so bad most of the time, and it wasn't her fault, �cause it was a tough gig being the one girl in all the world, yadda yadda yadda.
And sometimes there'd be drunken tickle fights over the remote control. And those were really good.
It was something Riley never really thought about. Xander was like the little brother he'd never had � all the touching seemed just... natural. Pats on the shoulder, hugs hello and goodbye, incidental brushings someone makes against people they're comfortable with. It was even nice. Calming, somehow. Reassuring. Comfortable, that was the word, for sure. So Riley never analyzed it too deeply, regardless of his Psych major � it was pleasant, and harmless, so Riley allowed his id to rule the day.
If it bothered him that Xander hadn't had a serious girlfriend since high school, he didn't let it show. Xander went out now and again, Riley was sure, but he didn't ask questions about the names (and therefore genders) of his dates, so Xander told him no lies, and everything went on simply enough. Riley just ignored it.
As he stomped down the steps into Xander's basement, a gripe about Her Slayerness already on his lips, it occurred to him that it was difficult to ignore something when it was standing there, kissing his little-brother-replacement.
Riley froze on the steps and stared at Xander, locked in a passionate embrace with some guy Riley thought he vaguely recognized from around Sunnydale � Hope? Wasn't that his name? They were stripped to the waist, Xander's body dark and large against the pale, smaller one. The two dark heads turned his way, drawn by all the noise, and the guy's eyes widened in shock, then turned on Xander accusingly.
"You said you didn't have a boyfriend!"
"I don't, he's just... he's a friend."
"Whatever. I'm gone." The guy snatched his shirt up off the couch and pulled it over his head angrily before grabbing up a satchel and queening up the stairs.
"Scott," Xander called, half-heartedly, and then sighed when the door slammed theatrically. "Ah, well," he said, shrugging. "He's deep in Closet-Land anyway." He waved Riley in � Riley, who was still standing stock-still on the stairs, eyes wide with shock � and headed for the kitchen. "Want a beer?"
Riley dropped down the few remaining steps and sat on the landing. He stared at the wall, images of the scene he'd just interrupted playing through his mind. The guy, Scott, he'd had his hands on Xander. He'd snatched them away fast enough when he'd heard Riley, but there'd been a glimpse, and Riley was pretty sure where his hands had been. One up on the shoulder, innocent enough, but the other...
Riley had been pretty sure he was okay with the whole gay thing. He'd ignored, sure, but there'd been a thought, and, okay, no acknowledging right out loud, but still, now, with the wanting to go find that guy and tear his arms off, and... Riley's head hurt. He dropped it down into his hands and willed the world to be back to normal when he looked up again.
Seconds passed, and then a cool, wet thing touched his hand. He jerked back, only to see Xander standing above him, still disturbingly half-naked, holding a dripping brown bottle toward him. "You okay, Ry?"
Riley took the bottle, had a sip and then let his arm rest on his legs. Almost instantly, he wished he could somehow justify needing a beer bottle in front of his face, because Xander was still standing right in front of him, and he could see that... uh... the effects of Xander's date hadn't exactly dissipated. The too-tight blue jeans he wore (I have never seen those before, why haven't I seen those before?) were stretched over a distinct bulge in the front, and Riley stood up immediately and edged around Xander, very carefully not touching him.
"Okay, twitchy," Xander said, sounding a little irate. "What's got a bug up your..."
"Don't say it!" Riley went and sat down on the couch with his beer, closing his eyes tightly. "Just don't say it, okay, Xander?"
There was a moment of silence, and then Xander's voice, just a little sad. "Is this �cause my date was a guy?"
Riley looked up at him. "No. Yes. I don't know."
Xander came over and sat beside him. "It doesn't make things any different, okay? I mean, we're still us. I'm Xander, donut boy of the Scoobies, who takes odd jobs and can't keep a date in the house long before they either run away or turn into a giant preying mantis. Although, since guys, better luck with that, actually, the lack of mantis-people. But I'm just me. And you're you. Riley, my friend, who comes and hangs out at my house and talks to me like a grownup sometimes and fights with me like a kid sometimes, and it's all good because it's just... good. Y'know?"
"I know," Riley said, his voice surprising him with how rough it was. "And I'm good. I mean, okay, a little surprising, yes. Or not surprising..."
"What? What do you mean not surprising? Do I... am I the guy everyone knows is gay except him?" Xander was all flustered, protesting tone and offended stare, and Riley hastened to assure him.
"No, not like that, I just..." Drying his face in Xander's bathroom, and there'd been a scent on the towel, men's cologne that nobody in their circle used. Easy, at that point, to pretend it was something Xander'd gotten from a magazine, or tried on at the department store. It was harder when a guy would drop Xander off, and he'd act all casual, but Riley could look at him and know that he'd been groaning in the backseat not twenty minutes before, all flushed and grinning, movements liquid. Harder to deny to himself, harder to ignore, but Riley managed, shoved it back and away, making up something stupid that he let himself believe long enough to forget about it. No doing that now. Not anymore. "I just knew. Nobody else, just... me."
"Oh."
There was a pause, in which Riley's mind screamed sixteen different things at once at him, and the uncomfortable silence in the basement lengthened and grew. "It's okay," Riley finally said. "That you're gay, I mean."
Xander lifted an eyebrow. "I know that."
"I know you know that, I didn't mean to say... man, I'm really screwing this up."
"Well, what is it that you mean, Ry, �cause I gotta say, feeling the condescending here, and..."
Riley took Xander's face between his hands, pulled him forward and kissed him.
It was the perfect solution. It not only made Xander stop misunderstanding Riley's confusion as homophobia, but was also all-encompassing, driving all other thought firmly out of Riley's head. Xander's lips were soft and giving under his, the scent of him pure and clean up close, earth and spices and salt. A shiver of sound trembled under Xander's lips, and Riley savored that, drinking it up.
When he gently eased away from that tempting mouth, Riley dropped his hands and waited. "So," wavered Xander, "you're okay with the gay thing, then."
"Pretty much."
"Okay. And you couldn't have picked a less shocking way to..."
Again, kissing worked to shut Xander up. Riley filed that bit of knowledge away in his head and paid attention to the job he was doing. He gently licked at the seam of Xander's lips, and was rewarded with a deep groan, warm skin parting under the pressure. He dove in, tasting the slick flesh, reveling in the feel of Xander's tongue on his. Okay, protested his mind, this has gone past the realm of expedient shutting-up...
Riley ignored that truth and tore away, licking and kissing his way along Xander's jaw, edging it up so the scratchy stubble of his neck was bare to his tongue and teeth. "No fair," gasped Xander as Riley lightly bit at the muscles, "taking advantage when the boyfriend leaves me hanging..."
Riley jerked up, fuming. "That knee-high diva was your boyfriend?"

"Think we should have invited him?"
Riley glared. The thought of Scott Freaking Hope still got him angry, even after all these years, and Xander knew it. "Come on," Xander continued, "he might as well have set us up." Xander's eyes went wicked and lustful. "Between that first night and all the nights since, the number of times his name alone has pissed you off so bad that no sane person would not want to fuck you is... I don't know, some uncountable number. Infinity. Infinity plus twelve."
"Forget about it," Riley coaxed, rocking against Xander's hips and rubbing his cheek against Xander's soft hair. "I can think of much better things for us to talk about."
"Bite me, crew cut," Xander retorted with a grin, and then groaned as Riley did just that. "Ohhh... kay! You have to stop that, or you'll definitely be mussed."
Riley pulled back with a smile and touched Xander's hair into place. "Trust me."
"Oh, no you don't!" Xander's eyes widened and he pushed back out of Riley's embrace, grinning. "Think I don't remember what happens when you say that? I know! I am the king of knowing things about you saying that!"
Riley just smirked at him, and checked the clock. Ten more minutes. That was enough time, surely...
The demon went down in a spray of blood, sword gleaming in its chest. Riley stood above it, flushed and panting from the exertion, adrenaline surging through his veins. "Mighty Aphrodite," he heard behind him, the words floating softly on an exhaled breath, and he pivoted on his heel, ready for anything. Or, almost anything.
Riley'd expected demons, or vampires, or possibly witches. He had not expected Xander, partnered with him on patrol, his boyfriend for going on a month, to be standing loose-limbed on the grass and looking at him, eyes glazed with lust. The man was like a satyr sent to seduce the unwary to their deaths, his hair wild from the fighting and his dark shirt torn open to the pale moonlight by the hand of some demon. Riley could not resist him.
He stalked across the grass, wrapped an arm around Xander's waist, hauled him close and kissed him hard. The bloodied silver axe in Xander's hand thudded in the turf before Riley felt strong arms close around him, and they kissed feverishly.
"Wait," Xander protested, pulling away reluctantly. "We can't. Someone could come."
"Counting on it," growled Riley, and roughly yanked him back, loving the feel of the hot, willing body crashing against his, Xander's fingers tangling in his hair and dragging his mouth back down. They warred there like so many other nights, sweaty and hard from the tough night of fighting, staring at each other's fierce attacks and flowing muscle across the cemetery. When they finally broke apart, panting, Riley took Xander by the wrist and went searching for a crypt. Can't wait, got to have him right now, right this second, or I'll go nuts.
"Let's go home," Xander suggested, but it was feeble and half-hearted, and Riley was absolutely certain that going home was the last thing on his boyfriend's mind. It'd been weeks of waiting, weeks. They hadn't wanted to rush things, wanted to wait until Riley was sure that it was real, and not just jealousy, though that was more Xander's concern than Riley's. Until Xander was sure that he was done with Scott Hope, Riley's concern this time. Time had seemed to tick by endlessly while they played around with each other, joking and serious, kissing and groping, getting closer and closer all the time to finally having it, finally fucking already, so unbelievably frustrating.
And then, last night, they'd been teasing each other by describing fantasies out loud, and Xander had mentioned patrol, and how he'd always found Riley so hot when he was kicking ass...
The door to the crypt broke in easily, and the two men stumbled inside. They quickly checked it for occupants of the moving-around kind, and, finding none, they faced each other. There was a moment of silence, heavy and meaningful.
"Are you sure?" Xander's voice, serious now, so caring and sincere.
Riley pulled him into his arms in the darkened space, teeth flashing in the few rays of moonlight as he grinned.
"Trust me."
"I hate it when you say that," groaned Xander, Riley grinding into him and sucking his fingers, slow and sensuous. "Every time you say that I get fucked against a wall."
Riley let the fingers slip from his mouth. "You love it when I say that."
"Shut up and kiss me. Fuck..."
Xander's bedroom seemed too hot, vision was blurred as though there were steam in the air. Of course, there wasn't any, but they didn't know that, or care.
Riley slid worshipful fingers down Xander's bare stomach, loving the feel of the hot skin, the arch of his lover's back for more. When his hand came to rest on the denim-covered erection, Xander gasped. "Fuck..."
"Soon," Riley promised, voice low and gravelly with want, before lowering his head to lick delicately over Xander's dusky nipple.
The dark eyes shut tight, fists knotted in the sheets. "Ohhh, God, Ry, please..."
That breathy moan sent Riley's hands flashing under the covers to the waistband of his boxers, fully intent on satisfying that plea. He was, however, interrupted by the sound of a key in the lock of Xander's apartment, and an unhappy voice.
"Okay, when did people in Sunnydale get so rude? I mean, I understand the demons � they're supposed to be all evil and snobby. But honestly, if you're standing in line to buy motherwort and somebody cuts in front of you? You should be allowed by law to hex them."
Schoolbooks hitting the counter, annoyed tone meandering around the apartment. The frantic covering of selves under covers, terrified �what do we do?' and �I don't know!' looks passing back and forth. The door swung open, and Willow entered, still talking to herself. "I mean, I'm sure I could make up something that could identify someone with evil intent, and then we'd really be making headway on the bad guWOAH!"
And there she stood, hands over her mouth, eyes wide, staring at the two men in bed, so obviously interrupted in the middle of something despite the fact that one was wearing an unbuttoned shirt and the other was avidly reading a magazine. About fish.
"Hi," began Riley, trying to figure out a way to surreptitiously do up buttons. "I was just... here... for sports! There's a game on. And we spi � I spilled some milk. On my pants. And..."

Xander set down Carpe Finum and shot Riley a dirty look. "And you were in covert ops." Riley ducked his head adorably, but Xander just rolled his eyes and turned to Willow. In doing so, he employed every single dirty, underhanded best friend-privy bit of body language for �don't be mad' that he knew. "Okay. We're together, I love you like a sister, please, God, do not tell anyoneespeciallyBuffy."
Willow slowly lowered her hands. Bit by bit, her mouth began to twitch upward, until she was grinning brightly.
Xander looked at her quizzically. "And this is a cause for mirth? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy you're not freaked, but..."
"Xander!" she interrupted excitedly, grinning and flushed. The very next moment, her face arrayed itself into annoyed, lightning-quick as only her mood shifts could be. She marched over to the bed and slapped him lightly in the shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me you were gay? I told you I was gay..." Injured face. "Don't you trust me?"
"Well, I..."
Xander was interrupted by Willow's arms flying around him and squeezing tight. "Oh, this is so great! I mean, I know, Buffy, and weird, but, ooh! Girl talk!"
Xander rolled his eyes and Riley smiled at him with an expression that was half pained, half amused.
"When did you know?" Willow breathlessly continued, looking back and forth from one to the other.
Riley stepped in. "We didn't really know ourselves until just a little while ago."
Willow snorted girlishly. "How long ago was that? �Cause when I walked in, you looked pretty okay with the knowing..."
"Hey!" Xander pointed a finger in her face and assumed a stern expression. "You, missy," his face turned plaintive, and he took her hand, "can say anything you want as long as you oh-my-god-please don't tell anybody. Buffy's gonna kill me, and I'm not ready to explain the whole gay thing yet. Dawnie'll ask too many very personal questions, and... Giles will clean his glasses, Will."

She smiled gently at him and shook her head, habitual and loving. "My glasses-cleaning wasn't that harsh. Well, y'know, the real one, after he sobered up. But I won't tell."
Xander flopped back down on the pillow, letting go of her hand. "Thank you," he said, sighing dramatically.
"Yeah, Willow, thank you. I don't want to..."

Willow smiled innocently at Riley's concerned face. "Don't worry. I'm awesome at keeping secrets. Like when Xander was nine, and found his mom's lipstick and high heels, and spent all day being Marilyn Monroe, I never told a single, solitary soul." She gasped in a breath, over-the-top, and brightly added: "I got to be the president when he sang the birthday song!"
Xander stared at her, utterly horrified. "Will!"
She shook her head at him and raised her hands in a not-my-fault gesture. "Hey, I told you I was gay, and you didn't. When you were totally gay. If you didn't expect retaliation, that's not my fault. I suffered in solitude!"
"You didn't suffer!"
"I might have suffered. You don't know."
"Will."
"Xander."
Riley was too busy laughing to remember any of the rest of the discussion.
"I'm serious," they heard through the door as Willow clicked by in her high heels. "You mess up my hard work, and I'll boil you in oil and serve you as hors d'oeuvres!"
Sighing, the couple pried themselves apart and set about straightening hair and clothes.
"Would she be missed if I had her kidnapped?"
"Oh, yeah. The little-girl-like screaming of all your army buddies would remind us all of her love for us on our joyous day."
"Cute."
They gazed at each other longingly; the bantering had no edge. The honeymoon was too far away, and though they'd been planning this for months, like so many couples since the custom was first invented, they couldn't wait for the ceremony to be over.
"Seriously," said Xander, trying to lighten the mood, "she can probably do that hors d'oeuvres thing. Two warnings later, we're probably lucky we're still in one piece."
"Tolerant of her," Riley observed, smiling.
Xander laughed weakly and smiled back, adjusting his tie. "If she'd been that �tolerant' when she found out about us, we'd probably be facing a lot bigger problems today than figuring out how not to look like matching penguins."
"True."
Everything was in place, more or less. Riley reached out and brushed a stray lock of hair behind Xander's ear, and then two men simply stood looking at each other, the love they'd always had shining in their eyes.
"Xander, I..."
"Save the big words for the ceremony." Xander smiled fondly and touched Riley's hand.
Riley laced their fingers together, and then checked the clock. "Time."
"Yeah."
"We should go."
"They can wait a minute." Xander leaned forward, and their lips met once more.
Then, hand in hand, they walked out into the church and down the aisle, their friends gathered around them, looking on in pride and joy. All was as it should be, and the bells rang out in the afternoon sky.
- 1
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In Retrospect