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The roses and the ring	By : pixie3000 Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 2303 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-The roses and the ring
- 1
The Roses and the Ring

Buffy twirled the ring uncomfortably between her fingers as she patrolled. Something would have to be done about it, she wasn't sure what, but something. And soon. She couldn't just keep the ring without a good reason. Her friends would start to think - Spike would start to think, and she couldn't have that. Could she?
She sighed as she trudged through the wet grass, the hems of her jeans already sodden. She needed to get home and change. And decide what to do about Spike's ring. And Riley.
Riley was a nice guy after all. Maybe not the kind of guy who'd ever set the world on fire, but still - he was a nice, steady, safe guy that she felt she could have a nice, steady, safe relationship with; and he was definitely interested in her. And at least he wasn't a vampire. Her mind drifted first to Angel, then to Spike. She grimaced; it seemed as though she was collecting rings given to her by vampires - Angel's ring was still in its box in her bedside table.
She headed home. It was a quiet night, she was tired, she needed a shower and a hot drink. She shivered slightly in the chill breeze. Yes, it was time to head home.
She sighed as she caught sight of the bleached-blond terror smoking nonchalantly outside her house. What the hell was he doing there, anyway? It wasn't as if he actually cared about her after all. He'd been the first to pounce on the excuse of the spell for all his chocolates-and-roses, marry-me-and-make-me-happy crap. She scowled, and made as if to walk past without acknowledging him.
"Slayer". The tone was quiet, even, and unignorable.
"What?" she snapped.
�Just passing the time of day,� he said mildly.
It irritated her even further. �Whatever�. She really didn�t want to deal with him right now.
He noticed her fiddling with something in her pocket, and grinned. ��What has it got in its pocketses?�� he quipped.
She glared. �None of your damn business,� she said hotly, knowing it wasn�t true. It was his ring, after all. He�d given it to her as an engagement ring, and now that was over... well, she should give it back. She couldn�t quite work out what was holding her back from doing it. She turned away from him, towards the door.
�Buffy,� he said, voice softening, �why are you so mad at me? I may be a vampire, but I can�t fight against magic any more than you can. Why are you lashing me for it? Lashing yourself for it?�
She tossed her head up defiantly. �I�m not.�
�Then why are you mad at me?� he persisted.
Because I hate you, she should have answered, she knew that. But the same thing that stopped her from returning his ring stopped her from saying it. She couldn�t think of anything to say that would answer his question well enough for him to drop the subject. �Do I have to have a reason?�
�Well, yeah. You�re more pissed off than you usually are, and that�s the only thing that�s happened different as far as I can see.�
Don�t flatter yourself, she wanted to say. She cursed herself that she couldn�t. Finally she sighed. �Because I seemed to have everything I ever wanted - and it was taken away from me. It was all a lie. It didn�t mean anything. All the pretty lines, the roses, the ring...� she held it out on the palm of her hand. �it meant nothing, do you understand? Everything I ever wanted, and it meant nothing. How do you expect me to feel?� Her eyes were burning with fury and hurt.
He wished he could pull her into his arms and make it all better. But he really didn�t want to get staked. �What makes you think I don�t feel like that, too? To have a wonderful girl loving me, wanting to marry me - me, of all people - to have someone to hold, to shower with gifts and treat like a princess, someone that seems to make the sun shine. And then, poof, all gone, and she hates me again, and it was never real, something that had meant so much, so much. All gone.� His voice had acquired a bitter note. �It�s not easy for me either, you know.�
It hadn�t occurred to her that he might feel something similar. �I don�t hate you,� she said sadly. �I just hate - that it ended. That it�s no more than a memory. I hate that I have to go through life knowing what it was like, and not finding it with anyone else - because how can real life compete with magic?� Almost under her breath, she murmured, �it wasn�t even like that with Angel.�
It tore at his heart that she felt like that - that she was hurting so much inside. Unable to stop himself, he reached a hand out, passing it gently over her gold hair. �I don�t hate you, either,� he whispered, just loud enough for her to hear it. �I do care, Buffy. It hurts me that you�re hurting.�
She let herself be eased into his arms, wanting to cry. Being there felt so right, even now, even though the spell was over, and Willow assured her there were no residual feelings. So where did these feelings come from, then? From that lonely, empty place deep inside her where she was utterly the Slayer, and couldn�t let anyone close to her? Something about Spike touched her coldness, her loneliness, her emptiness, and warmed her, cheered her, soothed her. She wriggled her head into the crook of his shoulder and neck. �If only this could be real,� she thought. �If only he could care the way I do.�
He sighed. �I wish I could make it all better.�
�You�re just saying that.�
�No. I mean it. I...� �love you,� he thought to himself, stopping the words before they popped out. �I do care. I wish you weren�t hurting like this. I wish we could go back to being the way we were. We were happy... so happy. I�ve never been that happy before.�
�Yeah... me too.�
�Why can�t we?�
�Huh?� She squinted up at him.
�Well,� he stammered, wondering if he�d gone too far, �we both felt we had something good, we�re both upset at losing it, so why not...?�
�It was just a spell.�
�Was it?� he held her eyes with his own. �Then why do I still feel this way?�
�But - you said -�
�Yeah, well, I panicked. Blokes do that, you know. Especially when their girl�s little whelp-friend looks as though he�s thinking of sharp pointy wooden objects to plunge through their heart.�
She considered this. It was true; Xander hadn�t been exactly welcoming of the idea.
�I do care about you Buffy,� he said softly, the sincerity in his voice supporting the statement. �A lot. More than you know.�
�Why, though? What have I ever done...?�
He smiled. �I saw a softer side to you under the spell. It helped me understand the toughness - what it�s protecting. I got under your guard, and you let me right into your heart and soul. And what I found there shone like the sun, untarnished by all the kills you�ve made, the horror and violence you�ve seen and been through. I finally saw you for who you truly are. And I loved you for it.�
�Loved? In the past tense.� She said baldly.
�That was when I first loved you,� he said. �That doesn�t mean I don�t any more.�
�Well, do you?�
He bit back his exasperation. ��S what I�ve been trying to tell you.�
�Oh. Oh, right.� The idea wasn�t actually as appalling as she thought it would be. In fact, some fluffy little warm feelings seemed to be tickling their way through her like pink feathered fairy wings. She wondered where the thought about pink feathered fairy wings had come from, more horrified at the weirdness of her mind than Spike�s declaration of love for her.
�What�s so funny?�
�Pink feathered fairy wings.�
His mouth twitched as he tried desperately to keep a straight face. �Been a long day?�
�Hmm? Oh. Yeah.� She suddenly realised. �Oh my God! Did I just say that out loud?�
�Say what? About the pink feathered fairy wings?�
She groaned, embarrassed. It was true; she was so tired her mind wasn�t really functioning. And she really hadn�t intended to let that slip. �Maybe I should go to bed. I�ll, uh, I�ll see you round.�
�You haven�t told me how you feel,� he chastised gently, not letting her go.
She yawned. �Tha�s cos I don�t know. Night, Spike.� She shook him off gently and stumbled inside. Man, was she tired. Exhausted, in fact. She�d let herself relax into Spike, and the adrenaline had stopped a while. She crawled gratefully into bed, and slept till the sun was high in the sky.

part 2

Buffy woke up with a groan. Her conversation with Spike the previous night came crashing around her like a tidal wave, making her feel monumentally stupid and small. She'd encouraged him, without intending to, and without figuring out what she really felt about him, about Riley... about anything, really.
But it had felt so right, being there in his arms, hearing him say that he cared, that he loved her, feeling the way he held her so gently, tenderly. So, yeah, okay, he cared. But did she? Enough to date him? Would she go that far... again? After Angel... could she trust anyone enough, after that, let alone another vampire... especially one of the same line? She trembled. Could she even trust Riley? She hardly knew him, after all. He might have some dark, hidden secret that would freak her out completely when she found out. At least with Spike she knew he was a vampire, had no soul, had tried to kill her and her friends... she realised it wasn't looking good for him as far as her argument was concerned.
But that brought her back to the fact that - well, there was something there. She wasn't sure what, exactly. Chemistry, certainly. He was good-looking after all; she noticed that the first time she laid eyes on him, and that had always freaked her out a tiny bit. A small smile escaped her as she remembered Willow's spell, and her engagement to him... damn, he was hot. In a non-body-temperature kinda way, obviously... but still, damn sexy. Way sexier and cuter than Riley. Just... not as safe.
She sighed. Was safe what she really wanted? She'd always dreamed of the white picket fence, but was that what she really wanted? And as the Slayer - was she ever going to get it, anyway? There was a reality check for her. Why keep pretending she was normal, trying to have a normal life, when she was anything but?
In the moment she realised it, Buffy grew up a little. Sadly, she looked at her girlish dreams, and realised she was unlikely to live long enough to attain any of them.
So why not live for the moment - do what made her feel good, made her happy? She toyed with the thought. What really made her happy? What made her feel good?
She chewed her lip, frowning in thought. Being in Spike's arms last night, just being held - that made her feel good. Actually, patrolling made her feel pretty good, too. And - the banter between her and Spike, trading jibe for jibe, that was - well, it turned kinda flirty sometimes, and, though she'd never dared to admit it before, even to herself, that made her feel ever so slightly buzzed. Well, fighting him had always got her like that, truth be told. He was matched evenly to her in strength, and wasn't afraid of using that strength.
She snorted. Angel had treated her like some kind of china doll that might break if not handled with kid gloves. Spike had never done that - mostly because he was usually trying to kill her. Well, not so much now, but he used to. Even now, though, he didn't treat her like some fragile butterfly. He treated her like - like - well, like a Slayer. As his equal.
She lifted her head, surprised at the thought. It was true, though. Spike treated her as his equal, with a certain amount of well-hidden respect behind the bickering and insults. He knew what she was capable of; after all, he was the only vampire known to have killed two slayers, and he'd come close to making her his third on more than one occasion.
In a sneaky sort of way, she respected that in him, too. Okay, so he'd been chipped and could no longer hurt humans, but he had been quite a threat in the past - more so even than the Master, in some ways. She shivered, remembering how scared she'd once been of him. Part of that, she knew, was because of her attraction to him - the fact that fantasies involving throwing him to the ground didn't usually end up with him getting staked. Far from it.
Okay, so there was sexual, physical attraction, and lots of it. But, she asked herself, could she date him? What about other stuff she wanted from a relationship? Could he offer her support, companionship, any real feeling other than lust?
She knew there was only really one way to find out. It wasn't an entirely comforting thought. He said he loved her, and she wanted to believe it - but was he really capable of it? Okay, so he'd loved Dru. He'd been gentle with her, kind, tender. He'd taken care of her when she'd been ill, he'd been completely faithful to her till she upped and left him for a gross, ugly demon covered in slime, the idiotic, crazy vampire that she was... Buffy shook her head to refocus her mind.
Okay, so he could do the kind and gentle thing. That was a good start. Of course, her friends would freak out completely at the thought of her going out with another vampire, especially Spike. They all hated him. Well, he had tried to kill them, and he'd made their lives hell in the past - he was still a bit of a pain now, sometimes, with his snarky comments and jibes. But he seemed to offer all the things she really wanted from a guy. He could match her in strength, but be gentle and tender when necessary. He loyaloyal and faithful, good to the woman in his life. He was also hot, and an extremely good kisser. They hadn't done anything else, but she wouldn't mind finding out if he was as good at other things. She guessed he probably had plenty of experience after over a hundred years as a vampire. She smiled.
She thought of Riley. She realised how dull the prospect of going out with him was. Safe, yes, but nothing earth-shattering. She wanted earth-shattering before she died, and Riley simply wasn't the guy to give her that. Simple as that. Riley wasn't man enough for her.
What she had to do had suddenly become clear.

Part 3
- 1
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The roses and the ring