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No Good Turn	By : SpikesHeart Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 1479 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-No Good Turn
- 1
Title: No Good Turn

Author: Spike’s Heart

Email: spikes_heart@yahoo.com

Pairing: Spike/Buffy

Rating: NC-17

Setting: Beginning Tabula Rasa –
Season 6

Disclaimer: If they were mine, I’d let them grow up.

Feedback: Yes, please!

Archive: Ask me,
nicely.

Warning: Not a fluffy puppies fic. Character death, Character vamping.

A/N: Tab Ras set up, no Mr. Teeth
w/kitten poker debts, Spike isn’t at the meeting at
the Magic Box. Canon dialogue taken from Buffyworld
transcripts.

Beta’d by: willshenilshe

Summary: What if Willow
had never tried the mind-wipe spell and Buffy sought another course of action
to end the pain of her resurrection? Dark, dark, darkity, dark, dark.

No Good Turn

Buffy couldn’t believe that Giles was going to leave. Yesterday
she’d been forced to spill her deepest, darkest secret – her best friends had
pulled her out of heaven, not hell – and she was miserable about being back.

“I can't do this without you,” she tried again. Surely Giles
ldn’ldn’t deny her when it was obvious that she was falling apart…?

”You can. That's why I'm going. As long as I stay you'll always turn to me if
there's something comes up that you feel that you can't handle, and I'll step
in because, because ...” Giles sighed, pausing momentarily. “Because I can't
bear to see you suffer.”

Buffy’s voice hitched, her eyes brimming with tears. ”Me too,” she cried. “Hate
suffer “Believe me, I’m loathe to cause
you more, but this…” It was clear that looking into his almost-daughter’s teary
face was more than he could bear, but Giles forced himself to continue. “I've
taught you all I can about being a slayer, and your
mother taught you what you needed to know about life. You ... you're not gonna trust that until you're forced to stand alone.”

“But why now? Now that you know where I've been, what I'm
going through?”

“Now more than ever. The temptation
to give up is gonna be overwhelming, and I can't
let-“

“So I won’t! No giving up. You can be here, and I can still
be strong.” Please, Giles! Don’t do this
to me… don’t leave me.

“Buffy, I’ve thought this over… and over. I believe it’s the
right thing to do.”

“You’re wrong!” she yelled, and stormed out of the training
room, leaving Giles sitting in stunned silence.

Quickly scanning the store, she spotted Anya
and Tara thumb wrestling at the table, Dawn standing over by one of the
bookcases and Willow and Xander walking in the door.

Shit! She had
forgotten the whole reason for being in the Magic Box was the Scooby meeting
Giles had called. Oh, God. He was gonna tell them all
he was leaving. Unless… unless he changed his mind. Buffy sat down on the steps
leading to the loft with her fingers crossed.

Giles walked out of the training room, polishing his glasses
and avoiding eye contact with everyone.

“Let me jump to the chase,” he began, shooting Buffy a quick
glance. “Um ... I'm headed back to England
and I plan to stay ... indefinitely”

“Now?” Xander
squawked incredulously. “Not now, I mean, not after… everything.”

“Yes, now,” Giles insisted.

“For real this time?” Anya chirped,
seemingly unaware of the rising tension amongst her friends. “’Cause
honest to Pete, a young shopkeeper’s heart can only take so much… I mean, not
that I want you to go-“

“I can’t do this.” Buffy quickly walked past them, towards
the door. “I just, I don’t think…”

“Buffy, listen,” Willow
entreated, managing to stop her before she left. “I know this must be awful for
you, and I, I’m sorry, I… I’m so sorry for…”

Buffy nodded, impatiently. “Sorry. Everybody’s sorry. I know
that you guys are just trying to help… but it’s just, it’s too much. And, and
I, I can’t take it anymore,” she sobbed, her eyes brimming with tears. “If you
guys… if you guys understood how it felt… ho fee feels. It’s like I’m dying,
it-“

Shaking her head, Buffy threw her hands up in frustration,
yanked open the door and ran out, leaving her friends open mouthed with shock.

***

They didn’t get it. None of them.
She was pathetic; a failure at both life and death at the age of twenty two,
and all of it played behind her eyes in a constant stream of condemnation.

Her parents’ divorce began the reel of disaster running
through her head. No matter what they said, Buffy knew it was her fault.
Whatever problems Joyce and Hank had were exacerbated by her increasingly odd
behavior. Their relationship had frayed around the edges during her
hospitalization, and never recovered. Sneaking out to slay and burning down the
gym at Hemery were the cappers.

She failed at being a good daughter. And who suffered? Dawn.
Because of her, Dawn lost the chance of having a normal life with two parents. So… failed at being a sister, as well. Even if the memories
weren’t real. Or the sister.

Oh, and let’s not forget how she failed at being a good
Slayer. Refusing to listen to her Watcher, falling in love
with a vampire, for crying out loud. Souled,
yes… but still she’d managed to unleash his demon and cause death and
destruction amongst her friends and the very people she was charged with
protecting. Dying at sixteen – accepting her death at
sixteen.

Fighting back from that had been hard, and she thought she’d
succeeded. Obviously denial was a state she’d moved into long ago. And no
matter what she did, or how she tried, Angel left anyway. For her own good, he’d said. Couldn’t he see there was no good
in her? Even then?

And Spike? Another sign of her failure as
a Slayer. He was tough, to be sure – a Master Vampire. When they’d met
in battle for the first time, he’d almost killed her. He would have, if her
mother hadn’t banged him upside his head with that axe. Saved
from a second death at the age of seventeen by dumb luck.

Her mother. Mom.
Mommy. Dead and gone from her life.
Buffy felt she had failed her most of all. Disrespectful and
sneaky. Judgmental as hell… never giving the woman
credit for anything. They’d finally grown close in the months before she
died and her loss was devastating.

In one fell swoop, Buffy became the adult in the family.
Everything was her responsibility now; the house payments, food, repairs, parenthood…
add that to her slaying responsibilities and the possibility of a real life of her
own became nil.

Buffy brought herself up short, ta in in great gulps of air
while she rested against the side of a building. Failure, failure, failure still played in her head, drowning out
the sound of her pounding heart.

Spike… why couldn’t she stop thinking about him? He seemed
to come the closest to understanding her these days. Any day, for that matter, over the past three years. Since they’d met. Maybe because he understood failure on a
personal level most others couldn’t. His love life was as spectacularly crappy as her own. That chip made him a failure as a vampire,
unable to feed on his natural food source.

How did she get here… to this place where there was nothing
good or right in her life, where her onlmformfort was found in the company of a
creature she was born to destroy? Given, major points in his favor came from
his not being a factor in her fall from heaven.

Then again, neither was Dawn, but being around her was
painful… there was so much hope in the younger girl’s eyes, overly solicitous…
when she wasn’t acting up and freaking out.

Spike, on the other hand, was quiet, as oxy-moronic as Spike
and quiet in the same thought could possibly be. He didn’t want anything from
her. Didn’t ask her to be cheery, or even happy to be back
amongst the living. They could sit for hours and say nothing, but feel
everything. He would understand.

She began to run again, pushing off the wall with purpose.
Spike would get it. He would know why she couldn’t do this anymore. He would
understand that Giles’ leaving would be the final straw that broke the Slayer’s
back. And she could do something for him at the same time. She could offer the
vampire his third Slayer on a silver platter.

Imagine the boost to his reputation amongst the demon
population… offing the Slayer while still chipped. That should take care of his
traitor status. He would survive, and she’d have one less thing to feel guilty
about. God knows her friends wouldn’t be looking out for him.

This was good. The beginnings of a plan.
She would go home, write a few farewell notes for closure, then make Spike an
offer he couldn’t refuse. With a goal in mind, Buffy headed for Revello Drive.

***

It was near daybreak by the time Buffy slammed open the door
to Spike’s crypt, almost vibrating out of her skin with agitation.

“To what do I owe the honor, Slayer?” Spike yawned,
obviously more than ready for bed.

“I-I’ve got a proposition for you.”

Oh, really?” Spike drawled, toeing
off his boots. “Finally come to your senses an’ want to have your wicked way
with me?”

“I want you to kill me.”

Spike stopped in mid-motion, his red button-down shirt
hanging halfway off his body. “What kind of game are you playin’
with me now, pet?” he asked suspiciously.

“I can’t do this anymore, Spike. I can’t keep faking ‘cheery
Buffy’ for the masses.” Buffy sobbed, knees buckling as she sat down hard on
the ground. “Giles is leaving me… he’s going back to England
for good.”

Buffy agreed with the expression of incredulity on the
vampire’s face. “See? Even you know it’s a sucky idea
for him to leave now. Spike, I begged
him not to go. I–I don’t… I can’t… it’s too much for me. I can’t be a mother, a h-home owner, a-a wage earner and a Slayer.”
- 1
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No Good Turn