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Once Bitten, Twice Shy	By : tjgoldstein Category: > Spike(William)/Xander > Spike(William)/Xander Views: 2168 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Once Bitten, Twice Shy 1/16

Author: tj Goldstein

Email: tjgoldstein@yahoo.com.au

Site: http://www.xanderxtreme.com

Series: Second set of chapters in The Long Spiral Downwards, followed by... Channel Alaska... But I love you?

Timeline: Set a year after Xander Claimed Spike in his parent's basement and about 13 months after The Iniative was destroyed. Totally AU.

Rating: NC-17 or Adults Only

Pairings: Xander/Spike, Buffy/Riley, Willow/Tara and Giles/Anya. References to Spike/Riley, Spike/Graham, Spike/OMC's, Spike/Angelus, Spike/Drusilla, Spike/Harmony and Xander/Anya.

Warning: Mentions of Rape. Please note that the relationship between Xander and Spike is based on Non-Con, Abuse, Angst, Violence, and Domination/submission. Story also includes Domestic Discipline, Permanent Injuries.

Summary: Spike thinks he's fallen as far as he can go and as such, tries to settle himself into his new life. While he's still learning to deal with Xander and continuing to work out the kinks in their re- written relationship, a not so old threat comes for him again. Will Xander, his unofficial Claimant, live up to his responsibilities and what are the consequences if and when he does?

Note: This set of chapters is newly re-written. If you happen to have the older style hosted on your site, please replace with these ones. If need be, I can post you the complete set.

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Sunday, 13 August 2000.
1:15 pm.

Look at him.

Christ, all that bleached idiot can do is bash at the washing machine knobs. As if continually pounding at the different buttons will somehow make it miraculously work properly. Every time he does the washing, it's the same. He stands over the machine, grunting and whining at it even as he repeatedly punches at the different cycle buttons, because you *know* thumping at things makes them work properly. Seriously, I'm convinced that half the time he pushes the right sequence of buttons by mistake; the other half, one of Willow's numerous Goddesses takes pity on him and 'help' him remember which cycle does what. Most of the time, I just watch from the couch in the living room because it's so hilarious.

It's times like these that make me wonder whatever possessed me to Claim him as my Adored that night. Just how mental was I to say he could stay with me? I really shouldn't stick to the promises I make when in one of my tempers. Always say the most stupid things, and let's look what I got from my last major temper, shall we? That's right, one brain damaged and overly sensitive vampire. God, the morning after I told Spike he was my Adored, I almost died from embarrassment. What sort of nut job thinking made me stick my dick down his throat? Not only that, but to then pull out and cum all over his face? Helloooo, so not of the gay here. And yet, even as I was doing my best to apologise for abusing him, I could feel myself getting hard as I was running it through my mind.

Just ran out in the end and wandered around downtown Sunnydale for most of the day. Returned later that night after swearing to myself that I wouldn't do it again. And I didn't go near him for, like, a whole month. Still shared a bed though; became comfortable after a while too. I still don't even remotely like the prick most of the time but what do I do? Let him hold my hand each night as we share the bed while I mould myself to his back like it's the most natural thing in the world. Took me losing my temper again for me to shove him to his knees and force my cock down his throat. And just like the first time, the almost instant relief was overwhelming. I felt *so damn good* after cumming down his throat. The fifth time I lost my temper, Spike didn't even wait for me to grab him; he had my fly undone, jeans and boxers around my knees with my cock in his mouth before I even knew what was happening.

It was the first time he had taken the initiative in blowing me. When it was over, he tucked me away, zipped me up and went back to washing the dishes. Left me sitting on our bed, breathless, sated and stunned as to what had just happened. I sat on the bed staring at him before bleating pathetically that I wasn't gay. Bastard just nodded his head at me and of course, that set me right off again. Laid into him like you wouldn't believe. Yeah, occasionally, in one of my worse tempers, I've flown at him, fists clenched and not even bothering to hold myself back. He makes me so fucking angry at times. Especially when he won't stop with the crying, even after I've told him to shut up. I can't help the urge to smack him, teach him to do what I tell him to do. I keep telling him that if only he would just shut the crying up, I wouldn't be forced to belt him around. It's the same when he cringes and shies away from me, even when I'm not going to hit him. Every time he does that, I do end up giving him a slap across the head. It just shits me to death and that's a major part of what makes me so mad at him. And the panting... Jesus, don't even mention the whining either. I know that it's me that makes him cry most of the time, the scent of my anger tipping him off that he's gonna get a beating so he starts crying even before I get through the basement door some days. Still, if he wouldn't just... you know... flinch from me, then I probably wouldn't hit him so much.

Anyhow, just because I hang out with a bunch of girls and my only male role model has to have indulged in a little of the male to male lovin' in his early years, it doesn't make me gay. Bad enough that my Dad and Uncle Rory keep telling me I'm a homo fairy and asking when they can meet the boyfriend. I had to put up with it from them because I was getting cheap rent, but I sure as hell don't have to put up with it from a retarded, chronically weepy vampire. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. I love lesbians and I honestly wish there were more public displays of all woman lovin', just as I'm sure that most of the male population of America does.

I'm starting to wonder, though. The thought, could I be gay or at least even bi, is constantly tickling the back of my mind. I mean, for Christ's sake, I'm getting daily blowjobs from Spike, have been for over nine months now. And he does it so fantastically; I've come to crave them. God, I think about them so much, I even joff off in the port-a-loo's at work. Sometimes, during a Scooby meeting, I happen to catch Spike's eye while he's sitting in a corner nursing a mug of blood and I swear, I can literally feel all the blood drain from my brain and straight into my dick. I just get up, muttering excuses about having to go to the toilet and go to wank myself stupid. Come back and sit down; can't look at Spike because I know he can smell how much he affects me at times. But every time I watch his face as he slides my cock in and out of his mouth, I can't help feeling a little weirded. I think it's the fact that he is, one, a male and two, a male *vampire* at that, that's going to give me the ick factor for a long time to come.

Yesterday, he was actually smiling as he was sucking on the head of my cock. Possessive. That's how he made me feel. I don't understand why because not even Anya made me feel possessive. Then again, she doesn't even remotely come close to having Spike's oral skills. In fact, the only ex-girlfriend who does is Cordelia. Trust me, we didn't always just grope in all those closets and let's face it, there's a reason she was one of the most popular cheerleaders back in high school.

Still, I would have thought that, after living together for a year now, I would have learnt to like the arsehole a little. Weeeell, I tell him I don't like him. Pretty much scream it in his face that I hate him when I'm in the throes of a temper, but it's not true. I do like him a little more than I like to let on to him and everyone else. Have to admit that I do enjoy his company, especially when he's not having one of his panting fits. I feel guilty when I look at him at times, though. Spike wrote me that, if I had just gone out straight away that night and looked for him instead of eating a fucking Twinkie, I could have stopped most of what had happened to him. Giles and I, even Will's and Tara, kept asking him who did him over that night. Poor bastard, each time we did, he would just burst into tears and go straight into one of his heavy breathing episodes. Spike would shake, cry and whine until he exhausted himself so much, he would fall asleep. Would just pick him up, put him in the car and drive straight home. Once there, I would undress him and put him to bed while I paced up and down trying to ignore the pang of pity that welled up each time I glanced at him. I don't like to dwell on the fact that if I hadn't been so lazy that night, Spike wouldn't be like this. It makes me angry and as Spike has come to know, me being angry isn't a pretty sight. He'll learn though, Spike will learn not to irritate me in the future.

The future, now that's a funny thing to think about. When Spike first moved into the basement with me, I couldn't wait for him to just fuck off back to wherever so that I could get my bed back to myself again. I've grown so used to the cool body lying next to mine now though, and the grasping, smaller hand that squeezes mine in the middle of the night, signalling what's going to be a doozy of a nightmare for Spike. In my sleep, I just automatically reach up and stroke my free hand through his curly hair the way I know is soothing for the both of us. I know because I've woken up and found myself doing just that. I don't think I could sleep alone now, given the choice. Even after moving into the apartment, I just assumed that he would be coming with me. Didn't even think of asking him if he wanted to, and the fact that he didn't even try to argue with me made me feel good, made me feel like it was right for us to be living together. Spike was the one I went shopping with for new things for the apartment, didn't ask Buffy or Wills because I made the shopping into a really nice night out for the both of us. Let him choose the colours of the new towels and throw rug for the couch, then we went out for a proper sit down dinner. Afterwards, we went to some stupid monster truck thing that Spike had wanted to see for ages.

The couch, heh. The rest of the Scoobies think Spike sleeps on the couch in the living room. They think I'm too soft hearted for my own good. None of the others have the faintest idea what our real living arrangements are. I so seriously don't think I could cope with them knowing that Spike either jerks me or sucks me off almost every night and morning, and that's why I haven't been bothered dating anyone new. Not that there's anyone throwing themselves at me and I'm certainly not putting myself on the market. I mean, why bother looking around when you've got all you need right at home. And see, that's why I'm thinking I might be bi, at least. I have to be because lately, I'm constantly bombarded with very disturbing thoughts of what it would be like to take things further with Spike.

At night, when I'm spooning him from behind like usual with one arm flung over his middle, I can't help but let my hand wander over his body. Not a lot, just a touch here and there and all the time I'm doing that, I'm wondering what it would be like if I kissed him or held his hand while we sat watching a movie. And I know Spike can feel the hard on that I can't help but grind against his arse each time I think, what if *I* touched *his* dick, how would it feel compared to mine? Or, God help me, because my cock is sooo hard at the moment, I think about taking him from behind. Holy shit, would my dick even fit *up there*, up Spike's arse? I mean, obviously it would with some effort but... but... aaarrrgh... fuck, literally, it would have to hurt, wouldn't it? Uuugh, I'm cringing just from the thought of it. No way is *anything* going up my arse, not now and not ever in the future. Uh-uh, not a chance in hell, not interested and I don't want to know.

And yet, from the way my cock is twitching, it's very interested in doing Spike. Still freaking me out though, but not as much as it did a few weeks ago, when I really starting thinking about 'going all the way' with Spike. At first, I kept pushing Spike away every time he started to undo my zipper so that he could blow me, but that ended up confusing him, making him upset. So after a few days of him being constantly in tears, and I mean from waking to going to sleep, complete with full body tremors and continual hiding under the bed, I just caved and let him take me into his oh so very nice mouth. I have to admit though, I don't like seeing Spike upset; it makes me feel odd and my stomach goes all swirly, right down to the very pit. It's much better when he smiles at me, especially after I've given him some little thing that I've picked up while doing the groceries, bought him a new cd or rented one of his favourite videos, all in the hope that he might like it.

Sometimes, I'm a real bastard; I deliberately get Spike so worked up into one of his crying fits that he just shakes compulsively and fiddles with his shirt hem, just so I can sit quietly with him. Arms wrapped around him and rocking him while he clings to me until he's calmed down enough to let go. Can't really say why I do it, but I get this sort of 'glow' or to put it better, a warmth flows through me as I'm sitting with Spike. A couple of times I've done it while at the Magic Box or out shopping and have had to take him home straight away. Thing is, even while I'm poking and pinching at him, saying really nasty things to him, there's some part of my mind telling me to stop, but I don't, because I think I get some weird satisfaction from being the only one who can calm him down. And yet, even though his crying usually pisses me off, if I go out of my way to make him upset, then I really don't mind it. Weird huh? Of course, then I do something nice for him, just so I can see one of his sniffly yet grateful smiles. Like maybe order his favourite Indian takeout, buy the beer I know he likes best and let it warm up or even give him a scalp massage. He totally gets off on those. I know it's cruel but he's a demon so he hasn't got real human feelings. Just because he looks like a regular any old person, doesn't mean he is one. Anything human died the instant he got Turned by Angelus. Spike's able to pull it off pretty well though. Seriously, if I didn't know he was a vampire, I honestly would think he was a real human. But I do have to admit that he isn't quite the animal I once thought he was. Sooo, I guess I shouldn't be weirded any more about... you know... going *there* with Spike. I mean, if he was just another guy, *then* I would be really freaking out.

Heh-heh.

Oh. My. God.

Now... now, he's kicking at the washing machine.

When will he learn?

Hmmpf, better get off my arse and see what his problem is.

Oh yeah, *definitely* keep bending over, Spike... very nice. Very nice indeed.

Ummm, I think I want to, you know.

Oh... oooohhhhh, wow. I'm gonna go there.

Yup. It's decided.

I'm gonna do Spike.

Soon.
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Once Bitten, Twice Shy