Cause and Effect | By : elizashaw Category: AtS/BtVS Crossovers > Slash - Male/Male > Spike(William)/Xander > Spike(William)/Xander Views: 6461 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel the Series. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
DISCLAIMER and INFORMATION
Author: ElizaShaw
Archived: My website, http://home.earthlink.net/~elizashaw/ as well as at StepAwayFromMyXander, The Island's Library, and The Wonderful World of Make Believe. Please do not archive elsewhere without asking permission (that said, I am pretty easy, so don't be afraid to ask!)
Disclaimer: All characters and references to BtVS and AtS storylines belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy and all the other folks with valid legal claims. Not mine. No claims on 'em, and no money has ever been made or ever will be made from playing with 'em, but innit fun?
Pairing: X/S
Spoiler Warnings: This takes place during AtS season 5 after (and including spoilers for) episode "Damage".
Summary: Spike is wounded and Xander can't stay away. Together they realize that there is no escaping ramifications of their connection to the Slayers.
The drone of the jet engines worsened Xander's headache, and he grimaced as he looked at his watch and calculated that three hours remained before arriving in Los Angeles. He considered flagging down a flight attendant and asking for several of those little bottles of booze, a handful of any of them to knock him out so he could avoid both the pain and the thoughts. He sighed. Another fight against the Harris genes that told him to seek oblivion when the going got tough, or even when the going got just a bit uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat and adjusted the pillow behind his head, not that he expected to be able to sleep. The descriptions that Andrew had given of Spike's mutilation at the hands of an emotionally unstable slayer kept playing through his mind. Thankfully, the images themselves were distorted at best. He couldn't imagine Spike without those strong, skilled hands attached to his muscled arms.
Xander yanked the airline headset out of the seat pocket in front of him and jammed the prongs into the armrest, punching buttons to get music, any music, playing at a level that could drown out his thoughts. He wasn't supposed to be going to LA. He was scheduled to fly to Chicago, but after getting Andrew's call, he had changed the tickets at Heathrow and phoned Council Headquarters to say he was taking some time off. Fortunately, he had only had to talk to Thomasina, the receptionist, and not to Willow or Giles. He expected that he had several messages from either one or both of them on his cell phone already. But he hadn't taken any time off in the months since they started the work of rebuilding the Council and tracking down the newly activated slayers, and he knew that they wouldn't object to the time. It was the reason behind his decision to abandon his assignments that they would question. Andrew had been told not to call him with the news of Spike's return and current mutilated state, and this was one time that Xander had reason to bless rather than curse the younger man's fawning devotion. Not even witchy Willow had been able to keep Andrew from surreptitiously making the call that had Xander suddenly headed for Los Angeles.
He glanced at his watch again. Two hours fifty minutes. Maybe he would call for that drink after all.
**************
The nurse peeked in on her single patient for the third time that night. The wounded vampire hadn't appeared to have moved in all the hours she had been on shift. He sat up in the bed, staring at his reattached arms with a blank expression. She doubted his mind reflected that same blankness, however. When she had first popped in on him at the start of the evening to check his progress, he had shrunk back from her, and she caught the look of desolation in those blue eyes before he turned away and closed them. He hadn't spoken a word, even when she carefully examined each arm and declared them healing nicely. She turned from the door, wondering again why the CEO of Wolfram and Hart had insisted that a nurse be devoted full time to this single patient who seemed neither to need nor want such attention.
Inside the room, Spike listened to the woman come and go from the doorway. He knew that Angel had commanded ‘round the clock attention for him, and he tried to appreciate the concern that the order communicated, but he couldn't help resenting the constant attention when what he wanted more than anything was to disappear into the misery and guilt that threatened to overwhelm him. Not since first receiving his soul had he felt the pain of his victims so keenly, and somehow it felt only right that he suffer rather than become the object of such solicitous care. As the hours passed and he felt his wounds heal, he considered what he would do after the demon docs of Wolfram and Hart declared him fit to leave. He didn't fit in with Angel's legal empire, and he couldn't go back to the Sunnydale Scoobies who no longer existed—at least not in any form that would welcome him back. He had done his bit as a team player saving the world, and he had tried his hand at being the lone champion. Neither won him any peace.
He stared at the red lines encircling each forearm and tried not to think about what was left for him to become.
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