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Who Says Nothing Can Defeat the Penis?	By : QueenB Category: BtVS AU/AR > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Willow Views: 8116 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
Email: queenboadiceaoftheiceni@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: This belongs to the great and powerful Joss and the usual gang of idi…uh, geniuses
Pairing: W/B
Feedback: Do your worst--it can’t compare to my worst ;)
Notes: General spoilers for BtVS, season six, episode “Doublemeat Palace”
Dedications: Thanks to Lin of ezboard.com for giving me Freudian insight to Willow’s attack on
the “killer penis.” Go, Lin!
Thoughts are shown in italics.

Willow was having a bad day. Okay, so most days were bad now. She was still struggling with magical withdrawal and Tara wasn’t around to help. Well, sometimes Tara was around but not around. There was the usual post-breakup awkwardness between them that Willow found difficult to handle on top of the whole needing-to-get-over-using-magic thing. It didn’t help matters to have to watch Anya and Xander making goo-goo eyes at each other and going over preparations for their upcoming wedding.
There was also the thing with Buffy. She was having problems too, problems which kept Willow from intruding with her own tsuris. Let’s face it, getting yanked out of heaven by your best friend was no picnic even if you never blamed said friend.
Said friend was constantly blaming herself, anyway. Nice how the guilt over destroying someone’s salvation almost kept her mind off the magical cravings. Mostly.
The red-haired woman looked down at the countertop in time to notice the compulsive tapping of her fingers. Frowning, she stopped and hastily stuck her hands in her pockets. That was something she’d have to watch out for--nervous tics that kept popping up when she wasn’t paying attention. Finally her server brought her Doublemeat burgers.
“Enjoy your burgers, miss, and come again.”
“Yeah, thanks.” Willow snatched up her two burgers before her hands had a chance to start twitching again. She really wanted to talk to Buffy. She knew Buffy needed space and yet a part of her argued that too much space wasn’t of the good. She’d been disturbed to notice a growing distance in her friend’s eyes and was at a loss at what to do about it.
She took her meal to an isolated corner and inwardly debated whether or not to wait until Buffy came off her late shift. Finally deciding she’d meet her later, she tucked the food into her backpack and wandered outside. Glancing at her watch, Willow was about to leave when a faint sound caught her attention. It was coming from the back alley where the Doublemeat employees took out the garbage. It sounded like--moaning.
Memories of the grub demon masquerading as an old lady filled her mind. Was another demon attacking a helpless human just out of eyesight? Instantly tensing up, she inched as close to the darkened spot as she dared and peeked around the corner. It took a moment or two for her eyes to adjust. What she saw caused her to gape in horror and disbelief.
It was Buffy. Her back was pressed against the wall and she was staring over someone’s shoulder. There was a man in a long leather duster humping her in a clearly sexual fashion. As he lifted his head, Willow was shocked to recognize the familiar face of Spike.
His mouth was clenched in concentration; harsh passion seemed to be written all over his face as well as certain desperation. It was as if he were determined to make Buffy feel something, anything, about what he was doing to her.
Buffy didn’t appear to be particularly excited at what was happening. An occasional moan or gasp was wrenched out of her, but it seemed to happen almost against her will. There was no expression on her face at all.
It was over quickly enough. Spike stepped back from Buffy and started zipping up his pants while the blonde woman pulled up her panties and rearranged her uniform. “Same time tomorrow then, Slayer?” the vampire quipped.
Buffy gave him a blank, disinterested look as if he’d asked her the time then yanked open the side doors and disappeared inside. Realizing belatedly that Spike would have to pass her to leave the alley, Willow jerked her head back and ran away as quickly as she dared from the scene. She had to get home; she had to think about what she’d just witnessed.
Most importantly, she had to plan what she was going to do next.
__________
Buffy walked home in a desultory fashion. Sex with Spike was starting to acquire the mindlessness of routine. It was almost like another part of her time at the fast food place she was working at now. I wonder if boinking a vampire in an alley could be considered workman’s comp? Nah, probably just an occupational hazard. The wandering thought made her lips twitch; it was the closest she came to real humor these days.
She opened the door of the Summers’ house and paused. “Hi. Is anybody home?” Dawn was sitting at the living room table pointedly ignoring her. She shrugged mentally. She had too much on her mind to care about Dawn’s moods. The teenager seemed to be perpetually sulking these days anyhow.
Willow came down the stairs and chirped in an overly-bright voice, “Hi, Buffy! How was work today?”
“Work was work. Heavy on the grease with a side order of boredom. You?”
Willow just stared at her a moment and Buffy quirked her eyebrows. The redhead was giving her the strangest look as if she hadn’t heard the question at all.
When she saw Buffy gazing back at her, she realized she was staring and flashed an awkward grin. “Nothing, nothing really important. I-I just wondered if anything special had happened at work.”
“Like me being attacked by old ladies with killer penises coming out of their heads? Nope, everything was hunky-dory.”
“With plenty of hunk, no doubt,” Willow muttered.
Buffy blinked. “What?”
“Uh, nothing. Did you want something to eat? I made linguini and salad. Unless you had something at the Palace.”
Buffy shrugged off her coat and sagged down into the couch. “Nope, I’m starved. Since I found out that employees who ate the stuff were becoming meals for an oversized earthworm, I just couldn’t bring myself to get into the chewage enthusiasm that is the Doublemeat policy. Bring on the pasta.”
__________
The meal was consumed largely in silence. If Dawn was hoping to flatten Buffy by the cold shoulder routine, she was wasting her efforts. Buffy was much too wrapped up in her own problems to care.
She glanced up to see Willow looking away from her quickly. Buffy didn’t get it. The woman had been giving her these sidelong secretive looks all throughout dinner. It was as if she were trying to get a peek into her innermost thoughts.
Some of those thoughts made Buffy squirm a little. She had been wondering just how soon she could get out to patrol tonight, maybe see Spike again. See Spike? Yeah, right, as if they were an item. No way. This twisted deal she had with Spike was high on the shame factor, pathetically low in romance.
She sighed. Just a year ago, she wouldn’t have thought of Spike as anything more than a nuisance and now she was planning secret humping meetings. How the mighty had fallen.
Willow had been thinking hard. It had taken several minutes for her to get around the sheer awfulness of what she’d seen in the Doublemeat alley. It wasn’t just the impossibility of it that was flooring her--it had been the look of utter emptiness on Buffy’s face. Whatever the nature of this thing with Spike, it wasn’t bringing her any joy or contentment.
But why else was she in it? She couldn’t question Buffy about it, which was for sure. Her friend wouldn’t appreciate having Willow reveal that she knew about the two of them, but it was unlikely Buffy would clean about it herself.
One thing Willow was fairly certain of--this thing with Spike had to be fairly new. That meant that it wasn’t deeply cemented yet. If this “affair” was hurting Buffy, maybe there was still time to break it up--if she trod carefully.
“Buffy?” Her head jerked up at the tentative sound from Willow. The former wiccan shifted under Buffy’s eyes and then said what was on her mind. “Do you think I could join you on patrol tonight?” The Slayer exchanged looks with Dawn who forgot her sulking long enough to stare at Willow. “I mean, my homework’s all done and I haven’t been on patrol with you for awhile. I thought we could go out together again. You know--just like old times.” Willow’s voice trailed away feebly as if she realized how foolish she sounded.
Buffy found herself deep-sixing the idea automatically. “Can’t do it, Wills. You know how dangerous this can be and it’s not like you’ve got magic to protect you.” Buffy faltered a little; magic was still a touchy subject where Willow was concerned.
Willow got a stubborn look. “Come on, Buffy. I was helping you fight vampires long before I ever used the magic mojo. I can still do it. Last year you called me your big gun, remember?”
Buffy pounced on that. “Yeah, but that was when you were still practicing….”
“Hey!” Willow cut in. She pointed to her face. “Resolve face.”
Buffy sighed in frustration. “Can we at least get Xander to come along? I’d feel better if we had safety in numbers.”
Willow rolled her eyes. “That’d be a great idea if we could pry him away from Anya for two minutes. She’s got him all wrapped up in The Great Wedding Caper.”
Buffy smirked. “Yeah, he might welcome a little relief from that.” The two women shared a sneaky grin, momentarily overcome with thoughts of mutual amusement at Anya’s expense. Buffy got up to make the call. It might be good to get away from Spike for at least one night. Besides, it’s not like she hadn’t had her fill of him already today. Wow, double-entendre much?
As Buffy dialed, she found herself almost looking forward to patrolling with the gang. It really was just like old times. Waiting for someone to pick up the phone, she mentally amended that. No, it wasn’t like the good old days. It never would be again.
“Hello, you’ve reached the Harris residence. If we’re not at home, you can try reaching us at the Magic Box, fine purveyors of goods for all your magical--” “Hi, can I help you?” Xander’s harried voice answered, cutting off the mini advertisement Anya had clearly set up.
“Xander, don’t answer the phone. We still have to talk about the guest list for the wedding.”
“No, Anya, you were doing the talking. You ignored me when I suggested that maybe I didn’t want Vengeance demons to be invited to sit at the same table with my friends!”
“Are you saying your friends are more important than my friends?” Anya replied in an accusing voice.
Xander retorted, “I thought my friends were your friends. Besides, when’s the last time you saw these friends of yours? When you were gutting your last male victim?”
“Maybe I should call back some other time,” Buffy muttered.
Xander leaped in when he heard her voice. “Buff, that you? What’s up? Is it important? Is it Hellmouthy? You want me, I’m there.”
Buffy heard Anya yell, “That’s just wonderful! When it’s something your friends want, you’re always gung-ho, but if I have something important to do, you can’t be bothered!”
“Anya, you know that’s not true--”
Buffy interjected, “Look, Xander, it’s no big. I was just going patrolling with Will tonight and we were hoping you could join us. But if you’re busy--”
“Hang on, I’ll be right there! Sorry, love muffin, duty calls.” Xander hung up just as Buffy could hear Anya starting another protest in the background.
Buffy wandered into the living room to find Willow packing a small axe into her backpack. The redhead glanced up at her. “Well?”
“He’s coming. You were right, Will. I interrupted them in the middle of a huge fight. Seems Anya wants to invite some of her friends to the wedding.”
Willow wore a puzzled look. “I thought Anya didn’t have any…” Her face cleared as realization hit. “Oh, you mean her OLD friends. Wow, I can see how that would be a major fly in the ointment that is Xander-and-Anya. I wonder if her friends would still want to come if they knew a Slayer would be on the premises.” She got a sly expression on her face. “Think there’s any way of leaking the 411 to them before the wedding?”
Dawn watched them silently, hoping they would forget about her. Maybe, if they left her alone, she could sneak out with some of her pals and hit the malls. Her hope was shattered when Buffy turned her head and caught her staring. “Wait, Willow. Would you mind if we called Tara to come and watch Dawn? I still don’t like leaving her here alone.”
Dawn huffed in exasperation. “God, Buffy, I’m nearly sixteen. I can stay home without being watched like a kid.”
“And if demons decide to come a-knockin’? What are you going to do--invite them in?”
Willow jumped in to prevent what was clearly shaping up to be another tug of war between the two sisters. “Buffy, it’s okay to call Tara. Sh-she’ll be fine. She’s good at looking out for Dawn.”
Dawn muttered, “If you’re so worried about demon attack, why don’t we get Spike? He’s been taking care of me all summer, anyway.”
“No!” Buffy looked embarrassed at her outburst and tried to cover hastily. “Spike is…well, he’s probably playing kitty poker with his gang of, uh, poker buddies. Besides, we really don’t need him around here since I got back. He’s been playing the old stalker game again and I want to cut down on the spying activities.”
Buffy noticed that they were giving her strange looks and tried to be casual. “Really, you’d think we never managed before he came along. I’ll just call Tara, okay?”
__________
Buffy and Willow were traipsing through one of the lesser-used cemeteries slightly in front of the other couple. Xander had had come with his fiancée in tow. Anya’s main reason for her presence seemed to be a continuation of her interrupted argument with Xander.
“You’re always like this lately. Every time I bring up the wedding plans, you find an excuse to weasel out of it.”
“Anya, I’m not weaseling. You’re the one who never listens to my opinions. You insist on inviting your old buddies from the demon dimension, people you haven’t been exactly keeping in touch with, I might add, and you get majorly huffery-puffery when I point out some of our human guests might get a little jumpy about seeing folks with horns bellying up to the buffet table.”
“I told you, my friends can pass for human…mostly.”
“Yeah? Is that why you keep talking about getting slugs to serve them? Think that’s something that can ‘pass for human?’ “
“Why not? Humans eat snails. What’s the difference?”
Buffy called back, “Hey, could you two pick some other time to get into this? Every demon in the area can probably hear us coming.”
“I know I heard you, luv.” Spike stepped out from their left, causing Xander to jump and yelp. Anya pursed her lips in annoyance while the other two women tensed slightly. “How you lot manage to take down evil with all the tongue wagging you do is beyond me.”
“Sometimes I wonder the same thing about you, Spike,” Willow murmured. Spike blinked as if momentarily startled. The others were also taken aback by the note of repressed hostility in the redhead’s voice.
Willow looked around with a tight-lipped smile. “Hey, are we just going to stand here all night? Let’s go, there’s got to be some vampire tail out there that needs whooping.”
She glanced back at Xander and Anya who’d just gotten caught up in another round of argument. “Xander, Anya? What kind of weapons did you bring?” The two stopped bickering long enough for Anya to pull out a couple of stakes and Xander to heft a small crossbow from under his coat. Willow beamed, “Great! Those ought to come in handy.”
Spike stepped in on Buffy’s other side. “Oh, I’m sure the demon world is practically trembling in their collective boots at the sight of you lot. C’mon, Slayer, let’s ditch your friends. They’ll only hold us back.”
“Really, Spike? Nobody was holding you back when you ran up that tower.” This time the antagonism in Willow’s voice was all too plain. There was a moment of confused silence while everybody else’s eyes swiveled between her and the blonde vampire.
Spike stood tensely for a moment and then spat hard on the ground. “Fine, luv. You want to hang out with those tossers, it’s your neck. Don’t come running to me if you get in trouble.”
“That was kind of the plan tonight,” Willow called after him with chilly disdain as he strode off, his duster flapping with the violence of his departure. She ignored everyone’s stunned looks. “Are we going to finish patrolling or what?” She turned away and began striding rapidly farther into the graveyard.
Buffy hurried to catch up with her. “Willow, you mind telling me what that was all about?”
Willow stared straight ahead. “Oh, I’m just so tired of that big blowhard talking as if we never killed or fought evil before he came along. It was like that all through the summer. He was always sniping at us about how we were getting in his way, crimping his style and all this other garbage. Sometimes it really pissed me off, that’s all.”
Buffy raised her eyebrows in surprise. Willow rarely cursed; she must be really upset. “Oh, you know how Spike is. He has to be the center of attention even if he’s not doing anything much.”
Xander shook his head. “No, Willow’s right, Buffy. Spike was always getting on our case. He definitely doesn’t play well with others. I just never thought Willow would be the one to call him on it.”
Anya nodded, in perfect agreement with her husband-to-be. “Xander has a point, Willow. Such bitchiness is rather out of character for you.”
“Maybe I should have let you say it, then,” Willow said under her breath. Her voice was so low only Buffy heard it. This time she didn’t comment at all. She simply threw Willow a worried look. The quartet moved on in relative silence, broken only by the on-and-off quarreling of the marrying couple.
__________
They split up a few hours later. Other than the occasional vamp, there was really very little in the way of demonic happenings. Anya and Xander both had to get up early the next morning to be at work. Buffy kept hinting that she could carry on by herself but Willow stuck persistently by her side.
Buffy was feeling obscurely guilty at the way Spike had been treated earlier in the evening and the urge to make it up to him had been getting stronger.
Out of the corner of her eyes, Willow saw Buffy twitching, looking about as if she were trying to spot something--or someone. Oh, no you don’t. “Buffy, it’s nearly 2 a.m. We should be heading back. You know how Dawn worries when you’re really late. She always wonders if you’re--she worries that one night you’ll go out and never come back.”
Buffy snorted. “Yeah, I’m sure Dawn’s really concerned about me. I could tell by the way she wasn’t talking to me at dinner and then going on about wanting to be by herself.” She cast an eye about, on the alert for any demonic activity. “Say, Wills, if you’re tired, you can always go home. I can carry on by my ownsome. Been doing the lone Slayer bit for a while.”
Willow said desperately, “Buffy, if we don’t meet up with any more demons in the next few minutes, then maybe we could just…talk?”
“Talk? Sure. What about?”
Willow shrugged while attempting to appear nonchalant. “Well, you never told us what happened between you and Angel when you visited him after you--came back.”
A still expression flew over Buffy’s face before she forced a smile onto it. “I told you, Willow, it was intense and I didn’t want to talk about it.”
Willow decided to switch gears slightly. “You do still love him, though, don’t you, Buffy?”
The blond stared at the ground as she walked then heaved a great sigh. “Willow--a part of me will always love Angel. That’ll never change no matter what happens. I’ve pretty much accepted that. That may have been what drove Riley off. He never said so, I mean, he never mentioned Angel at all. But he thought I didn’t love him enough.”
Willow puffed out her lips in an audible sound of disgust. “I still can’t believe Riley pulled that passive-aggressive crap on you.” At Buffy’s blank look, she assumed a slight lecturing tone, “To put it mega-simply, being passive-aggressive is when you do something heinous and try to blame someone else for it. ‘It’s your fault I drink.’ ‘It’s your fault I do drugs.’ ‘It’s your fault I’m sleazing around with vampire bimbos.’” She chuckled a little at her own humor. It took her a moment to realize Buffy hadn’t joined in with her.
“Buffy, are you still blaming yourself for Riley taking off like that? You’ve got love inside you. You’ve proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt. You’ve--just made some bad choices, that’s all.” Willow snuck a sideways glance at Buffy. The next few moments would be tricky; she had to be careful how she played this.
“Buffy, I may not have said it. Or I may not have said this enough. But I’m here for you. We all are. You don’t have to…close yourself off from us.” No answer. Willow took a deep breath and tried to be super casual when she spoke again. “You said Spike has been hanging around a lot lately.”
That got a reaction. “What do you mean? Are you saying something’s going on? Because nothing is. He’s just being his usual stalkery self.”
Willow backed up hastily. “I know, Buffy. It’s just I’ve seen how pushy Spike can be and I wanted to remind you who your real friends are and that we’ve been here for you right from the beginning. Spike’s in love with you and now that you’re back among the living he’s probably been shoving real hard to get you to cave in. Trying to separate you from us is a typical Spike-ploy. It’s just like the time he tried to drive us all apart when he teamed up with Adam. When Spike gets involved in one of his little schemes, it usually means something of the bad is going to happen to other people.”
Willow threw the Slayer an anxious glance. Buffy’s face wore an impassive look; she couldn’t tell if anything she said was getting through to her. Finally she tried one last tack. “I’m only telling you this in order to say thanks.”
Buffy looked up at that. “Thanks for what?”
Willow sighed. “This magic withdrawal hasn’t been easy for me. The others have been supportive, but they’ve all been caught up in their own plans and, since Tara left, I sometimes feel as if I’ve been left on my own. But you’ve been there for me to lean on. I want to be there for you--no matter what.”
Buffy gave a faint smile and put her arm around Willow’s shoulder. “Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?”
Willow hesitantly returned the gesture. “Yeah. Friends.” The two women walked on that way for a moment in silence.
At last, Buffy dropped her arm and straightened up as if an invisible weight had dropped from her back. “What do you say we head home? We can pick up some squishy confections at Mr. Donuts on the way.”
Willow hummed in delight. “Ummm, donuts. Full of moist, purple-fruity goodness.”
Buffy flashed her an answering grin. “Actually, I wanted something with chocolate on top.”
“And maybe sprinkles?”
“Or creamy lemon filling?” The two women continued to list the many different known donut varieties while heading towards the bright lights of the street.
__________
Willow strolled home blissfully engrossed in nibbling at one of the donuts they’d bought. Buffy licked at her fingers after finishing another éclair. “Willow, pass me one of the chocolate-filled ones, okay?”
The other woman raised her eyebrows. “Buffy, you’ve already had three.”
“Yeah, but we bought two dozen. I can have another.”
Willow ran her eyes up and down Buffy’s slim figure. “That’s not what I mean. How can you eat all this sugary junk and not get fat or cavities? Don’t you get massive amounts of calories from these things?”
Buffy shrugged. “I don’t know, Wills. I just get so hungry after patrols. And I don’t seem to suffer from cavities or gain weight. Must be my Slayer metabolism.”
Willow sighed in envy. “Lucky you. I bet you don’t even have to floss or anything.” She looked at Buffy and giggled. “You’ll have to get washed up, though.”
“Why? And what’s so funny?”
Willow pointed and moved closer. “You’ve got a cream smudge on your face.”
Buffy snaked out her tongue to the left side of her mouth. “Did I get it?”
Willow shook her head. “Here. Let me.” She reached out casually to wipe the glob away. Buffy moved her head suddenly and Willow’s finger brushed her mouth. Both women froze as the redhead’s finger lingered on the Slayer’s curved upper lip.
The moment seemed to stretch out forever as they stared at each other. Then Willow snatched back her hand as if she’d burnt it. “Ummm, I-I-I think it’s gone now.” She cleared her throat abruptly because she just knew her voice wasn’t that squeaky.
Buffy’s mouth opened and shut a few times and then she began walking blindly in the direction of home.
Willow walked rapidly to catch up. “Buffy, I didn’t mean, I mean, it wasn’t about…there really was a smudge right th--”
“I know, Willow, it was just an accident. Let’s just get home with the rest of these donuts.” The women spent the rest of the walk in a taut silence that was suddenly rife with possibilities.
Hidden in the darkness, the silent figure that had been pacing them all night flung away his cigarette with cold satisfaction. Crushing it out on the ground, Spike swung around and marched back to his crypt.
__________
Willow woke up the next morning feeling better than she had in days. The red-haired woman used to wake up like this when she knew she could turn her head and see the blonde one of her lover on the pillow. The memory of her departed girlfriend dampened her mood a little, but the sense of well being was still pretty much intact. The talk with Buffy had really raised her spirits.
Thinking of Buffy caused her to remember the previous night and her thoughts started whirling with confusion. Oh boy. That’s just what Buffy needed--sexual innuendoes of the lemony kind from her best friend.
God, what must Buffy think of her? How could she even think of doing this sort of thing right now? She’d only just broken up with Tara and was trying to handle her magical addiction. Not to mention Buffy’s sleazy affair with Spike.
Willow flinched at the thought that she might be taking advantage of her friend the way the vampire was doing. No doubt about it, she was going to have to be careful around her golden-haired gal pal for a while.
The decision made, she actually felt pleased with herself. After dressing quickly, she wandered to the bathroom humming under her breath. She bumped into Dawn who was just coming out. “What are you so happy about?” the teenager groused.
“What are you so unhappy about?” Willow rejoined.
Dawn leaned against the doorjamb while Willow started splashing water on her face. “I’ve got this major history test today. Tara helped but I feel like my head is going to explode. What’s the point about learning stuff about dead people anyway?”
Willow smirked at her. “Don’t let Spike hear you say that.”
Dawn grinned back at her then asked casually, “Speaking of the blonde stalker, did you see him on patrol last night?”
Willow pretended to consider the question. Knowing the answer would probably get back to Spike, she shook her head. “Nope. We dusted a few vamps including two fledges but no sign of the phantom menace.”
Buffy called up from downstairs. “Dawn, Willow! I’m making pancakes. Get them while they’re moderately fluffy!” After a last quick check in the mirror, Willow and Dawn headed downstairs. They came into the kitchen to see Buffy piling up stacks of pancakes onto plates.
“Whoah, Buffy, what’s with all the early morning starchiness?”
Buffy shrugged and tossed up another pancake. “I don’t know, Dawn. I just feel really perky this morning.”
Dawn looked in disbelief at the piles of food and sat down to eat. “Really? So’s Willow. Which is a good thing ‘cause for a sec I thought we were seeing the return of the Buffybot.”
Willow froze and then cast a searching look at Buffy. For a wild moment, she wondered if that wasn’t the answer. Of course Buffy was having sex with Spike because it wasn’t Buffy. It was the Buffybot!
Seeing Buffy pop a piece of pancake into her mouth promptly squelched the faint hope. The ‘bot hadn’t been made to eat; it had been created to screw Spike, take out vamps and love Dawn, in that order. Making with the munchies hadn’t been part of its programming.
Willow sighed. It had been an idiotic idea at best. While it would explain some of Buffy’s recent wackiness, Spike would have had to find some way of switching the two Buffys around so her friends wouldn’t suspect. Somehow she thought that might be beyond even his scheming talents.
Buffy looked up and caught the redhead’s eye. Memories of last night came flooding back to her and she blushed slightly. After she’d gotten home, she’d avoided looking at Willow. But most of the night had been spent lying awake, thinking of Willow’s green-eyed gaze and a single cream-smeared finger.
The blonde turned hastily back to the stove and began cooking the sausages. “Maybe I’m just still jazzed from last night’s sugar rush,” she mumbled to Dawn. “Willow and I made a late-night donut run,” she added at her sister’s baffled look.
The teenager perked up noticeably. “Really? We got donuts?”
She darted to the fridge only to be intercepted by Buffy. “Oh no, you don’t. You’re eating a proper meal including eggs, sausages and OJ. Everything you need for a balanced breakfast--at least according to those kiddy commercials. You can have a donut when you get home from school.”
“Are you sure this isn’t the Buffybot, Willow? Since when did Buffy turn into supermom?”
Buffy crossed her arms in front of the fridge; she refused to be budged. “Since that social worker showed up. She can’t be the only one out there with my name on a clipboard.”
At the mention of the social worker, Willow began choking on a morsel of pancake. Coughing it up, she spluttered, “Buffy! Oh my god! I forgot!”
The two girls stared in bewilderment. “Forgot what?”
Willow cringed inwardly. “The social review board called the other day. They assigned another worker to replace Doris after her little freakout. She’s--uh, well, she’s supposed to be here on Thursday.”
“You mean next Thursday?”
“No, I kinda mean this Thursday.”
Buffy gaped at Willow in shock. “As in TODAY Thursday?!” Just then there was a ring at the doorbell. Looking around in panic at the messy kitchen with piles of dirty dishes in the sink, Buffy gave silent thanks that a certain peroxided vampire wasn’t there to make things worse.
She made a hurried attempt to smooth her hair and rushed to the door. Pausing a moment to compose herself, she opened the door to reveal a plainly dressed woman in her thirties standing on the doorstep. Even without the briefcase in her right hand, she had “government official” written all over her.
“Are you Elizabeth Anne Summers?”
Buffy plastered a big smile on her face. “That’s me. How can I help you?”
The woman extended her hand. “I’m Carol Lerman. I believe we had an appointment for this morning.”
Buffy shook her hand, the smile still firmly in place. “I know. I’ve been expecting you. For about two seconds. Won’t you come in?”
“Thank you.” Ms. Lerman stepped in and caught sight of Willow edging out of the kitchen with a pancake pile and sausages on her plate. “Who is this young lady?”
“That’s Willow Rosenberg. She’s an old friend from way back.”
“Oh, so you live here with another woman?”
Buffy tried to rein in her irritation. She could see where this was going; she’d had the same talk with Doris. “Yeah, but it’s not what you’re thinking.”
“And what am I thinking, Miss Summers?”
Buffy faltered. Ms. Lerman had a bland look on her face that didn’t give a clue to her feelings. “Well, I know Doris thought that because there was another woman here we were somehow involved but I’m not although Willow is…”
Ms. Lerman held up a hand to stem the flow of nervous chatter. “I’m well aware of the prejudices held by my predecessor, Miss Summers. Let me assure you that I’m a completely different person. In the industry, I’ve found that homosexual couples often have many longer-lasting and more stable relationships than most heterosexuals. You see, gay men and women form only about 10% of the population, so they can’t afford to go tossing around partners like hets do. When gay couples get together, they usually try to work out problems and make their relationships last. It’s refreshing to see such tolerance is practiced in your household.”
Buffy and Willow stared openmouthed at the woman. Willow was the first to recover. “Gee, that’s swell, Ms. Lerman. Well, ‘honey,’ I’ve got to get to school. See you later!” With that, she practically bolted upstairs to change.
Dawn had been watching this exchange with a huge smirk on her face. She flounced out of the house and winked at Buffy. “Bye, Buff. See you after class.”
Buffy could only stare vacantly after the two females who’d just exited the scene so rapidly. Ms. Lerman pulled out a clipboard and a pen. “Now I realize that you probably have work to get to, so I’ll make the preliminary interview brief. Shall we begin?”

TBC
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