Reviews for The New Girl

BY : Krulos

  • From ANON - Jo Friday on May 25, 2015

    Okay, sorry, but I've got to bow out of this one. First, you're constantly changing names, now both Tara's and Buffy's. For example (there are probably 15-20 in this chapter -I have up reading to be honest):

    "Tara wanted to hold Willow so darn much that it actually hurt her that she couldn't comfort her in her tears, but she knew that she had to face what she had wanted to do to her neighbor- and this was Willow's internal battle, all Victoria could hope to do is to render comfort to her friend.

    Tara was a bit of a nerd, she really wanted to learn, and develop her mind, and this meant conquest of new topics, not use of play like the 'flower-children' of the 1960s US history, with their rather profound screw-ups in behavior- no thank you; she wanted the real stuff! This meant study, and school- not screwing around willy-nilly and doing whatever she darn well pleased! No, Vicky wanted to learn… Darn it!

    "Victoria Maclay,

    Elizabeth is my friend… right?"

    an influence of Elizabeth Summers, or so Victoria Maclay reasoned to herself"

    Tara's name is NOT Victoria (or Vicky). It never has been. Nor is Buffy's Elizabeth (that is something people write, but it is not her name).

    Second, and more importantly, referring to Willow as a Jewess can be seen as incredibly offensive. It's the kind of term that white supremacists and Nazis use. I know that it is an adjective that identifies a female who is Jewish, but the term has negative connotations and you really might want to consider removing it.

    I'm sorry to be a negative reviewer, and feel free to delete this if you want, but I felt that honest feedback is important.

    Good luck with this and your future writing.

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  • From ANON - Jo Friday on May 25, 2015

    I'll admit that the story, while it seems to have promise, is a bit confusing to read. First, you call Tara Victoria in more than one spot, and I can't figure out why. In some you put (Tara) after Victoria, but not always. Was this written for another show/genre and recycled?

    Second, the overly Christian viewpoints are a little heavy-handed. Willow is Jewish, so she wouldn't carry those, Tara, as you said, is a pagan, and Buffy and certainly Faith have never been shown to have any such upbringing or belief system. It's just a little off. Also, why didn't Buffy sense Faith coming before she got into the room?

    That all said, I liked Tara calling Willow out on her feelings and desires - that was very much in keeping with her character. The way Tara's father acted was completely out of character (from canon), but I suppose that was to drive the story.

    All in all, it has potential, but I'm not sure if it's going to come together.

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